Chapter Ten
The knock on the door almost startled Katherine. She was so deep in thought about Charles. Opening the door she saw her very handsome, now wide-awake suitor. Oh, this was going to be more difficult than she had foreseen. If only he would stop looking at her with those erotically appealing blue eyes, eyes obviously filled with love, passion, or both. The pale blue short sleeve shirt showed enough of his muscular arms to make her wish she were wrapped in them. Why couldn't she just find one fault in this man? Well, other than... Forget that. He would tell her all soon, she was certain. It would make all the difference in their relationship. It would be one of the deciding factors in whether they had one at all. Then there was her truth to share. What difference would that make to him? Would he understand why she didn't tell him and why she had to leave those many years ago?
"My beautiful princess, are you ready? I made reservations as you requested. Shall we go?" Charles took her hand and led her toward the stairs. The walk down hill to the main building was short. "What a sunset," he commented. That should be something for you to paint. I can't even imagine me being able to pick up a brush and put anything on a canvas except for stick figures that would probably drop dead."
The colors were exceptional and kept changing as sunsets do. "Yes, it is lovely and there is nothing more I would like to do than to start painting."
"Kathy, I can't believe that is most important in your mind,” Charles gave her his special smile that let her know what was on his mind and if the truth be known, hers as well.
"You know what I mean. I had planned to do a lot of painting while I was here, but well, you know what “the best laid plans" etc.”
"Right," he held open the door to allow Katherine to precede him. "How about you and I go out to some area you choose and you paint while I watch, the day after tomorrow morning, early? I would prefer to do this tomorrow, but find I must do something else pertaining to my business. Believe me, Kathy, if there were any way I could avoid it…I do promise, most of my time will be for you."
"That would be great, but are you sure you wouldn't rather do something else than just watch me paint?"
"Of course I would, but you're not ready for that...not yet. Come on, princess," he escorted her to the entrance of the Gold Rush room. "Let's have dinner, before you get even with me for that statement. I should apologize, but I won't. You know how I feel."
"All too well. You're absolutely incorrigible and lecherous.... Let's have dinner and we can talk somewhat about plans for the day after tomorrow. I really have to do some shopping anyway. Not only for myself, but of course, I need to find some things to bring back for the girls."
"Yes, dear,” Charles acted as if he were a contrite husband, even bowing his head slightly. Kathy smiled. It was so much fun just bantering back and forth as they had done so many years ago. Both a little more at ease, they followed the hostess to one of the large deep pink booths under the massive chandelier. Once in their seats, Charles opened the large menu and asked her if she would like him to order for her as he had done the previous night.
"No, absolutely not, if you continue to order like that, I'll have to go shopping for a new and very large size wardrobe."
"Well, I am still a big eater as always. I'm just usually so busy; I don't seem to gain any weight. I hate to admit it, but half the time, I barely know what I am eating, just that it fills me up."
"Still? You will never gain an ounce while I have to battle daily to even maintain my weight." Kathy glanced over at Mr. Perfect, as she thought of him. What if they did continue where they had left of years ago? There would be no flaws with him, but how about her? There was that time of childbearing that had left her with those permanent stretch marks, a little faded, but still there. The single necessary surgery that also prevented her from having another child also left such a distinctive scar. Then there had been that warning heart attack that had terrified her so much. Twenty years ago, her breasts had been full but firm. Now, still full but not so firm and she still had more curves than she preferred. How would he look at this mature, imperfect body? It would be devastating to have him alone, in a romantic setting, just about to... and to have him reject her in any way. Katherine shuddered at the thought.
"Can I take your order, mam," a very tall, dark-haired waiter was talking to her. "May I suggest a drink before dinner?"
"No, no drink, but I will have a cup of coffee now."
Dinner was ordered and as usual, everything was flawless. Their discussion encompassed everything from their planned excursion to paint on the beach to future plans for her trip back to Arizona with the possibility of him accompanying her.
“Kathy, if things go well with us, I would like to plan to accompany you when you do return to Arizona or perhaps we could have your girls come here. “
“Why would you want the girls to come here? Wouldn’t it be simpler for us to go there? I don’t want to cause too much upset. And…that is only if things go well. You can’t be too sure that we will work things out. It has been twenty years. “
“It doesn’t really matter whether we go there or they come here. Things are going to work out. Neither of us has changed that much. We can overcome anything and we will. Charles reached for her hand.
