19. You enter an abandoned town. Where do you expect to find the best place to take shelter?
a) The police station.
*b) A movie theater.
c) A grocery store.
d) A church.
d) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: Try the police station first. Try the movie theater next. Try the grocery store next. Try the church last. If you look around your town, take a look at the movie theater, the Costco, the Kroger, the police station. Make a mental note of how easy it would be to lock down these places/buildings to keep out zombies. Police stations are usually very defendable, but the problem is that you won’t be the only survivor with that idea. In most cases you will not be the first to think of this, so you need to be aware of other good options. Give thought to the movie theater. They usually are pretty easy to lock down too and they don’t have very many windows and doors. Plus you can usually find some kitchen type equipment and foods there.
20. You are searching the town and avoiding the zombies in the town. You find several places where things you may need are located. What should you do?
a) Grab as much as you can and bring it back to your shelter so you will never have to leave your shelter again.
*b) Mark where these things are located on a map, include the safest route to those locations, and begin making strategic plans for getting supplies when you need them.
c) Booby-trap each location to prevent others from taking your shit.
d) Quickly move to the next town because this is too good to be a good thing.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: A zombie apocalypse is not the time to become a hoarder. It’s much more strategic to mark the locations of various items and then to go get things as you need them. Even better, hide things so others won’t easily find them. This is also the smartest plan in case any one location is compromised, it won’t mean the end of the world for you. Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket. I like the idea of booby-trapping locations, but mostly to deal with zombies. You can use simple booby-traps to let you know if zombies are nearby or if someone else has been to the location, but it’s generally not a good idea to booby-trap a place against people unless it’s one of your main shelters.
Again, your goal is to get 100% correct. So how did you do on these 10 questions? If you suck, (you get more than two wrong out of ten or four wrong out of 20, and you didn't even hit on the second best answers) don’t worry. You can take the test again later. You can try again. Go back and read my earliest zombie apocalypse survival books when you get the chance. That should help. Next I’ll cover the answers to questions 21 - 30.
21. Which of the following things can be eaten if you have to survive during a zombie apocalypse and there is no other food?
a) Bugs.
b) Rats.
c) Pets.
*d) All the above…if it moves you can probably eat it.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: I am a USMC survival instructor (plus escape and evasion) with certifications in jungle, desert, and urban survival. And yes, I failed the cold weather “arctic” survival course only due to injury and I never attempted the mountain survival course, but I’m sure I could have passed the mountain course too, if I went in the summer time. So, you can eat just about anything that moves...including road kill. There are a lot of things I don’t recommend the average Joe “wuss” try to eat, because getting nauseous and sick can be a game-ender just as fast as a zombie bite. With a mind for surviving in the worst environments, you need to have some idea of what “natural” things around you are fit for human consumption. A great resource to have handy is a locally produced survival guide with colorful pictures of all the plants and animals and preparation tips. The average Joe can go without eating for about a week before he or she starts to really lose their grip—two weeks before they start to really starve to death. In contrast, you really aren’t going to live much longer than a few days without water. This is why water is your primary resource to locate in the apocalypse. People are omnivores and can eat pretty much anything. Okay...I was once presented with a larger than hand-sized spider, grilled rotisserie style on a stick to eat in the Panama jungle (1989), and then and there I decided that I would never let eating a giant jungle spider ever be my only survival option. I didn’t eat the spider. Maybe if I had ground it up into a paste and mixed it with some beetles and grasses and dirt...yeah, maybe then I would eat it…no I wouldn’t. Lizard; yes – Snails; yes – Turtles; yes – Spiders; no (not me) – Skunks; no (not me) – People; never, not me. The point is, you need to have some idea now of what your tolerances are for odd things to eat. Find out now how tasty rats and crickets are. Find out now what tastes better raw compared to grilled. Find out now what tastes much better or not much better at all with Tabasco Sauce (the eat anything that moves secret weapon).
22. Which of the following survival skills is the most important in a pandemic zombie pandemonium event?
a) The ability to lead.
*b) Charisma and the ability to make friends.
c) The ability to cook.
d) The ability to treat wounds.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: When it comes down to personal traits that can make the difference between life and death when the shit hits the fan, having friends, making friends, and convincing people to help you, also known as Charisma, is pretty valuable. Your ability to create and navigate a dependable network of associates who are interested in your success will take you far in a zombie apocalypse. You may not be the best fighter, shooter, engineer, EMT, or cook, but if you have plenty of friends who are, that’s almost just as good. Sure, charisma factors into a lot of personal skills like leadership, negotiating, and conflict resolution. The person with negotiation skills tries to take advantage of market value to get the most for the least. The leader tries to get a number of people to follow them towards a set of goals. The person with charisma is skilled at getting something for almost nothing. You have to appreciate these differences. If you are not good at people skills, then make sure there is someone on your team, in your immediate network, who is.
