Chapter 3
The day had taken an eternity to pass. It always does when you have something to look forward to. As much as I respected Jim and his wishes, I could not let his government keep me from my wife. After all I only had to betray his wishes temporarily. Even if I Margaret did not fully remember everything, if I could show Jim that she did remember me he would have to let me at least see her. This I was confident in. Her actions showed me that there was something there. Even if she didn’t have the whole picture, I knew she at least remembered something. I just had to prove it. It was almost nightfall. I had the nervous butterflies in my stomach, but they were never enough to slow me down. I was always the type of person that could push through my jitters and do anything. Some people claim to never get nervous. This was not the case with me. I did just like anybody else, but it never affected me. There wasn’t too much to be nervous about anyway. This was not a high risk operation. There was almost no chance of anything going wrong. All I had to do was wait until the guard on duty finished making a round of the complex, and then simply walk to Margaret’s room. That simple. Our security wasn’t really security. The guards would simply watch T.V. in the office, and about once every hour they would do a quick walk of their section of the building. Our guard tonight was a young newbie. He was even less thorough than most, and only walked the building about once every two hours. This made it easy even for an old man like me to sneak by him with ease. I had been watching this new guard for the past few weeks. I learned his patterns for walking the building. He was currently just finishing his rounds of the building. He always made sure to be back at the office by 11 p.m. There was some murder mystery show that he enjoyed that came on during this time. I figured this would be the best time to make my move. He would be preoccupied. Margaret would have fallen asleep, but not be in such a deep sleep I could not wake her for a few words. I would prefer to let her sleep through the night and not disturb her, but there was no other way. I would apologize later, and I know she would understand. I began walking to wing C where her bedroom was. It was now 10:10, so I knew the newbie had to be in his office by now. If he missed the first 10 minutes it would ruin his show. I couldn’t help but admire the silence in the hallway. Growing up in crowded apartment complexes all my life, it was nice to experience a place where all of the occupants were sound asleep by 10 p.m. I had to admit, I was extremely tired myself. I was also used to being in bed by now. My body did not have the energy for late nights like it used to. That was ok though. I was always more of an early bird anyway, so transitioning to this lifestyle was not difficult for me at all. I was about only one hallway away from my wife whom I had not been able to talk to in well over a year. I ran the moment I would first see her through my head thousands of times already on my walk, yet I still had no idea what the first thing I would say when I saw her. I figured it would come to me in the moment. I was always a good speaker, but I could never really plan my words ahead of time. I knew it would come to me in the moment. I just had to get there. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I heard someone say from behind me. The security guard? What the hell was he doing here? I couldn’t have taken over an hour and a half just walking down the hallway. This was unexpected, but fortunately I had planned for this. “I am lost” I said calmly. “I got turned around, and couldn’t find my way back to my room. Could you give me a hand walking back?” This was a lie of course, but I had to avoid causing a disturbance, or I would never get this opportunity again. “No problem” said the young man. He proceeded to put his arm under mine to help me walk. My legs worked perfectly fine, but he didn’t know that. You never do with old people. I quickly, but seamlessly pulled the rag from my pocket, and placed It over his mouth. He was much stronger than I , but I was still able to hold on for the few seconds I needed until his consciousness left him. I tried to catch him as he fell, but I was not quick enough. I felt bad. I chloroformed the man, the least I could have done was given him a soft landing. Again I would have to apologize for this later. There was work that needed to be done. This was a last resort that I hoped I did not have to use. This meant I really had to speed up the process. The guard would not be asleep for too long, and I would have to provide a darn good reason why I snuck in here to avoid Jim’s wrath in the morning, so I needed to get a move on. I walked as fast as I could get these worn old legs to move. It’s a good thing he confronted me in the hallway. If he had caught me after I reached the bedroom, this whole plan may have unraveled. I could not think for the life of me why he would have been out of the office at that time, but that was a mystery to solve later. My heart fluttered when I saw her. Even though I was merely watching her as she slept, this was the closest I had been to her in what seemed like forever. I couldn’t believe how many times I laid next to her, and took it for granted. Just being this close to her was the best thing I had experienced this year. This feeling was why I needed to do this. If there was I chance I could go back to seeing her every day, I would risk anything for it. I very gently stroked the side of her face to wake her as I had done for so many years. She awoke very quickly as if she was barely asleep to begin