She couldn’t help but put her hand in his strong one. “I think we would be better off going there, rather than have them break away from their schooling and fly out here.“ The conversation was getting nowhere. After seeing him that morning, obviously having been out all night, Kathy was very much afraid that the relationship could not go anywhere. How could it? Perhaps it had been nothing, but then why hadn’t he told her, given some reason? The thought was there. Was he still married? He said he lived close, but didn’t want to go there at this time. He left the hotel for the night, obviously, but didn’t tell her, but instead acted as if he were just tired. Charles stated that he had this “business” about which he could not discuss at this time. What if he were involved in some sort of criminal activity. He couldn’t be. He just couldn’t be.
“Kathy, what is it? Is something wrong? “Charles shook her hand slightly. “You seem to be lost in thought and have such a frown on your face. Am I upsetting you by trying to make future plans?”
“No, not really. Well, yes, this is all so sudden for me. I don’t want to get hurt again. We can talk and we can see each other for now, but I don’t want to become comfortable in this relationship until we see how much each of us may have changed. It’s been so long. I’m not even sure we were in love then or was it just youthful passion?”
“Kathy, it couldn’t have been just that. We would have forgotten each other a lot sooner. You’ve been in my mind and heart every minute of every day. Tell me it has been the same for you.”
It was difficult to admit it. It would only make things harder should things not work out. “Yes,” she said reluctantly. “It has been the same. To be honest, I can’t even tell you how many times you were in my thoughts; how many lonely nights I wished you were near. I know I shouldn’t say that, since I was married to Frank, but we didn’t have that good a marriage.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I assumed…”
“Well, he was a good man, but he worked a lot, kind of a workaholic. I kept busy with the children. It was okay.”
“Kathy...”
“No, please, Charles, I don’t want to discuss my marriage any more. It’s over. He’s gone. Life goes on and that’s what I intend to do. Go on with my life.”
“With me, I hope. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t push you. Just keep it in mind that I do want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“No matter what?”
Charles gave her a strange look. Kathy was certain he must be thinking about his own secrets. She thought of her own lack of honesty. How could they ever have a future together? Then there were the girls. How would Beth react when she found out that Charles was her father? She had never known another than Frank. Jesey; would she under
stand that the only mother she had ever known had a former lover? What a mess she could create of all of their lives and for what?
“There you go again, Kathy. Perhaps you are right. We should give ourselves more time to get to know each other before we make commitments or even plans. Please forgive me for being so pushy.”
“Of course. And we are both to blame if blame must be placed. Let’s just go on as friends, very good friends.”
“Now, let’s order some dessert.” Charles raised his hand to signal the waiter who had obligingly stayed back while they were close in conversation.
As tempting as the dessert menu had been, Katherine forced herself to say a simple no while Charles ordered a mile high piece of irresistible Black Forest Chocolate cake.
"Come on, Kathy, just take one little bite and help me out here,” he pleaded waving a small piece on a fork at her mouth. It was impossible to keep refusing so she gave in and took that one taste.
"Mmm, it is so good, but please don't tempt me anymore. Don't you care that I will gain weight to blimp size? Frank had always kept on her about every ounce.
“No, actually I don't care if you gain weight, except that you don't want to, and of course, your health. You are still you, no matter what."
“That was good to hear even if he might not mean it.” Please help me by not tempting me. After all, it is important for my health, as you said."
"Of course, I don‘t give that much thought, but I will now. As soon as we finish here, how about that drive? I promise it will take your mind off food."
Fifteen minutes later, dinner completed, check paid, they were off in his silver Oldsmobile heading down highway 101 south. Windows rolled down, air conditioning off; Kathy leaned back against the soft gray suede seats to enjoy the soft summery breezes. They seemed to be all talked out for the moment, although it was so delightful just being in his company. His eyes on the road gave her a chance to take another searching look at the man with whom she had once wanted desperately to spend her life. She could only dream about the life that might have been, imagining how ecstatic their lives could be if they had spent the past twenty years in each other's arms.
"Let's drive down to the dunes. I think you'd like it and it’s not too far."
Kathy agreed not having the slightest idea what these dunes were and where they were located. In moments they had left the freeway and were heading down the main street of Pismo Beach toward the road that led, according to him, to the Pismo Dunes. Kathy was surprised to see that they were allowed to drive on the sandy beach. "Is this safe? I mean we could get stuck."
