“I will watch over her son, and I know Dad will keep an eye on her. We’ve missed her terribly, and I expect we’ll be all over her for a few weeks. Dad is very perceptive to this type of issue. I know he’ll be looking for any signs of PTSD. We both will, I promise.”
“Thanks, Mom. I don’t know what I would have done the past few months without the two of you helping me. I’ll never be able to tell you how much I love both of you.”
My mother throws herself into my chest and holds me tight. I wrap my arms around her and breathe in the familiar scent of her perfume. When I hear a throat clearing, I look over to see my dad standing by the kitchen door. He walks over to us and wraps my mother and me in a bear hug. We stay like this for a few minutes until I hear Kellie come into the room.
“Why is everyone hugging? Can I get a hug too?”
I release my mom and bend down to pick up my daughter. When Kellie’s arms go around my neck, I hold my daughter like my life depended on it. I think she senses something in me. I see my mom leave the room, and at that moment, I feel a sense of total peace.
*****
I receive a frantic call from my son at approximately eleven eighteen in the morning. Joey waited exactly three minutes to place the call.
“Dad, why is Uncle Jerry picking me up at the train station? Why aren’t you here? Is something wrong with Mom?”
“Okay, son, back up a minute. First, Uncle Jerry volunteered, and I accepted his offer. Second, there is nothing wrong with Mom. I wanted to sleep a little late this morning and took him up on his offer. You can cool your jets and get your ass home, son.”
“God, I was so nervous Dad. Are you sure everything is ok?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Granny cleaned your room the other day, and we are ready and waiting for you to come home. She also made your favorite dessert, mince pie.”
“Yeah, I was hoping she would make that for me. We’ll be home in a little over an hour. There is a lot of traffic from the train station.”
“Tell your Uncle to drive safe. He is carrying precious cargo.”
“Give it a rest, Dad. I’ll see you soon.”
“Love you, Joey.”
“I know, I love you too Dad. Ask Granny to warm up a piece of pie for me. I can’t wait until after dinner.”
“No worries son. She made three pies just for you.”
“Damn, I love her. We’ll be home soon. Uncle Jerry is on I-95 now.”
*****
After ending the call with Joey, I run up to our bedroom, and my heart almost stops when I see Diane sitting on the edge of the bed. She looks like a little girl in some ways. Her body has shown signs of her illness. I can see that she’s lost weight, and her limbs look too thin. It will take months for her to regain muscle tone, but I know she can do it because I also see the determination in her eyes. I shove down the emotions and walk over to her. When she looks up at me, she smiles.
“I look pretty good, don’t I? Catherine did an excellent job with the makeup. At least I don’t look sick.”
“Honey, all of us knows what you’ve been through, and you don’t have to cover up how you feel around us. We understand and want to help you. Promise me that you will always tell Mom, Dad, or me, how you feel because it is the only way you will recover. Holding in your emotions is not healthy. And one more thing, you look stunning to me. You always have, and nothing will ever change how I see you, or how my heart feels about you. We are in this together, and it doesn’t matter if you look like an old hag! I’ll still love you.”
Diane lowers her head, and I see her hands trembling. “What did I ever do to deserve such a beautiful, loving, and caring husband?”
“Um, you said yes?”
“I wish I could remember our wedding. I’m so tired of trying to force myself to remember. If it never happens, I’ll have to live with it, and after what I’ve been through, I’m just happy to be alive. Now, I think it’s time you carry me downstairs. Joey will be home soon, and I can’t wait to see him.”
I lift Diane into my arms and carry her down to the living room. She feels so light in my arms. When I help her get comfortable on the sofa, I walk into the family room and bring in the wheelchair. I place it next to her, and when she looks over at it, I can see the sadness cloud her face. I lean in and whisper, “It’s only for a short time honey. The nurses will help you get your strength back.”
Diane nods her head yes and takes a deep breath. Before she says anything, Kellie runs into the room and sits next to her. She is overly excited, and she needs to calm down. I sit next to her.
