“Yes. She hates it. And she does everything she could do defy him to the point that she would embarrass the guys he sets up for her. I guess he probably tried to fix her up with at least five guys and all of them didn’t even want to be the same room as Paris now.”
I bit my lip to prevent myself from laughing. I couldn’t believe that delicate, sweet and innocent Paris has a naughty, feisty side. It was enlightening to hear, actually.
We were interrupted by their butler. He looked at Helen, but he refused to look at me.
“Mister… Mister Ryder said he… wasn’t feeling well.” He said, but his voice lack the conviction, so I’m thinking that wasn’t the real reason I couldn’t see Ryder. And judging the Ryder I last spoke to, I’m sure his butler is finding it so hard to rephrase the words he said as to why he couldn’t see me.
I fought back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. I couldn’t show Helen how hurt I am. She would feel guilty, I know.
“That’s… that’s okay. I think he needs more time.” I said quietly.
For the first time the butler looked at me. He gave me an apologetic smile, which confirmed my earlier suspicion that Ryder didn’t want to see me on purpose.
I nodded at him slightly.
Helen must have sensed this too. And I know she felt sorry for me. “Well, since my son is unable to see you, I think you have some free time on your hands, right?”
I nodded.
“Come, sweetheart. I wanted to go shopping today. And I needed a better company than Paris. Her taste in clothes are sometimes too different from me. Would you mind spending the afternoon at the mall with me?” Helen asked.
How could I say no? I know Helen would like to do something for me to make me feel better.
“Thank you, Helen.” I said. “If you think I would be a good company, then I would be happy to come with you.”
Ryder’s mother obviously likes shopping. And it’s no surprise to me that almost all the sales staff of the luxurious brands know her. I decided to relax and be myself. I did one of the things that I actually do best. I critic the clothes she chose as well as the bags and jewelry. I guess one of the perks of my job is learning what has class and screams elegance, whether in detail or in whole. I think I actually impressed Helen with my skills. She was complimenting me about it.
“Now, I know why you are good at what you do, dear.” She said when we were having coffee.
“I guess I always had it in me.” I said. “I love what I do. It’s effortless for me.”
Just then, Helen handed me a paper bag from Cartier.
“This is for you, dear.”
I shook my head. “Helen, no.” I said. “I couldn’t accept this. It’s not even my birthday.”
She laughed. She took out a box from the bag. “I would like to thank you for your company.”
“And you’re welcome. I enjoyed myself. But you didn’t have to give me something in return.” I said.
She opened the box and I saw a beautiful platinum bracelet.
“It’s my thank you gift, not just for today, dear.” She said. “This is to thank you for loving my son patiently.” She took the bracelet and locked it on my wrist. “And to remind you to always find the strength to fight for both of you.”
Tears brimmed my eyes as I stared back at Ryder’s mother.
“I’m so sorry, Astrid.” When she looked at me, her eyes were welling up with tears too. Helen hugged me. “I know that my son chose the right woman. I know how much he loves you! But he’s always been like this. Thinking that every woman he finds is just after his money. I know that when he gets better, you will be the first person he will look for. If he only remembers that the reason why you two didn’t happen quickly is because you didn’t want him to be rich, that you were more thrilled with him when he was a bartender.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I don’t know how to make him find his way back to me. And I’m so scared that everyday, I lose him more and more.”
“Just wait, my dear.” His mother said. “He’s still the same man. Somewhere in that stubborn mind of his, is the man who lives and dies for you.”
She squeezed my hand. I touched the bracelet that she gave me and I smiled back at her.
“Thank you.” I said. “And I hope you are right.”
“He’s my son. I know he will find a way back to you.”
And I could only hope that it was still true. That the man I love will wake up from this trance and remember what a good thing we have. The good thing that is waiting for him.
Chapter Twent
y-Seven
PRENUP:
A piece of legal document filed before marriage that states what would happen to the couple when they get divorced, particularly in terms of their finances and property.
Ryder.
Four months since the accident, and I’m slowly returning to my old shape. My wounds have healed. Minor broken bones and stitches… nothing I cannot recover from.
Except for one. The wound in my brain. There is still this veil that keeps one year of my life from my consciousness.
