I whispered. “You can’t really want me.”
He took a deep breath. “But I do! God, I want you… so much!” There was frustration in his voice.
I stared up at him. “Ryder, I’m not ready for a relationship yet. And even if I am, I’m afraid you are more than I can handle.”
“I want to kill whoever made you like this!” He whispered.
I shook my head. “It’s not just that, Ryder. I don’t want to get heartbroken again… especially not by you. I don’t want to lose you, Ryder. So let’s just… stay as we are. Uncomplicated. Friends.”
He took a deep breath. When he looked back at me, I think I saw defeat in his eyes. Then finally he said, “You’re still in New York. And we still have a deal.” He bent to give me a thorough kiss on the lips. Then he swung me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to bed.
***
When we reached Malibu and I said goodbye to my family, I didn’t feel like going home just yet.
“Wanna grab a bite?” Ryder asked.
I smiled at him and squeezed his hand. It’s like, he can read my thoughts loudly and clearly.
I nodded. He smiled at me. Then he drove to Oil Rig. The place was packed but he led me to a reserved VIP area. He asked what I wanted to eat.
“Boy, I could really eat some steak, huh!”
He laughed. “Alright. You deserve some comfort food. Steak it is!”
My phone rang. It was Dannie. “Are you still in New York?”
“Nope. Just got back to Malibu.” I replied.
“Where are you?”
“Just got to Oil Rig.”
“We were there a couple of minutes ago. It’s packed! Did you get a table?”
“Yeah. I’m having dinner here!”
“How did you manage that? The line was too damn long!”
“I’m with… Ryder.”
“Well, that’s convenient! I’d have a table too if I was hooking up with the owner!” He said sarcastically.
I sighed. “I don’t have time for that Dannie. My parents are having a big fight! I just want to forget about them for a while.”
“Oh shoot! I’m sorry!” He said apologetically. “Can we join you there?”
I looked at Ryder and he knew what I was about to ask him before I opened my mouth. “Three?”
I nodded.
“Send them in, I’ll give instructions at the reception.” He said.
I smiled at him. “Thanks.”
In a few minutes, we were joined by Nicole, Dannie and John.
I told them about New York and how my mother went there to get her mind off her fight with my father. Ryder dined with us and then he excused himself for a while to check up on his staff.
“Oh my God!” Nicole beamed looking at me. “I was dying to ask! What is that on your neck?”
“Um… a necklace?”
“Did you buy that or did you get that as a present from your very rich boyfriend?” Dannie asked.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” I protested.
“But he gave you that?” Dannie asked.
I sighed. They knew I couldn’t afford the necklace yet, so there’s no point in lying to them.
“Yeah he did. And don’t ask me why.” I said.
“And you’re wearing your engagement ring again!” Nicole said surveying my finger.
“I had to. My mother knew about the engagement. They were looking for a ring. Ryder had to give it back to me.”
“So he never returned the ring after you returned it to him?” John asked.
I shook my head.
“What’s this? He’s got a standby engagement ring handy?” John teased.
I glared at John before Ryder returned to our table. Then Nicole and Dannie asked me to dance.
“He’s watching you.” Dannie whispered against my ear.
“Who?”
“Who else?” Dannie said looking over at our table. I turned around and saw Ryder with John. He was looking at me. When our eyes met, he winked.
“I think he really likes you.” Nicole said.
“He plays his part very well!” I said. “Too well, I’m afraid my family will be heartbroken if we break this thing off. It’s not real. You guys have to remember that.”
“Well, tell that to him not us!” Nicole said evenly.
“Do you like him?” Dannie asked.
I sighed. “Yes. But do I want my heart to be broken again? No.”
“But you want him.”
“I’ve wanted him from the moment I met him. But it’s… complicated. And I don’t want to risk my heart or my friendship with him for something that might not last forever.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because I’ve been there before. Guys like Ryder have fun with girls like me but at the end of the day, their families expect them to marry within their own circle.”
“Ash, one rich guy shot you down. Who knows? Maybe Ryder is different!” Nicole said.
“Do I really want to risk everything we have just to prove myself wrong?” I asked.
“Don’t you think he’s worth the shot?” Dannie asked.
“Guys, I went here to have a bit of fun so I can forget that my parents’ marriage may be on the rocks. Leave Ryder and I alone for a while, okay?”
