John’s emails always made me smile. I sometimes could not tell whether he was being funny or serious.
Be that as it may, the fact was that I quickly lost interest in that really nice gentleman. I was by nature a person who attached importance to all kinds of communication. It was clear that John was not my kind. I needed someone with more fire.
Although I felt like I was passing up on a good thing, I just stopped writing him. There was no need to keep it going. He was a nice man but I could never take advantage of him by going out with him, spending his money, and raising his hopes.
Interestingly, he never wrote again after I did not reply his last email. I suppose he already got the message that I did not want to meet him. He was a wise man, if you asked me.
Chapter Eighteen
One out; two to go. Then I would start all over with another set of guys. I immediately reprimanded myself for thinking nothing would come out of the current interactions. Looking at online dating as a fun game was a self-preservation technique that shielded me from getting attached or liking any man. Why are you doing this to yourself? I chose not to answer the question.
Guy B: Andy (Aka ‘Cool Dude’)
Relationship: Never Married City: Victoria, BC
Looks: 43 / 6' 2" (187 cm) / Athletic Family: I don’t have kids
Education: Bachelor’s degree Field of work: Executive
Smoking: Never Drinking: Occasionally
Religion: Christianity – Nondenominational.
Other facts
• Self-description: easy going, loves to laugh, a good listener, reliable
• Music: Classic Rock, Jazz, Gospel, Soft Rock
• Movie: Action/Adventure, Science Fiction, Documentary, Romance, Suspense/Thriller
• Outdoor activity: Biking, Camping, Swimming, Hiking
• Indoor activity: Movies, Games, Restaurants, work-out
• Food: Barbeque, American, Seafood, Mexican
Why had he never married? I looked again at his photos. He had uploaded six. He was hot. Everything about his physical appearance was attractive, including his sense of style. But I did not get carried away. I had learned the hard way that good looks did not equal goodness. I also believed deep within me that I would find someone who had both attributes. I just knew that my heart throb was somewhere and our lives would intersect at a point. He would know when he found me, his sweetheart. Sentiments, day dreams, no actions. Faith and work go together. The voice again. I uttered a frustrated sigh as I breathed in and slowly exhaled.
**********
‘Cool Dude’ was an email type of guy; so we began to communicate via email. I liked both emails and chats but I connected better through chats. Telephone calls were not my thing - I found phone calls exhausting. As a matter of policy, I did not give out my phone numbers randomly. In fact, I had already made up my mind that I would only give a guy my number if I went out on a date with him and liked him. A secret about me and the telephone: let’s just say that we were not the best of buddies. Somehow it had been engrained in my mind that my voice sounded better in real life than on the phone. Regardless of how many times I had been told that I had a sexy voice, including on the phone, my stubborn phobia refused to budge.
Andy was out of town for a week. During that time, we continued to exchange emails and IM on hisoulmate. Soon after he got back on the island, he requested that we start using our personal email addresses in communicating. I was okay with that. Remember, I had an email account set up specifically for ‘Project Online Dating’.
**********
From: Andy Mitchell
To: Luna
Sent: Monday, August 23, 2010 12:11:05 PM
Subject: Hello! I’m back!
Hey Luna,
Howdy? I got back yesterday; just before nightfall. Just wanted to touch base. Lots of work to catch up on. Will be in touch soon.
Could we meet up sometime for coffee? I could take you up island on Saturday.
Take care.
Andy
Luna to Andy show details Aug 25
Hello Andy,
Nice hearing from you. Hope you were able to close some deals.
About meeting up, it would be nice if we could meet in Victoria first. Downtown is the easiest place to get to. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Luna
Andy to me show details Aug 25
Hey Luna,
It would be awesome to finally meet you. Do you like Korean cuisine? We could go to the Sura Korean Restaurant on Douglas Street. Or we could go to the Inner Harbour. There’s Barb’s Fish and Chips at the Fisherman’s Wharf if that’s your preference. I also have some passes to the Sooke Whale Watch. Tell me what you’d like and I’ll make it happen.
Later then.
