He looked pale, shaky. But he was smiling.
I leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“You let me know if we go too far, OK?”
“So where are we off to?”
“I think I will take you to the end of the hall.”
“What an adventure.”
“Do I detect some sarcasm, Shaun?”
“I’m just glad to be out of that room and not be headed somewhere for someone to poke and prod me.”
We stopped at the window at the end of the hall.
“Harleigh, am I gonna be OK?”
“Of course. What are you talking about?”
“Well everything. Am I gonna be like this forever?”
“You’re gonna be fine.”
He didn’t say anything. He just looked at me like he didn’t believe a word I was saying.
“You’re coming home with me. And you’re gonna be fine.”
* * *
Last winter Shaun got the chicken pox. He swore he had them when he was little. Mike says he didn’t.
He was covered in them.
I stopped over every day after school to check on my patient.
“Hey, sweetie. How are you doing?”
“I’m dying.”
“You aren’t dying.”
“I’m so itchy. And they’re everywhere, Harleigh, everywhere.”
“I’ll go get some stuff to stop the itching.”
“It won’t help.”
“Yes, it will.”
“My itchiness is beyond help.”
“You’re going to be fine. In a couple days, they’ll crust over.”
“Oh, that sounds real pleasant, something I should really look forward to.”
“They won’t itch then.”
“But they itch now.”
“Sweetie, you’re gonna be fine.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
* * *
I stood holding Mike’s hand as the physical therapist guided Shaun back into the room.
His legs looked like they were shaking.
“Just take it slow, Shaun, just take it one step at a time.”
It was hard for me to watch all of this even when I realized just how far Shaun had come.
His movements were slow and labored.
But he smiled.
“And I used to run five miles every day.”
Mike and I both burst out laughing.
His physical therapist just looked at us.
“Don’t believe a word my brother tells you. Five miles — ha! That’s a good one, Shaun.”
His physical therapist noticed how much pain there was on Shaun’s face. He helped ease him down onto his bed.
“We don’t want to overdo it in one day. You’ll have plenty more therapy sessions after this one.”
Shaun looked genuinely surprised. Mike and I were surprised that he was surprised.
“What?”
“Shaun, you’ve got a long road of therapy ahead of you. Your hand, your knee, just to get you back to how you were before the accident.”
“Well, how long?”
I tried to interrupt this.
“Shaun…”
“I can’t tell you how long. However long it takes.”
“Ohh.”
* * *
It was a date I remembered just like Shaun’s birthday or our anniversary: his sobriety date. He didn’t tell me it was coming up. I didn’t let him know I knew.
I had made us a reservation at Elliott’s, one of the nicest restaurants in town.
“Harleigh, this steak is amazing.”
I took his hand and kissed his cheek.
“You’re pretty amazing yourself.”
“What’s going on? You’re not going to break up with me or something, are you?”
“Three years, Shaun. I’m so proud of you.”
He looked away.
“I didn’t think you remembered.”
“I remembered.”
“You didn’t have to do all of this.”
“I know, but I wanted to.”
“I never thought I’d make it three weeks let alone three years.”
“Shaun, I am really proud of you. Not many people can do what you’ve done.”
He couldn’t make eye contact with me. He never could when anyone tried to give him a serious compliment.
* * *
His physical therapist had just left, and Shaun was back in bed, looking ready to fall asleep any minute.
I ran my fingers through his brown hair.
“Shaun, it’s gonna get easier.”
“I hope so.”
“Once we get you out of this place.”
“Once we get me home with you.”
“I’m going to take perfect care of you.”
“Nurse Harleigh, huh?”
“You got it.”
“Well, no hanky panky, Nurse Harleigh. I’m injured.”
I laughed.
Shaun’s eyes closed.
* * *
I had put off getting my wisdom teeth out for years. When I finally did last summer, my face swelled up to at least the size of a basketball.
Shaun took perfect care of me.
“Harleigh, it’s your lucky day.”
It hurt too much to speak so I just looked up at him.
“I brought you a vanilla milkshake.”
I tried to smile.
“I love you, Harleigh.”
“Even with puffy cheeks?”
“Yeah, even with puffy cheeks.”
I started to whimper.
“I miss kissing you, Shaun.”
“I am a pretty good kisser, aren’t I?”
I hit him in the side.
* * *
I held the spoon in front of his mouth.
“Come on, Shaun, open up please.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Come on, just a little bit of soup.”
“But I’m really not hungry.”
“You know you can’t come home until you start eating again.”
“Harleigh, I’m being serious. I’m not hungry.”
“Please. Just a little bit.”
He gave in.
After a couple of bites, I put the spoon in his hand.
“Here, how about you try?”
“I don’t know. I’m not…”
“I’ll help you.”
I wrapped my hand around his.
“You’ll get the hang of it.”
