TWENTY-THREE
SOLOMON REED
Sometimes Solomon had issues with guilt. And he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because he was afraid that would make it worse. He saw it like this: He didn’t have any real problems. People starved to death. People got diseases. People’s homes burned down, got torn apart by tornadoes, got repossessed. He was a spoiled kid in suburbia who was too high-strung to deal with the real world.
Lisa and Clark came along and made things better, though. Way better. But, that didn’t help any with the guilt. In fact, every time they left his house, he’d get a shooting pain deep in his stomach, remembering that this is all he could be for them. And he was scared, too. He was afraid they’d always be waiting for him to change even more than he already had. Being outside had reinvigorated him, sure, but it hadn’t made him want to leave the house. It got him closer. Of course it did. But, that was a long time away and he knew it. Now he had everything he needed and friends who would come see him, invitation or not. He wasn’t so sure this was a step in the direction they all wanted, but he still held out hope that he’d get there eventually, that one day he’d wake up and it wouldn’t be enough for him anymore.
Solomon didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. He’d seen it a million times, big and sweeping and beautiful in TV and movies. But he’d always wondered what it actually felt like to think about another person that much, to lose himself in someone else. Now he was thinking maybe he knew.
The day after his impromptu skinny-dip with Clark, Solomon called his grandma. It was time, he’d decided. He’d tell her how he felt about Clark and she’d have some pearl of wisdom for him, some Southern saying that would hit him in all the right places and put things into perfect perspective. That, or she’d ask him something inappropriate about gay sex and he’d get too embarrassed to keep talking to her.
“Joan Reed Realty. We’ll take you home,” she answered.
“Hi, Grandma.”
“Michael Phelps? Is that you?”
“Funny. Want to have lunch with your grandson?”
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise. You finally have some time for me? Did your friends drown in the pool?”
“I thought you wanted me to have friends.”
“I do. You know I’m just picking on you. What do you want, In&Out?”
“You read my mind.”
When she got there, Grandma insisted they eat their cheeseburgers outside on the back patio. Solomon was sort of afraid he’d never get to be inside the house with his grandma again.
“What’s on your mind?” she asked, taking a bite.
“Nothing.”
“You haven’t called to invite me for lunch since you were fourteen. So, what’s buttering your biscuit?”
“What?”
“What’s bothering you. Context clues, Solomon. Context clues.”
“Sorry. Umm . . . I think I’m in love.”
“You’re kidding me,” she said, dropping the burger onto her plate. “With Lisa?”
“Clark,” he said with a shaky voice.
“Shut up!” she said, nearly shouting. “I can’t wait to tell my friends. I’m the first with a gay grandson; they’ll be so jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Sweetie, come on. I’m hip. You think your grandma hasn’t been dancing in West Hollywood before?”
“You have?”
“The gays love me. I think it’s my accent.”
“It’s definitely your accent,” he said. “Anyway, so . . . yeah. Clark.”
“You can do better,” she said bluntly.
“No, Grandma. It’s not like that. He’s straight.”
“I see. This is what’s so complicated. You have to date and figure out who plays for your team. It must be exhausting.”
“I don’t want to hurt Lisa’s feelings, either.”
“Of course not. She’s been good to you, Sol.”
“I know.”
“You sure he’s . . . you know . . . not into you?” she asked.
“First off, please don’t say that. And, yeah, I’m pretty sure.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. To me, it seems weird for a straight boy to spend all his time with a gay boy. But, just saying that aloud makes me think I’m completely wrong.”
“Me too.”
“Is he your best friend, Sol?” she asked. “Do you guys talk about everything?”
“Pretty much.”
“Then you know what you need to do.”
“Talk to him?”
“Exactly.”
“Thanks, Grandma. I think you’re right. I don’t want to lose him.”
“Just be careful, okay? Don’t get your feelings hurt too bad. We are who we are. You know that better than anyone.”
• • •
Solomon knew the second he told his grandma about being gay that it wasn’t a secret anymore. You’ll remember that she liked gossip about as much as Solomon liked Star Trek, so telling everyone had been his plan from the start. But how would he do it? How do you tell the two people who know everything about you that they actually don’t?
He walked into the kitchen and hopped up onto the counter, watching his parents chop vegetables in silence until they acknowledged him.
“What’s up, kiddo?” his dad finally asked.
Then this came out:
“Mom, Dad, there’s this episode of The Next Generation called ‘The Drumhead,’ and in it, this medical technician named Tarses is accused of sabotaging the ship. The investigator, this super hard-ass, then tells everyone that Tarses lied on his Starfleet Academy entrance application by saying he was one-fourth Vulcan when, in fact, he was one-fourth Romulan.”
“Fascinating,” his dad joked.