The two finally let it go, but I know the looks on their faces. Someday, if I regret my decision not to go after Ryder, I’ve got two best friends who will tell me, “I told you so.”
It was one in the morning when we decided to go home. I’ve had six bottles of alcohol and I’m feeling tipsy.
“I’ll take you home.” Ryder offered. I said goodbye to my friends and let Ryder lead me to his car.
“When will you be back to Manhattan?” I asked him.
“Tomorrow, six A.M.” He replied. He looked at me wearily. “Are you sure you wanna be alone?” He asked reaching out for my hand.
I intertwined our fingers. It felt warm and I instantly felt comforted. I didn’t answer, but tears kept rolling down my cheeks.
He knew the answer even though I didn’t say anything. The next thing I knew, he was parking his car in front of his house.
He opened the car door for me. I’m not sure what we’re doing here but I’m sure it’s a lot better than whining inside my room alone.
He lit the fireplace in his living room. Then he pulled me to sit beside him on the couch. My heart pounded in my chest. He promised not to make any move on me. The deal we had expired the minute we left New York.
He put his arms around me and held me.
“It’s okay, love. You can cry if you want to. For now, that’s all you can do. At least it will make you feel better.” He said gently.
I buried my face on his chest and let the tears fall again. But now, I know I’m not alone. I have Ryder with me… my savior, my rock.
I must have fallen asleep. When I opened my eyes, I was resting comfortably against soft mattresses. Light is seeping through the glass doors. I can hear the soothing sound of the waves on the ocean.
I propped up my elbows and found myself lying on Ryder’s soft bed, with the comforters draped over me to keep me warm. There was no sign of Ryder. I looked at my wristwatch for the time. It was already nine in the morning. I sat up from bed and found myself dressed in a big baggy shirt that I was sure was Ryder’s.
I remembered that he has to take the six a.m. flight. Did he cancel his trip?
I stood up from the bed and went out of the bedroom.
“Ryder!” I called. No answer.
I went to his living room. There were keys on the table, and there was a note under them.
Ash,
I hope you’ll be okay while I’m gone. There’s a meeting in Manhattan that I can’t miss. Otherwise, I would have stayed.
Keep the keys with you until I come back. You’re welcome to stay here anytime you want… in fact, I would like it if you do.
Don’t worry too much. Things will fall into place soon. And i
f they don’t, you know I’ll always be here for you. You just say the word…
Call me as soon as you wake up.
By the way, you can arm and disarm the alarm system. The passcode is 278743.
Love,
Ryder
I read the note a couple of times. Tears rolled down my eyes again. But this time, I wasn’t crying because of my parents’ problems. I was crying because I miss Ryder already.
He’s been an epitome of strength to me. He’s been there in my darkest hours. He helped me get back on my feet. He’s been too sweet, too kind. And everyday, I wish more and more that he’s not a complicated man. That he was just the boy next door that I can hope to have an ‘ever after’ with. So I won’t be scared to take a chance with him.
I dialed his number. He answered in one ring. “Good morning, love.” He greeted cheerily.
“Good morning.”
“Do you feel better?”
“Yeah. Except I need coffee.” I said.
He laughed. “I have a coffee maker in the kitchen. Water’s in the fridge.”
I walked to his fridge. Its only contents are a box of milk, a liter of water, a box of orange juice and a pack of butter.
“Do you live in this place at all?” I asked giggling. “Your fridge is almost empty.”
He sighed. “I can’t really trust the maids to refill the fridge.”
“So what do you do when you’re here and you need to… eat?”
“I order out. Or I call the bar and have one of the guys to bring me food. Or I just simply go out.”
“Don’t you want to stock up your fridge at all? I mean, you’re here at least once a week.”
“Well, I just don’t have the time to do the grocery.”
“Oh well, would you have time for anything other than work?”
“I have time to be your fiancé , don’t I?”
I felt guilty. It is true. No matter how busy he was, Ryder magically finds the time to pose as my devoted fiancé in front of my family.
“I’m sorry I impose on you too much.”
“Why are you sorry?” He asked. “I like being your fiancé.”
I sighed. I wished it was true. That he really likes being my fiancé … and not just for the sake of the charade.
I broke the uncomfortable silence that followed. “I forgot to give you back your ring.”
“It’s your ring, Astrid.” He said in a serious tone.
“Ryder… I don’t want to have this argument anymore.”
“Neither do I.” He replied.
I held out my hand and looked at the beautiful ring on my finger.
