CHAPTER ix. -- A DECLARATION.
Cecilia's next progress, therefore, was to St James's-square, whithershe went in the utmost anxiety, from her uncertainty of the receptionwith which her proposal would meet.
The servants informed her that Mr and Mrs Delvile were at breakfast, andthat the Duke of Derwent and his two daughters were with them.
Before such witnesses to relate the reasons of her leaving the Harmlesswas impossible; and from such a party to send for Mrs Delvile, would,by her stately guardian, be deemed an indecorum unpardonable. She wasobliged, therefore, to return to Portman-square, in order to open hercause in a letter to Mrs Delvile.
Mr Arnott, flying instantly to meet her, called out, "O madam, whatalarm has your absence occasioned! My sister believed she should see youno more, Mr Harrel feared a premature discovery of his purposed retreat,and we have all been under the cruellest apprehensions lest you meantnot to come back."
"I am sorry I spoke not with you before I went out," said Cecilia,accompanying him to the library, "but I thought you were all too muchoccupied to miss me. I have been, indeed, preparing for a removal, butI meant not to leave your sister without bidding her adieu, nor, indeed,to quit any part of the family with so little ceremony. Is Mr Harrelstill firm to his last plan?"
"I fear so! I have tried what is possible to dissuade him, and mypoor sister has wept without ceasing. Indeed, if she will take noconsolation, I believe I shall do what she pleases, for I cannot bearthe sight of her in such distress."
"You are too generous, and too good!" said Cecilia, "and I know not how,while flying from danger myself, to forbear counselling you to avoid italso."
"Ah madam!" cried he, "the greatest danger for me is what I have now nopower to run from!"
Cecilia, though she could not but understand him, felt not the less hisfriend for knowing him the humblest of her admirers; and as she sawthe threatening ruin to which his too great tenderness exposed him, shekindly said "Mr Arnott, I will speak, to you without reserve. It is notdifficult to see that the destruction which awaits Mr Harrel, is readyalso to ensnare his brother-in-law; but let not that blindness to thefuture which we have so often lamented for him, hereafter be lamentedfor yourself. Till his present connections are broken, and his way ofliving is changed, nothing can be done for him, and whatever you were toadvance, would merely be sunk at the gaming table. Reserve, therefore,your liberality till it may indeed be of service to him, for believe me,at present, his mind is as much injured as his fortune."
"And is it possible, madam," said Mr Arnott, in an accent of surprizeand delight, "that you can deign to be interested in what may become ofme! and that my sharing or escaping the ruin of this house is not whollyindifferent to you?"
"Certainly not," answered Cecilia; "as the brother of my earliestfriend, I can never be insensible to your welfare."
"Ah madam!" cried he, "as her brother!--Oh that there were any othertie!--"
"Think a little," said Cecilia, preparing to quit the room, "of what Ihave mentioned, and, for your sister's sake, be firm now, if you wouldbe kind hereafter."
"I will be any and every thing," cried he, "that Miss Beverley willcommand."
Cecilia, fearful of any misinterpretation, then came back, and gravelysaid, "No, Sir, be ruled only by your own judgment; or, should myadvice have any weight with you, remember it is given from the mostdisinterested motives, and with no other view than that of securing yourpower to be of service to your sister."
"For that sister's sake, then, have the goodness to hear my situation,and honour me with further directions."
"You will make me fear to speak," said Cecilia, "if you give so muchconsequence to my opinion. I have seen, however, nothing in your conductI have ever wished changed, except too little attention to your owninterest and affairs."
"Ah!" cried he, "with what rapture should I hear those words, could Ibut imagine--"
"Come, come," said Cecilia, smiling, "no digression! You called me backto talk of your sister; if you change your subject, perhaps you may loseyour auditor."
"I would not, madam, for the world encroach upon your goodness; thefavour I have found has indeed always exceeded my expectations, as ithas always surpassed my desert; yet has it never blinded me to my ownunworthiness. Do not, then, fear to indulge me with your conversation;I shall draw from it no inference but of pity, and though pity from MissBeverley is the sweetest balm to my heart, it shall never seduce me tothe encouragement of higher hopes."
Cecilia had long had reason to expect such a declaration, yet sheheard it with unaffected concern, and looking at him with the utmostgentleness, said "Mr Arnott, your regard does me honour, and, were itsomewhat more rational, would give me pleasure; take, then, from itwhat is more than I wish or merit, and, while you preserve the rest, beassured it will be faithfully returned."
