Me: Sounds good. Will do.
Tess: I hope you find your soulmate here, Erin. Wishing you success on this exciting and worthy adventure!
Me: Thanks.
Tess: Bye for now.
I ended the call. I did not go back to the office immediately. I decided to go over my pictures again and upload a few. While I knew it was advantageous to put up attractive photos, I also felt that I would feel better if I turned out to be more attractive in person than my photos depicted. I had a smile as I walked back into the office.
When I got home that evening, I was still feeling very excited. I could not really figure out why. I took my time preparing a nice dinner of mashed potatoes and fried chicken for myself. I had two bottles of red wine, one from turkey and the other from South Africa. I had bought them on one of my shopping outings with Sandra. I opened one and poured myself half a glass. Although I liked dry red wine, I preferred sweet red wine.
Still bubbling with the new-found excitement, I did not delay making the online payment for my dating subscription. My laptop was already on the dining table I had bought last month at a garage sale. I began to transfer my photos from my phone to my laptop so I could see them better. I wanted to put up more photos on my dating profile. I ate as I uploaded three more pictures and then made the payment. All set.
Who will the lucky guy be? I was not sure any guy would feel lucky after he got to know me. I was naïve, clingy and with some baggage. Who didn’t have baggage? It was one of the several times the voice offered me solace.
Chapter Sixteen
After a month of shilly-shallying on hisoulmate, I gradually began to give the men a chance. There were three whom I decided to respond to their show of interest. The movies, food and music they liked were not important. I did not want clones of myself. I was also adaptable by nature; so their preference was not an issue in helping me decide who to enter into communication with. I was a disciple of life-long learning.
I began to take a closer look at the pictures and profiles. It took time but I had plenty of that on my hands since I did not go anywhere after work. Sandra was the only person I hung out with but she had travelled to Halifax to visit her family.
As I continued to browse the dating site, I came across some profiles that made me conclude that some of the men were delusional. There was one I got irritated with and tickled at the same time just thinking of him. He wanted us to start a relationship he hoped would progress to marriage. He enumerated in essay length what he wanted in ‘his woman’. There was no mention of inner beauty. He did not neglect to toot his excellent qualities that would make him a great catch. One of his photos was displayed beside my inbox. My eyes repeatedly made a hasty visitation there. His bulging stomach was accentuated by ill-fitting shirt and pants. He looked bloated all over, including his face; like he was going to burst. He had said he was a visual person and wanted a beautiful girl – of which he graciously conceded that I fitted the bill. However, the trouble was that I was also a visual person and he did not meet my basic requirement. After reading his tirade, I shook my head. “Is this man for real?” Needless to say, I never responded to his emails.
On previous sites, I had fabricated names I used because I never intended to follow through on any budding relationship. However, on hisoulmate I registered with my real name. Not Erin, my middle name which is Luna. When I was in high school, one of my English teachers had been obsessed with that name. She would never end a class without illustrating with or calling Luna Lindgren.
I was using it because it was my name but at the same time gave me some anonymity. No one in Victoria or even anywhere in the entire Canada knew that was my name.
I also created a new Gmail account exclusively for online dating. The men always asked to start communicating outside the dating sites within a short time and I wanted to be ready. I chose the email address
[email protected]. I wanted guys to wonder if I was stupid enough to spell naughty that way. Perhaps some would think I liked nuts. Yet some might think it reminded them of a lunatic – and nutty, short for nuts which equaled crazy. Either way, it was a winner as far as I was concerned. Whatever uncomplimentary conclusion any guy drew from the names would not be far from the truth since I had done some crazy, stupid things in my time. Dick and Michael were glaring examples. Anyway, the whole plot was my way of separating the sheep from the wolves or the chaff from the wheat. Sigh. Analogies had a way of messing with my head.
I had my ‘aha moment’ when it occurred to me that online dating was like a reality TV show with me as the bachelorette. I was neither a millionaire nor a well-known person. But that was not important. What counted was: I got to choose! Choose who I wanted and if I wanted and when I wanted.
I was so stoked and hyper that I flipped my laptop open and, within seconds, found Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’. I increased the volume and began to sing and dance around my living room as the music filled my cozy one bedroom apartment. I stopped dancing and turned it down a notch in order not to disturb my neighbours.
My phone started ringing. Still panting and trying to catch my breath, I answered, “Hey Sandra”
“Hey girl, …. Is it you breathing like that?”
I laughed. “Yeah… same me.”
“What have you been up to?”
“Just dancing by myself.”
“Not bad. So long as you don’t start talking to yourself too.”
“I do, at least silently.”
“Ha ha ha. I always knew you had a crazy streak tucked away somewhere.”
“That’s me, the crazy 39ner.”
“I agree. Who else would hope to meet a guy and have a baby without leaving their apartment? Anyways, what got you so excited?”
“It’s this online dating stuff.”
Sandra was pleased. “You met any guy you like yet?”
“Not sure. Just looking.”
“Well, you’ve been looking for over a month now.”
