“Javier, you have to. You have to do something. I’m the only one who cares. I’m the one that is left to take care of her. She can’t have children. There has to be something you can do. Do you have any idea what she did when she had her last period?” Adriana asked.
I remember sitting there, wondering what the hell was going on. What did I do?
“She smeared it everywhere, all over her bathroom, her bed, the window. There was blood everywhere. Can’t you just do the hysterectomy?”
“Adriana, I can’t do a hysterectomy on a girl barely twelve years old.”
“There has to be something, Javier. Anything. You have no idea how hard this is for me. I have the girls to think about. I can’t keep doing this. I’m at my wits end with this girl.”
“Have you tried getting her help, like a shrink?”
“Yes, for god’s sake, yes. I’ve tried everything. The girl’s been in therapy since she was five. Nothing helps. She’s the devil’s spawn, I tell you.”
I sat there silent, looking from one to the other. I didn’t even know what a hysterectomy was.
“There is one thing we might be able to do that’s less invasive than a hysterectomy.”
“I’m listening,” Adriana said, straightening her posture.
“It’s a birth control form used in Africa back in seventy-two, for a very short time. It was outlawed, but it’s available. It’s also used to shrink cysts and tumors, a very distinctive form of acid. If the fluid is injected into the uterus, it will burn the lining and no more periods will be tolerable. We could just inject it into her ovaries and that would destroy any chance of ovulation, but you can’t do one without the other. If we only did the uterus without the ovaries, she could become pregnant and the baby will die. Once we burn the uterine wall, carrying a baby is impossible.
“Perfect. When can you do it?”
“I don’t like this, Adriana,” the doctor assured her again.
“You listen to me. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my husband’s money putting you here. You would still be back home pumping gas. I have never asked for one penny of our money back. You owe me this.”
“Okay, okay, but I could lose my license for this.”
“Nobody’s ever going to find out,” Adriana smiled and rubbed my blond hair with her hand. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but I was sure it was bad. Adriana set up the appointment for the following week when my dad would be out of town.
Driving the four-hour drive back to our home, she explained what was going to happen. “You won’t feel anything, and you’ll never have to worry about that nasty period again.”
“I don’t mind it, and I never did what you told him I did,” I protested. The only part I minded was the part she insisted on teaching me how to use a tampon, not just once, every time I needed one. I wasn’t allowed to have a box in my bathroom. I had to find her and ask for one. The first couple of times she insisted she insert, and then she just watched.
“Maybe I’ll let you put a tampon in there every month since you don’t mind. You’re never going to make a cute little blonde beauty. I’m breaking the mold now. Once you girls are raised, I promise you…Paris and Katie’s babies will be first in their grandfather’s eyes.”
“I’m twelve!” I reminded her in a yell from the passenger seat. I grabbed my face when she slapped me and jerked the car to the side of the road.
“Don’t you ever raise your voice to me again. Do you understand me?”
I nodded, still holding my face.
“That’s my girl, now say you’re sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“Move your hand and say it again. I’m sorry what?”
“I’m sorry, Mommy,” I cowardly spoke in a broken tone.
“Good girl. It’s always going to be you and me, Sewer Rat. You’re never going anywhere. Your sisters will move on, marry successful, nice-looking men, but not you. One, you’re too ugly for that, and two, you owe me for taking care of your tramp-for-a-mother’s child all these years. Why do you think I pulled you out of school to be educated at home, huh?” Adriana asked, rubbing my knee while pulling back into traffic. “I own you,” she added, patting my leg.
My plan to burn her to death became real. I thought about it daily. I knew how to blow all the pilot lights out on the eight-burner stove. I knew from the times I sneaked around the internet while I was supposed to be doing schoolwork that I could be in a room in the basement and survive. I knew that she sent all the help away on the last weekend of every month for their time off. My plan had to work. I would not spend my life under her thumb. I couldn’t do it.
The following week, Adriana held true to her word. My dad said goodbye, and she and I set off on what would be the last day I was truly a woman. I was scared shitless. I didn’t know what to expect.
Adriana and I were alone in the room when she told me to undress and put my feet in the stirrups. That was another one of the few times I cried. Not because I was afraid, well, that too, but to a twelve-year-old girl, being spread like that for a total stranger was beyond humiliating. That’s why I cried, and I actually got a spanking for it. Yes, even at twelve, I was still spanked by Adriana. I’m sure had things turned out in her favor, I would still be getting them from her.
The doctor used a very, very long needle and watched on a screen while he filled my female parts with poison. I was numb, so I didn’t really feel any of it, not until the ride home. That’s when I doubled over in pain, excruciating pain.
Adriana gave me the pain pills he sent home with her, but they did little to help. I lay in a curled-up ball on my bed for three days. I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink, I didn’t pee. I did nothing but writhe in pain and soak the bed in sweat. I begged her to take me the hospital. I tried to tell her something bad was wrong with me. No wonder it was outlawed. It was pure hell.
I snuggled my body close to Sam’s and slid the purple mouse under my neck. Trying to forget that nightmare that was my life, I closed my eyes, feeling safe. I still couldn’t stop the thought of holding that baby in my arms, my little baby. I had to try. I just had to.