He had barely eaten half the bowl of soup.
“Harleigh, I can’t eat anymore.”
I kissed his forehead.
“You did good.”
* * *
Shaun had taken me hiking one Saturday afternoon.
I was beaten and battered, cut and scraped when we got home.
“You did really good, Harleigh.”
“Shaun, don’t lie to me.”
“No, really. You did. That was a rough trail.”
“I tripped over countless tree roots, fell down a hill and got clotheslined by that jumbo branch that was completely hidden from view.”
“You got the hang of it by the end, really you did.”
“Shaun, you were practically carrying me by the end.”
“So I guess going hiking again next weekend is out of the question?”
* * *
I knew something was wrong when I went to Shaun’s room in the middle of the afternoon and the lights were off.
The curtains were closed. Mike was sitting beside the bed, watching his brother.
I looked at Shaun’s face. His eyes were closed. He looked terrible.
But before I could ask anything, Mike put his finger to his lips.
“Shhhh.”
Then he led me into the hall.
“Mike, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“Harleigh, relax.”
“What happened?”
“Shaun ate a little breakfast, not a lot but a little bi
t.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Well, about noon, he said he didn’t feel good. He was really pale, and he said his head was killing him. Harleigh, he started crying that’s how much it hurt.”
“What did his doctor say?”
“He got sick everywhere. I didn’t think he was going to stop throwing up. And he had this headache. It hurt for him to keep his eyes open. His doctor gave him something, and it knocked him out pretty fast.”
“Is it something serious?”
“They don’t know.”
* * *
Shaun and I were watching a movie when Mike came to the door.
He looked terrible.
“Shaun, I need to talk to you.”
He looked like he was trying not to cry.
“Mike, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Ahhhh, Bill, he ahhh… Bill had a heart attack.”
I didn’t know who Bill was.
“Well, is he OK? Is he gonna be OK?”
“They don’t know.”
I looked at Shaun. I didn’t even have to ask.
“Bill’s our grandpa, our mom’s dad.”
* * *
Shaun woke up at about eight that night.
His eyes were only open a slit, and his voice was groggy.
“Hey, Harleigh.”
I kissed his forehead.
“Hey what?”
“I got really sick today.”
“I know.”
“Now they aren’t gonna let me go home with you, are they?”
“Shaun…”
“Harleigh, I just wanna go home.”
“I know. I know. And I want you to come home, but not before you’re ready.”
“But I am ready.”
“How long have you been having them?”
He didn’t answer.
“Shaun, you have to let them help you.”
“They’re not usually this bad.”
“But, Shaun…”
“Please don’t.”
“I’m just worried about you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me.”
“It’s part of my job.”
* * *
Shaun stayed with me the night of Bill’s heart attack.
Mike went back to his apartment to wait for another phone call.
“Shaun, why didn’t you ever tell me you had a grandpa or other family?”
He shrugged.
“Bill basically disowned me when I was drinking and using. But I hurt my family so much so many times that I don’t blame him. I was a mess.”
“But you’ve been…”
“On the right track for a while? Yeah, I have. It’s not real easy for some people to forgive.”
“But what about him and Mike?”
“They talk sometimes. He blames Mike for a lot of what I was doing.”
“What?”
“When my mom died, he wanted me to come live with him. He didn’t think Mike could handle that responsibility. Then when everything happened the way it did, he figured he was right.”
“But he wasn’t.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
“I wish you would have told me.”
“You don’t need to worry about me and what I’ve done any more than you already do.”
* * *
I held Shaun’s hand as Mike held mine.
Dr. Matthews smiled at the three of us. Shaun looked scared.
“So, Shaun, how are you feeling?”
“I feel OK.”
I squeezed his hand.
“How are the headaches?”
“I haven’t had any for a couple days.”
“So you think you’ll be ready to go home in about a week?”
“What?”
Mike and I just looked at his doctor, hoping that he wasn’t kidding.
“I think it’s about time you got out of this place.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to keep a close eye on you this next week, but I think you’re ready.”
“I’m gonna get to go home?”
Dr. Matthews looked at Mike and me.
“You’re going to go home, and these two are going to make sure you behave yourself.”
“I promise I’ll be good.”
Shaun looked at me.
“I’m coming home, Harleigh.”
* * *
Shaun and Mike’s grandpa died the next day.
We all flew to Texas for the funeral.
It was the day before we were flying home. Shaun was in the shower, and Mike had come over to our room.
“I don’t even consider these people family sometimes, Harleigh.”
“Really?”
“They gave up on him when he needed them the most.”
“I thought you both handled yourselves really well today.”
“He would call sometimes and ask how I was doing. Then I’d tell him how great Shaun had been doing, how he’d gotten everything turned around. And he never believed it would last, that it was really for good.”
