Chapter 18
The view over the city from the new apartment was breathtaking, and the apartment itself was fabulous. Steven hadn’t done it justice when he had described it to her on the phone. It was spacious—the living area alone was larger than the entire apartment she had shared with Hallie. Floor to ceiling windows made it feel even larger.
They had arrived home late on Sunday night and Steven couldn’t wait to give her a tour of their new home. She was exhausted and felt emotionally drained, but as soon as she stepped foot through the door, she began to feel much better.
It had two bedrooms, one for them, and one to be used as an office for storing all of Steven’s files. His office at work was large, but it seemed that his work life was spilling over into his private life more and more often.
The bathroom had a sunken spa bath in the centre of the room, as well as a two-head shower to one side, and even a small steam room to the rear. The kitchen was sophisticated in black and white, with all the modern appliances she would expect in a full chef’s kitchen. She wondered if they'd ever get to use it much—with their hectic work schedules and long hours, they never had much time for cooking.
It was everything she had ever hoped for. Finally all of her hard work over the past eight years had paid off and she had hit the jackpot, big time. She folded her arms and stared out the window at the city lights below. Steven was walking around rattling off all of the features of the apartment and planning where the furniture would go. Now that she was here, now that she had finally made it, she should be happy. But she wasn’t. Something welled up inside her, and she tried to force it down.
Don’t be stupid. Don’t be ungrateful. You’re tired—it’s been a long day. You’ve spent far too long back in that town, and it’s messing with your mind.
Steven approached her from behind and she felt his hands on her shoulders.
“Wouldn't you agree?” he asked.
“Huh?” She turned to face him—she hadn’t been listening. “Sorry, I missed that last part.”
He laughed and hugged her. “I was saying that this is perfect for the two of us. There’s even a gym downstairs so we don’t have to exercise outside in the heat or the rain. I’ll tell you something: those cicadas at your mom’s house were driving me insane when I went for that run.”
Ashley smiled. “I love the sound of cicadas.”
“Really? They're irritating. The grass is itchy, the ground is uneven. Birds flapping and fluttering around.” He shuddered. “I prefer this any day.” He gestured out the window.
There was that unsettling feeling again.
Once you get back to work tomorrow you'll feel better. Just wait and see.
Ashley arrived at work a few minutes early. As she stepped out of the elevator she was greeted by Tania who hugged her tightly, swaying from side to side.
“Oh, I missed you! How was your mom’s wedding?” She moved back to look at Ashley’s face.
“It was good, so pretty.”
“Were there any cute single cowboys?” Before Ashley even had a chance to respond, Tania flapped her hand through the air. “I’m kidding. You know I prefer a man with a brain and an education.” Tania flicked her hair over her shoulder and laughed.
Ashley smiled, although Tania’s comment had been inappropriate, inaccurate, and more than a little rude. However, it was only a week ago that Ashley would have been laughing right along with Tania at such a comment.
“I haven’t seen Stephanie about this morning. Thank God. With the amount of sucking up she was doing to Dianne, I’m worried she might have stolen your job.”
Ashley began to feel nervous. She didn’t need this on her first day back at work.
Dianne opened her office door and looked around.
“Ashley, can I have a word with you please?” It was more of a demand than a question.
Tania remained quiet but her eyes widened and she frowned at Ashley.
Ashley smoothed her top and walked to Dianne's office, trying to remain confident and calm. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, so she might as well face the music. She closed the door behind her. Dianne was sitting behind her desk and smiled as she looked up at Ashley.
“Ashley, glad to have you back. How was your mother’s wedding?”
“It was lovely, thank you. It was nice to spend a bit of time with the family.” Ashley smiled and folded her hands on her lap.
Dianne smiled briefly then looked down over the paperwork on the desk in front of her.
“You’re probably wondering why I called you in.” Dianne lifted her face to make eye contact with Ashley.
Ashley shifted in her seat.
Here goes. Say goodbye to your career.
“I’m sure Tania has filled you in on the little mix-up we endured last week?”
Ashley knew she was referring to the missing file. “Yes.”
“I say ’little’ but it was actually a pretty big deal. We almost missed the deadline because of it.” Dianne stared at Ashley. Her face was blank, unreadable.
“As you know Ashley, we pride ourselves on organization. When one member of the team fails, the whole team fails.”
Here it comes. Get it over with already.