23. In a classic pandemic zombie outbreak that piggy-backs a deadly pandemic flu event, what is more likely to kill you?
a) Zombies
*b) The flu
c) Kids
d) Bad guys; assholes
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: The flu is already one of the most deadly viruses year to year worldwide. Plenty of outbreak models from Harvard and other disease control centers show that a pandemic zombie outbreak just isn’t possible without a deadly pandemic flu outbreak. That’s good news—pandemic zombie outbreaks can’t sneak up on us. Before there’s a pandemic zombie outbreak, we will have a major deadly flu outbreak. Even after the pandemic zombie outbreak starts, the flu is still more likely to kill you than a zombie. Why? Zombies have to bite you to kill you. A deadly pandemic flu strain can just hover in the air, or wait on a door knob, or move person to person through routine contact, a kiss, a sneeze, and it will still be just as deadly after the zombie outbreak as it was before the zombie outbreak. The flu virus will take out most of us and the zombies will try to take out what’s left. I might even put zombies as third in line because sadly a lot of us will take each other out if the flu doesn’t get us. Also remember that the regular flu isn’t even that contagious and it still kills more than 500,000 people worldwide every year. It’s estimated that a mutant flu virus is lurking around out there somewhere waiting to attack. A mutated bird flu or swine flu could be 10 times more contagious than regular flu and 20 times deadlier because none of us have any immunities built up to it and there’s no current preventive vaccination protocols outside the military and the CDC. I am resistant to all forms of viral infections, so thank you Uncle Sam.
24. As a general zomb
ie pandemonium survival rule, you should ALWAYS…
a) Kill the zombie closest to you.
b) Shoot first and ask questions later.
c) Shoot any asshole that threatens your survival.
*d) All of the above.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: All of the above.
25. As a general zombie apocalypse survival rule, you should NEVER…
a) Go out at night.
*b) Get married and have kids.
c) Shoot at things if you are not absolutely sure of what they are.
d) Leave the city.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: In a zombie apocalypse, you will have to go out at night often. You need to be ready often to shoot at things you may not be able to identify immediately, and you will want to leave the city as soon as possible. Survival in a zombie outbreak pandemonium is also about simplicity. If you can streamline your life, your lifestyle, your basic needs, then you are better suited to survive the end of the world. If you want to make surviving the zombie apocalypse harder than it already will be, maybe you relish the challenge, then go ahead and add the baggage of a spouse and kids. Of course, a kick-ass badass spouse helps your chances; kids almost always decrease your chances, unless they are older kids who can be badasses in training. Later on, I’ll have to do a separate PSA about surviving a zombie apocalypse if you have children with you. There is a way—a much harder way. There is some recent research on zombies and kids, but it’s not from a reputable source, because no reputable source would ever conduct zombie and children experiments. At least no reputable source other than the US government.
26. Which of the following statements is true about typical zombies?
a) Zombies can read your mind.
b) Zombies can’t dance.
c) Zombies are afraid of crucifixes and never enter holy ground like a church.
*d) Zombies have no emotions.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: This question is in regard to typical zombies, which are generally considered to be stage 2 and 3 zombies. We would have to write a whole other set of test questions about atypical zombies. Typical zombies have no emotions. “Listen, and understand. That zombies are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pain, pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead or dying or infected.” You can’t shoot at a zombie’s feet and make it run away. Typical zombies cannot read your mind. In several recorded outbreaks, typical zombies have shown no higher level brain activity than that which is required to attack and bite to spread the Z-virus. However, zombies at all stages are sensitive to the EMFs (electromagnetic fields) generated by living things. Scientists at Texas A&M have proven than zombies at all stages are electroreceptive. In theory, all higher animals have latent mechanosensory electroreceptor potential, which was a precursor to developing evolved bioccular vision. I don’t want to take this discussion to deep, but when the earliest animals were developing billions of years ago, electroreception was the primary way to make your way around the primordial world. I hope that’s simple enough. This ability surfaces again in a Z-virus infected brain. The Z-virus compromises most of the brain’s functions, but in order for the zombie to have any chance of infecting and spreading the virus, its latent electroreceptor potential is amplified. So even if you wear your best camouflage and smell like a zombie, a fresh zombie will detect that your EMF is different than the zombies around it (old decayed zombies, less so). Like sharks are aware electrically to things in the water, zombies are sensitive/aware electrically to non-zombies. This ability later paired with heightened pheromone sensitivity in higher stage zombies (stage 4 through 6), which I discussed in a previous article, might make you think that zombies start to eventually exhibit an ability to read your mind. Well they just can’t, but what they can do is often better than reading your mind for what they intend to do to you. Of course it’s been proven that, zombies can dance if you play the right music. A dancer who becomes a zombie will sometimes dance if you play music. The best music was proven to be heavy metal (acid) head-banger music, which can make hordes of zombies twitch around to the rhythm erratically. So Michael Jackson’s Thriller is based on actual science. This can work as a zombie distraction if you are desperate. Zombies are not influenced by witchcraft, or symbology, or religious artifacts, race and gender biases, sports team affiliations, or political parties if you were wondering.