“You don’t give thirty thousand diamond rings to strangers, Ryder.”
“You’re not a stranger, Astrid.”
“You promised you’d find a good reason. Our engagement in New York was just a make believe. So I’m compelled to give this back to you.”
He laughed. “Alright. You win.” He said. “Just hold on to it until I get back.”
“Can’t I leave it here?”
“No. Please. My safe will only be installed next week. It’s more secure on your finger. I promise I’ll take it back when I see you.”
“When are you coming back?”
“A couple of days.”
“Alright. I’ll have coffee and then I’ll lock up.” I said.
“Hold on to the key for me.” He said. “Ash…”
“Yes?”
“You can go there anytime you want.”
I laughed. “Ryder, you go to another person’s house to visit them. Why will I go here if you’re not here?”
“Well, just in case you need a change of scene.” He chuckled.
I walked over to his living room. “Hmmm… that I can use.” I looked at his movie collection. “Have you watched all these movies?”
“Some.” He replied. “Some I’m finding time to watch.”
I read some of the titles on his huge collection. “Let’s see what sort of movies Ryder Van Woodsen fancies… The Godfather, Scarface, The Godfather II, The Godfather III… you’re an Al Pacino fan.” I went all the way to the other side. “There you go! Notting Hill, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Runaway Bride, Stepmom… you’re a fan of Julia Roberts too. Hey, there’s a movie I’d like to watch! Pretty Woman!”
“You haven’t seen Pretty Woman?” He asked.
“In passing.” I said. “My friends in college were watching it once, I was cramming for an exam the next day.”
“Hmmm… you can watch it.”
“One of these days, when I need to unwind, I just might treat myself to a pizza and a movie here at your place.”
“You’re welcome anytime. You have the keys.” He said.
We chatted for another ten minutes and then I said goodbye to him. Then I finished my coffee and went off.
For the next days, I kept my mind off my parents’ problems by keeping myself busy. Ryder and I have been texting each other almost every hour. He’s narrating what happens to his day to me. I do the same. Every night, he would call me and we would talk until one of us would fall asleep. It’s like he’s not in Manhattan at all. Like, he’s just right there beside me.
Chapter Nineteen
USHERETTE:
Their role is to make sure that your guests do not lose their way on your wedding party.
One night, Ryder called me to ask a favor.
“The maid will come tomorrow. Usually I’m there when she does. But I won’t make it this week. Can you stop by my house? She doesn’t have a key. Just let her in and stay there while she does her stuff.”
“You want me to supervise on your maid.”
“Not really. Just be there to make sure that everything’s in order.”
“Alright. I think I can handle that.”
The next day, I went to Ryder’s house. His maid was a woman in her forties named Zara. She didn’t look like a maid at first, more like a diner waitress. She was chewing gum and was wearing a skirt that is way above her knees.
“Where is Mr. Ryder?” She asked me.
“He’s in Manhattan.” I replied. It looked to me that she was disappointed that the boss was not in. Judging by her makeup and her short skirt, this woman has another agenda in her mind in cleaning Ryder’s house. Somehow, I didn’t like that idea.
“Are you one of his employees in the bar?” She asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Relative?” She asked again.
I shook my head.
“Employee in Manhattan?” She insisted.
I turned to her. In a very controlled voice, I said, “No. I’m his… fiancée.”
She was taken aback. Then she looked at me from head to feet, sort of measuring me. “Sorry. It’s just that the boss never brought any woman in this house. You were the first.”
“That’s very comforting to know.” I said to her. Then I took my Chinese takeout to the deck and ate.
Zara finished her chores after two hours. Before she left, I checked if everything was in order. I checked the plants, the rooms, the bathrooms, the kitchen. I must admit, she did a very good job. She was very thorough. Even though I was irritated with her for… attempting to seduce Ryder, her great job in the house deserved a tip. And so I gave her a generous one.
She smiled at me. “Well, I guess you and the boss are two of a kind. Congratulations on your engagement.”
I smiled at her. “Thank you, Zara. Have a nice day.”
When she was gone, I called Ryder.
“Did you sleep with your maid?” I asked him.
“Hell no!” He replied. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Oh my God! Didn’t you notice that she was trying to… make you notice her or something?”
“I’m not naïve, Ash. But I’m also not interested.”
“Really? Short skirt, bulging neckline?”
“Nope.” He said. “But it is uncomfortable for me to be in the same room with her.”