“I cannot have anyone working here who is not on-board and willing to work as part of the team. You understand that, don't you Ashley?”
Ashley nodded. She could feel her forehead beginning to perspire.
“I’ve had to let Stephanie go.”
What? Ashley’s eyes widened—this was unexpected.
“She let the team down, then tried to shift the blame onto you.” Dianne shook her head, clasping her hands together on the desk.
“But how did you know?” It was as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Do you remember when you were first employed here, Ashley? You had to sign some paperwork. Most people don’t read through it all, and I don’t blame you—it’s tedious. But one of those conditions you signed was agreeing to have your work emails scanned and accessible to me. Stephanie signed the same paperwork. Everyone here has signed the same paperwork. I knew you emailed the file to Stephanie last Friday. I saw the email. I knew Stephanie had deleted it deliberately, because she kept saying you’d never sent it. I wanted to give her the chance to admit to her actions and be honest. I gave her the whole week and she still chose to lie to my face. We don’t build our careers on the backs of others, Ashley. We build our careers together—as a team.” Dianne sat back in her chair and smiled.
“So I’m not fired then?” Ashley asked, checking.
Dianne laughed. “No, Ashley. In fact, I’d like to know if you would be interested in taking over the role of one of our columnists. Madeleine is taking an extended maternity leave soon and I’m going to need someone I can trust to fill in for her. With your keen eye for detail, and I know you love fashion—just like Madeleine—I think you will be perfect.”
Ashley couldn’t believe her good fortune. This was the role she had always wanted. It was her chance to show the world what she had, and she was going to give it her best.
“Can I assume by the smile on your face that you’ll take it?” Dianne’s mouth curled up on one side.
Ashley nodded. “Absolutely. Thank you so much, Dianne. I won’t let you down.”
“I know.” Dianne straightened in her chair and picked up the phone. “You may have to work longer hours. You’ll need to attend catwalk shows and fashion shoots for some of the stories. Some of the shoots go longer than planned, and some shoots can only take place at night for certain location shoots. That won’t be a problem, will it?”
“No,” Ashley replied. It wouldn't be a problem. Steven didn’t get home until late most nights anyway, and it sure beat sitting around all alone in that enormous apartment.
“Great, I’ll have Madeleine show you the ropes on Thursday. Mostly you’ll be observing, taking notes, with a little interview here and there.
I know it doesn't sound glamorous at the moment, but there is room for growth if you play your cards right.” Dianne smiled and Ashley began to feel like the events from yesterday were beginning to fade into the distance.
Ashley walked in through the open door to the apartment on Tuesday afternoon, juggling her purse and two brown paper takeout bags. The removalists were finishing up for the day.
They had done most of the work on Monday but Steven had bought a few new pieces of new furniture at the designer furniture shop that he didn’t want delivered until the older furniture was taken out. He refused to bring his old leather sofa, saying it was well past its prime. The new one was almost identical but he insisted it was far superior.
He was reclining on the sofa, flipping through a wad of paperwork. The TV was on, but he wasn’t watching it. Ashley knew it was for background noise. She dumped the bags on the counter and he looked up as he noticed her. He had his pen clenched between his teeth and looked relieved to see her.
“You’re home early.” Ashley began to pull the cartons of Chinese food out of the bags.
He put his head down, continuing to scan the papers. “Huh? Oh yeah, thought I’d come home for a bit.”
“So you have to go back to the office today?” Ashley frowned.
It was already after six. “Yes.” He nodded as he flipped the page.
She sighed. She’d been hoping they’d get to celebrate her temporary promotion at work and their new apartment, but it would have to wait.
The two removalists came walking out of the spare room.
“All done?” Steven rose to his feet.
“Yes sir, all done.”
“Great.” Steven retrieved his wallet from his back pocket, tipped them and walked with them to the door. The sound of the TV changed as the newsreader introduced a live report about a typhoon which had swept through the Philippines overnight. Thousands of homes had been destroyed, and the locals were without food, clean drinking water and electricity. Many had been killed and still more were missing. Her hand rose to her mouth as she saw the devastation on the screen. Children crying in what was left of the streets. Elderly women lying in the ruins, and rubble everywhere.
Steven returned and sat opposite her at the kitchen counter. “Let’s eat. I’m starving, and this smells delicious.” He noticed her concern and followed her gaze to the TV. “Oh yeah, the typhoon. I heard about this this morning. Pretty, bad huh?” He turned back to Ashley.