“Kellie honey, I need you to calm down, you’ll make yourself sick.”
“Sorry, Daddy. I’m excited to see Joey. He is going to be so happy to see Mommy.”
She gets up and runs to the bay window at least a dozen times before she sees Jerry’s SUV coming up the driveway.
“He’s here,” she screams as she runs for the door. I chase after her and pick her up, but her legs continue to move.
“Go into the kitchen and help Granny make the rolls for dinner, sweetheart.”
“Okay, but I don’t like it.”
I laugh. “I know Kellie. Do it for your brother.”
“Okay, okay. I’m going.”
Diane
I am holding my breath as I wait for the front door to open. It feels like forever since I’ve seen Joey, but I know it’s only been a few short months. How much has he changed since I last saw him? I want to scream to open the damn door already. Ethan gets up, walks towards the door, and opens it. I know what he is doing. He wants to block Joey’s view of me. Oh, god, I hear my son’s voice and its music to my ears. It feels strange calling him my son, but I like how it feels.
“Hey Dad, it’s good to be home.”
“Damn right it is Joey. I am so happy you’re home.”
I see Ethan turn around, so he is facing me, and not Joey. He winks at me. I can’t hear what he is saying to my son.
“Listen, I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes until you get into the house. I’ll lead you, and do not open your eyes until I tell you.”
“What is it, a coming home present?”
“Um, yes, you can say that. I know you will love it.”
“Okay, now I’m curious. Lead the way, Dad.”
I see Joey cover his eyes with his hands as Ethan leads him into the room, and walks him over to where I am sitting. I’m so excited I almost say something. My throat feels better that it did this morning. I want to reach out and touch my son. Steve, Catherine, and Kellie walk out of the kitchen, and I raise my finger to my lips, imploring my sweet child to be quiet. Steve solves the problem by covering her mouth with his hand.
“Before you open your eyes, I want you to know that I love you with all that I am, and I am beyond happy having you home again. I am so proud of the young man you’ve become, and I couldn’t be more pleased with your career choice.”
“Okay, Dad, you are scaring me. What is it? Can I uncover my eyes now?”
I nod my head yes to Ethan.
“Okay son, look at your surprise!”
My son is staring at me with shock in his eyes. I know of only one thing to say that will convince him that I remember. I raise my arms to him and say, “Can I give you a hug, Joey?” I feel like I’m watching a scene in slow motion. Joey doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move from the spot he is standing in. Joey is looking at me and blinking furiously. It takes a few seconds before comprehension sinks in, and in a matter of seconds, my son is on his knees with his hands covering his face, and he is crying. Ethan kneels next to him, and Joey collapses into his father. His sobs echo around the room. I want so much to get off the sofa and hold my son, but my legs are so weak, I’m afraid to move.
“Am I dreaming Dad? Is this really happening?”
“You’re not dreaming, Joey. Mom woke up last night, and the first thing she asked for was a picture of you and your sister. She held onto that picture all night.”
“I ca
n’t believe it. I can’t believe it!”
“Believe it son. Why don’t you hug your mother? She’s been waiting all morning to see you.”
Joey looks up at me with tears streaming down his beautiful face, and when I open my arms to him, he leaps off the floor and comes over to sit next to me. One strong arm wraps around me, and I finally feel like I am home. I sigh and lean into him. I feel his lips kiss my temple, and I can no longer hold back the tears.
“I’ve missed you so much, Mom. I never expected this when I got on the train this morning. Uncle Jerry can keep a good secret.”
I sniffle and laugh at the same time. “I wanted it to be a surprise. I want you to know that I still do not have my memories, but it no longer matters to me. I am home where I belong with all of you.”
“Oh, Mom, you’ll never know how much I missed talking to you. This is the happiest day of my life because my best friend came back to me.”
