It was Saturday morning. Dad and I had waited outside the dojo and talked about that week’s bombing in Jerusalem. He explained how Israel had been created, and how the people who lived there before had lost their homes. Everybody had a logical reason for what they did, he said, and that the killings would go on until enough people got tired of it and they could agree on a just solution. He called it a charley foxtrot.
After Jess was done, we stopped by the hardware store and picked up a couple new showerheads. Then Dad dropped us off at home and left for work. I installed the new fixtures and checked them for leaks. I caught myself in the mirror and wished I could just break it. Every time I saw my face I felt that crushing rush of shame.
I sat on the couch with a pad of paper, jotting down stuff we needed from the store. My stomach churned with anxiety. Spaz knew, so pretty soon everyone would. It was out of my hands now, and I didn’t want Jessie to hear it from anyone else first. Besides, I told myself, I have to do something before she gets another guy, or regret it forever. That was crazy thinking and I knew it.
I heard Jess opening the fridge.
“Hey, Sis? How are we set for eggs?”
“We need some, and more cheese – but not that Swiss we got last time. How about some Provolone? And margarine.” I heard cupboards open and close. “Do you have pasta on the list?”
“Good idea. We should get a couple.”
“Do you want a soda?”
“Yeah, thanks. Do we have any root beer left?”
“Last one,” She walked barefoot into the living room carrying two pops. She handed one to me and sat down on the other end of the sofa.
“Nice shirt,” I said. “Is that new?”
Yeah, I found it at Sears last week. Seven bucks on clearance. Dad said you wanted to talk to me. What’s up?”
“When he got home last night he told me some more stuff about our family. He wanted you to know, too.”
“Why didn’t he just talk to both of us?” she asked.
“You were already asleep.”
She shrugged. “Okay, so what’s going on?”
I opened the can of pop and explained to her the things Dad had said, as well as I could.
“So let me see if I have this straight,” she said. “Great-Grandpa Laine had two sons, Joe and Mike, and our Dad’s Mike Jr.?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Then Grandma Sophia married Joe, but she already had a daughter from her first marriage.”
“Right,” I confirmed, “... and that was Mom.”
“So,” she said, “The crazy aunts – Oona and Maria – are Mom’s half-sisters, and Dad’s biologically their cousin, but not Mom’s biological cousin.”
“Correct.”
She knitted her brow. “Wow, that’s confusing.”
“Especially because they all – plus Aunt Mel – grew up in the same house, as if they were brothers and sisters.
“So when Mom got pregnant everybody found out about the two of them. Yeah, I can see how that would’ve upset things. That explains why Aunt Mel’s mad at him.”
“Yeah, she probably blames Dad for all their family’s problems. Aunt Oona and Aunt Maria know about it, too, but I think they have their own demons to worry about.”
“I feel bad for him.”
“Me too, Sis. That’s a lot to carry around inside you.”
“I hope someday Dad will find your brother.”
“Our brother,” I corrected, “And yes, I hope so too. I’m not sure how, but someday I’m going to try to find him.”
It was good to talk with her easily like this, without her usual bitterness, and thought I’d give it a shot. I finished the soda and set the can on the floor. As casually as I could, I said, “Oh, on Thursday I was talking with Beth. She seemed to think you were interested in a boy, and that maybe he’d hurt your feelings.”
She shrugged.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She stared at the floor, obviously debating the question. “No, it doesn’t matter now, and you’d probably just get angry.”
Yeah, she was right about that. I reached out and took her hand.
“Okay Sissy. I know that things aren’t real good between us, and that I can be a jerk sometimes. It’s just that I’m very protective of you. But I’m always here for you, you know.”
“I know, thanks, bro.”
“I’m getting cabin fever. I’m going out for a walk.”