“Those poor people.”
Steven let out a small laugh and she looked at him, puzzled.
“What?” she asked.
“Well it’s not as if they don’t know it’s a disaster-prone area, Ashley.” He opened a box of noodles and reached for the chopsticks. “If you know an area is likely to be hit by typhoons—or earthquakes, or tornadoes or whatever—you’d be pretty silly to live there, wouldn’t you think?” He started eating.
Ashley was dumbfounded. “Steven, most of these people wouldn’t have a choice. They have no money. Where are they supposed to go?”
“Whoa, whoa.” Steven lifted his hands, palms towards her. “I’m just saying. Stuff like this happens all the time. Why do you suddenly care so much?”
She didn’t know why. “I feel sorry for them, I guess. Maybe we should send them some money?”
He laughed again. “Go ahead. You can send all the money you want, but I’m not. None of the money you send to these third world countries and disaster zones ends up in the hands that need it most. Most of it goes into the pockets of the fat cats who stand to benefit most from these types of things.” He continued eating, not even bothering to elaborate further on how exactly he knew this information.
After he finished dinner he had to return to work.
“Just for a few more hours.” He stood by the door. “Get a movie and we’ll watch it when I get home later.” He winked and left.
As the door closed, the sound echoed off the walls and Ashley sighed. Steven was right, about not wanting children. It wouldn’t be fair on the child, not with the responsibility he had at work. Ashley could put up with it because she was an adult and she understood that he was a busy man, but a child wouldn’t understand.
Maybe she could get a cat? Or a small dog? That way she would have some company when she was home alone. She pictured Benson and smiled. He had such a happy face and she found it hilarious the way the entire back half of his body swayed from side to side as he wiggled his tail whenever he saw her.
She sat on the sofa. The lights were dimmed except for the new studio floor lamp. She pulled a blanket over her as she sat flicking through the TV channels, a glass of fine red wine in one hand. It was 9:30 p.m. and Steven still hadn’t returned home. She started the movie, deciding she couldn't be bothered waiting any more. A comedy. She needed a good laugh. She rested her head on the arm rest, but could barely pay attention to the film.
She awoke to the sound of the fridge door closing.
Her eyes shot open and she felt disorientated. It took her a moment to realize she was still on the sofa. It was morning. She had spent all night on the sofa. Steven was in the kitchen, dressed in his running gear. The front of his shirt was wet with perspiration and he was drinking out of the milk carton.
“Good morning.” He smiled when he noticed she was awake.
She rubbed her eyes, blinked, and sat up.
“You OK? You look a bit shell-shocked,” Steven said.
“I didn’t know where I was for a moment. I didn’t expect to wake up on the sofa.” She stretched her arms out. It felt good after being so cramped all night.
Steven shrugged. “Well, that is where you fell asleep.”
“I thought you might . . . never mind.” Her voice trailed off.
“What? You thought I might what?” Steven tipped the milk to his lips again.
“I thought you might have carried me to bed,” Ashley said, feeling silly.
Steven laughed and choked on the milk. “That's a good one Ashley. Carry you? I’m not your father-” He stopped abruptly, realizing his mistake.
“I’m sorry Ash. I didn’t mean that.” He walked over and sat beside her on the sofa, took her hands in his and kissed them. “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?”
Ashley smiled. “Yes, it’s fine. Honestly. I’m not upset at all.” She wasn't. The truth was she hadn’t even thought about her father. She had been thinking of a completely different man altogether.
“Do you start the new job today?” Steven asked. He barely knew anything about it. Only what Ashley had sent through to him in a text message, but she hadn't been able to have a real sit-down face-to-face conversation with him for days.
“Tomorrow.” Ashley smiled as she checked the time on the oversized modern clock on the wall.
“We’re both going to be late if we don’t get moving.” Ashley stood up and pulled Steven to his feet.
“I’m beginning to think we’re going to have to schedule time for us to be together.” He took her chin in his hand and tilted it upwards to face him. He grinned mischievously.
Ashley laughed.
“I'm serious,” he said. “In fact, it’s probably a smart thing to do. That way we have a block of time pencilled out where we can be together. Totally uninterrupted and alone.”