“Patience is key. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
Sandra responded with a quick retort. “And time waits for no one.”
“Give me a break, girl. I’m making the effort.”
“I know all about the effort you have been making.”
That made me smile. “Sarcasm does become you my lady.” I said it like it was a compliment but she got my drift.
“Better that than screaming and waking everyone up.”
“I’m that frustrating, huh?”
“You know what? It wasn’t until I met you that I realized I had the gift of persistent patience.”
“Your effort is paying off, Sandra.”
“I hope so….I truly do hope so.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Did you see your ex in Halifax? Any ex-boyfriend trying to rekindle old flames?”
Sandra laughed. “No but my mom has introduced me to a few men from their church.”
“Did you like any of them?”
Sandra hesitated. “One but he looks like a player.”
“How does a player look?”
“Hot, flirty, hot.”
“Okay, you don’t have to repeat that. I think you like the guy.”
“I just don’t want to get burned again. They say once burnt twice shy. Mine’s like tenth shy… not really shy but definitely burned many times.”
“I don’t think your mom would introduce you to a man of questionable character.”
“What would my sixty-some mother know about men who play the field? I guess she just believes that any man who goes to church is a good guy.”
“She may be right. Her instincts. Has he invited you on a date yet?”
“Yes but I turned him down.”
“Sandra!”
“Look who’s talking!”
“I know but it might be a good idea to go on a date with him before drawing any conclusions. Just saying.”
“He might not
ask me again.”
“Or he might. Keep an open mind and let’s see what happens. One more week before you fly back to Victoria, right?”
“Yup.”
“A LOT can happen in that time. A lot of gooooood stuff.”
“I hear you!”
“Go to bed, girl. It’s 9pm here. Must be past midnight there.”
“It is.”
“Sweet dreams!”
“Thanks for the advice. I needed to hear that.”
“No problem, what are friends for?”
Sandra knew I was mimicking her and laughed.
“Night, Erin.”
I put down my cellphone and smiled. Things were really looking up!
Chapter Seventeen
Chemistry. That exciting spark. Attraction. In spite of the mistakes I had made in the past, I still considered physical appearance an important criterion. Past relationships had also taught me to get to know someone well before committing to an intimate or long term relationship. So, for the first time in my life, I decided to play the field. Wth! I started communicating with select men by emails and chats. Meanwhile, my bogus friendship with Michael continued to exist although we only wrote each other once in a while and chatted even less often.
I had succeeded in shortlisting the guys I was going to give a second look at. I was proud of myself for narrowing it down to three guys for the time being but I did not want to be communicating with all three at the same time. It was not in my nature to do so.
I secretly dubbed them whatever came to mind. I did not take the nicknames seriously. They were entirely random.
***
Guy A: John (Aka ‘Outdoorsy dude’)
Relationship: Divorced City: Sooke, BC Looks: 43 / 6' 0" (183 cm) / Athletic Family: My kids live elsewhere Number of Children: One Education: High School
Field of work: Self-employed Smoking: Never Drinking: Social Drinker Religion: Christianity – Nondenominational.
Other facts
• Self-description: good sense of humor, honest, loyal, outdoorsy,
• Music: Classic Rock, Christian Rock, Soft Rock
• Movie: Science Fiction, Documentary, Action, Romance, Suspense/Thriller
• Outdoor activity: Biking, Hiking, Fishing, Camping, Swimming, Water Skiing and surfing
• Indoor activity: Reading, Movies, TV, Games, Restaurants, Sports
• Food: Chinese, Barbeque, Seafood, Italian, Mexican
Until now, I had never considered dating a man who did not have a university degree. I looked again at his photo. He had uploaded just one. He was not bad looking. He was well-toned too but not like all muscle. I liked the balance. But the photo was not very clear. He had said he would send another to my email. And he did.
John Bailey to me
Jun 19
hi Im on the right taken 2 weeks ago on my sun deck
Luna to John
Jun 20
Hello John,
I see this email worked. Very nice photo and worth the effort. Nice view you have there too.
What kind of work do you do? What are your hobbies?
Luna
John Bailey to me
Jun 20
Hi Luna
Yes finally. I own and manage a resort. I also have a 17 acre farm so lots of work . I have horses, sheep and my Labrador, Huntie. Keeps me busy and when I get a chance like to go out in the boat fishing or crabbing. I guess my favorite hobby is cooking it’s never ending cooking around here . Sometimes I like to invade the kitchen to the annoyance of the chef and his assistants. Tonight I am doing a bbq for some guests from Switzerland . When Im able I travel I have some lots in the outside of the Philippines in the Visaya Islands and love to swim and dive there. Been back 3 years in a row and some day would like to spend more than just a vacation there . I do alot of hiking and beaches here when there’s a lull. I would love to have a G F to do some of these things with and enjoy some good company and laughs . I am not super religous person but God Fearing and respect others religous beliefs . I hope you will get together with me you can even come here Im about an hour drive from Vic past Sooke Take care and will look for your message John
Luna to John
Jun 22
Hi John,
Good for you that you enjoy what you do. When I was new in Victoria and had to do the first job I could find: working in a call centre, I didn't enjoy it at all. I have always been a good cook but I cooked because I had to. I still don't enjoy cooking; perhaps because I don't eat a lot either. However, I like going out and eating something I didn't cook.