“It’s too bad he didn’t get the chance to see what amazing men you both are.”
“But, Harleigh, maybe it was my fault. Maybe I should have sent Shaun to live with him after our mom died. Maybe I did mess everything up.”
“Don’t, Mike. It’s not worth it. You’ve been an amazing brother and friend to Shaun.”
“I can’t even imagine what it was like for him today to know that all these people thought of him as this fucked-up drunk.”
Shaun came out of the bathroom.
“It doesn’t matter what they think. I’ve got the two of you.”
* * *
The nurses had taken Shaun for some tests. Mike and I were waiting in his room.
“Harleigh, can I talk to you about something?”
“Yeah, what?”
“You’ve gotta promise not to tell Shaun.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve got a date.”
“Awww, Mike, who is she? Where are you going? Why can’t I tell Shaun?”
“Questions. Questions. Questions.”
“Sorry.”
“Do you know Kristin?”
“The night nurse?”
“That’s her.”
I had spent many nights talking to Kristin when I was waiting for Shaun to wake up or while I was watching him sleep. She seemed like she would be good for Mike.
“Mike, she’s so nice.”
“We’ve talked a lot and stuff while Shaun’s been here. I don’t really know what I’m getting myself into here.”
“Just take it slow.”
“Sometimes when I really didn’t think Shaun was gonna make it, she was there. She would sit in here with me some nights and just listen to me ramble and babble — kind of like I’m doing now, huh?”
“You were so busy being strong enough for the both of us that you needed somebody to be strong enough for you.”
“I’m nervous about all of this. And I kind of feel like a dick for trying to pick up my brother’s nurse. Who does that?”
I wrapped my arm around his.
“You’re not a dick. So where are you going?”
“I’ve got no clue. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve been on a real date?”
“Want some help?”
“Please.”
* * *
Mike’s most-recent date had been about a month before Shaun’s accident.
Her name was Heidi. One of his friends from work had set them up on a blind date.
“I’m giving up on dating, Harleigh.”
“Was it that bad?”
“You have to promise not to tell Shaun.”
“I have to promise not to tell Shaun what?”
“She fell asleep.”
I tried to muffle my laughter.
“She fell asleep?”
“Yeah, on the way home, I looked over and there she was snoozing.”
&
nbsp; “Maybe she just had a rough day at work.”
“Maybe I’m boring is more like it.”
* * *
I was helping Shaun eat his dinner. Five more days and I would be at home making dinner for him.
“You’ve almost eaten your whole dinner. I’m so proud of you.”
“I wanna be allowed to go home with you.”
I kissed his cheek.
“What about some more mashed potatoes?”
“What about you get me a milkshake?”
“A milkshake? You want me to sneak you in a milkshake? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“That’s what I’m telling you, Harleigh.”
“Well, I’ll have to ask your nurse.”
“No, no. You can ask me. I’m the patient.”
“Oh, I see. And the patient thinks he needs a milkshake?”
“Yes, he does.”
“And what kind might he need?”
“Chocolate, he needs a chocolate milkshake.”
I started toward the door.
“Is there anything else that this patient needs?”
“A real kiss.”
* * *
“You know that stinkin’ brother of mine, Harleigh?”
“You mean Mike?”
“Of course, I mean Mike.
“He’s being all tight-lipped about his date with Heidi.”
“Ohhh.”
“He won’t tell me anything.”
“Maybe it was just a dud date.”
“Harleigh, look at me.”
I couldn’t. I knew I would give it away.
“What?”
“He told you. What happened?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You and Mike are in cahoots.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“Oh am I? Why would he tell you and not me?”
“Because he knows I won’t relentlessly make fun of him.”
“Just as I suspected. He blew it again. I’m going to have to give him some lessons.”
“Yup, I bet those will be real handy.”
* * *
I was coming back to the hospital with Shaun’s milkshake when I ran into Mike waiting for the elevator.
It was the day after the date.
He smiled when he saw me.
“Shaun had a milkshake craving. His nurse said it was OK.”
“Maybe he’ll start getting his appetite back.”
“Yeah, maybe. Sooo?”
His eyes avoided mine.
“Sooo what?”
“How was the beach yesterday?”
We stepped inside the elevator.
“It was good.”
“Yeah, are you two going out again?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“Mike, that’s great.”
“Yesterday it was like I could forget that all of this happened. It all seemed so far away. Shaun’s accident. Meghen.”
The elevator doors opened.
“So did you kiss her?”
“What? What kind of question is that?”
“One that I’ve heard you ask Shaun before.”
* * *
“What the hell do you mean you haven’t kissed her yet?”
“Well, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, Mike. I haven’t kissed her yet.”
Shaun and Mike were out talking on Mike’s balcony, and I could hear them through the open windows in my kitchen.
“Well, what’re you waiting for?”