Chapter 4
I did not get the best night’s sleep. The entire ordeal left me restless. I did manage to pass out on a few occasions, but I could not sleep for long. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, but it still was a little unnerving sitting in Jim’s office, waiting for him to come speak to me. I really was not looking forward to this conversation. Jim was a very understanding, intelligent mad, but his demeanor last night had me a little shaken still. I had only seen him that intense one other night, and that was the night of the original incident that he had to break up. He didn’t seem as nice for a few days after, so I was expecting him to be a bit more upset than usual today as well. This was completely understandable since he had his own family issues at home. I felt sorry that he had to come into work each day to deal with the issues within our retirement home as well. I just wanted to get this over with; I did not like feeling the tension that was in the room. Before I could even look back at the door, he had already entered the room. He walked to his desk with swiftness, and power. There was a look in his eye that I had never seen before; sadness. He had always seemed somewhat emotionless. Even he would crack a smile, show some anxiety, or frustration at times. He was human after all, these emotions were bound to show sometimes. I had never seen him display sadness before though. He had a stern look on his face as if to show he meant business, but his eyes looked worn down, and damp as if he’d been crying. Jim was one of those people you had to question if that was even possible. He was such a tough guy, it was hard to imagine that could be the case. It seemed more likely that I was seeing tears of anger. He didn’t waste time getting right to the point. “I am disappointed with the way last night went” he said. “I never thought that Walter would ever violate the rules that we put into place. I am greatly sorry that you had to be bothered with this same issue again.” I knew he cared for me. He did about everybody in this facility. I knew he cared for Walter, and he hated the fact that he had to restrict his freedom. “I am ok” I said. “I was shocked that Walter violated our rule again as well, but I was not harmed in anyway. I don’t want him to get into any trouble for this. I am unharmed. I am ok with things going back to the way they were. I am not angry at him, and don’t want anything bad to happen to him. “Jim seemed like he had to really muster his strength for what he was about to say next. “ Unfortunately that is unavoidable. Walter has dug himself into a whole I cannot help him out of this time, no matter how much I’d like too. “I felt bad when I heard this. I knew Walter had wronged me in the past, but I still did not want anything bad to happen to him. Ever since I came to Shady Oaks, he had shown a strange fascination with me. I do not know why he chose me over any other woman here. There were plenty of other younger, retired lady’s here he could have become attached to. But for some reason he had chosen me. This did flatter me to an extent, but was still not something to go along with. My late husband would not have appreciated Walter’s attachment to me, and that’s why I could not let it go on. I had loved James with all my heart. It was hard to make it through my days since his passing. That was three years ago, though it only felt like days. Honestly the only thing that kept me going was the three visits a year I got from my son, and his lovely wife. Eric was 35 years old. He was a successful pharmacist, and had recently married. His wife was young, and sometimes immature, only 26 years of age. This seemed to be the norm these days though. It was becoming more common for older men with money to marry young attractive women. I was hoping they would give me a grandson soon. I didn’t know how many years I had left, and I would love the chance to meet them. Eric said he would like to have kids one day, but he never felt it was the right time. The last time I saw them he told me they were trying, but at his age they were unsure if they would be successful. I hoped so, it would be nice to have a grandchild to come visit me here. My family was the reason I could not oblige Walter’s attachment. If I had not had my own family it may have even been nice to go along with his fantasies, and pretend to be the woman he viewed me as. The company in this place might be nice. However holding onto the ideas of my own family is what kept me sane, and I could not jeopardize that for anything. I could lose my memories of them any day at this age, and I could not do that prematurely. When he first came to the retirement home I greatly enjoyed his company. We would spend almost every hour of the day together talking, playing bingo, watching shows, and having dinner together. Walter welcomed me, and was a great friend from the first day I met him. For about 5 months he was the best friend I had in this place. While he could not cure it, he helped me forget my loneliness just a little. That’s why it was so hard when his memory started to go. He would begin to forget who I was. He had delusions that I was his wife who had passed many years ago. He would make up any reason in his head to convince himself that I was her. Anything from the songs I hummed, the things I read, and even what I ate at dinner. He would convince himself that we had a whole life, and family together. I still spent time with him, and tried to help him through his illness. It was rough, but I figured it was the least I could do since he had so readily befriended me when I was in need. It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t mind being there for him. After all what else would I do with my time in this place? I mine as well use it helping my only friend. I was perfectly happy doing this until he started to become violent towards me. As his mind deteriorated, he became more attached to me, and much more violent each time I had to explain that I was not his wife. I did not decide to stop helping him though. I tried to help him through his anger hoping he would get better, but that time never came. Then one night I was in the middle of trying to explain to him who he was, and that I was not his wife, and in a fit of rage he struck me. For an old man, he hit me extremely hard. I lost two of my teeth. After this I knew I could not see him anymore. In a fit of rage I went to Jim, and asked that he be removed from Shady Oaks. Jim told me he would keep him away from me, but he would not remove him. Jim grew to care about all of us here, and he seemed to have a strong attachment to Walter. Jim took particular interest in his case, and always made sure that he was taken care of. He would make sure to visit Walter at least once a day to see how he was doing. This is why I had a world of respect for Jim, and although I did not like having Walter around, I respected his decision, and had faith he would protect me. Jim did as he promised. He kept Walter at a distance, and made sure that he never came close enough to harm me again. I felt bad because I knew it was just his illness. The Walter I knew was sweet, and would never harm me. But he had changed dramatically since the illness. He was no longer the man I once cared for. This is why I needed to be his friend from a distance, and make sure I did not make contact with him. I would watch him sometimes at dinner. He would sit in the corner, guarded by security. My instinct as a friend made me want to walk over and comfort him. However I knew what the consequences could be, so I kept my distance. I was upset over the incident, but I still cared for him. That is why last night surprised me so much. I could not believe he had snuck into see me. A part of me was glad to see him, but I was terrified at the same time. As much as I had pleaded to get him removed from the home, I knew he needed to be here under Jim’s care. So I looked at Jim and pleaded “Please. I know Walter broke the rules, but he needs to be here. You can’t take him out of the home. I will not complain, or press charges. Please just let him be. He is already sick. His false memories of me are all he has to hold on to.” I couldn’t believe what I saw next. I was not mistaken earlier, Jim’s eyes began to let just the slightest amount of water seep through. He took a few short breaths and said “His incident with you is not the only issue. If it was only that, I could easily keep the situation under control. I am afraid this one is out of my hands. When he snuck in to see you last night he was confronted by our new security guard Larry. When Larry approached him Walter knocked him unconscious with chloroform. He did not do this with mal intent. Unfortunately he was too weak to catch Larry to break his fall. When Larry hit the ground he had a brain aneurism, and passed away.