with. All the thinking, and all the fantasizing about this moment were coming to reality. I could finally speak to her. She immediately sat up, and slid to the head of the bed away from me. “You can’t be in here right now, I can’t have visitors this late” she said. I put my hands up as if to signal I come in peace to a stranger. “I apologize for my late visit” I said. “Unfortunately this was the only time I was able to come. I am sorry if I startled you. I did not mean to. My name is Walter. I am a friend. I was just simply hoping to say hello, and maybe talk to you for a moment if I could”. She looked slightly confused, and a little frightened this was not exactly the look I was expecting. “I am sorry Walter. It is very late. I really should not be talking to you right now” she said. “I apologize” I quickly responded, making sure to not sound rude. “I just have a question I need to ask you, and I understand the inconvenience, but this is the only time I may ever get the chance to. Do you remember me?” My heart sank. I was so confident of what she would respond to this question leading up to this moment. I couldn’t help but feel a deep chill as I awaited her response. There was nothing I feared more than the possibility of what she might say. Her response only took seconds, but it felt like days. Very softly she responded “yes I do, but it is not smart for you to be here right now”. Even with all of the confidence I had in her remembering me, I nothing felt better than actually hearing the words come from her mouth. This was it. This was the moment I had been waiting for well over a year now. Just to hear that phrase. “I knew you did” I said. “Nobody believed me that you would. I had to know for sure. I knew you had to remember me in some way. We have been through too much for you not to. I love you dearly, and have missed you terribly since we have been separated. I had to see you and know for sure”. I could never had predicted what happened next. There was nothing on earth that could have crushed my elation more than her next words. “Walter, you are not supposed to be here. I am sorry. I have seen you the way you look at me, and when we have spoken you seem to love me dearly. But I do not love you back. When we have spoken you have been violent towards me, and that is why we can no longer talk. It hurts for me to say this to you, but you have to stay away from me”. How could this be? If she remembered me, how could she not want to see me? I know I had anger towards her during the rough times, but could this really erase all of our years of marriage? I had to make it up to her. “I am so sorry for the times I got angry” I pleaded. “I could not control myself when you did not remember me. I was a weak person, and it was wrong of me. I would do anything for your forgiveness. You name it, and it is done. I will do anything to make it up to you. All the years we have spent together, our marriage, our life together, has to be worth fixing. I made a mistake, but you remember me now, and I would never ever hurt you again. Please give me a chance to fix what I have done, and take care of you”. She seemed very concerned. I did n
ot understand how she could be so hesitant to give me a chance if she remembered me. I know I became angry at times, but it was an accident, and I was very sincere in my apology. Did all the years previous to my spurts of anger mean nothing? She looked at me and took a deep breath. “I am not your wife” She said. “I did not know you before I moved into this place. You have been nice to me at times, but you have also been very mean other times. Ever since you hit me I am scared to be near you. You are making me uncomfortable even now. I know you have a nice side to you. I even think it’s possible a part of you may really love me, but it is not good for me to be near you. I wish you the best, but I cannot see you again after this moment.” I was in complete shock. She remembered me, but only our lives in this retirement home. This was terrible. If her only memory of me was the time I struck her, of course she would never forgive me. Without the years of compassion, and love, she had no reason to. I felt my heart drop to my feet. If this was the case I knew I was fighting a lost cause. “I am sorry for the anger I showed you that day” I said very calmly. “You don’t remember it, but we had a life together before we lived in this place. I was good to you, and we loved each other very much. You had a terrible illness that made you forget who I am. It made me bitter, and angry. I thought that you may be able to remember parts of our life. I heard you humming our wedding song at dinner, and eating the meal we would always eat together. I thought this meant you started to remember me, but I must be mistaken. I am sorry that I was ever angry with you; I will let you have your night’s sleep. I will always be available if you need me, whether you know it or not”. She let out a big sigh, and very gently said “You seem very genuine Walter. I you have me mistaken for someone else, I do not know you. I…….”. Just then Jim entered the room. I could feel the anger from him as he threw me to the ground and handcuffed me. This seemed a little excessive though I did understand his frustration with me. I bumped my head pretty hard on the way to the ground. I didn’t know why he was being so vicious though, he could have seriously injured an old man like me. I knew I was going to be hurt tomorrow. I didn’t fight though; I figured Jim would be reasonable when he calmed down. He would be angry, but he would understand. As he carried me out of the room I looked at Margaret one last time, and said “I love you, sleep well”.