CHAPTER x. -- A GAMESTER'S CONSCIENCE.
From this soothing prospect, Cecilia was presently disturbed by MrsHarrel's maid, who came to entreat she would hasten to her lady, whomshe feared was going into fits.
Cecilia flew to her immediately, and found her in the most violentaffliction. She used every kind effort in her power to quiet and consoleher, but it was not without the utmost difficulty she could sob out thecause of this fresh sorrow, which indeed was not trifling. Mr Harrel,she said, had told her he could not possibly raise money even for histravelling expences, without risking a discovery of his project, andbeing seized by his creditors; he had therefore charged her, throughher brother or her friend, to procure for him L3000, as less would notsuffice to maintain them while abroad, and he knew no method by whichhe could have any remittances without danger. And, when she hesitated inher compliance, he furiously accused her of having brought on all thisdistress by her negligence and want of management, and declared that ifshe did not get the money, she would only be served as she merited bystarving in a foreign gaol, which he swore would be the fate of themboth.
The horror and indignation with which Cecilia heard this account wereunspeakable. She saw evidently that she was again to be played upon byterror and distress, and the cautions and opinions of Mr Monckton nolonger appeared overstrained; one year's income was already demanded,the annuity and the country house might next be required; she rejoiced,however, that thus wisely forewarned, she was not liable to surprise,and she determined, be their entreaties or representations what theymight, to be immovably steady in her purpose of leaving them the nextmorning.
Yet she could not but grieve at suffering the whole burthen of thisclamorous imposition to fall upon the soft-hearted Mr Arnott, whoseinability to resist solicitation made him so unequal to sustaining itsweight; but when Mrs Harrel was again able to go on with her account,she heard, to her infinite surprise, that all application to her brotherhad proved fruitless. "He will not hear me," continued Mrs Harrel, "andhe never was deaf to me before! so now I have lost my only and lastresource, my brother himself gives me up, and there is no one else uponearth who will assist me!"
"With pleasure, with readiness, with joy," cried Cecilia, "should youfind assistance from me, were it to you alone it were given; but tosupply fuel for the very fire that is consuming you--no, no, my wholeheart is hardened against gaming and gamesters, and neither now nor everwill I suffer any consideration to soften me in their favour."
Mrs Harrel only answered by tears and lamentations; and Cecilia, whosejustice shut not out compassion, having now declared her purposedfirmness, again attempted to sooth her, entreating her not to give wayto such immoderate grief, since better prospects might arise fromthe very gloom now before her, and a short time spent in solitude andoeconomy, might enable her to return to her native land with recoveredhappiness.
"No, I shall never return!" cried she, weeping, "I shall die, I shallbreak my heart before I have been banished a month! Oh Miss Beverley,how happy are you! able to stay where you please,--rich,--rolling inwealth which you do not want,--of which had we but one year's incomeonly, all this misery would be over, and we might stay in our dear,dear, country!"
Cecilia, struck by a hint that so nearly bordered upon reproach,and offended by seeing the impossibility of ever doing enough, whileanything remained to be done, forbore not without difficulty enquiringwhat next was expected from her, and whether any part of her fortunemight be guarded, without giving room for some censure! but the deepaffliction of Mrs Harrel soon removed her resentment, and scarcelythinking her, while in a state of such wretchedness, answerable for whatshe said, after a little recollection, she mildly replied "As affluenceis all comparative, you may at present think I have more than my share;but the time is only this moment past, when your own situation seemed assubject to the envy of others as mine may be now. My future destiny isyet undetermined, and the occasion I may have for my fortune is unknownto myself; but whether I possess it in peace or in turbulence, whetherit proves to me a blessing or an injury, so long as I can call it myown, I shall always remember with alacrity the claim upon that and uponme which early friendship has so justly given Mrs Harrel. Yet permitme, at the same time, to add, that I do not hold myself so entirelyindependent as you may probably suppose me. I have not, it is true, anyRelations to call me to account, but respect for their memory suppliesthe place of their authority, and I cannot, in the distribution of thefortune which has devolved to me, forbear sometimes considering how theywould have wished it should be spent, and always remembering that whatwas acquired by industry and labour, should never be dissipated inidleness and vanity. Forgive me for thus speaking to the point; you willnot find me less friendly to yourself, for this frankness with respectto your situation."
