“God I needed that,” she mumbles into my neck.
I laugh and hold her tight against me. “You’re acting strange today Diane. What is it?”
“I’m happy Ethan, and I want everyone to know it.”
“Well, my cock thanks you.”
“Glad I could be of service.”
When we rejoin everyone, my mother is still smirking at me. “What are you looking at?”
“Nothing son, I was just wondering why the two of you are wet.”
“It’s hot, so we took a quick dip in the pool. What’s for dinner?” I need to change the subject quickly.
“We have hot dogs and hamburgers. It’s the only two things your father knows how to grill.”
We spend the next two hours talking about the wedding tomorrow. “The crew arrives at ten in the morning, and they should have the tent erected in about an hour. The caterers will be here at noon to set up the tables. We have a little wooden dance floor inside the air-conditioned tent and a wooden ramp that extends from the edge of the boardwalk to the pergola where we will exchange our vows. Father Collins will be here at three.”
“Wow, you did a lot of work today,” Diane said. “I can’t wait to see everything tomorrow. I’m so excited I don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight.”
I lean into her and whisper in her ear, “I know a guaranteed way to help you sleep tonight.”
Diane whispers back to me, “Not until tomorrow night. I promise you’ll be happy.”
“I’m already happy Diane. Are you happy too?”
“Yes, Ethan. I am incredibly happy.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Diane
I love waking up to the scent of sea air, and a cool ocean breeze blowing through the window. I have been awake for a few hours because I am so excited about today. Last night I had so many images of our life together that I felt like I was watching a slide show of my life. Image after image appeared in my mind. It’s only a matter of time before it all comes back to me. I’ve spent the last hour writing in my journal, and tonight I will show it to Ethan. I don’t want to cry today, but I know it will eventually happen. I look at the clock, and it’s eight in the morning. Ethan slept in the other room with Joey, and Kellie slept with me last night. She’s still sleeping, which is odd for her. I guess all of the activity last night was a little too much for her.
“Kellie honey, it’s time to get up. We have to get ready for the wedding.”
“Do I have to get up? I’m still tired.”
I pinch her tummy, and she giggles at me. “Don’t you want to see your princess dress?”
Her eyes open and ten seconds later, she is out of the bed.
“Where is it? Can I see it now?”
“Yes honey, you can see it now, but please do not scream. Granny and Gramps are probably still sleeping.”
“Ok, I’ll be quiet. Where is my dress?”
I walk over to the closet, unzip the garment bag, and take out the dress. Kellie’s eyes go wide with surprise. She walks over to me and touches the dress. “It is so beautiful, and it’s pink. I love pink. Thank you, Mommy, for the beautiful dress.”
“You’re welcome, honey. I’m so glad you will be my flower girl.”
“Me too, I’ve been practicing how to throw the petals. Granny helped me with the rose petals last night. They are so beautiful.”
“So are you, munchkin, so are you.”
*****
It’s two in the afternoon, and it’s time to get dressed. Kellie is already in her dress, and surprisingly, she sits patiently waiting for me to put on my dress. I think she’s afraid something will happen to it if she gets off the bed.
My hair is still short, so I don’t have to do much with it, and Mom helps me with my makeup. After I put on my gown, I stare at myself in the mirror, and I finally see me, not a shell of my former self. I see…me. I reach out my hand for Kellie, and together we walk out of the house and towards the beach. I can see the tent in the distance, and I feel my heart flutter. Dad meets us at the edge of the boardwalk and opens his arms to me. I walk into his embrace, and we stand like this for a few seconds.
“You look beautiful sweetheart. I am so happy for you and Ethan. He loves you so much.”
“I love him too Dad, so very much.”
My father-in-law extends his arm to me, and we walk down the ramp to the beach. Catherine lined the ramp with beautiful pink and white impatiens flowers in white clay pots. As we approach the pergola, I see Ethan and my son looking at me. Ethan is so handsome in his tuxedo. In my minds-eye, I see a much younger Ethan waiting for me at the altar. I see bridesmaids, flowers, and a priest. I see people in pews, and white silk bows lining the isle. I see our first wedding. Flashes of images bombard my mind. As I get closer to him, intense pain erupts behind my eyes, and I stumble as I walk. A scream escapes my lips, and then the world goes black once again.
In the darkness, I see my life flash before me. All of it comes crashing into my mind, and it feels like I see my life in reverse. I remember the day of the accident. I remember making love to my husband. I remember the day before the crash when we had dinner at the diner. I see the car hit me, and I remember thinking about my babies. I remember…everything.
Ethan
One minute I see Diane walking towards me, and the next minute, my father is on the ground with her in his arms. Joey and I run to them, and all I can think about is please God, don’t take her from me. Did she have another heart attack like the day of the surgery? A million different things flood through my mind in the fifteen seconds it takes me to run to her.
“What happened Dad?”
“I don’t know. One minute we’re walking and the next, Diane screams that her head hurts, and she fainted.”
