Chapter 15 | Abused
Jason’s plan: to make Lily look crazier in front of people.
My Plan: keep my sanity.
While soaking in the tub, I closed my eyes and let my mind wonder away from reality. Sometimes I wished my life were a movie that I—
My phone rang breaking my thoughts—it was Ana again. She was annoying me by always being around me. If it was not at my house begging for forgiveness, she was calling my phone every hour. She said she was trying to help, but geez I needed breathing room.
“What?” I answered, fearing I would drop the phone in the tub.
“So, do you know what it is going to be?” she said.
“Yeah, a boy.”
“Cool, any names in mind?”
“Not yet. I’m not focused on that now.”
“Why not? You should be.”
“I have bigger things to handle at this moment.”
“Like what? What’s so important these days beside your new son? Ooh, can I plan the baby shower?”
“Gag, I'm not having a baby shower.”
“Why not?”
“Well—” My heart jumped when Jason walked into the bathroom—he caught me off guard—I thought I was home alone. I hadn’t had that feeling of fear in a while—I didn’t like that feeling—I felt sick. “Um, I got to go, bye,” I hung up the phone before Ana could say anymore.
Jason stared at my every move in bewilderment. My lip quivered a bit because I felt out of control. I was not going to let him be in control again—no way!
“What?” I said.
“Nothing,” he whispered with a raspy voice and the smell of hard liquor filled the bathroom. He walked over to my blow dryer and imitated me in the mirror. Months ago, I would have found that hilarious, but these days nothing was humorous. I kept my eyes on his every move—trying not to lose control. I thought about getting out the tub but I decided not to.
He looked over at me and walked over with the dryer. He stood over the tub and turned the blow dryer on. My body tensed up—I had lost complete control—it was over.
“You know what would suck, Lily,” he paused, “if I accidentally dropped this dryer in the tub. Yeah, that would end everything. I would not have to worry about anything. Yup, I wouldn’t worry how to take care of baby Simon when you’re gone or worry that you’ll come after me with that tortured mind of yours. Yeah, that would basically suck,” he yawned as if he were bored.
“But you don’t have the guts to do it, you stupid drunk; because you would go to prison,” I said.
“Really? I never thought of that. But, what makes you think that if you kill me you wouldn’t go to prison?” he said.
“Well, it wouldn’t matter, as long as I’m alive, right?”
“Not true. You wouldn’t last in prison. You'll be someones bitch.”
“It would be self-defense for me. You can’t say that though. A little lady with a soft voice like me can’t possibly harm you, right? I mean, look at me...I'm so petite and feminine.”
“True,” Jason began to laugh. “Very true.”
“You know it’s tempting to drop the dryer in the tub,” he said.
“But you’re right—”
“I knew it—”
“No, I would never have the guts to do it. I actually have a conscious unlike you, Lily. But don’t worry, baby, I’m going to get you help if it’s the last thing I do.”
“I don’t need help! You’re the one who needs help. You started this first.”
“Whatever, I’m not even going to argue with you.” He stepped back and put the blow dryer on the sink. “I’m just saying that it would suck if I accidentally did that,” he laughed as he walked out the bathroom, humming a Micheal Jackson song.
Why did he not do it? He could have killed me. Is he trying to make me go crazier than what I already am? Does he really want to battle with me? Am I capable of murder or am I just overly confident?
Yeah, he was a lot stronger than I was, and bigger, but was he smarter? The only way I could get even with him was if he was sick or something, maybe even disabled…
I hurried to get out the tub before he could come back after me. I hid the blow dryer in the back closet and hurried to dry off. As I wiped my face dry, I noticed the bumps above my eyebrows, which were more vivid now. I slammed my fist into them, trying to crush them down—it didn’t work. Then, I tried to pop them as if they were pimples. I gave up after a minute and noticed the sclera of my right eye was red. None of my abnormalities seemed to hurt—they were just odd.
The next day, the only thing on my mind was Jason. I looked outside the window from the kitchen and Jason was talking to my “nurse.” More like flirting with his nurse. She had nothing special going on, just an average blonde with long legs. That nurse was always around these days and I began to get suspicious every time they were alone. She always wanted to cook lunch for me, or clean my room. I knew what she was up to—she was part of Jason’s plan. She would probably poison me if I allowed her to cook or clean for me. Even worse, she would probably suffocate me with a pillow. Or, she was probably his alibi or something. She would be his proof that I was insane.
“Jason!” I yelled from the window.
He grunted and took a few steps closer to the window. “What?”
“The baby is kicking.”
“So?” he rolled his eyes. “What do you want me to do?”
“To come here.”
“Lily, you have to wait. Don’t you see I’m busy?” Him and the nurse went across the long street and knocked on our only neighbor’s door.
I walked into the living room and sat on the couch—I flipped through the channels. There was a biography about me on. I turned up the volume loud blocking out my own voice in my head.
The biography was raw. It showed all the crap I never wanted to remember. When Kathy’s face showed up on the screen, I had appalling thoughts. The biography showed how in the beginning of my career she supported me throughout everything good and bad. Maybe her illness really made her a horrible mom. Or maybe not, I changed my thought realizing I was ill like her too.