Tears were again the only answer of Mrs Harrel; yet Cecilia, who pitiedthe weakness of her mind, stayed by her with the most patient kindnesstill the servants announced dinner. She then declared she would not godown stairs; but Cecilia so strongly represented the danger of awakeningsuspicion in the servants, that she at last prevailed with her to makeher appearance.
Mr Harrel was already in the parlour, and enquiring for Mr Arnott, butwas told by the servants he had sent word he had another engagement. SirRobert Floyer also kept away, and, for the first time since her arrivalin town, Cecilia dined with no other company than the master andmistress of the house.
Mrs Harrel could eat nothing; Cecilia, merely to avoid creating surprisein the servants, forbore following her example; but Mr Harrel ate muchas usual, talked all dinner-time, was extremely civil to Cecilia, anddiscovered not by his manners the least alteration in his affairs.
When the servants were gone, he desired his wife to step for a momentwith him into the library. They soon returned, and then Mr Harrel,after walking in a disordered manner about the room, rang the bell, andordered his hat and cane, and as he took them, said "If this fails--"and, stopping short, without speaking to his wife, or even bowing toCecilia, he hastily went out of the house.
Mrs Harrel told Cecilia that he had merely called her to know the eventof her two petitions, and had heard her double failure in total silence.Whither he was now gone it was not easy to conjecture, nor what was thenew resource which he still seemed to think worth trying; but the mannerof his quitting the house, and the threat implied by if this fails,contributed not to lessen the grief of Mrs Harrel, and gave to Ceciliaherself the utmost alarm.
They continued together till tea-time, the servants having been orderedto admit no company. Mr Harrel himself then returned, and returned, tothe amazement of Cecilia, accompanied by Mr Marriot.
He presented that young man to both the ladies as a gentleman whoseacquaintance and friendship he was very desirous to cultivate. MrsHarrel, too much absorbed in her own affairs to care about any other,saw his entrance with a momentary surprise, and then thought of it nomore; but it was not so with Cecilia, whose better understanding led herto deeper reflection.
Even the visits of Mr Marriot but a few weeks since Mr Harrel hadprohibited, yet he now introduced him into his house with particulardistinction; he came back too himself in admirable spirits, enlivenedin his countenance, and restored to his good humour. A change soextraordinary both in conduct and disposition convinced her that somechange no less extra-ordinary of circumstance must previously havehappened; what that might be it was not possible for her to divine, butthe lessons she had received from Mr Monckton led her to suspicions ofthe darkest kind.
Every part of his behaviour served still further to confirm them; he wascivil even to excess to Mr Marriot; he gave orders aloud not to be athome to Sir Robert Floyer; he made his court to Cecilia with unusualassiduity, and he took every method in his power to procure opportunityto her admirer of addressing and approaching her.
The young man, who seemed enamoured even to madness, could scarcerefrain not merely from prostration to the object of his passion, butto Mr Harrel himself for permitting him to see her. Cecilia, who notwith
out some concern perceived a fondness so fruitless, and who knewnot by what arts or with what views Mr Harrel might think proper toencourage it, determined to take all the means that were in her ownpower towards giving it immediate control. She behaved, therefore,with the utmost reserve, and the moment tea was over, though earnestlyentreated to remain with them, she retired to her own room, withoutmaking any other apology than coldly saying she could not stay.
In about an hour Mrs Harrel ran up stairs to her.
"Oh Miss Beverley," she cried, "a little respite is now granted me! MrHarrel says he shall stay another day; he says, too, one single thousandpound would now make him a new man."
