I think the sight of me is unsettling to Ryder and it doesn’t help his recovery if he’s emotionally aggravated. But I couldn’t help myself. Once, when he was sound asleep, I went to his room. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw him still in bandages. I’m so happy that he made it. Even though he doesn’t remember me, I will still always be thankful that God heard my prayers. Ryder is alive.
I leaned forward and rested my head on his arm. I allowed tears to come. I wanted to feel his warmth. I wanted to feel his love again. But I guess I have to wait some more. I know deep inside that mind of his are his memories of me. And he would fight for his way back.
I stared at his peaceful, handsome face. Ryder. My knight in shining armor. My rock. Now, I would have to be strong for our love. And I would wait for him, no matter how much it hurts.
“I love you.” I whispered. Then I leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently, still careful not to wake him up. “Come back to me, Ryder.”
I felt his fingers flinch a little. My heart pounded inside my chest. I know he’s not ready for me yet. And I don’t want to make things worse than they already are. So slowly, I backed down from the bed and tiptoed my way out of his room. I leaned on his door and took a deep breath.
When I opened my eyes, I found a pair of curious, beautiful green eyes staring back at me.
Paris smiled at me apologetically. “Did he see you?” She asked.
I shook my head.
“I know it hurts, sweetheart.” She said. “But give it a little bit more time. He’ll come around. And I’m sure he would ask for you.” She gave my hand a squeeze and then finally, she went inside the room.
In spite of all their advices, I still went to the hospital every single day. Once in a while, when I know he’s sound asleep, I would go to his room. I would whisper “I love you” as I kiss him goodnight before I go back to his apartment and cry my heart out.
A month had passed before he finally asked for me.
“Are you Astrid?” A nurse asked me while I was on my usual spot in the waiting room. I was alone, waiting for one of Ryder’s friends or family to keep me company.
I nodded.
“Mr. Van Woodsen would like to see you.” She smiled.
I felt a glimmer of hope that maybe he finally remembered me. I stood up from my seat and followed the nurse to his room. Ryder was sitting on the bed. He looked better than the last time I saw him. His stitches look like they were starting to heal now.
I stood at the foot of his bed. The nurse left us. Ryder stared at me for a long time. He was studying me. My heart pounded in my chest, and I realized that I wasn’t breathing properly.
When I looked into his eyes, I couldn’t see the usual emotion he used to have whenever he looks at me. His expression was void of love and tenderness. I bit my lip, hoping desperately that he would say something.
Then finally, he took a deep breath and said, “Well, at least you are pretty.”
He didn’t say that gently. I couldn’t recognize the exact emotion in his voice. He sounded like he was angry, but he was also a little relieved. “You say you’re my girlfriend?”
“Y-yes.” I said weakly.
He raised a brow. “You lack conviction when you say that. It makes it harder for me to believe it.”
I took a deep breath again and then repeated my answer, “Yes, Ryder. I am your girlfriend.” I said louder.
“How long have we been together?”
I didn’t know how to explain this. Unofficially, we’ve been together for about ten months. But officially, it was a lot shorter than that. Yeah, like two days before he forgot about me.
“We’ve been together for less than a week before your accident… officially.”
“Officially?”
I nodded. “We’ve been pretending to be engaged for about ten months now.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Pretending?”
I nodded. “It’s a long story.”
“I’m sure! As you can see, I can’t remember all the stupid things I did this year. So please… feel free to enlighten me!”
“Stupid?” I repeated. That felt like a slap in the face. Did he think having me as a girlfriend was stupid?
“Yes.” He replied. “Why would I pretend to be somebody’s fiancé? Do I look like I couldn’t get a woman to marry me for real?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then why, Ms. Jacobson, would I pretend to be your fiancé?”
I sighed. “Because I asked you to. My ex-fiancé cheated on me with my cousin and I attended their wedding with you. You helped me out, so I could save my pride and my dignity in front my family.”
“Why would I do that?” He asked.
I shrugged. “Because… because you said you liked me. And that was your way to get to know me.”
He raised a brow. “You mean I agreed to play along with your charade so I could get you to bed?” He asked blatantly.
My eyes widened. “No, Ryder.” I said. “You would never do that. It was never about the sex for you. You’re… for real. You really cared about me.”
“I couldn’t care about you on such a short notice, miss. I wonder what you did before that.”
“You said… you said I got under my skin the first moment you laid eyes on me.”
He stared at me. And then he laughed so hard, it started to insult me. He shook his head. “Clearly, miss, you are mistaken. That does not sound like me at all.” He swung his legs to the side of the bed and he stood up.
