Chapter Fourteen
Tobe doesn’t come out for dinner, and our talk is mostly subdued. I know that I should be worried about Tobe’s drinking, but she is an adult, and she is relatively safe here. If she wants to get drunk once in a while, I don’t really have a say in the matter. I can tell that Ryder and Reese don’t necessarily agree with me, and I know Ryder is tempted to say something to her, but I keep him from doing it.
After dinner, Ryder gets up to explore all of the cupboards and drawers in the house, and I sit on the couch with a book, trying to read by candlelight. I’ve barely read five pages when Ryder comes back with a triumphant smile on his face. In his hands is an old, massive, purple radio with a built in CD and tape player.
Reese sees it and smiles. “What did you find? Anything good?”
Ryder shrugs. “Don’t know. Thought I’d let it be a surprise.”
I set my book on the table next to the purple radio, and get to my feet. I haven’t heard music in ages, and I’ve really missed it. Almost as much as I’ve missed reading, and I can’t wait to get up and move. I’ve always been a horrible dancer, but right now I could care less.
“Shouldn’t we conserve the batteries? Save them for something else?” I hate to sound practical, but we might need them eventually.
Ryder shakes his head. “This beast takes four of those massive batteries that don’t ever fit anything else. We’ll be alright using them. I just hope they still work.”
“Well, while you figure out if it works, I’m gonna go grab a stack of CD’s I found in the bedroom. I think there are a few different ones,” Reese says, getting up. He disappears down the hallway, and I turn to Ryder.
Ryder presses the play button on the top, and Bryan Adams begins belting out from the ancient speakers. I smile and begin singing along with Heaven, which, in my opinion, is one of the most romantic songs ever composed. It was one of my favorites, and at one point I had it on replay for practically two straight weeks.
Ryder and I listen to it for a second, and I notice the smile has faded from his face. There’s a second where neither of us moves, until he extends his hand out to me. “Do you wanna dance?” he asks, watching me hesitantly.
The living room is bathed in soft candlelight, and the music is playing softly in the background. I stare at his outstretched hand for a second, before slowly taking it. His callused hand grips mine, and he pulls me close. His free hand drifts to my lower back, and I put my hand on his chest.
I’ve never slow danced with someone before, especially not someone I might have feelings for, and this new experience makes me a little nervous. His hands are warm and gentle, and I feel safer in this moment than I ever have before, even before the outbreak.
I curl into his chest, and he bends his head down and whispers, “Relax, would ya?”
Ryder slowly moves us back and forth, and neither of us says anything else. That’s good, because I definitely need the time to think. Over the last couple of days, I’ve felt myself being drawn more to Ryder and less to Reese. I feel bad that I’ve felt attracted to both of them, but its Ryder that captures my attention most.
It’s Ryder that angers me while simultaneously protecting me. It’s Ryder that is willing to do whatever necessary to keep us all alive, and it’s Ryder that’s saved my life several times since meeting him, all without asking anything in return. And even though Reese has asked for little, I don’t feel the same connection with him as I do with his brother.
With the music and candlelight surrounding us, right now I could really care less that he’s almost ten years older than me, that’s there have probably been many other women in his life, and that he probably doesn’t feel the same way. At this moment, I’ve only known Ryder for about six days, and I already care more for him than any other man I’ve ever met, and I don’t want that change.
I just hope he can feel the same way…
I pull my head away from his chest just enough so that I can look him in the eyes. They’re such a wonderful, light blue color, and right now they’re the softest I’ve ever seen them. I’m not sure, but I think he’s considering letting his guard down for just one night.
“Ryder–”
He lowers his head a fraction of an inch, and I hold my breath, willing him with every bit of me to just lean in a little more. He hesitates, and I try not to groan in frustration. His lips are mere inches from mine. I can feel his heart beating beneath my hand, and I know he’s as nervous right now as I am.
He moves closer. He’s going to do it!
Reese clears his throat, interrupting the moment, and Ryder pulls away as if I have some kind of disease. The second he sees Reese standing in the hallway with a handful of CD’s, a shameful look crosses over his face, and he ducks his head. Without a word, he turns and brushes past Reese, and shuts himself in their room.
That leaves me standing in the living room, unsure of whether I want to cry with humiliation, hang my head in shame, or throw something in anger. Right now there are so many emotions passing through me I can’t even register them all. Frustration and sadness are the most prominent; the look on Reese’s face is enough to make me hate myself, and I look away from his upset gaze.
After a minute of silence, he finally sighs. “I saw it; I just didn’t wanna believe it.”
“Reese, I’m sorry–”
“Don’t be,” he says quickly. “You and Ryder have this weird thing, I get that. Don’t worry about me, Sam. I mean, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but I’ve only known you for about a week; I’ll get over it. You’re a nice girl, and I thought you liked me, but it’s not the end of the world.”
I look up at him, and notice that he doesn’t look too upset. He even manages a small smile, but it doesn’t actually make me feel better. “I’m still sorry, Reese. I don’t know why I feel the way I do about Ryder, I just do. I can’t help it.”
“I understand. He’s saved your life, and he’s kept you out of harm’s way a few times. That creates a bond between two people, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. I’m sorry I interrupted the two of you. I doubt you’ll find him that open and vulnerable again. I think I might have just ruined your chance to admit your feelings for each other.”
I sigh. “I think you might be right.”
Reese reaches over and turns off the CD player. He then blows out the candles, leaving the room in near total darkness. He leaves one on, and hands it to me. “There’s a closet at the end of the hallway with spare blankets and pillows. Tobe’s still refusing to come out, so I’m gonna sleep on the floor to make sure you’re alright.”
That makes me feel really horrible, and he senses that.
“It’s alright, Sam. Don’t worry about me. Ryder and I have slept in worse places. One night we slept in an abandoned subway tunnel. The ledges were grimy, and there were cockroaches and rats everywhere. A warm, cabin floor isn’t exactly hell, alright? I’ve got a pillow and a blanket if I need it. Just try to get some sleep.”
I walk down the hallway to the closet, and bring a blanket and pillow back to the couch. Reese is already settled in by the time I get back, and I blow out the candle and set it on the coffee table near his gun. I hope he knows exactly where he left it, because he won’t be able to see much in this darkened living room.
The two of us sit around in an awkward silence in the dark, waiting for the other to fall asleep first. It takes me almost an hour to finally fall asleep and when I do, I have terrible dreams all night.