Okay, that got to all of us, and when I look up, everyone is crying, even Kellie. I reach out to her, and she sits on my left. I finally have my two children in my arms, and it feels wonderful. When I look up at Ethan, his father has his arms around his son, and I can see his tear stained face. Will he ever tell me just how difficult the past six months was for him? I intend to ask him tonight, and I want him to tell me the truth. However, for the rest of the day, there will be no tears, only laughter.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ethan
Watching my children hug their mother breaks me, and if it weren’t for my parents, I would be on the floor. My legs are shaking, and it takes all of my control to remain on my feet. My heart beats furiously as I try to control my ragged breath. I hear my Dad’s voice in my ear. “It’s going to be okay Ethan. Our girl is home where she belongs. Whatever happens in the weeks to come, she has all of us to support her. This is a happy day for all of us.”
“I love her Dad. I never knew just how much I loved her until I had to face a potential life without her. I can’t begin to tell you how I felt last night when I held her in my arms.”
“I know how you feel Ethan. I feel the same way about your mother.”
“You can let go of me now. I won’t fall on my ass.”
I walk over to the sofa, lift Kellie into my arms, and sit down next to my wife. For the next hour, the kids talk nonstop about everything and nothing. By early-afternoon, Diane is fading fast. “Okay, kids. It’s time for your mother to take a nap before dinner. Joey, go upstairs and unpack your bags. Kellie, help Granny set the table. I’m taking Mom to the family room for a little nap.”
“Thanks, Ethan. I am a little tired.”
“No worries my love. I’m taking a nap with you.”
There is no way I can avoid having Diane see all of the machines that are still in the room, and we will need it tomorrow when the nurses arrive. Before I wheel her into the family room, I lean down and whisper to her, “Don’t worry about all of the machines. They look scarier than they really are, and you needed them at the time. You no longer need them, and I’ll have Jerry take them back to the hospital when he leaves tonight.”
“I know Ethan. I can’t avoid what happened to me. I might as well see all of it.”
I give Diane credit for not overreacting when I wheel her into the room. The hospital bed takes up a significant portion of the space. On one side of the bed are the IV pole, catheter bags, and the cardiac monitor. On the other end of the bed is the Enteral Feeding Pump with the nutrition bag still attached to the pole. Diane sucks in a breath when she sees all of the equipment.
“Oh, this looks awful. Was I really attached to all of this?”
“Unfortunately, yes. You needed all of this to survive honey. I won’t lie to you, Diane. It’s important that you know the truth, but I’m not sure today is the day to discuss all of this. Let me remove everything from the room, and then we can lay down for an hour or two, and just relax and hold each other.”
“Yes, I agree with you. I don’t think I can handle hearing it today. I just want to spend time with my family. Let’s discuss this tomorrow. And, Ethan, you will tell me the truth, won’t you?”
“I have never lied to you, sweetheart. Why start now? Unless we face what happened, we won’t get past it. We will have to discuss this anyway once we start therapy. We might as well discuss it tomorrow. But, before I say anything, I want you to remember that we are in this together, and you will tell me how you feel. I will not negotiate on this one point, Diane. I do not want you holding in your feelings. If you feel the need to scream, do so. If you want to cry, don’t hold it in. Promise me, Diane.”
“I promise Ethan. I don’t want to hold in my feelings. How did I handle things before the accident?”
I laugh as I remember our many spirited conversations. “Let’s just say that you have always been blunt in expressing your opinions and feelings. You have been vocal over the years, and my eardrums can attest to that. Give me a minute to get all of this out of the room, and I’ll make you comfortable in bed. I really could use a short nap. I did not sleep last night.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep? Did I keep you awake?”
“No honey. I was so happy to have you in my arms again, and I didn’t want to close my eyes. It felt too good holding you and feeling your warmth against my body. I’ve missed that, Diane.”
Five minutes later, the room is cleared out, and I am once again in bed with my wife. I hear Diane’s sigh of contentment as she lays her head on my chest. My arm goes around her as it has always done, and I hear Diane sigh again.
“Are you happy sweetheart?”
“Yeah, and so very grateful for my life, my family, my beautiful children, and you, Ethan. I know I have hard days ahead of me, but as long as we have each other, I know I’ll survive them.”