Andy
From: Luna
To: Andy Mitchell
Sent: Thursday, August 26, 2010 12:44:21 PM
Subject: Hello
Hi,
I can see that you do know your city very well. Makes sense since you must have lived here long. I have been to the Fisherman’s Wharf once. It’s a lovely place to visit. The houseboats are incredible. I was totally amazed by the streets and houses on the sea. Watching all kinds of sea vessels go by was so exciting. Friday is my day off. I don't work on Sundays and public holidays too. Talk to you later.
Luna
Andy to me show details Aug 27
Hey Luna,
You’re right, I know Victoria really well. I’ve lived here on and off since I was a teenager; although my hometown is Kamloops. We lived in Duncan and Surrey too. We were not a military family, in case you’re wondering, but my father was always on the lookout for greener pastures – with my Mom’s encouragement. When my Dad retired over ten years ago, they moved up island to Nanaimo.
By the way, you didn’t say if you’d like to meet??
Take care.
Andy
Luna to Andy show details Aug 29
Hi,
We could meet sometime but not next week since I have other things already scheduled. Let’s tentatively put it for one of the weekends in October if that works for you. Meanwhile, here's a question: do you smoke?
Enjoy your Sunday.
Luna
Andy to me show details Aug 29
Hey, no worries. I’m sure we’ll work out something then. Otherwise, how’s your day been? You asked about smoking. No, I don’t smoke. I drink some wine now and then. I’m cutting down on soda; but I’m also drinking more tea and water. What about you? What do you like to drink?
Andy
Luna to Andy show details Sept 2
Hello, I just got back from work. I like all kinds of tea, especially green tea. Although I'm not much into pop, my favorite is ginger ale since I was in my teens. A little wine is always good for the body too. Have a great weekend.
Luna
**********
I could tell that my tone in emails and delaying to meet with Andy was watering down his enthusiasm. I could not help it. It seemed like sabotaging any chance to be with a great guy was my Achilles’ heel. I had done that with John and was doing it all over again with Andy. I certainly knew how to obliterate their interest in me. I was keeping my distance. I probably needed to see a shrink.
Chapter Nineteen
Guy C: Ethan (Aka ‘Bearded Dude’)
Relationship: Divorced City: Victoria, BC Looks: 45 / 5'11" (180 cm) / Athletic Family: I don’t have kids Education: Master’s degree Field of work: Engineer Smoking: Never Drinking: Social Drinker Religion: Christ
ianity – Baptist.
Other facts
• Self-description: musical, sincere, caring, athletic, hard-working
• Music: Classical, Contemporary, Christian Rock, Rock n Roll, Country, Soft Rock
• Movie: Suspense/thriller, Western, Drama, Science Fiction, Documentary, Action, Romantic Comedy
• Outdoor activity: biking (motorcycle), basketball, photography, hockey, lacrosse, sightseeing
• Indoor activity: Music, reading, movies, playing piano, weightlifting/working out
• Food: Greek, Thai, Barbeque, Seafood, Italian, Mexican
I liked his photos. His smile was genuine, shy and naughty. He had uploaded three. He was not bad looking. He was well-toned too but not like all muscle. One put off though: he needed to shave all that hair on his face! Correction. A major turn off.
Ethan… hmm… I liked his name. I liked the name Michael too and look where getting close to him got me. The name was not always the man – or woman for that matter.
Ethan indicated his interest in me around the time I was on the fence about meeting up with Andy. Initially, I was hesitant: I could not get over his unshaven face. It was a drawback. I was haunted by it. I tried to throw it out of my head but it was tenacious. The thing was that I had never been close to a man with a beard. My instincts told me I would not like the feel of all that hair against my skin.
Notwithstanding my reservations, I decided to give Ethan a chance. We started by exchanging short messages on the dating site. He was a senior engineer with the Public Service and worked at the headquarters of Ministry of Transportation and Infrastructure. His office was downtown on Blanshard Street. He lived in Oak Bay – not that I was planning on visiting him or any other man. At least, not until I got to know him well. I was that conservative and more so with someone I had met online. I had read articles about online dating and knew the risks involved.