Walter is not being taken away because of you, he is being taken away because of murder.” Murder? Murder? I knew he had fits of rage, but never in a million years did I think he would be charged with murder. Not Walter. Not the sweet man who had befriended me when I came here. How did such a bad thing happen to such a good man? “There must be something you can do “I pleaded. “ There just has to be. You must be able to show them that this was an accident. At the very least get his punishment reduced. He doesn’t deserve to be charged with murder. Not him. He is not a bad person. “I had never seen Jim look as helpless as he did right at this moment. He looked at me and said “If there was anything I could do I would do it. Larry’s family is pressing every bit of charges they can. They even want me fired for allowing a man in Walter’s condition to be in the general housing with the rest of our patients. I pulled a lot of strings to get him taken out of special housing so he could be close to me. I convinced the board he would be much better under my direct care, and this has backfired on me. I am going to lose my job here. I want you to know that I care for you and the other patients here, but I will be leaving very soon. I thought I could protect him, and solve all of the problems, but I only created more. This is going to come down on me. Walter has already been transferred to a special psychiatric home where he will be under strict supervision until the day he dies. I am not allowed to see him. They will not let me visit or talk to him anymore. He is going to be isolated from the world for the remainder of his life, and it is all my fault. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no way for me to get out of this. I am going to be facing my own trial for negligence in the special treatment I gave him very soon. I will probably have to face some consequences of my own. “I was shocked by his response. “ We both know Isolation is not what he needs” I said. “He needs you and I to help him with his disease. They must see that the special treatment you gave to him was only for his benefit. You went above and beyond for him, and asked nothing in return. How could they punish you for that? Jim stood up, and grabbed his coat. He walked up to the door. He looked at me and said “I was wrong for giving him the special treatments I did, and now I have to face my consequences. I did not do this for no reason. Walter is my father. I transferred her to take care of him, and keep a close eye on him after mom passed away. She looked a lot like you, you know? I can see why he became attached to you. You have the same kind of tenderness to you that she did. My dad loved you. He may have thought you were mom at times, but he genuinely did love you before, and after his mind went. I tried to let your friendship persist, but I knew it was becoming harmful to the both of you, so I had to step in. It was extremely hard for me to know my own father had forgotten who I was, but he had remembered how much love he had for you. I even began to resent you at times, and that was wrong of me. I knew you helped him through his ailments, and I wanted to let your relationship be. I thought I could solve all the problems, but in the end I just made things worse. I am sorry for any trouble this has cause you Margaret. I must be going now. I have a trial that I will be late to if I do not hurry. My judgment will be passed down shortly. I hope you can forgive the both of us for any trouble we have caused you. For what it’s worth I had hoped you two could have been together to live out your days. I wouldn’t have minded you being part of the family. I cared about you as though you were regardless. Dad would have liked that. I wish you the best Margaret. I hope this place will treat you better than it has us. Goodnight”. He left clearly trying to hold back tears. That was the last I ever saw of Jim. I felt deeply for him. I knew he tried his hardest to take care of us, and now he was being punished for it. I could not stop thinking about our talk all night, wondering if I would ever see wither of them Again. Although they were not my traditional family, I felt I had just lost the only people I cared for in this place. I felt very empty inside. I walked into my bedroom to try to rest for the night. I needed it after the events of the last two days. Sitting on my bed was a picture frame. I didn’t know why it was on my bed or who would put it there. I walked over to see what it was. When I picked it up I felt the stress start to melt away from me. It was a picture of Walter and I Jim had taken at Christmas last year. There was a note on it that read Remember the good times, family is what you make it. Even with all the stress I had been feeling I managed to crack a smile. I placed the photo next to that of my husband on my dresser. I did not know what tomorrow would bring, but I knew I had the memories of the great men in my life to guide me through it.
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