Sam and I spent the next couple of days out on the boat, and still nothing was mentioned about what I shouldn’t have told him. Olivia joined us as well, and I tried like hell to be her best friend. Maybe it was a little malicious on my part, but it was needed. I had to do it that way. It wasn’t all spiteful, I did like Olivia, and I did think we were friends. All the more reason for her to help me with my plan.
I never mentioned it at all that week. I was reeling in both her and Sam slowly, including her in everything we did. Sam was great at making her feel part of the fun. He was an expert at squashing awkward. Although I knew I was working with borrowed time, and I had five short weeks to pull this off, I refrained from rushing it.
Sam announced the following weekend that he was flying home to be with Savannah for the weekend. I missed him like crazy when he wasn’t around, but unfortunately, my husband was there anyway. I had planned to have a serious conversation with Garrison while he was there that weekend, but he came different. Something was up with him. I’m pretty sure he sensed he was losing me. I wasn’t myself, not what he had married anyway, and the way I was with Olivia was impossible not to notice. I gave her the keys to my Porsche and told her to have a good weekend. I would have never done that before.
Garrison was… I don’t even know how to explain what Garrison was. He tried to be attentive and focus on me, holding my hand, and kissing me out of the blue. He even bought me a rose from one of the street vendors after we ate barbeque and listened to blues music on The Strip. Garrison hated The Strip. Of course, I didn’t say anything about his behavior and he didn’t mine. I wanted to lie and tell him I was on my period again, but remembered I had just used that excuse two weeks before.
It was so weird it was sort of creepy. Garrison kissed me with his tongue in the middle of the street. I backed away when the guy that had gotten
used to serving Sam and me beer glanced at me. He probably thought I was cheating on Sam. As much as I didn’t want to, I coaxed Garrison back to the house where we wouldn’t be seen. I didn’t want to be seen with him.
The theatrics in bed were even more comical. Garrison tried like hell to be smooth, focused on me, but I would call it a fail. He was all thumbs and I couldn’t help but compare his clumsiness to Sam’s amazing hands. There was no comparison. I almost laughed when he lifted my shirt and looked at my nipples with a frown before his attempt to arouse them. It didn’t work. They didn’t pucker into hard little pebbles the way they did when Sam sucked on them. I’m not sure what the hell Garrison was doing. It wasn’t sexy at all. It was comical, like a fifteen-year-old boy or something.
“Maybe we should start doing this more, you know, so you can get pregnant,” Garrison said while pumping in out of me.
I didn’t reply. I tried like hell not to show the distasteful look on my face, wishing he would hurry.
“Does this feel good for you?” OH GOD!
“Yes, Garrison,” I lied, closing my eyes and praying for the grunts that would bring me more relief than him.
I immediately slid from beneath him and walked to the bathroom. Never before did I worry about jumping in the shower or taking a bath afterward. Garrison wouldn’t care. He had his nose in his work or a law book to even notice. He noticed that night. For whatever reason, he was paying close attention to my actions.
“Why did you do that?”
“Aahh!” I screamed, stepping out of the shower. “Garrison, I’m naked.”
“So, we’re married. I can see you naked.”
I wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel, wanting to hide myself from him. Wow. What a change. I tried for years to get him to look at me naked, to really see me, and he made it out to be dirty. Now when I was ready to tell him I wanted out, he decides to see me. Great. Just what I needed.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked, wrapping my long blond hair in a towel and moving past him.
“I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy.”
“Why?” I questioned, not even trying to hide the tone.
“What do you mean, why? I love you. You’re my wife. I want you to be happy.”
I walked out to the balcony and dropped to a chair. Garrison followed. Breathing in a deep sea-salt filled breath, I ran my hands over my face.
“Kendra?” Garrison questioned, sitting next to me.
“Garrison, I don’t want this anymore,” I divulged, putting it out there.
“What don’t you want?”
“Us, this, we’re not good together. I want more.”
“What does that mean, Kendra? I give you everything you want, don’t I?”
“Money can’t buy what I want, Garrison.”
“What do you want? If it’s the baby thing, I’ll get you a baby. We can adopt. I’m sure we can get on the top of a list. You can even pick a girl or a boy.”
“You don’t get it. I don’t want to have a social climbing little rich kid. I want a baby that goes to preschool with all races and religions. I want a baby that goes to a public school, and rides a school bus with normal kids. I would never wish this on a child. I don’t want a baby with you. I just want out, Garrison.”
“Is it because of Sam?”
My eyes shot to his moonlit silhouette. He knew? “What?”
“I’ve known for a while. I have pictures.”
“You had me investigated?”
“No, no. It wasn’t like that at all. It was actually your mom’s idea. She was afraid of you coming here alone. I paid someone to stay close by, make sure you were okay and didn’t find yourself in a bad situation.”
“Who was it?”
“Your neighbor. I let him go after a week.”
“The guy next door,” I stated, remembering the single man. I remembered feeling creeped out by him. No wonder I thought he was always staring at me.
“Do you love him?”