I'm sure the Sooke area is as beautiful as the rest of BC. My faith is very important to me. I don't go to church every week but my faith defines who I am. I'm not religious but I am a Christian.
I'll stop here for now. Take care.
Luna
John Bailey to me
Jun 22
Morning Im up early as usual. I did a bbq last night for some guests and some friends dropped by . The whales where[sic] out jumping off shore so that was the entertainment . You wont have to worry about cooking if Im around . Do you have a car ?? If not there is good bus service out here # 61 to Sooke I could pick you up ?? Or meet you some evening in Victoria . This time of year is super busy so I just try to do what I can. Let me know if you want to meet up I am really interested in meeting you. John
John seemed to be a very nice guy. He did not have any respect for spelling, grammar, and punctuation but it was no big deal. However, my high school English teacher might have thought differently. As far as I was concerned, informal communication allowed one to break any rule of the language. Although I was not a stickler for correct usage, but as an aspiring author I tended to notice. Just saying….
Upon deeper reflection, I realized that I was being true to my fault-finding self. I also noticed that if I did not start a new subject line mail, my budding flame would not mind the thread on the subject line reaching fifty or a hundred messages. So I took the initiative and started a new subject line.
From: Luna
To: John Bailey
Sent: Friday, Jun 29, 2010 12:11:05 PM
Subject: Hello
Luna to John
Hi John, the thing about online dating is that there is no guarantee that when we meet we would like each other. I've heard also of the risks since one does not really know anything about the other person. I've been told it's a good idea to have a friend in the background when meeting someone for the first time but that makes it kind of creepy. Also, lessons I've learned from marriage, point to the fact that it's best to go slowly and get to know someone as a friend first. Sometimes it gets to be more and at other times, it does not go beyond friendship. As a Christian, I don't believe in sleeping around and so allow God to direct me. I don't know if this makes any sense to you :). Anyways, how's your day going? Do have a nice day. Luna
------------
I had hoped my weirdo email would turn him off so I could focus on checking out other possibilities because I was not feeling any connection with him. Maybe I had succeeded because he did not reply as fast as he used to.
John Bailey to me
Jun 30
Hi Luna I am having a pretty good week lots of work on the farm now its nice weather every day. The tourist season is really kicking off so I have to stay close to home these last days . You are right there is no guarantees in life thats for sure . I guess I am the eternal optomist [sic] and always look for the good in people and because I meet so many travellers feel comfortable in a new situation . Its hard to feel relaxed if you dont trust and give it a chance . There is a triathalon here this weekend so many will be in the race this year it should be interesting . Well if you feel like some company Ill be there take care John
----------
I did not reply his email this time.
John Bailey to me
Jul 3
Hello dear Luna Whoa its crazy here now full every night and beautiful too on the Ocean full moon lots of silver light early morning . You know the # 61 bus comes to Sooke every hour you could always come out on your day off and do something together ok . I m really easy going and will do anyhing you like . Did you know there is a new cinaplex state of the art movie theater in Langford at the mall . It just opened and is like a huge flat screen I havent seen it yet but would meet you there at night for a movie or dinner and a movie ????? Anynight your choice [ my treat ] Please let me know for your next off . Hope you make it John
Luna to John
Jul 4
Hello John, I can imagine how beautiful it is out there. The scenery must be amazing. I hope to see it someday. Once, when I was going to Sidney, I really admired the Langford area. There were farms, sheep, nice views, woods, trees; everything was green and picturesque. It's not an area I go to often. I have been to Langford to buy something that wasn't available in the store here. I like the idea of going for a movie but I'd like to meet you first on my familiar territory which is downtown Victoria. It doesn't have to be right away. Whenever you can make it. I’m wary of meeting strangers. Don't take it personally . It's just that I'm not in the habit of meeting people except through work or church. As fall approaches, whenever there's a lull there, we can meet here in town. Meanwhile enjoy the business boom now tourists are all over the place. Did you know that when I was new in Victoria, most people I asked for directions turned out to be tourists who were also looking to get directions. It was so funny.
Take care.
Luna
John Bailey to me
Jul 5
Hi Luna I know what you mean when I was in Mexico people always asked me directions thinking I was mexican haha . Anyway thanks for being so understanding. I realise you want to be safe and Ill meet you in Victoria maybe go for lunch or dinner is your nezt off the same days always ? I hope to be in town then I hope it works out . I would really like to meet you and be able to talk together anywhere you want . What’s your favourite colour? I wont ask too much so I can save something for when we meet . Ok I better go and sleep its been a long day. I have sheep here too 12 of them hope you love them too . night John
Love them? Sheep? Are they pets? Just kidding….