My heart pounded in my chest as he approached me. When he was close enough he looked down and studied my face. He looked into my eyes. Then I saw a glimmer of emotion there, some sort of recognition. But it was so short, I thought I must have imagined it. “Are your eyes violet?” He asked.
I nodded. I couldn’t breathe. He was standing too close. And it kills me to know that this is the same man I love, my Ryder… and yet he’s so different and because of that, I couldn’t get through him at all.
“You sure you’re not a witch?” He asked. “Because you must have put me under a spell or given me a love potion. That would be the only explanation for all my rash actions. The man you are telling me about now does not sound like me at all.”
I closed my eyes in disbelief. Then I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it’s not his fault there’s a stupid cloud in his brain that veils his memories of me.
“Ryder, I know this is too much to handle for now.” I think Jake was right to keep me away from him for the past month. “Let’s… take this slow.” I said to him.
“Well, you should have told me that ten months ago!” He said. “Apparently, this year I did everything in super fast mode! If you really know me, Ms. Jacobson, you know I don’t fall for a woman that fast. I am not rash. More importantly, I am not gullible.”
I nodded. “I know that, Ryder.”
“So can you just tell me what you want from me and we can end this charade now? My life is already complicated as it is.”
“Ryder…” I started. What is he saying? Is he breaking up with me? Without him knowing me and everything that happened to us in the last year? This is so unfair!
“What did you really want, Miss Jacobson? Is it the money? How much?”
“What?” I asked back, totally appalled.
“Come on, miss. It’s only the two of us in here. And I noticed that you have won over my mother, my sister and my best friends. I want you to stay away from them too. Could we stop all pretenses now, and let’s just go our separate ways and pretend nothing happened? I am willing to compensate you for your trouble.”
My eyes widened. I swear, if Ryder didn’t already have a brain injury, I am going to inflict one on him. I was seething with anger. How dare he? What does he think of me?
“I don’t believe this!” I threw my hands in the air.
“I know, right? Me too!” He rolled his eyes sarcastically.
I stared back at him, tears starting to brim my eyes.
/> He stared back at me. He narrowed his eyes and I saw a glint of emotion there. Then his expression turned cold again.
“Please don’t cry, Miss Jacobson.” He said. “It won’t work on me.”
I blinked back the tears. How could this Ryder be so mean?
“Let’s not beat around the bushes. You probably came from a middle class family. You came here, no fancy clothes, no expensive jewelry. I was told you were a wedding planner. I think you are ambitious, you needed somebody to bring you to the world of the rich. Well, maybe it’s a good thing that I lost a year of my memory, because I have time to undo what you are about to do to me.”
“Ryder, don’t say these.” I begged him silently, tears rolling down my cheeks, in spite of him asking me not to cry.
He stood there watching me. I know that he’s only trying to be mean to me to shake me away. I could see a glimmer of emotion in his eyes, but he was fighting it.
“When was the last time I went to bed with you?” He asked.
I stared at him, confused with his question. “What…”
“Answer the question. When was the last time I had sex with you?” He asked bluntly.
“The day before your accident.” I replied weakly.
“That would be over a month ago.” He said. “I want you to take a pregnancy test. I just want to make sure that you’re not pregnant.”
Every queen needs a prince or a princess in her Ever After too. And suddenly, remembering him say those words to me so tenderly made me cry even more. I wiped the tears on my cheeks and nodded.
“What would you do if I am?” I asked back.
He raised a brow at me. “Aren’t you on the pill?”
I shook my head slowly.
He shrugged. “I’m sure I always protection. I doubt that you are pregnant. But just in case, I want to be sure. And then we will talk about you staying out of my life so I can start fresh. As you can see, I lost a year of my life. That’s a lot to catch up on.”
“Why… why would you want to get rid of me?”
“Because I don’t trust you.” He said. “How the hell you made me fall in love with you, I do not know. How you made me put my money on your business, I am also not sure. You must be really good in bed. I am usually not the type of man who would fall under a woman’s spell. And I stay away from girls like you.”
“Girls like me? What do you think I am?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know you well enough to judge you. But the last thing I want is to end up with a mercenary slut who is only using me to gain access to my bank accounts!”
“Mercenary slut?” I echoed. Is this how Ryder was like before I met him? “You’re calling me a mercenary slut?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t say that you are. I don’t know you well enough to judge you. I’m just saying that I’m trying to stay away from women who only wanted me for what I am worth.”
I bit my lip and balled my fists inside my jeans’ pockets to keep myself from swinging the metal food tray across his face.