"There's always someone who will help you out if we do and if not, there's the auto club. Look at all the vehicles driving up and down."
"Even a horse," Katherine pointed to the lone horse and rider outlined in the moonlight. How lonely he appeared and how romantic that might have been for her and Charles if she were one to enjoy horseback, just the two of them, alone on the beach the horse pounding through the surf. Although there were no set roads, all the vehicles were staying in line going one way or the other as if there were a firm, two-lane road along the beach. Charles pulled out of the line and parked his car near a roaring bonfire surrounded by singing teenagers. Reaching into the back seat, he pulled out a blanket and set it out on the soft sand.
"Come, let's sit here, watch the ocean and listen to them."
Kathy didn't even hesitate. It was good to see teens acting as she had in her youth. Today so many were involved in drinking and drugs. Sitting next to him, she felt comfortable, close and she wanted him with all her heart. If they had been alone at that moment, she wouldn't have been able to trust herself. Not even her fear that he might not look upon her as favorably would have stopped her from going to those eager enticing arms, getting closer to that marvelous body. Kathy sat as close as was safe for her emotions, feeling the warmth from his body, hugging her knees with her arms, the man she desperately desired only inches away.
It was so peaceful. The moon was almost full, throwing its light on the otherwise dark ocean. Off in the distance, the waves seemed to take on phosphorescence as if a mermaid were holding a flashlight beneath the waves. Kathy pointed it out to Charles, amazed at the sight. It was a common occurrence in that area, but he hesitated to spoil her illusions. "I wonder if I could paint that and if I did, who would believe it?"
"That's what we will do the day after tomorrow, Katherine. We'll take your art stuff and go out to a favorite spot of mine, if you don't mind, and you can paint it. There is the ocean, cliffs, and some fascinating rock formations. I'm not an artist but I do know what I like and I am sure you'd like it too. I've often seen a group of artists sitting at their easels trying to recreate the scene. It crossed her mind that he must live very close to be so familiar with the area, not hours away as he had mentioned. Could it be that he was still married and wanted to keep her away from his home and the truth? Oh no, she thought; that's one thing I couldn't bear, not again. But neither of them had ever lied about that before. No reason to start now.
"How about that? Sound like a good idea? I can't wait to see you paint after wanting to for so long. Kind of foolish in a way isn't it? So many of us wait and keep waiting to do things we dream about as young people." Charles was talking about her, but it sounded like he included himself in his wistful talk.
They just sat there watching the waves crash on the shore as fewer and fewer vehicles drove on the sand. Finally, the teen-agers slowly stopped their songs watching their large bonfire slowly burn down to glowing embers. Parents were beginning to come and pick up their young people. Soon they would be alone, alone on the sand on a moonlight beach.
"Time to go back." Charles took her by the hand and helped her up then shook out the blanket. "Kathy dearest, I care for you with all my heart and want you more than words can tell, but I promised. I understand why you would hesitate to jump back into a relationship after all this time and I can't blame you. I give you my word I won't do anything that you don't want me to do for the rest of this vacation, but I am asking you one thing and I want you to think about it." Charles put his arms about her and brought those warm lips down on hers with gentleness she remembered. Still tingles ran through her body, passion stirred within her. Kathy was helpless to push him away.
"Katherine, my sweet princess, I want to ask you to be my wife. Don't answer me now, yet. Please give me your answer on our last night here. I've waited all these years and while it will be one of the hardest things I have ever done, I'll wait."
"Charles, I..." Katherine wanted to tell him how much she loved him and wanted to be his wife at that moment, but she couldn't come to him with any doubts in her mind. There were too many problems relating to her daughters. His request convinced her that he was free as he had said, but there was still that fear that whatever was his profession; he felt it necessary to keep the details to himself. She would have to know first for herself and their daughter and she would have to be sure that her daughter would accept the situation. How on earth could she tell Beth after all these years that her father wasn't the man who raised her? What would Beth think? She couldn't bear to lose the respect of her daughter. "I will have my answer then."
"Great!" Was that the sparkle of a tear on his cheek? He had always been a sensitive man. "Now, my beloved princess, I am going to take you back to the hotel before I have to jump in that frigid cold ocean and I am sure you know why."
Katherine laughed as she allowed him to lead her back to the car and the Madonna Inn for one more night where she would sleep alone and only dream of him and his love.