It was in September Ethan and I began communicating by personal emails. ‘Bearded Dude’ seemed to prefer chatting to emailing. I loved chatting too!
**********
Ethan to me
Sep 3
8:04 PM Ethan: Hi Luna, hope you can see this ….
8:05 PM me: Yeah, I got it.
Ethan: Cool! How are you? Nice to "meet" you!
8:06 PM me: Good. Nice to meet you too.
8:07 PM Ethan: ☺
8:08 PM me: Nice smiley face...
8:09 PM Ethan: Thanks. How was your day?
me: Okay. And yours?
8:11 PM Ethan: It was a lazy day...just hung around the house...did some reading...enjoyed the sun on the deck...what is your degree in?
8:13 PM me: Good for you. In conflict management and resolution
Ethan: Did you go to college in the States?
8:14 PM me: yeah… in South Dakota. What about you?
8:15 PM Ethan: McGill University in Montreal, Quebec.
8:15 PM Me: Wow… That’s one of the best universities in Canada
8:16 PM Ethan: Hmmm… it’s a good one – just like every other Canadian university. I liked it there though.
8:17 PM Me: Can you speak French?
8:17 PM Ethan: Not really but I understand some. At McGill, English is the language of instruction. How long have you been here?
8:19 PM me: I've been here just over a year.
8:19 PM Ethan what made you decide to come back home and how do you like it so far?
8:22 PM me: I just felt it was time I got back to my roots. Had to leave my job at PI and move here. In spite of the challenges, I like it.
8:23 PM Ethan: what’s PI?
8:24 PM me: :). Peace Institute – It’s a non-governmental agency with offices in many US States and other countries and works closely with the United Nations.
8:25 PM Ethan: Ok….Where do you live and work in Victoria?
8:26 PM Me: Sorry, can’t… won’t answer those questions
8:27 PM Ethan: I’m sorry if I crossed some boundaries….
8:29 PM Me: I’m uncomfortable revealing so much about myself to a ‘stranger’.
8:30 PM Ethan: I completely understand. Is there anything you would like to know about me?
8:31 PM Me: I guess lots but you tell me what you’d want me to know.
8:31 PM Ethan: Well… you already know I live in Oak Bay and work in the civil service. I was married for eight years and moved from Toronto to Victoria after my divorce many years ago.
8:37 PM me: Victoria and surrounding areas are beautiful. BC’s slogan is so apt: The Best Place on Earth. I once took the bus for sightseeing up to Sidney and the countryside was amazing.
8:40 PM I hear Sooke area is also nice - whale watching and all.
Ethan: yes the whole region is beautiful – a photographer’s paradise someone called the province. The weather is awesome too.
8:43 PM me: Victoria is truly the garden city. And the air is so fresh!
8:44 PM Ethan: Have you explored the island much?
8:45 PM me: Not really. On BC Day, I just walked around the Inner Harbour and watched the activities going on. I liked the fireworks and symphony at the Inner Harbour and parliament buildings area.
I've also seen Willow's Beach. I like the woods there. That's about it.
8:48 PM Ethan: are you interested in seeing more?
8:51 PM me: Ya…. What church do you go to? Do you smoke?
Ethan: I don't smoke
I go to the Central Baptist Church on Pandora Avenue. What about you?
8:52 PM me: I go to Saanich Baptist Church on Wilkinson Drive
Ethan: Cool!
me: Okay…I should be signing off now.
8:54 PM Ethan: okay then....nice chatting with you....enjoy the rest of your evening
8:55 PM me: You too. Night.
Ethan: Good night
It was a great chat with the bearded guy. He seemed intelligent and relaxed. I liked that. Still, I reminded myself that there was the computer screen between us and anyone can put up an act. You need to be more trustful of men. Not everyone is like Dick. It was that voice. Hey, where have you been? I had forgotten all about you since this online dating stuff started.
----------
Ethan to me
Sep 5
4:35 PM Ethan: Hi Luna.....how is your day so far?
4:36 PM me: Hi Ethan. Good, thanks.
