***
“The counselor will be here in a few minutes. Go put something decent on,” Jason instructed as he cooked dinner.
“No,” I snapped. “So, you can poison my food when I leave.”
“Trust me, if I wanted to put poison in your food, I did it already,” he grinned.
“Clever.” I pushed my chair back and went to the bedroom. It seemed as if Jason went shopping for me, because there was a new silk sleeveless dress in the closet. I squeezed into the dress, stared at myself in the mirror, and did not recognize myself. I had long dirty hair that had a permanent part on the side. I had red bags under my eyes as if I cried for weeks. My whole body was skinny and frail; just a huge baby bump made my body look awkward—almost alien like.
I leaned in closer to the mirror, mesmerizing my terrible skin. My skin always looked its best, but these days it was horrible. No makeup could cover up the dullness in my skin tone. I traced my fingers over a bump shaped like a scar that was over my right arched eyebrows.
“Can’t be,” I whispered as I pushed on it. I combed back the hair that flowed down the left side of my face and there was another bump. I pushed on both of them, trying to see what they were. I did not remember falling and how odd would bumps in that place be—like formed horns.
“Lily!” Jason shouted.
“I’m coming.” As I walked to the dining room, I could hear Jason talking to Kristen, our marriage counselor.
“She is acting difficult again. The meds aren’t working,” I overheard Jason say. “She needs a higher dose or something. Honestly, I don’t even think she’s taking them.”
“Really?” I walked into the dining room and sat at the table with them. “I have been taking my medication accurately. I think I am strong enough to live without them though. I won’t let a disorder control my life.”
“But, it had been controlling your life since you were a child,” Jason snapped. “What makes you think you will be capable of controlling your disorder now?”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m taking them now. No hospital visits, no voices in my head…nothing unusual,” I smiled. “But, I wouldn’t need the pills. I can control my own life.”
“Well, I disagree. I have known people with schizophrenia and without their meds they are on the crazy side—as you had been a few months ago.”
“Well, like I said Mr. Lawson, I didn’t know much about my disorder then, so it had full control of me. I won’t let something take that part of me again. If anything it’s encouraging me to do something more,” I said.
“To do what, Mrs. Lawson?” Jason said.
“Hmm, oh nothing.”
“I would love to see what that is. But, you will stay on your meds right? I wouldn’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”
“Oh trust me, I wouldn’t risk my life. I’ll be on meds forever, if it means my safety.”
Kristen cleared her throat. “I’m glad to see you up and awake, Lily.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“See,” Jason pointed at me, “just difficult.”
“Rude, not difficult,” Kristen said.
“Listen Kristen, you’re in my house and you’re not welcomed here,” I said.
“No Kris, you’re very welcomed here.” Jason smiled and handed her a plate of food.
“She’s not helping our relationship,” I said. “What is the point of her?”
“Well, it takes time, Lily,” Kristen said.
“You should just leave,” I said.
“I think you should take more of your meds because you’re acting like a bitch! And you can’t blame your pregnancy hormones,” Jason rolled his eyes. “You need bitch meds!”
“Excuse me?” I said. “That was very rude of you.”
Kristen began to breathe heavy as she dug around her handbag. “I don’t feel welcomed here,” she muttered. “I should leave.”
“I’m sorry if Lily is being terrible—”
“No, it’s something else. I feel an evil vibe in this house. And it’s not just coming from Lily, it's coming from you too.”
“Evil?” Jason laughed. “What does that mean?”
She began to hyperventilate and stood up over the table. “I don’t mean to turn holy on you but I will pray for you, Jason, and your foolish wife. She needs God! You both need God!” Kristen ran to the front door.
I touched the hard bumps on my forehead as her eyes narrowed. “You should just leave, Kristen.”
“Bye,” Kristen said and ran outside to her car.
Jason closed the front door. “Why can’t you just be normal?” Jason said as he looked out the window. “Kristen was our only hope.”
“It doesn’t really matter what happens, right?”
“What are you talking about now?”
“Sure you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“You know what? You were better when you were on drugs! You talked less! You play these stupid mind games…it drives me crazy!” he snapped.
“That’s good then,” I said. My plan is working.
I was gaining control now. No one had seen this side of me before—not even me. There was no more hyperventilating because I wasn’t afraid of anyone anymore. There were no more stones in my heart because I had no guilt. I had no more Jason pushing me around like a child. I knew all his tricks and ideas; he may have written the book but I wrote the sequel and I was not going to give up until it was done.