LETTER XXXVI
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE [IN ANSWER TO LETTERSXXVIII.--XXXIV. INCLUSIVE.] TUESDAY, APRIL 18.
You have a most implacable family. Another visit from your uncle Antonyhas not only confirmed my mother an enemy to our correspondence, but hasalmost put her upon treading in their steps.--
But to other subjects:
You plead generously for Mr. Hickman. Perhaps, with regard to him, Imay have done, as I have often done in singing--begun a note or keytoo high; and yet, rather than begin again, proceed, though I strainmy voice, or spoil my tune. But this is evident, the man is the moreobservant for it; and you have taught me, that the spirit which is thehumbler for ill usage, will be insolent upon better. So, good and graveMr. Hickman, keep your distance a little longer, I beseech you. You haveerected an altar to me; and I hope you will not refuse to bow to it.
But you ask me, if I would treat Mr. Lovelace, were he to be in Mr.Hickman's place, as I do Mr. Hickman? Why really, my dear, I believe Ishould not.--I have been very sagely considering this point of behaviour(in general) on both sides in courtship; and I will very candidly tellyou the result. I have concluded, that politeness, even to excess,is necessary on the men's part, to bring us to listen to their firstaddresses, in order to induce us to bow our necks to a yoke so unequal.But, upon my conscience, I very much doubt whether a little intermingledinsolence is not requisite from them, to keep up that interest, whenonce it has got footing. Men must not let us see, that we can makefools of them. And I think, that smooth love; that is to say, a passionwithout rubs; in other words, a passion without passion; is like asleepy stream that is hardly seen to give motion to a straw. So that,sometimes to make us fear, and even, for a short space, to hate thewretch, is productive of the contrary extreme.
If this be so, Lovelace, than whom no man was ever more polite andobsequious at the beginning, has hit the very point. For his turbulencesince, his readiness to offend, and his equal readiness to humblehimself, (as must keep a woman's passion alive); and at last tire herinto a non-resistance that shall make her as passive as a tyrant-husbandwould wish her to be.
I verily think, that the different behaviour of our two heroes totheir heroines make out this doctrine to demonstration. I am so muchaccustomed, for my own part, to Hickman's whining, creeping, submissivecourtship, that I now expect nothing but whine and cringe from him: andam so little moved with his nonsense, that I am frequently forced to goto my harpsichord, to keep me awake, and to silence his humdrum. WhereasLovelace keeps up the ball with a witness, and all his address andconversation is one continual game at raquet.
Your frequent quarrels and reconciliations verify this observation: andI really believe, that, could Hickman have kept my attention alive afterthe Lovelace manner, only that he had preserved his morals, I shouldhave married the man by this time. But then he must have set outaccordingly. For now he can never, never recover himself, that'scertain; but must be a dangler to the end of the courtship-chapter; and,what is still worse for him, a passive to the end of his life.
Poor Hickman! perhaps you'll say.
I have been called your echo--Poor Hickman! say I.
You wonder, my dear, that Mr. Lovelace took not notice to you over-nightof the letters of Lady Betty and his cousin. I don't like his keepingsuch a material and relative circumstance, as I may call it, one momentfrom you. By his communicating the contents of them to you next day,when you was angry with him, it looks as if he withheld them foroccasional pacifiers; and if so, must he not have had a forethought thathe might give you cause for anger? Of all the circumstances that havehappened since you have been with him, I think I like this the least:this alone, my dear, small as it might look to an indifferent eye, inmine warrants all your caution. Yet I think that Mrs. Greme's letter toher sister Sorlings: his repeated motions for Hannah's attendance; andfor that of one of the widow Sorlings's daughters; and, above all, forthat of Mrs. Norton; are agreeable counterbalances. Were it not forthese circumstances, I should have said a great deal more of the other.Yet what a foolish fellow, to let you know over-night that he had suchletters!--I can't tell what to make of him.
I am pleased with the contents of these ladies' letters. And the more,as I have caused the family to be again sounded, and find that they areall as desirous as ever of your alliance.
They really are (every one of them) your very great admirers. And as forLord M., he is so much pleased with you, and with the confidence, ashe calls it, which you have reposed in his nephew, that he vows he willdisinherit him, if he reward it not as he ought. You must take care,that you lose not both families.
I hear Mrs. Norton is enjoined, as she values the favour of theother family, not to correspond either with you or with me--Poorcreatures!--But they are your--yet they are not your relations, neither,I believe. Had you had any other nurse, I should have concluded you hadbeen changed. I suffer by their low malice--excuse me, therefore.
You really hold this man to his good behaviour with more spirit thanI thought you mistress of; especially when I judged of you by thatmeekness which you always contended for, as the proper distinction ofthe female character; and by the love, which (think as you please) youcertainly have for him. You may rather be proud of than angry at theimputation; since you are the only woman I ever knew, read, or heardof, whose love was so much governed by her prudence. But when once theindifference of the husband takes place of the ardour of the lover, itwill be your turn: and, if I am not mistaken, this man, who is the onlyself-admirer I ever knew who was not a coxcomb, will rather in his dayexpect homage than pay it.