I throw my keys to Joey. “Get my bag out of the trunk of my car. Hurry son.” While I wait for Joey, I feel for a pulse. Thank God, Diane’s pulse is strong and steady. Her skin feels a little hot, but it is June. Several seconds later, I hear Diane moan softly and open her eyes. When she looks at me, her eyes fill with tears. Joey returns with my bag, and I perform a quick exam. Linda and Patti stand behind me and hand me a bottle of water. I help Diane sit up, and I give her a little water. By this time, everyone is standing behind us. Diane looks up at me and says, “Hi snickerdoodle.”
I feel like I can’t breathe. Only two people on the face of the earth know the significance of the nickname snickerdoodle, Diane, and myself. It takes me a minute to realize what has just happened. “What did you just call me?”
“I said, hello snickerdoodle,” Diane said again with a huge smile on her face.
“How is this possible?” I ask in barely a whisper.
“I’m not sure. All I know is that when I saw you in your tuxedo, my mind flashed back to our wedding, and then I felt intense pain in my head and fainted.”
Diane reaches out with both hands and touches my face. “I remember everything, Ethan. I…remember! Help me up. I want to get married today.”
“Are you sure honey? We don’t have to do this today.”
“Try and stop me, Ethan. I am getting married today!”
The laugh that escapes from me feels so incredibly good. “Whatever you want honey. Whatever you want is okay with me.”
*****
The tent is full of the people who are close to us. My brother Jerry and his date Joan, my mother, Patti, Linda and their guests Pete and Greg, Marilyn Carpenter and her husband Leonard, and Craig Jenkins. The guest list represents all the people who helped Diane and saved me. The waiters serve champagne, but I’m too nervous to drink. If I did, I would probably throw up. I won’t feel at ease until I hear, “I do.” Then it will be official. I see my father waving at me, and that’s the signal to start this over again. I don’t think my racing heart will slow down until I see Diane standing next to me.
I now see Kellie walking towards the trellis where Diane and I will renew our vows. She looks so cute in her pink dress, and her face scrunched in c
oncentration as she carefully throws the petals onto the sand. And then I see her; I see my Diane, the woman that I married so many years ago. I can’t begin to explain how I feel right now, knowing that when we renew our vows, my wife, the woman that I love more than life itself will be right next to me. God, she looks so beautiful. I want to cry for joy and scream to the Heavens, thank you a million times for this day, for this life of ours. I am so blessed. The band plays softly, and I watch my angel come to me. The smile on her face reminds me of our first wedding, and for a fleeting second, I have a sense of déjà vu. Dad kisses Diane and hugs me, then takes his seat. Father Collins begins the ceremony.
“We are gathered here to reaffirm the marriage of Diane and Ethan Miller. It is my understanding that Diane and Ethan have written their renewal vows. Ethan, please recite your vows to Diane.”
“On our wedding day, I pledged to love you in sickness and in health, and for better or worse. The past year has tested those vows, but our enduring love for one another has prevailed. I come here today to make a fresh start, to renew our vows of love, honor, and fidelity, and to reaffirm my love for you. I cannot breathe without you, Diane. When I look at you, I feel incredibly blessed to be loved by such a beautiful woman. I want everyone to know that you are the love of my life, my reason for existing, and the joy that fills my soul. What makes this day so special for me is the knowledge that you remember our life together. You remember the love we have for each other and our children. I renew my vows to you, pledging my eternal love for you, and eagerly await what life may bring us.”
“On our first wedding day, I recited a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning to you before our first dance as husband and wife. Today, I would like to recite it to you once again Diane, my love, because I love you more with each passing day. The poem is titled: “How do I love thee, let me count the ways by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850.
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee to the depth, and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight
I love thee freely, as men strive for right
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! And, if God chooses,
I shall but love thee better after death.”
Father Collins turns to Diane. “Diane, please recite your vows to Ethan.”
“With great joy, I pledged my love and commitment to you on our wedding day. Our family and friends first showed us how to love, helped us grow, and supported us when we found each other. I hope they will continue to love and support us as we love and support them. Therefore, I am delighted today, in the presence of these witnesses, to reaffirm my commitment to you. Once again, I promise to love you, honor you, and comfort you, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better and for worse, as long as we both shall live. I love you to the moon and back snickerdoodle.”
I cannot wait for the priest to say you may kiss the bride. I pull Diane into my body and kiss her with an intensity that shakes me to the core of my being. A discrete cough from Father Collins has me breaking the kiss.
Father Collins continues. “Diane and Ethan have had a challenging year, and I am happy to see that the love they shared is as strong as ever. By the way, Ethan, you kiss the bride when I tell you. You have chosen to seal your vows by the giving and receiving of rings. The ring forms a perfect circle without a beginning or an end, and is thereby a symbol of eternity and signifies the duration of the commitment you are making. Let us now exchange these rings.”
Ethan: “I give you this ring, as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and with all that I have. I will honor you.”
Diane: “I give you this ring, as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and with all that I have. I will honor you.”
“And now, by the authority vested in me by the Catholic Church, and by the laws of the State of New Jersey, I now pronounce you man and wife. Ethan, now you may kiss the bride.”