Cecilia returned no answer; she conjectured some new deceit was inagitation to raise money, and she feared Mr Marriot was the next dupeto be played upon. Mrs Harrel, therefore, with a look of the utmostdisappointment, left her, saying she would send for her brother, andonce more try if he had yet any remaining regard for her.
Cecilia rested quiet till eleven o'clock, when she was summoned tosupper; she found Mr Marriot still the only guest, and that Mr Arnottmade not his appearance.
She now resolved to publish her resolution of going the next morningto St James's-square. As soon, therefore, as the servants withdrew, sheenquired of Mr Harrel if he had any commands with Mr or Mrs Delvile, asshe should see them the next morning, and purposed to spend some timewith them.
Mr Harrel, with a look of much alarm, asked if she meant the whole day.
Many days, she answered, and probably some months.
Mrs Harrel exclaimed her surprise aloud, and Mr Harrel looked aghast;while his new young friend cast upon him a glance of reproach andresentment, which fully convinced Cecilia he imagined he had procuredhimself a title to an easiness of intercourse and frequency of meetingwhich this intelligence destroyed. Cecilia, thinking after all that hadpassed, no other ceremony on her part was necessary but that of simplyspeaking her intention, then arose and returned to her own room.
She acquainted her maid that she was going to make a visit to MrsDelvile, and gave her directions about packing up her clothes, andsending for a man in the morning to take care of her books.
This employment was soon interrupted by the entrance of Mrs Harrel, whodesiring to speak with her alone, when the maid was gone, said "O MissBeverley, can you indeed be so barbarous as to leave me?"
"I entreat you, Mrs Harrel," answered Cecilia, "to save both yourselfand me any further discussions. I have delayed this removal very long,and I can now delay it no longer."
Mrs Harrel then flung herself upon a chair in the bitterest sorrow,declaring she was utterly undone; that Mr Harrel had declared he couldnot stay even an hour in England if she was not in his house; that hehad already had a violent quarrel with Mr Marriot upon the subject; andthat her brother, though she had sent him the most earnest entreaties,would not come near her.
Cecilia, tired of vain attempts to offer comfort, now urged the warmestexpostulations against her opposition, strongly representing the realnecessity of her going abroad, and the unpardonable weakness of wishingto continue such a life as she now led, adding debt to debt, andhoarding distress upon distress.
Mrs Harrel then, though rather from compulsion than conviction, declaredshe would agree to go, if she had not a dread of ill usage; but MrHarrel, she said, had behaved to her with the utmost brutality, callingher the cause of his ruin, and threatening that if she procured not thisthousand pound before the ensuing evening, she should be treated as shedeserved for her extravagance and folly.
"Does he think, then," said Cecilia with the utmost indignation, "thatI am to be frightened through your fears into what compliances hepleases?"
"O no," cried Mrs Harrel, "no; his expectations are all from my brother.He surely thought that when I supplicated and pleaded to him, he woulddo what I wished, for so he always did formerly, and so once again I amsure he would do now, could I but make him come to me, and tell himhow I am used, and tell him that if Mr Harrel takes me abroad in thishumour, I verily think in his rage he will half murder me."
Cecilia, who well knew she was herself the real cause of Mr Arnott'sresistance, now felt her resolution waver, internally reproachingherself with the sufferings of his sister; alarmed, however, for her ownconstancy, she earnestly besought Mrs Harrel to go and compose herselffor the night, and promised to deliberate what could be done for herbefore morning.
Mrs Harrel complied; but scarce was her own rest more broken thanthat of Cecilia, who, though extremely fatigued with a whole night'swatching, was so perturbed in her mind she could not close her eyes. MrsHarrel was her earliest, and had once been her dearest friend; she haddeprived her by her own advice of her customary refuge in her brother;to refuse, therefore, assistance to her seemed cruelty, though to denyit to Mr Harrel was justice; she endeavoured, therefore, to make acompromise between her judgment and compassion, by resolving thatthough she would grant nothing further to Mr Harrel while he remained inLondon, she would contribute from time to time both to his necessitiesand comfort, when once he was established elsewhere upon some plan ofprudence and economy.