“Okay . . . where was I?” he looked all around, like the words were scrolling past him in the air and he was trying to read them. “Right. See, the Romulans. Oh boy, where do I even begin with the Romulans? Things aren’t great with them all the time, okay? There’s a lot of bad blood. And don’t be confused with the original Star Trek, because, in that series, the Romulans are always bad guys. And in the movie reboots, too. Did you guys see the movie reboots?”
“Yes,” his mom said, a confused look on her face. “You’re losing us, Sol.”
“Anyway, to be a Vulcan is just . . . it’s better, right? Because Vulcans are peaceful, and they’re all about logic and reason over emotion. But see the Romulans are all emotion. Passionate and cunning. It’s what fuels them. They’re always getting pissed and causing a lot of trouble. And, see, the writers were really smart because they created the Romulans to be a counterpoint to the Vulcans, but they made them share the same ancestry. It’s so complex. I could go on for days about it, honestly.”
“But that would be highly illogical,” his dad said in a robotic voice.
“Good one,” he said. “But, can you see where lying about being one and really being the other could get you into some trouble with the Federation?”
“Sure,” his mom said. “But what the hell does this have to do with anything, Sol?”
“It has to do with the fact that Tarses lies about who he is and you can just see the guilt ripping him apart. You can see it on his face. And he says it’s a mistake that’ll be with him for the rest of his life.”
“Spill it,” his mom said.
“I don’t want to make that mistake, okay? I don’t want to lie about who I am, even if it doesn’t matter. It’s who I am. It’s part of me.”
“What is?” his dad asked.
“I think you already know.”
Not many people would consider Solomon Reed lucky. He had debilitating anxiety, a weak stomach, and he was in love with his straight best friend. But in the parent department, he had won the lottery. So, he’d always known that when h
e finally told them, they’d make him feel like it was no big deal, like it didn’t change a thing. They’d say they loved him just like he was, that there was no way they couldn’t.
And that’s exactly what they did.
TWENTY-FOUR
LISA PRAYTOR
Lisa hadn’t been over to see Solomon in two days, and she knew he was probably a little thrown off by it. Or maybe he didn’t really need her anymore. Maybe nobody did. But she needed him—at least until she could get out of there for good. Lisa had to be rational about this and stop letting her paranoia about Clark and Solomon jeopardize the entire plan. Whether they were in love or not, she couldn’t let Solomon find out about that essay or he may never recover.
She needed to try, one more time, to convince Clark that keeping it a secret was the right thing to do. It wouldn’t be easy, though, especially if he was keeping a secret of his own. But, for the time being, she was banking on Clark still being hers and that good ole Lisa Praytor charm to make things right again.
Just before she left her house for Clark’s, Lisa decided to check her e-mail. Not surprisingly, it was already signed in to Clark’s account. This happened all the time. He didn’t have a laptop, and he was always borrowing hers when he came over. Half the time, ever since school had let out, she just let him take it home with him.
She was about to log out when curiosity got the better of her and she started to scroll through his in-box. Most of the messages were from Solomon. She wasn’t surprised because her in-box looked nearly the same. Solomon was sort of an insomniac, so sometimes he’d stay up really late and e-mail them links to funny videos or articles about dumb things like that coffee that comes from Asian tree cat feces.
Lisa read over a few of the e-mails before thinking to click on the Sent folder. When she did, the top message was one Clark had written to Solomon the previous night.
Sol-
I was thinking about yesterday and I just wanted to apologize again if I weirded you out. Let’s go swimming tomorrow. With trunks. Ha-ha.
Clark
Lisa thought about crying, for just a second, but her breakdown at Janis’s had destroyed her tear ducts. Instead, she walked downstairs, got in her car, and drove across town to Clark’s house. She stood outside the front door for a few minutes before knocking, trying to talk herself out of dealing with this when it still hurt so bad. She just needed him to confess. If he lied to her, it would break her heart. Eventually, instead of knocking, she opened the always unlocked door and walked back to his bedroom.
“You have something you need to tell me?” she said from the doorway.
“What?” He turned back quickly to face her. He was sitting on the floor playing a video game.
“Why were you naked at Solomon’s?”
“Are you kidding me? How’d you even know that?”
“I read your e-mail. Just answer the question.”
“You read my e-mail?” he asked, getting up off the floor. “Why would you do that?”
“Look, I’m glad I did or you’d try to stretch this out even longer.”
“Stretch what out? Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?”
“You want to explain to me what that e-mail meant?”
“I got to Sol’s yesterday and the dude was skinny-dipping, so I just dropped my shorts and jumped in. I thought it would be funny.”
“It’s not.”