And that’s what I did. I kissed my beautiful wife and knew at once that she had returned to me. Her kiss is as it should be because I know this kiss. I don’t want this to ever end. I hold Diane close to me, and whisper to her, “I’ve missed you, baby.”
Diane’s eyes stare back at me with love and recognition. “Oh Ethan, I have so much to say to you, but first, I need to hug my children.”
Diane turns around, opens her arms, and Joey and Kellie run to her. I hear camera’s clicking in the background, and I know that we will cherish these memories for the rest of our euphoric lives.
Diane
I can’t tell you how good it feels to hold my children in my arms and remember every minute of their young lives. Ethan bends down to pick up Kellie while I still hold my son. Joey shakes in my arms, and I hold him tighter.
“Mom, I can’t believe this is happening. What’s my favorite color?”
“Gray,” I tell him.
“How did I break my arm?”
“You did a wheelie, and the bike went one way, and you hit the ground.” He’s testing me, and I suppress a laugh.
“What do I like more, pizza, or hoagies?”
“That’s an easy one. You like Pat’s hoagies with oil, no mayo, onions, lettuce, hot peppers, pickles on the side, a bag of chips and a large coke.”
“Who is my best friend?”
“That’s an easy question. I am, Joey. Are you done testing me?”
My son hugs me tighter. “Yeah, I just wanted to be sure before I stopped wishing for the impossible. It’s really you, Mom. I can’t believe it. I’ve missed you so much. I love you, Mom.”
“Oh baby, I love you too, and we’ll have plenty of time to catch up. I need to hug Kellie before she has a fit.”
Ethan passes Kellie to me, and my precious daughter cries so hard, her little body shakes against mine. “Hush baby, it's okay. Mommy’s here, and I love you.”
“Mommy, is it really you this time? Do you remember me, really?”
“Yes, I do sweetheart. Do you want to ask me a question?”
Kellie thinks for a few minutes before responding. “No, because I know it’s you.”
“How do you know?” I’m curious as to how she knows.
“Because your eyes look at me the way they did before you hurt your head.”
God, my heart is beating so fast, I think I may faint, and when I look over at Ethan with tears in my eyes, he moves closer to me and wraps his arm around my waist. I immediately relax. His touch always calms me. After several hugs and many kisses later, the party begins. I walk over to the band and ask for a song that Ethan and I danced to at our first wedding, “Unchained Melody.” I open my arms, and the two of us once again dance to our new life together.
“When did your memory come back honey?”
“I’ve been having dreams, and after a few days, I realized they were memories and not dreams. I was so afraid to tell you because I didn’t want to hope for the impossible. I called Marilyn, and she asked me to write everything down and relax. Something was happening to me, and I need to let it happen without worrying about it. I have the journal, and I intended to tell you tonight. I didn’t expect to faint and then wake up with my memory. I am so happy, snickerdoodle. I can’t wait to make love to you.”
“You should have told me right away, but I understand why you waited until tonight. By the way, when we get home, I insist you make me several dozen cookies, and we’ll eat them in bed with hot chocolate. Do you remember?”
“Oh yeah, I remember. You worked so hard the last year of your residency, and the only time we had
together was at night. I made enough cookies for the week, and every night we sat in bed, ate cookies, drank hot chocolate, and watched television. Do you remember the night I told you I was pregnant?”
“I do remember. That evening we had chocolate milk, and you put a pacifier in the glass. When I got to the bottom of the glass, I almost choked on it.”
“We’ve had a good life Ethan, and I am so grateful to have my memory again. I never want to forget what we’ve shared with each other. It feels strange to me because I have dual memories. It seems like I’ve lived two different lives.”
Ethan’s soft lips kiss the nape of my neck. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about it, honey. Let’s enjoy the day.”
As I lean in for a kiss, I hear Dad’s voice behind me. “Mind if we cut in son?”
I turn around and hug my Mom and Dad. Dad’s eyes fill with tears, and he hugs me harder. Mom holds my hand. I would be lost without their love and support. It’s sad that Ethan’s parents hold a special place in my heart when I want so much to feel this kind of love from my parents. I’m not sorry I did not invite them to our wedding. This day is too special for us, and I don’t want the tension they would project towards me. It’s not worth the aggravation.
“This is a miracle sweetheart. I have missed you terribly. Who could imagine that something so simple would bring back your memories?”
“I was really scared, Dad. I saw everything in rewind, like a movie played in reverse. I saw flashes of images, and then it all came back to me.” We stop talking and walk back to the table when Ethan clinks his glass with a knife.
“I would like to make a toast to my beautiful wife. Twenty-four years ago, when Diane and I were married; we had many plans for our life, and all of them have come true. God has blessed us with two beautiful children, and a loving home. I knew the day I married Diane was the best day of my life, followed by the births of our children. To say that the past year has been difficult would be an understatement. I cannot find the words to tell you how it feels when you lose the other half of your heart and soul. Diane, my darling, I love you with all that I am, and today is without a doubt the happiest day of my life because you are once again in my arms. To the lamp of love, may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial.”