Chapter Fourteen
It is still my sentry when the group gathers around the dome half an hour later so I have the advantage of standing just outside of the group and occasionally walking around the dome making sure everything is in order. This suits me perfectly, even if Linton joins me some of the time. There is an overall feeling of reluctance, no one wants to begin and any closeness that has been forged up until this point seems to have withered and died. Even Mickael and Gerla keep their distance from each other sitting at opposite ends of the circle. Any coupling can be looked upon as suspicious. Mayther helps Isabella up from below and Linton can’t keep his eyes from her for longer than two minutes.
Tomas clears his throat and looks briefly at everyone in the circle before beginning.
“I’m from ‘F’ and I have no siblings. My parents died when I was ten and I lived in our house on my own. I was the second eldest in my commune up until five months ago. I like sketching and I know a bit about healing, both I learnt from my parents”, Tomas says clearly and concisely, setting an example for the rest of the group.
I’m not sure if this type of information will be enough to stop the suspicion that has weaved its way through the group, but it doesn’t seem too invasive to give the type of details Tomas did. I relax a little at this thought.
“I’m from ‘A’ and have a brother and sister left, my older sister died last year, she was sixteen and a half. We live with the three kids from next door, one of them is deaf so I know how to do a bit of sign language”, Mayther stops here and makes a series of deliberate signals with his hands and fingers as he moves his mouth in a mime of what he is communicating.
“That was ‘we are stuck on this ship but the fishing is good so that’s okay’”, he finishes with a smile.
This contribution brings smiles to a few faces and the tense atmosphere relaxes a little.
“My real name’s Gerlatana but my parents always called me Gerla and it stuck. I’m from ‘D’ and I have two younger brothers. We used to live with cousins but that didn’t work out so we live on our own, or did until I became a ‘volunteer’, now Anthony and Francisco are living with our neighbours until I get back. Francisco fell out of a tree when he was four and broke his leg, it wasn’t set properly so now he has a limp but he is the best yabby catcher in our commune”, Gerla says as she looks straight ahead.
There are tears in her eyes and it is clear she misses her brothers a lot. I wonder when her parents died and how long she has been the eldest in her commune but don’t want to ask. The last thing I want to do is open this sharing time up as a discussion, who knows what I will be asked.
It falls silent for a bit after that and I take the opportunity to walk around the dome. Tomas makes to stand up and do his part of the rounds but I motion for him to stay, indicating that I’d do it for him. It’s important for him to stay for the whole sharing thing, it was his idea in the first place, but I also want a break to figure out exactly what I am going to say. I hate talking about my business to anyone, let alone a whole group of people, but to refuse will be like screaming from the rooftops that I am a spy.
I make my way around the dome quickly and do the rounds in record time. I want to hear what the others have to say. I never would have thought I’d be at all interested in the lives of the rest of the ‘volunteers’ when I started this voyage, maybe it is being trapped at sea, my brain seeking stimulation in whatever form it is offered.
When I get back to the group Linton is in the middle of his turn, of all the people here he is the one who I don’t care about missing information on.
“…my last brother died as a baby and now I live with the five kids next door, none of us are related”, Linton ends.
It sounds like the ending to a sad story but he holds himself as if daring anyone to judge him. I wonder what it is exactly that he says to everyone who seems to look everywhere except at him. Silence falls over the group again and I work my way up to breaking it with my life story when Max gets in before me.
“I’m from ‘G’, I have one sister, Pia and our parents died when I was three. We’ve lived with different people over the years, mostly a girl and her brothers and sisters next door called Sadie. Pia’s really good at hunting and fishing so we get a bit of meat to share at home. I wasn’t a volunteer for this quest, but I didn’t want to be left behind when Pia left. I feel really lucky to be here and going to The Refuge where I hope we’ll be able to find a safe place for everyone to live”, he relates clearly.
I’m surprised at Max’s version of our story. I never thought of him as having a separate story to me but the way he describes us is so different to what I would have said. I like how he said that he didn’t want to be left behind, I distinctly remember the conversation we had when I saw the announcement about the Quest and it was me who repeatedly argued that I would not leave him behind and if he wasn’t allowed to come then I wouldn’t go. His version makes me sound less crazy, he didn’t mention the scene in the communication office to start with and he made it sound like it all came from him. I smile at Max, I’m relieved and proud. He is the first one to bring it all back to why we’re here, The Refuge and finding a safe place, an honourable reason and reason enough to stop all this craziness. The others seem to agree because there is a general straightening of shoulders, a sense of purpose and a clear vision as to where we are headed. A common goal is the key to bringing us together again and leaving the destructive suspicion behind. I am aware that ironically I was the one who introduced the problem and my brother the one who introduces the solution, what a team we made.