"Your rejection is so mild," cried he, "that I, who had no hope ofacceptance, find relief in having at last told my sufferings. CouldI but continue to see you every day, and to be blest with yourconversation, I think I should be happy, and I am sure I should begrateful."
"You are already," answered she, shaking her head, and moving towardsthe door, "infringing the conditions upon which our friendship is to befounded."
"Do not go, madam," he cried, "till I have done what you have justpromised to permit, acquainted you with my situation, and been honouredwith your advice. I must own to you, then, that L5000, which I had inthe stocks, as well as a considerable sum in a banker's hands, I haveparted with, as I now find for ever but I have no heart for refusal,nor would my sister at this moment be thus distressed, but that I havenothing more to give without I cut down my trees, or sell some farm,since all I was worth, except my landed property, is already gone. What,therefore, I can now do to save Mr Harrel from this desperate expeditionI know not."
"I am sorry," said Cecilia, "to speak with severity of one so nearlyconnected with you, yet, suffer me to ask, why should he be saved fromit at all? and what is there he can at present do better? Has not helong been threatened with every evil that is now arrived? have we notboth warned him, and have not the clamours of his creditors assailedhim? yet what has been the consequence? he has not submitted to thesmallest change in his way of life, he has not denied himself a singleindulgence, nor spared any expence, nor thought of any reformation.Luxury has followed luxury, and he has only grown fonder ofextravagance, as extravagance has become more dangerous. Till thepresent storm, therefore, blows over, leave him to his fate, and when acalm succeeds, I will myself, for the sake of Priscilla, aid you to savewhat is possible of the wreck."
"All you say, madam, is as wise as it is good, and now I am acquaintedwith your opinion, I will wholly new model myself upon it, and grow assteady against all attacks as hitherto I have been yielding."
Cecilia was then retiring; but again detaining her, he said "You spoke,madam, of a removal, and indeed it is high time you should quit thisscene; yet I hope you intend not to go till to-morrow, as Mr Harrel hasdeclared your leaving him sooner will be his destruction."
"Heaven forbid," said Cecilia, "for I mean to be gone with all the speedin my power."
"Mr Harrel," answered he, "did not explain himself; but I believe heapprehends your deserting his house at this critical time, will raisea suspicion of his own design of going abroad, and make his creditorsinterfere to prevent him."
"To what a wretched state," cried Cecilia, "has he reduced himself! Iwill not, however, be the voluntary instrument of his disgrace; and ifyou think my stay is so material to his security, I will continue heretill to-morrow morning."
Mr Arnott almost wept his thanks for this concession, and Cecilia, happyin making it to him instead of Mr Harrel, then went to her own room, andwrote the following letter to Mrs Delvile.
To the Hon. Mrs Delvile, St James's-square.
PORTMAN SQUARE, June 12.
DEAR MADAM,--I am willing to hope you have been rather surprised thatI have not sooner availed myself of the permission with w
hich youyesterday honoured me of spending this whole day with you, but,unfortunately for myself, I am prevented waiting upon you even for anypart of it. Do not, however, think me now ungrateful if I stay away, norto-morrow impertinent, if I venture to enquire whether that apartmentwhich you had once the goodness to appropriate to my use, may then againbe spared for me! The accidents which have prompted this strange requestwill, I trust, be sufficient apology for the liberty I take in makingit, when I have the honour to see you, and acquaint you what theyare.--I am, with the utmost respect, Dear Madam, your most obedienthumble servant, CECILIA BEVERLEY.
She would not have been thus concise, had not the caution of Mr Arnottmade her fear, in the present perilous situation of affairs, to trustthe secret of Mr Harrel to paper.
The following answer was returned her from Mrs Delvile;--
To Miss Beverley, Portman-square.
The accidents you mention are not, I hope, of a very serious nature,since I shall find difficulty insurmountable in trying to lament them,if they are productive of a lengthened visit from my dear Miss Beverleyto her Faithful humble servant, AUGUSTA DELVILE.
Cecilia, charmed with this note, could now no longer forbear lookingforward to brighter prospects, flattering herself that once under theroof of Mrs Delvile, she must necessarily be happy, let the engagementsor behaviour of her son be what they might.