“It’s kind of funny,” he said. “He was just out there swimming around naked. I love that guy. He’s so weird. I figured it wouldn’t bother him. You know I have no shame. I spend most of my time wearing Speedos in front of complete strangers.”
“But he’s gay. Don’t take your clothes off in front of boys who like boys.”
“What are you, my grandmother?” he said. “Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean he wants to jump my bones.”
“You’re right,” she said. “But he’s obviously in love with you, and I’m not sure the feeling isn’t mutual.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, standing up. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him this angry. “So what you’re really here to ask is if I’m gay?”
“We used to be together all the time, you know. Now I only see you at Sol’s. It’s like I pick you up, take you to daycare, and then take you home. And most of the time I’m just sitting there watching you guys fawn over each other.”
“I can’t help we like the same stuff. You’re the one who introduced us. And if you think that makes me gay, then maybe you’re the last person who should be helping someone else.”
“Why can’t you just tell me the truth, Clark?”
“You’re really convinced, aren’t you? Wow.”
“Well, the last time I saw you naked, you couldn’t wait to get dressed and now I find out you’re stripping down at Solomon’s like it’s no big deal.”
“Because it isn’t,” he said, raising his voice. “Are you seriously that insecure?”
Lisa stayed silent for a few seconds, looking up at Clark where he stood. He was so aggravated his eyes were tearing over, and he stared down with a look of deep disappointment on his face.
“If you’re not gay, then what’s wrong with us?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know,” he said. “All you talk about is getting out of here. And we both know that even if you do get into Woodlawn, the chances of me going somewhere close by are pretty slim.”
“I can’t afford to go without the essay anyway.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“That’s unlikely,” she said, standing up. “I feel crazy. I really do. I see the way you look at each other. The way you are together. It’s so obvious.”
“Look, I can’t help whatever feelings Sol has for me, okay? That’s not my fault.”
“You keep going back,” she said. “Don’t you think there’s a reason you love going over there so much?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Because I finally have a friend who isn’t completely self-consumed.”
“Clark just . . . be who you are and I’ll still love you.”
“Get out,” he said, eerily calm. “Oh my God, get out. I’m done with this.”
Clark shut his bedroom door behind her, and she walked slowly down the hallway to the front door. She passed by Drew, shooting basketball in the driveway, but Lisa never said hello or even acknowledged her. She just got in her car and drove off.
If he was telling the truth, then that meant he’d fallen out of love with her for another reason, and she just wasn’t ready to accept that. Her suspicions had been right, that was the only logical explanation for Clark’s actions. He could deny it all he wanted to, but the second he told her to get out Lisa knew she didn’t really know him anymore.
Clark was obviously too afraid to admit the truth. And why wouldn’t he be—they lived in a town full of middle-class conservatives and a celebrated high school athlete coming out of the closet would be big news. And being the one gay guy on the water polo team did not sound like the kind of attention Clark would ever want or need. So she could see why telling her the truth was so hard for him and why asking her to leave had been the smartest thing Clark could’ve done. Now she could help him, despite the heartache it would cause her.
She drove to Solomon’s house and parked in the driveway. She knew he’d probably be outside where he wouldn’t hear the doorbell, so she hopped the back fence. She immediately saw Solomon floating on a raft in the middle of the pool. He had on sunglasses, so she wasn’t sure if he was asleep or awake until she stepped closer and he turned her way.
“Lisa! Thank God. It’s too quiet here.”
“Hi,” she said, slipping off her flip-flops and sitting at the edge of the pool. She put both feet in and Solomon paddled his raft over toward her.
“What’s up? Where’s Clark?”
“Hom
e,” she said. “We kind of had a fight.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you guys did that.”
“We don’t. Not usually. I don’t know. He’s been acting weird lately.”
“Weird how?”
“Well, I really only see him if it’s over here. And, not that I don’t like hanging with you or whatever, but, you know, it would be nice to get some time alone.”
“No, I get it,” he said, a guilty look on his face.
“I think he likes you,” she said, biting her lip and getting it over with.
“What?” He took off his sunglasses.
“I think maybe he likes you how he used to like me.”
“I don’t think so, Lisa. You just need to talk to him.”
“I’ve known Clark for a long time, and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is over here. He gets around you and it’s like he turns into a little kid again. And you can’t tell me you don’t feel the same. I know you do.”
“Lisa, I . . .”
“It’s okay. I’m not mad. Please don’t think I’m mad. I just didn’t expect him to reciprocate, that’s all. I thought we were safe.”
“Safe? Wow.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I came out to my parents yesterday. My grandma, too.”
“Really? That’s so great, Sol.”
“Is it? Or is it dangerous?”
“Come on.”
“Nothing’s happened, just so you know. I’d never do that to you.”
“I know,” she said. “But maybe you should.”
“What?”