“I’m an only child and I come from ‘E’, my mother didn’t die of the Sickness, she died giving birth to me because she was too young. My dad didn’t want to hang around after that so I lived with my aunty who was ten when I was born. She died a while ago and I’ve been living with different groups of kids from my commune ever since”, Merva says with much the same tone about her as Linton when he told the group his story.
After my sickness I assumed she had a mother who doted over her because she seemed to take on a motherly type of air, fussing over small details like the position of my blankets. Maybe it was her aunty who modelled that behaviour, although I doubted that she could have lived past Merva’s sixth or seventh birthday. Merva’s story isn’t that uncommon really, there are whispers about women dying in childbirth all through the communes, it happens when children give birth to children. It’s one of the reasons many people don’t know if they are actually related to their ‘siblings’. When parents died so young their kids moved in with kids of all ages from the time they were too young to remember, so the orphans from one street may grow up together and whether they’re related or not becomes unimportant. But the part where her dad left is pretty sad, usually people have such respect for the hope a new baby brings, especially in our parents generation when the ‘breed out the Sickness’ mentality started. I wonder if Merva is as reluctant to tell the group her business as I am to tell mine. It definitely makes me look at her differently.
“Well, I’m from ‘I’ and I’ve been the oldest in my commune for six months. I’ve got two younger sisters; we’re all just fifteen months apart, like Merva my mum died when my younger sister was born. We live by ourselves and do well with rations because hunting is really good in my commune and my sister Portia grows vegies in our back yard. She’s really good at collecting the seeds of wild plants and stuff; we trade a lot of the stuff with a few of our neighbours. We’ve been trying to get one of our neighbours to trade their goat but all the meat, skins and vegies we offer aren’t good enough. What I wouldn’t give for some of that goat’s cheese right now…” Mickael stops here and rubs his stomach and licks his lips, groaning in pleasure as if he is enjoying a wedge of the cheese right at that moment.
Laughter rumbles around the group and the mood lifts again. I have to give it to Tomas, I was skeptical at first after hearing his contribution but this little idea of his is working wonders, ever
yone is far more relaxed and honestly interested in the lives of everyone around them. I can’t sense any suspicion amongst any of them. Even I can’t imagine any of these people stabbing me in the back anymore. Although, I am yet to hear Renka’s story, I doubt he can say anything that will soften my attitude towards him.
I decide I better say something so I’m not the last one, there are only Diego, Vonteuse, Renka, Isabella and I left. I’m not sure if any of them spoke when I did the rounds so I could be closer to the end than I think, I hope I didn’t miss Renka. I straighten up and clear my throat to begin and all eyes turn to me.
“I’m from ‘G’, like Max of course. You already know most of it from what Max told you, except he didn’t mention that he was great at gathering anything edible in the bush around our commune, he knew what was poisonous and what we could safely eat from the time he was four. I hope The Refuge has similar foods around it because Max will be priceless if it does”, I say staring at Max the whole time.
I didn’t plan on saying any of that but it seemed like the right thing to say. The rest would have been repeating Max.
“And you’ve been the oldest in all the communes for a year now, you threatened to take your own life to keep Max with you and you have survived a really bad dose of the Sickness which is unheard of”, Mayther adds smiling to take any offence out of his finishing off my own story.
Everyone continues to stare at me as if I am a puzzle for them to solve. I feel my cheeks flame red and curse Mayther for having a mouth to form words with and Tomas for coming up with this stupid idea in the first place. I should have just kept my mouth closed and let them shoot each other, at least then I wouldn’t have to face the embarrassment of being on show like some sort of freak.
“Mm, yeah and that”, I mumble looking at my hands.
Vonteuse takes pity on me after what seems like a few hours of silence, recognising my very obvious discomfort and starts in on his story, capturing the attention of the others. I don’t hear a thing he says, instead I count to one hundred as slowly as I can so it don’t look like I’m running away and stand up to do the rounds again.
I am furious and my stride doesn’t hide the fact. I march around the dome taking no notice of anything and go straight past the transports and cylinders to the back of the ship to start the rounds there. I am on the port side of the cylinders heading towards the front of the ship when I hear footsteps following me and I guess it’s either Max or Tomas. Not in the mood to talk to either of them I pretend I don’t hear them and walk faster to get some distance between us. This has the opposite effect, the footsteps quicken to match mine so instead of taking part in a stupid game of chase I stop suddenly and turn to give whoever it is a mouthful. To my utter surprise the person following isn’t Max or Tomas, it is Renka. I am shocked into silence for a few seconds, which gives him time to catch up.