27. A friend is preparing for the impending global pandemic zombie outbreak. He constructs a safe shelter out of the storm shelter in his backyard. What’s wrong with his plan?
a) Storm shelters are designed to protect you from storms and not deadly pandemic viral events and zombie apocalypses.
b) Unless that storm shelter has at least a second and secret exit, it’s probably just going to be his tomb.
c) It’s in his backyard.
*d) All of the above highlight what’s wrong with this friend’s plan.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: If you live anywhere near tornado alley like I do, a storm shelter is a great and proven way to survive tornados and hurricanes. They are not designed to survive zombie apocalypses. The best zombie shelter will at least be in a remote location with multiple ways to get out or escape if necessary. I happened to catch the TV show Doomsday Preppers on National Geographic, which I recommend you watch to get some ideas. However, you need to appreciate how preparing for emergencies and natural disasters like earthquakes and even preparing for China to invade America because Obama sold us out (sarcasm) is just different from preparing for a global pandemic zombie apocalypse. The best shelters on this TV show look like small military forts and small prisons, whereas the best shelter in a zombie apocalypse just may be a small log cabin, high in the mountains.
28. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
*a) A boat.
b) The mountains.
c) A prison.
d) The sewers.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: The world is covered by a lot of water. A boat can take you places and zombies can’t swim or drive boats for that matter. I recommend a sail boat. Just remember that where ever you go, you will need clean drinking water. Seawater is not as easy to make into drinking water as you might think. You won’t be the only survivor who thinks boats are cool, so expect pirates and assholes on water. Obviously, the best shelter is the one you have, but you should always look for better shelters.
29. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a) A church.
b) A ranch.
c) A mall.
*d) A movie theater.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: Look for a place that doesn’t have windows, that has a way in that you can block and defend, and has multiple ways to escape out of if something goes wrong. Of all these choices, the movie theater is the best choice. The next time you go to the movies, take a look around and make a note of how easy or hard it would be to make the building into your zombie survival shelter (one of them).
30. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a) A ten story building.
*b) A five story building.
c) A skyscraper.
d) A farm house.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: In looking for a shelter, try to find a place with hardly any windows and doors and with multiple floors. A multi-storied building is a great choice. Consider blocking off the entire first level and using a rope ladder to enter your building
on the second floor. You could even make a rope swing from one building to another building as your way of getting into your shelter. Zombies can’t climb rope ladders or use rope swings. You also need to make sure this place has an easy escape plan, which is why I think the 5-story building is better than the 10-story building. If you are forced to shelter in the top of a skyscraper, consider a parachute as your escape plan.
Again, your goal is to get 100% correct. So how did you do on these 10 questions? If you suck, don’t worry, I will keep posting remedial zombie survival articles for those of you who need to try again. Go back and read my earliest zombie apocalypse survival articles in the meantime. Let’s keep going through the answers to questions 31 - 40.
31. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a) A cave.
b) The middle of the desert.
c) A tree house.
*d) None of these are great choices.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: None of these are great choices. Keep looking or be ready to die very soon.
32. You need to become a badass before the zombie apocalypse comes. Where should be the first place you go to get training in badassery?
*a) The United States Marine Corps.
b) The US Navy.
c) The US Coast Guard.
d) The US Air Force.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: The USMC focuses on infantry tactics and warfare as demonstrated by its doctrine that every Marine is a rifleman (an infantry warrior first). All Marines in every job from butchers and bakers to candlestick makers to administrators to mechanics, men and women receive training as combat riflemen first before they are trained in any other jobs. All USMC officers receive advanced combat platoon commander training. There are plenty of historic examples of an assortment of Marines from odd jobs like aircraft mechanics and cooks forming combat ranks to repel enemy forces whenever and wherever necessary. This doctrine is very similar to what you heard King Leonidas describe in the movie 300. The Greek regular army of 10,000 showed up and Leonidas stated that he had more soldiers (300) than had arrived with the Greek army. The movie is pure fictionalized history, but I describe it here just to give you some pretext to the Marine Corps’ ethos of baddassery. The other military branches, National Guard units, police forces, and plenty of civilian “hobbyist groups” (also known as militias or civil defenses) have plausible schools of badassery and survival training options. But looking at the options above, you need to know that as a US Marine, you will be issued a combat assault rifle on the first day of boot camp and if you can’t handle a combat assault rifle we kick you out. While in other service branches, you may not get to train to fire a gun throughout your entire enlistment. Why would a radar technician in the Air Force need weapons training? On the other hand, Marines can’t become radar technicians until after they pass their weapons and combat training; men and women and that’s just absolute badass.