The sincerity in her words and her voice humbles me. I’ve cried so much these past few months, and I can’t seem to stop the tears. Will I ever be the same after this ordeal? I don’t think so, because as I’ve said before, we took our life for granted, going about our day without stopping to, as they say, ‘smell the roses’. That will not happen again. Our lives have changed, and no matter what we do or say, the memories will never leave us. It’s what we do next that matters most.
“We can survive anything sweetheart as long as we have each other. To have and to hold, until death do us part, my beautiful wife. Those words mean more to me today than when we were married. Now, close your eyes my beauty, and have a little nap. I’ll be here when you wake.”
“Oh, that sounds so good. I am so tired.”
“I know honey. It will get better with time, I promise.” That’s the last thing I remember until I feel Joey shaking my arm. My eyes feel dry and crusted over as I open them. It takes me a minute to get the brain working. Diane is still sleeping.
“What time is it?” I ask, still somewhat groggy.
“It’s five thirty. Granny is ready to serve dinner.”
“Okay, give me a few minutes to wake your mom.”
Joey looks over at Diane and smiles. His eyes tear up, and he shakes his head to clear his thoughts. “She looks good Dad. How is she emotionally?”
Before I can answer, I feel Diane chuckling against my chest. She opens her eyes and looks up at Joey.
“I want you to stop worrying about me. I know I have challenges to face, but as long as I have all of you as my support system, I’ll make it Joey, because I refuse to be the victim.” Joey is stunned for a second or two, then laughs. I laugh with him.
“Listen to your mother, Joey. As you can see, her voice is clearer than it was a few hours ago. Your mom is a fighter, don’t ever forget that son. Now that you are home with us, the family is whole once again, and there is nothing that we cannot conquer.”
Diane agrees with me. “That’s right Joey. I will recover. Will you help me?”
“God, Mom, there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. I’ve told Dad that I don’t want to live off campus. I want to be near you, a
nd I’ll help in whatever way I can.”
“What you can do now is lean in and give me a kiss.”
My heart is so full of love at this moment. I watch as my son leans in and gently kisses his mother on the lips. I know some people feel that parents kissing their children on the lips is taboo, but not in our family. Our kids came from our bodies, and in my mind, this is an expression of unconditional love. It always will be.
*****
My mother outdid herself this year. The table looks beautiful. I am surprised to see her china on the table and raise a questioning brow, as I look her way. Mom only shrugs and smiles at me. I get what she is conveying to me. She wants this to be a special day for Diane, and I agree. We have so much to be thankful for on this special day. As we enter the dining room, the people that are near and dear to our hearts surround the table. It makes me happy having my brother with us today. Jerry is a perpetual bachelor, and he always told me that his career and the time spent away from home gets in the way of his relationships, and until he finds someone like Diane, he will still be single.
As I lift Diane out of the wheelchair, I feel all eyes are on me. I want to put a stop to this now because it will only make Diane feel uncomfortable. When I take my seat, I address everyone. “Well, before we say grace and enjoy our meal, I want to address everyone. All of us have lived through a few terrifying months, and if all of you feel the way I do, it will take a week or two for everyone to calm down. While I understand how you feel, and believe me, I do, what I don’t want is for everyone to walk on eggshells in this house. All of us know that Diane has challenges to face, and I am committed to seeing that she has everything she needs to help with that. What she needs most from all of us is normalcy.”
“This wheelchair is temporary, and when you see me lifting Diane in and out of the chair, please do not worry. I can see it in your eyes, and so can Diane. We don’t want you to treat her differently, because I can assure you, in no time at all she will be walking, maybe with a cane for a few weeks, but she will be walking.”
Diane nods her head in agreement. “Ethan is right. I told Joey earlier that I do not want to feel like the victim. We haven’t discussed what it was like for all of you, but I will have that conversation with him very soon. I want to know what I missed when I wasn’t with you, and I need a promise from everyone at this table. Promise me that you will not treat me differently, that you will look at me as I once was, not as I am now because I will recover. It’s only a matter of time and my will to see it through.”