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. I guess it was what I expected, I mean, I never really expected Garrison to get angry and scream at me, or go after Sam for moving in on his wife. I didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know if I love Sam. He makes me feel like you never have.”
“I’ll do better.”
“Garrison, you can’t. You’re not that person.”
“But neither are you. You were raised just like me. You come from the same place I do.”
“That part you’re sort of right about. You know why, Garrison? Because we both come from fucked up childhoods. You were raised to believe a wife’s place was beneath you. You are the head of the house and sex was dirty, and used only to produce children. I was raised by an abusive stepmother who made it a point to make sex dirty and appealing. We’re two different people who came from the same fucked up, evil dollar bill.”
“I don’t know what that means. I think you should start seeing someone. I can call Dr. Forager. I’ve done work for him.”
“You’re not listening, Garrison. I don’t want you. I don’t want money anymore.”
“You won’t have any if you divorce me. You do remember your trust fund is contingent upon me, right? I’m the legal guardian over your money.”
“And if you can live with it, I can live without it. I’m an educated woman. I’m sure I can find work.”
“I don’t want your money, Kendra. I want you.”
“What is it you want?”
“I want you to come home. I want you to go back to your old self. I don’t care about this Sam guy. He’s nobody. Please, just come home and stop this nonsense.”
“See, that’s what you want. That’s not what I want. I hate my life there. I don’t want to come home. I don’t want to be with you. And I don’t want your money, the extravagant vacations, the cars, the jewelry, none of it. I just want to be normal.”
“Fine, you want to go buy a two bedroom house on Main Street, that’s what we’ll do,” Garrison offered with more emotion than he’d shown our entire marriage. I did feel bad for him, but I also knew he would be fine without me. Garrison didn’t love me, Garrison was used to me. Garrison didn’t know love. He didn’t know what it could really feel like. I had a taste of what it could be, and I knew Garrison would get over me.
“I. Don’t. Want. You. Garrison,” I said as plainly as I could possibly say it. I knew I might be out on the street the next day. I knew my mother would probably never talk to me again. I knew I might very well be by myself, but I was okay with that. As long as Olivia helped me get what I wanted, I would be just fine.
Garrison didn’t sleep with me that night, and he was up and gone when I woke to my ringing phone the following morning.
“Kendra, what is going on? You get home to your husband right this second and stop all this nonsense.”
“I’m not doing this with you, Mom,” I assured the mother that never called me, the mother that talked to my husband more than me, the mother who believed Adriana over me, the mother who left me to fend for myself.
“I’ve already talked to your assistant. Olivia is willing to do whatever you want her to do.”
She called Olivia? Dumb bitch. Who the hell did she think she was? “I know she is, but that doesn’t consist of going home to Garrison. I don’t want to be with him anymore, Mom.”
“And what do you propose you’re going to do? You planning on marrying that schoolteacher from North Carolina? You planning to let him take care of you on a teacher’s salary? He’ll never be able to give you the things you’re accustomed to. Money makes the world go round, Kendra. You of all people should know that. You know your father’s money is all through Garrison. You will walk away with nothing.”
“I’m okay with that. Bye.” I hung up. I had to. There was nothing at all I could say to get her to understand, and I wasn’t even going to try. I had to start on the second phase of my plan and hope like hell I didn’t get evicted before I had it in place.
I was expecting more of a fight from Garrison. At least a little. He didn’t, my credit card still worked when I paid for our food that night, and I didn’t get an eviction notice, not yet anyway.
I wasn’t sure who to start on, Olivia or Sam. Olivia made it easy for me while we ate breakfast that we made together.
“I don’t blame you. I’m proud of you,” Olivia stated. We ate inside, looking out at the overcast, drizzling rainy day.
“Olivia, I have a proposition for you,” I said, retrieving my laptop. I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off, but I was praying that Garrison wouldn’t touch my father’s money. As long as he didn’t do that, I was okay, and everything I was about to propose wouldn’t be a lie. I would follow through.
“What is this?” she asked, looking at the brick ranch on Hanover Street, three blocks from her parents. I made sure to show her all of it before I propositioned her, the three spacious bedrooms, the fenced in backyard with a wooden play set, the open floor plan where she could cook and watch her children play in the front room. Olivia watched the virtual tour as I showed her the master bedroom with the perfect master bath, and I know for a fact, I saw a twinkle in her eye.
“Do you like it? It’s close to your home.”
“You want to move close to me?” Olivia questioned.
I laughed. “No, silly. I want to buy it for you.”
“Why? This is like a two hundred thousand dollar home.”
“A hundred and sixty-five, but that’s not important.”
“I don’t understand,” Olivia questioned with a frown.
“I want to help you and Jackson, but I need your help in return.”
“What could you possibly want from me? I have nothing.”
I didn’t disclose the fact that I may not have anything, either. She didn’t need to know that yet. And I could only hope that Garrison wouldn’t be that cruel. Olivia needed to think about it, she wasn’t fond of the idea at all, but I knew she would do it. She wanted that house. I saw it in her eyes. The comment about it being blood money was beside the point. I knew I had her, without a doubt, I knew she would do it. Now to work on Sam.