She liked the sound of that. The last part, not the part of needing to ‘book in’ to see him. It felt ridiculous. Surely she didn’t need an appointment to spend time with her boyfriend?
Her phone vibrated. It was a message. From her mother:
Hi Ashley,
Martin and I have arrived safely in Florida.
We miss you already, would love for you to visit more—and Steven if he's not too busy.
Love Mom xx
She smiled at the message.
“Who’s that?” Steven asked.
“Just mom.”
He grinned. “What’s she up to? Church?”
Ashley frowned.
“What?” He shrugged,
looking both surprised and annoyed at her reaction.
Normally she would have laughed along with him and made some derogatory comment about Bible believers, but since her visit to Sweet Home something had changed inside of her and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
“Nothing.” She smiled, dismissing the comment. This was not like her at all.
Ashley had enjoyed every minute of her day shadowing Madeleine. They went out to watch a photo shoot featuring gowns from a fabulous new European fashion designer. The job was everything she had imagined it would be and more. The models were all drop-dead gorgeous, well over six feet tall, with flawless skin and fabulous facial features. The outfits were breathtaking. At first she was worried she wouldn't fit in, but Madeleine was kind and friendly. She showed Ashley where to stand to ensure they didn't get in anyone’s way, and what to look out for in terms of detail and what the readers would want to hear about.
They decided to head out for lunch. They found a cozy little cafe on the corner and ordered lunch.
“I’m starving!” Madeleine announced after the waitress took their order and left. “The worst thing about being pregnant is I’m always hungry but because my stomach is so squished I can never eat much. I feel like I’m eating and starving at the same time, all the time!” She laughed. “Have you got any kids, Ashley?”
“Me? No. No kids for me,” Ashley said. “I have two nieces and a nephew though. They’re so awesome. They live over in Oregon, so I don’t get to spend much time with them.”
She pulled out her phone and flicked through the photos to show Madeleine a photo of herself with Meika, Coco, and Harley. She had missed them this week.
“Oh, they’re adorable. It must be hard living so far away from them. You never wanted to be a mom?”
“Yeah, I did, when I was younger. My partner works a lot, long hours and we don’t feel like having children would be a responsible decision. For us,” Ashley added, to make sure Madeleine didn’t get the wrong idea and think that Ashley thought no one should have children.
“Where does your partner work?” Madeleine asked.
Their food arrived. Madeleine had an open gourmet chicken burger and Ashley had opted for pasta primavera.
Madeleine bowed her head, closed her eyes and whispered inaudibly, then looked up as if nothing had happened.
Did she just pray?
“Sorry, where does he work?” She popped a fry into her mouth.
“He’s an attorney at Cole, Irving and Paxton.”
“The law firm?”
“Yes.” Ashley nodded.
“Wow, that’s awesome.” She took a bite of her burger, moaning in satisfaction.
“Yeah, he’s actually going to be announced as a partner tomorrow night at the Business Awards Dinner.”
“That is so cool. I’ve always wanted to go to one of those Dinners. I should say ‘ball’. It’s more of a ball, isn’t it? Well, dinner and a ball. Unfortunately my husband’s not quite up there with the big guns.” Madeleine smiled.
“Oh, what does he do?” Ashley asked, intrigued.
“He’s an engineer actually. In the army.”
That did sound interesting.
“He specialises in electrical warfare. It’s all very technical and complicated.” Madeleine laughed. “I have no idea what he’s talking about most of the time but he loves it. I mean, really loves it.”
“So does he work here? In the city?” Ashley asked, devouring her pasta which was delicious and satisfying.
“Sometimes. He’s spent a lot of time overseas, and around the country—he’s back now, but I was a bit worried for a while that he wouldn’t be here for the baby’s birth.” Madeleine smiled and rubbed her belly.
“Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?” Ashley asked.
Madeleine shook her head. “Whatever God chooses to bless us with. We waited for so long to become pregnant—that was a nightmare in itself. I won't go into detail but it was tough on us. We’ve been married for eleven years and we started trying right from the get-go. After I did finally become pregnant we thought we had waited so long for this baby, that we could wait to find out if it was a boy or a girl.”
She wouldn't have picked Madeleine for a religious person—she seemed too smart, and non-judgemental and, well, normal.
“So you believe in God?” Ashley asked, out of polite interest.