4:39 PM Ethan: That's good....
4:41 PM me: It’s a beautiful day today…
4:42 PM Ethan: Yeah, no rainfall
4:43 PM me: perfect weather
4:44 PM Ethan: Yeah, it rains more in Seattle and Vancouver.
4:45 PM I would like to ask more questions to get to know you better but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…
4:48 PM me: I feel more comfortable talking about myself with someone I know.
4:51 PM Ethan: I would prefer in person too....can we make that happen?
4:52 PM me: Well….
4:54 PM Ethan: ok....what’s your favourite pastime?
4:58 PM me: reading. I also like going to see movies. What about you?
5:00 PM Ethan: I enjoy movies, reading, hiking…
5:01 PM so what are your pet peeves?
5:05 PM me: I don’t like people spitting, blowing nose, whistling in public. Now your turn…
5:06 PM Ethan: nothing bothers me….
me: that’s not fair!
5:07 PM Ethan: Okay… dishonesty, greed…. Are you allergic to anything?
5:10 PM me: I’m allergic to soda, concentrates in drinks. What about you?
5:12 PM Ethan: fructose intolerant
5:14 PM me: I see.
5:15 PM Ethan: Have you seen any movies this summer?
5:16 PM me : Yeah… The Switch…. Dinner for Schmucks…. Post Grad
5:17 PM Ethan: I saw Inception. And the documentary, Countdown to Zero
5:19 PM Ethan Do you like/play any sport?
5:20 PM me: I like soccer but don’t play any sport. What sport do you play?
5:21 PM Ethan: I played college basketball. I like to watch football, hockey, and basketball.
5:23 PM me: Jack of all trade, eh?
Ethan: that’s why I’m master of none ☺
5:24 PM me: I don’t believe that… I’d like to sign off now. Nice chatting with you.
5:25 PM Ethan: ok... thanks for the chat. I really enjoyed it.
me: :)
----------
Ethan to me
Sep 9
8:42 PM Ethan: Hi Luna....Nice catching you online.
8:44 PM me: Hi Ethan…
Ethan: How’re you?
8:45 PM me: Good. How was work today?
8:46 PM Ethan: It was okay, thanks. would you like to meet sometime this week...after work?
8:50 PM me: That would be nice....but also scary…
Ethan: for me too.....
8:51 PM me: at least we can be friends
8:52 PM Ethan: ...but if the chemistry is there, even better
8:54 PM me: I'm happy you caught my drift.
8:55 PM Ethan: what is your week looking like?
8:57 PM me: I'm developing cold feet now…. I like Fridays.
9:02 PM Ethan: Ok… time and place? Shall I check back with you in a day or two?
________________________________________ 7 minutes
9:09 PM me: no, second Friday in October is fine. Let's meet at the Gorge Waterway Park. 5pm okay?
9:10 PM Ethan: Yup. I’ll get off work slightly earlier. Nice place…that’s a date then. I’m looking forward to it.
9:10 PM me: Okay. Goodnight.
9:12 PM Ethan: Okay....have a good evening....chat with you later....good night
me: :)
Well, well, wonders will never cease – I had actually agreed to go on a date! I knew many women went on dates every week with a guy. But not Erin Lindgren. I was different from most other people. I had so withdrawn into myself that I dreaded going out with a guy. I hardly ever made a promise and did not keep it and I hoped I would follow through on the one I had just made.
A little excitement was sneaking up on me but I was dreading the outing more than liking it. Why did I accept to go on a date with him? I was just following my gut feeling. Besides, I liked his smile and the chats.
Chapter Twenty
Some people have said that diamonds are a girl’s best friend. To others it was chocolate, shopping, or all three. I did not own anything diamond and never wished to. I ate chocolates once or twice in a year. I shopped sometimes for fun but did not consider myself a shopaholic. Solitude was my best friend. I cried with it. I laughed with it. I ate with it. In fact, I lived with it almost 24/7. Sometimes I liked it. At other times, I disliked it. I even ignored it occasionally. Yet, a few times, I cherished it.