“Maybe it’s not a good idea for us to talk today. I’ll see you some other time.” I said to him.
I turned away from him. When I looked back, I found that his eyes were looking at my behind. He was totally checking me out. Finally, he looked at my face.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I understand why I would have been attracted to you.” He said. “But I still don’t think you could trick me into marriage… or love.”
I was so angry, hurt and insulted, I didn’t bother to retort back. I turned away from him and bumped into Jake who was just getting inside the room.
He stared down at me and saw the tears I was trying to hold back. His expression softened and he reached out to touch my shoulder.
“Astrid, are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine, Jake. I’m a rock!” I said to him, mustering all the courage I could find.
Then I turned to leave the room. I heard Jake shout at Ryder, “Not cool, man! Totally not cool!”
I was so upset when I got back to Ryder’s apartment. Ryder seems like a total stranger now. I never knew he could be this harsh, this mean. When I met him, he was a dream. He was a sweet guy who I thought only existed in romance novels and fairy tales. The Ryder now also seems unreal… but in a terrible way.
God, he was worse than Kevin Moore! And Kevin and his mother were the reasons why I vowed I would never date a filthy rich guy who was out of my league. I don’t want to be judged, to be measured whether or not I meet the minimum acceptable standards. I don’t want my boyfriend and his family to question me, to doubt whether I really love him or I was in it for the status and the money.
It took me months to stop fighting what I feel for Ryder. He was so persistent, so sincere, so desperate, he did everything to make me believe him, trust in him. And now… he was an example of the very reason why I didn’t want to fall for him in the first place.
Sometimes, I find my stupid situation so hilarious, I would actually roll on the floor laughing if I was not too busy bawling my eyes out.
I slept in one his long-sleeved shirts again that night. And as I lied down on his bed and cried my heart out, I prayed for like the millionth time that this was just a bad dream I would soon wake up from.
***
“You could keep staying in Ryder’s apartment.” Paris told me the day that Ryder would be going home from the hospital.
“No, it’s okay. I know he’s still not ready to see me.” I said. “I could stay in a hotel.”
“Nonsense.” She said. “He will stay at my mother’s house for a while. At least there, we have maids and butlers to attend to his needs while he is healing.” Paris explained. “He won’t come back to his apartment. Stay there.”
I should be happy. Ryder’s physical wounds are healing. I would have been the happiest woman on earth if only his memories didn’t get messed up… if only he could remember even a second of our time together. Or at least, he was even willing to get to know me.
“Do you think I could see him again?” I asked.
Paris nodded. “Yes. He has to deal with you, no matter how hard he tries to run away from it.”
“I don’t understand that, actually.”
“My brother didn’t believe he could actually fall in love. You confuse him.” Paris replied. “And he doesn’t know what to do with you.”
Oh, this Ryder Van Woodsen knows what to do with me alright! He wants to get rid of me so fast, he was even willing to pay me. But I didn’t tell anybody that. I know Ryder didn’t mean it. If he was himself, he would never say those words at all.
I went with Paris to her mother’s house. Helen has a ten bedroom mansion. The whole house was swarmed with butlers and maids keeping it well taken care of.
Helen was ecstatic to see me. “Sweetheart.” She gave me a hug. “I’m so glad to see you. I told one of the maids to call Ryder.”
Helen and I chatted in the tea room, while Paris excused herself.
“That girl.” Helen sighed.
Paris?
“You’re family now, Astrid. I suppose I could tell you. I worry about her.”
“She seems like a girl who could take care of herself.” I said.
“Yes. Sometimes a little too much.” Helen heaved a frustrated breath.
“I don’t understand.”
“Paris is sometimes too independent, too tough and too smart for her own good. I worry about the guys she dates. I want her to marry well, you know.”
My heart sank. I guess all rich people have this unwritten rule to marry within their circle.
“It’s different with Ryder, of course.” Helen said, not even looking at me. “He could marry whoever he likes. He’s going to be the head of this family. And he’s practically made well for himself. His wife’s job would be to keep him sane and happy. Paris’s future husband, however, must make sure she continues living as comfortably as she is now. I would hate for her to end up with a good-for-nothing man who would not only mess up
his life, but also exhaust all of Paris’s share of the family’s wealth.”
She has a point. She’s not judging people based on wealth. She just don’t want a douche to end up with her daughter. I guess, I could live with that.
“I’m sure Paris would be responsible enough to know that.”
She sighed. “Yes. You know, her father always sets her up with a man?”
I raised a brow.