Your handsome husbands, my dear, make a wife's heart ache very often:and though you are as fine a person of a woman, at the least, as he isof a man, he will take too much delight in himself to think himself moreindebted to your favour, than you are to his distinction and preferenceof you. But no man, take your finer mind with your very fine person, candeserve you. So you must be contented, should your merit be underrated;since that must be so, marry whom you will. Perhaps you will think Iindulge these sort of reflections against your Narcissus's of men, tokeep my mother's choice for me of Hickman in countenance with myself--Idon't know but there is something in it; at least, enough to have givenbirth to the reflection.
I think there can be no objection to your going to London. There, asin the centre, you will be in the way of hearing from every body, andsending to any body. And then you will put all his sincerity to thetest, as to his promised absence, and such like.
But indeed, my dear, I think you have nothing for it but marriage. Youmay try (that you may say you have tried) what your relations can bebrought to: but the moment they refuse your proposals, submit to theyoke, and make the best of it. He will be a savage, indeed, if he makesyou speak out. Yet, it is my opinion, that you must bend a little; forhe cannot bear to be thought slightly of.
This was one of his speeches once; I believe designed for me--'A womanwho means one day to favour her lover with her hand, should show theworld, for her own sake, that she distinguishes him from the commonherd.'
Shall I give you another very fine sentence of his, and in thetrue libertine style, as he spoke it, throwing out his challenginghand?--'D--n him, if he would marry the first princess on earth, ifhe but thought she balanced a minute in her choice of him, or of anemperor.'
All the world, in short, expect you to have this man. They think, thatyou left your father's house for this very purpose. The longer theceremony is delayed, the worse appearance it will have in the world'seye. And it will not be the fault of some of your relations, if a slurbe not thrown upon your reputation, while you continue unmarried. Youruncle Antony, in particular, speaks rough and vile things, grounded uponthe morals of his brother Orson. But hitherto your admirable characterhas antidoted the poison; the detractor is despised, and every one'sindignation raised against him.
I have written through many interruptions: and you will see the firstsheet creased and rumpled, occasioned by putting it into my bosom on m
ymother's sudden coming upon me. We have had one very pretty debate,I will assure you; but it is not worth while to trouble you with theparticulars.--But upon my world--no matter though--
Your Hannah cannot attend you. The poor girl left her place about afortnight ago, on account of the rheumatic disorder, which has confinedher to her room ever since. She burst into tears, when Kitty carriedto her your desire of having her with you; and called herself doublyunhappy, that she could not wait upon a mistress whom she so dearlyloved.
Had my mother answered my wishes, I should have been sorry Mr. Lovelacehad been the first proposer of my Kitty for your attendant, till Hannahshould come. To be altogether among strangers, and a stranger to attendyou every time you remove, is a very disagreeable thing. But yourconsiderateness and bounty will make you faithful ones wherever you go.
You must take your own way: but, if you suffer any inconvenience, eitheras to clothes or money, that it is in my power to remedy, I will neverforgive you. My mother, (if that is your objection) need not know anything of the matter.
We have all our defects: we have often regretted the particular fault,which, though in venerable characters, we must have been blind not tosee.
I remember what you once said to me; and the caution was good: Let us,my Nancy, were your words; let us, who have not the same failingsas those we censure, guard against other and greater in ourselves.Nevertheless, I must needs tell you, that my mother has vexed me alittle very lately, by some instances of her jealous narrowness. I willmention one of them, though I did not intend it. She wanted to borrowthirty guineas of me: only while she got a note changed. I said I couldlend her but eight or ten. Eight or ten would not do: she thought I wasmuch richer. I could have told her, I was much cunninger than to let herknow my stock; which, on a review, I find ninety-five guineas; and allof them most heartily at your service.
I believe your uncle Tony put her upon this wise project; for she wasout of cash in an hour after he left her.
If he did, you will judge that they intend to distress you. If it willprovoke you to demand your own in a legal way, I wish they would; sincetheir putting you upon that course will justify the necessity of yourleaving them. And as it is not for your credit to own that you weretricked away contrary to your intention, this would afford a reason foryour going off, that I should make very good use of. You'll see, thatI approve of Lovelace's advice upon this subject. I am not willing toallow the weight of your answer to him on that head, which perhaps oughtto be allowed it.*
* See Letter XXXI. of this volume.
You must be the less surprised at the inventions of this man, because ofhis uncommon talents. Whatever he had turned his head to, he would haveexcelled in; or been (or done things) extraordinary. He is said to berevengeful: a very bad quality! I believe, indeed, he is a devilin every thing but his foot--this, therefore, is my repeatedadvice--provoke him not too much against yourself: but unchain him, andlet him loose upon your sister' Betty, and your brother's Joseph Leman.This is resenting low: but I know to whom I write, or else I would go agood deal higher, [I'll assure you.]
Your next, I suppose, will be from London. Pray direct it, and yourfuture letters, till further notice, to Mr. Hickman, at his own house.He is entirely devoted to you. Don't take so heavily my mother'spartiality and prejudices. I hope I am past a baby.
Heaven preserve you, and make you as happy as I think you deserve to be,prays
Your ever affectionate ANNA HOWE.