Madeleine nodded as she hurried to swallow the mouthful of food she had been chewing on. “Yes, I do. I didn’t until I met Chris. He invited me along to church and I went along to be polite—you know what it’s like when you’re first dating. You take an interest in everything your partner likes. Well, his church totally blew my mind. It was nothing like I thought it would be. We still go to church here in the city, and seriously, it’s insane. It’s like going to a massive music concert—lights, fog machines, and music I would actually listen to. The pastor doesn’t even look like a pastor—he’s cool. We love it. They have something like five thousand people at the services and they run the services back–to-back on Sundays. Are you a Christian?”
“Me? No, I’d be too afraid to step foot in a church—God would probably strike me down.” Ashley laughed.
“But you do believe in God.” Madeleine said. “You said God would strike you down.”
“I don’t know what I believe, to tell you the truth,” Ashley admitted. “I would like to believe in God, but most Christians I’ve met have been hypocrites. I don’t think anyone could be perfect enough to consider themselves a real Christian.”
“That’s interesting.” Madeleine raised her eyebrows and Ashley looked confused. “I don’t think it’s fair to base your belief in God on how people act. I mean, sure, there are a lot of Christians who are hypocrites, but there are also a lot of non-Christians who are hypocrites. That’s just what people are like in general. Do you think you need to be perfect in order to be saved?”
Ashley shrugged. “I think you have to try, at least.”
“I agree. I think we should all try to be Christ-like, which means loving, forgiving, accepting, caring—but we’re only human and of course we are going to fail—miserably! No one is perfect. But we are saved by God’s grace, not by our works or deeds. God sees our hearts and he knows we stuff up, myself especially, but he loves me regardless. And he loves you, too.”
Those words pierced straight in Ashley’s heart and she could feel herself begin to sweat.
Surely God couldn’t love someone like her. Not after she had refused to acknowledge Him in her life.
This conversation was making her feel uncomfortable and she could feel the knots forming in her stomach. She had to change the subject.
“How long is your maternity leave? When do you think you'll return to your job?”
“Why? Do you want it?” Madeleine grinned.
Ashley hoped she hadn’t given Madeleine the wrong idea. That position was Ashley’s dream job, but she would never want to steal it out from under someone else.
“I don't know if I want to return yet,” Madeleine said. “Chris wants to move out of the city. He grew up on a farm, so he’s always wanted a little patch of land somewhere where we could live the quiet life, raise a family.”
“Sounds like a big change from the city. Wouldn’t you miss it here?” Ashley asked as she finished the last of her lunch.
“Not really. Don't get me wrong. I love it here—and I couldn’t ask for a better job—but after a while you get sick of the plastic people and the fakeness. I mean, there are a lot of beautiful, genuine people here whom I love and adore, but it all gets a bit repetitive after a while—fashion changes all the time but people’s insatiable appetite for materialistic things never changes. It gets to me. It’s like no one is ever satisfied. They always want more, more, more—I’m sure you'll figure that out soon. If we moved away, I’d be with the ones I love and who mean the most to me. That’s all that matters, really. Whether we’re here, on a farm, or in another country
, so long as we’re together, I’ll be a happy woman.”
Ashley couldn't help but smile at Madeline’s contentment. These days, it was unusual to see a couple who had been married for more than three years and who were still happily in love with one another. She couldn’t help but envy Madeleine in a small way.
As they headed back to the office they passed several small cafes. Ashley stopped as she recognised Tania in one of the eateries. Tania was sitting by the bar, chatting with another girl who had long brown hair. Her back was towards Ashley so she couldn’t see if it was someone she knew. They were laughing hysterically at something and looked to be enjoying themselves.
Ashley waved, trying to get Tania’s attention. She did. Tania looked over and appeared to be embarrassed, much to Ashley’s confusion. It wasn’t until the other girl turned around that she knew why.
It was Stephanie.
Ashley forced a smile and gave a quick wave then turned and walked away. Why had Tania lied to Ashley about her relationship with Stephanie? It didn’t make sense and she couldn't help but feel the sting of betrayal. Tania could be friends with whoever she wanted. she didn't have to lie about it. Unless she had an ulterior motive. Ashley tried to shake the feeling that maybe Tania and Stephanie had been plotting against Ashley this past week. She refused to entertain the thought.
She remembered something her mother had told her when she was younger—If someone is willing to gossip about another friend to you behind their back, then they will be willing to gossip about you behind your back too.