“Thanks, any excuse to get out of that nightmare. Your duty’s over, it’s my turn, you can go back”, Renka says with a heaving chest.
So he isn’t here out of any concern for me, I’m not surprised really but I feel a pang of sadness that no one bothered to see if I was all right. Maybe I did a good job of covering up my discomfort, or maybe they all think I am stupid to care about Mayther putting me on the spot like that, I probably am. Either way I am not about to walk back there and join the group so they can all stare at the spectacle I’ve become.
“That’s not happening, I can do the rounds, you go back and do the dome”, I say and turn away from him continuing on my angry stride.
“What couldn’t handle the attention back there? You better get used to it if you want the others to know about your immunity”, Renka calls out scornfully.
“Unlike you, Renka I’m not that self-absorbed, everyone should know what they’re about to put their life at risk for, despite what it will mean for me personally”, I spit at him.
He found me at the wrong time, I am furious and on some level glad it’s Renka who is going to get the brunt of it and not Tomas or Max. Of course I’m not exactly telling the truth, I am self-absorbed enough to worry about what telling everyone will mean for me personally, my own private hell is what it will mean. I will have to separate myself from the others, I couldn’t stand being wrapped up in cottonwool by them and that will be exactly what would happen.
“Oh really, it didn’t look like you were that unconcerned about Mayther’s comments back there, imagine how much worse it will be, I’d be surprised if they even let you up on deck, you might catch a chill and then where would we be?” Renka states mockingly with a smile on his face.
“What’s it to you, Renka, I know you’re not so worried about what I will feel if they’re told, what are you trying to hide or protect?” I turn it back on him; he’s trying too hard to rile me into keeping quiet.
He keeps his face passive at my question but he can’t hide the look in his eyes, I’m sure I see a flash of fear before he turns away and takes up the rounds. I’m not going to let him get away that easily so I follow him, happy that the goading has turned to him.
“It must really kill you that you have no control over me, Renka, I can see that you have been in Max’s ear but I’m his sister and he will listen to me over you any day. I’m telling everyone because they need to know and if you lose the respect you seem to think you have with them then that’s bad luck”, I call to his back.
“Have you even thought of the implications of what Fiona has done? Do you have any idea who she was working with or are you too busy thinking about what’s right and wrong by your narrow view of things?” Renka turns to argue angrily.
He has me there, I intended on talking to him about who he thought could be after the dome but he caught me off guard and goaded me into an argument. Even though it offends me he is right about my limited knowledge, all I know is from him, I have no one to reference it with or any physical evidence to support what he says. The truth is I need him to clear some things up about all that has happened. I’m not sure if the knowledge is worth the dignity I lose relying on Renka for anything though.
“And you know who she’s working with do you?” I throw back in his face, a way of asking without having to change the tone of the discussion.
“As a matter of fact I have an idea”.
He isn’t going to make this easier on me and I hate him for it. I am about to stomp back to the others when he surprises me and offers the information.
“I think it’s the Pro-Sickness campaigners, they’re the only ones I can think of who wouldn’t want this quest to The Refuge to go ahead and no one really knows where they went when they were pushed out”, Renka says thoughtfully.
It makes sense, but how could the Pro-Sickness campaigners have involved Fiona, were there still sympathisers in her commune? It is hard to understand that anyone who witnessed the death of so many people would go to such an extent as Fiona did. Something didn’t sit right with this theory, if they just wanted to stop the quest why didn’t they do it from the beginning? We’ve been on the ship for over two months. Why are they targeting the dome? Fiona’s guess when we were fishing ran through my mind, I haven’t told Renka about that, it seems unlikely that it was a guess in light of what has happened since then.
“Fiona guessed what was in the dome. When I was fishing with her, she and Mayther were coming up with theories about what was in the dome and she guessed right, maybe it wasn’t a guess, maybe she knew all along”, I tell Renka.
I look into his face and see that he isn’t a surprise. He doesn’t look shocked or worried enough. He looks resolved or something. He must have known about this, something else he kept from me, what else isn’t he telling?
“You knew. What else do you know, Renka? Do you know how to get in the dome? How many people Fiona is working with? If anyone else on board is one of them? How much have you kept to yourself?” I yell angrily.
Before Renka can form a response we are thrown up into the air by a blast that is so loud I feel my ear explo
de in pain.