“Kathy,” I muttered. “What happened to us?” I realized I was crying when a tear fell on my belly. But, I hate that old bat! I slammed my fist on my head, trying to block out the image of Kathy’s face—it did not work.
While holding my breath, I walked to the mirror in the hallway—both eyes were now a staggering red. Who am I? I did not see me in the mirror, I saw someone else—someone more evil—someone with more power than me. Jason does want to kill me, right? Why do I doubt myself…of course he does. As I cried, I stumbled over to the telephone to dial Paul’s number. He did not answer, so I left a message.
“Paul do you believe in the devil? I don’t know much about him or her but I heard he or her comes in all forms—what if he’s in me? I think I am—”
“Lily?” Paul answered. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re not the devil. That’s worst than someone saying they’re God.”
“You should see me, Paul. I look horrible. I look like I’m turning fifty and my eyes are so red and I have these bumps that are getting bigger every day. They are like horns or something,” I cried.
Paul stayed silent.
“Paul, are you listening to me?” I said.
“You’re nuts,” he whispered.
“Huh?”
“Lily, get help,” he said and hung up on me.
I slammed the phone down and began to cry again. I screamed at the top of my lungs and took my anger out on the couch. My toenail snapped off as I kicked the couch leg and I fell to the floor in agony. The baby began to kick and I smashed my fist into my side ribcage—making him stop.
I listened as Jason and the nurse ran inside the house. I could hear them searching for me, and when I looked up they stood over me.
“Lily, is everything alright?” the nurse said. “I’m Kelly, and I will help you—”
“Don’t I look horrib
le?” I cried as sweat poured down my face. “I look evil!”
Jason grabbed my arms to pull me to stand up. “You look fine.”
“Just leave me alone,” I said as a shock of pain hit me again. “It’s so hot!”
“Come on, we need to go to the doctor,” Kelly said as she grabbed my hands.
“Okay, I’ll get her stuff,” Jason said as he ran to the room.
“I don’t need to go to the doctor,” I said.
“Have you been harming yourself?” Kelly ran her warm fingers over my forehead. “What have you been doing to yourself? Have you gotten stitches in the last month?”
“I’m not hurting myself. Those are horns growing out my skull!”
Kelly’s eyes narrowed as she pushed on the bumps. “Lily, it looks more like you were banging your head or a deep soft cut. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
“I have not been harming myself. I would remember.”
“Then, what the hell is wrong with you?” Jason said as he headed out the door. “It looks like you had stitches.”
“I haven’t had stitches.”
Kelly and Jason forced me to go to the doctor. I felt out of control again as she held me down in the backseat. I felt like a kidnapped child. I was useless—vulnerable and alone. As I waited in the doctor’s office, I overheard Jason and Kelly talking to someone about me trying to harm myself. I think Jason had a new plan—to put me away for good, but what would that get him?
“Hmm, I don’t see anything strange,” said the doctor as he touched my forehead. “Her head looks fine. Are you sure you had bumps there?”
“I swear, doctor, they were huge!” I said. “And my eyes...look at my eyes. They are so red. And my skin is so ugly.”
“Everything looks normal to me. You just have some cuts on your forehead as if you were scratching too hard,” Dr. Summings said. “But, they are healing.”
I stood up and looked into the mirror. I looked how I looked before my birthday—I looked beautiful. “That’s odd. I'm glowing.”
Dr. Summings laughed. “You have that pregnancy glow!”
“But, something is wrong,” I said.
“Don’t mind her, doc, she is just ill,” Jason said.
“I’m not ill, so stop telling people that, you dumb—”
“You have been taking your medication, right? You’re probably having some hallucinations,” Dr. Summings said.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Is our baby okay?” Jason said.
“He’s fine; I’m just worried about Lily as of now. The baby will be out in no time.”
“Are we done?” I snapped. “I really want to leave.”
“Yes, we really have to go,” Jason said as he sensed my anger. “She needs rest.”
“Of course!” the doctor said. “Well, I’ll see you guys in a matter of days when that baby is born.”
As we walked out the doctor’s office, Jason tried to grab my hand but I began to speed walk. “Lily you’re gonna fall,” he said.
“And you would love to see that,” I said.
“No, why would I?”
“I know your new plan, Jason. I’m so on to you.”
Jason rolled his eyes, not bothering to reply. His eyes narrowed as he searched for his car. “Lily, just calm down, okay.” He started the car and waited for me to get in. “Hurry up, Lily.”
“I can take my time,” I said as I got into the car. I stared at him as his eyebrows curved over his eyes. “Jason, can I ask you something?”
“What?” he snapped as he turned the car on.
“Before we came to the doctor’s office, how did I look? Were my eyes red and did I have bumps on my forehead?”
“I don't know,” he muttered.
“Please tell me!”
“I really don’t know.”
“Do you think what Kristen said is real?”
“About what?”
“About the evil around us.”
“Honestly, I think some people are more attracted to evil than others.”