One year. I thought, how significant could that year be? I can read yearend reports from my businesses and I should be fine. I can spend a day on the net and catch up on what happened to the world.
I can not heal from this and still go on with my life. No hassles.
I feel normal. I feel like nothing happened at all. I still have the people I love around me. Paris has grown to be responsible, taking care of some of my branches. My mother is still doing a great job managing some of our businesses. Janis and Jake are still the same. Both are still pains in my ass sometimes. Still the same in love couple who couldn’t resist making out even when I’m around. My Dad still has a fetish for marriage and divorce.
Everything is fine. Normal.
It’s only when they bring up her name, that things start to feel hazy. It feels like when I look back, a huge portion of my life is covered in thick black smoke. Something is there. But I don’t know what it is. And she is a big part of that missing piece of the puzzle.
Who was she? How did I find her? How did I fall in love with her?
Everybody who is ever close to me told me that I was head over heels with her. But how could I be? I don’t know her. I don’t remember her. How could I love somebody that I barely know? How could I fall in love with somebody I met less than a year ago. It’s just so… unlike me!
“Are you okay, man?” Jake asked behind me. I was staring at our estate through my balcony, doing my favorite past time since the accident—thinking.
I shrugged.
“Astrid came yesterday. Did you see her?” He asked.
“Nope!” I replied curtly. “I told the butler to tell her that I am feigning a brain trauma, and thus I could not come down to see her.”
“Shit man!” Jake cursed beside me. “Why are you purposely hurting Astrid?”
“I doubt that she was hurt. Remember, she’s a rock!” I said.
I have to admit I admire her spirit. She doesn’t give up. She keeps coming back here, flying from Malibu to New York every week, coming to my mother’s house, asking to see me. And every time, she goes away with the same results. She ends up speaking to either Paris or my mother, but never did I come down to see her.
“Ryder, I know you were like this. You just don’t care much about women. You look at them the same way. After your money. Gold-diggers. You are too guarded! But Astrid is…”
“Shut up, Jake! You’re supposed to be on my side. I don’t want to hear about Astrid! If I hear any one of you tell me again how in love I was with her, I swear, I will kill myself!”
“But you are, asshole!” Jake snorted at me.
“I can’t love somebody I do not know, genius! That’s just the way I am. I will not fall for a woman that easily. She must have… I don’t know… given me a love potion or something. I am telling you. That woman is no different from the rest. She’s with me because she wan
ts the life that I could give her. She’s already manipulated me… and you.”
Jake stared at me for a long while. Then he sighed. “Ryder, when that cloud in your brain goes away, I want you to repeat this conversation over and over in your head and you will realize just how much I wanted to punch you right now! In fact, I believe when you do get better, the first thing you would want to do is kill yourself!” And then he walked away from me.
So much for being a shrink! I thought to myself, shaking my head.
Great! Even my best friend is taking Astrid’s side. What is it about her? What makes her so special that all the people close to me are practically worshipping the land she walks on?
Right! I don’t want to know. I specifically asked Janis, Paris, and Jake not to tell me about Astrid. I don’t want any more pressures of remembering her. It’s bad enough that she changed my life a lot in the past months. I know she’s leading me on. For all I know, she must have slept with many different men just to get to their pockets.
I didn’t date a lot. But when I do go out on a date, I make it a point to date a woman who has something to say for herself. I was too cautious that she would be like my father’s mistresses and wives. Only after the money. So as much as possible, I tread very carefully, making sure that the woman really wants me, and not my money, or she doesn’t care about what I could give her, because she can very well provide for herself.
Somebody like my old friend, Alizia. I’ve gone out with her a couple of times. She was beautiful, smart and came from a prominent family. She doesn’t need a man to support her. She can very well fend for herself. That is why, I tried to go out with her. She was safe. I was trying to see if something could ever happen between us. But over the years, we just don’t go beyond a date or two. And I don’t remember why.
Recalling Alizia’s strong, sharp features and supermodel looks, I found myself suddenly thinking about a strawberry blonde goddess, with rare, enchanting violet eyes. She was very much different from Alizia. And yet… I found myself more drowned to her.
Damn! I should really go out more. I can’t keep thinking about the woman who was the end of me. Maybe I was given amnesia so I could have a second shot at fixing my life. But I can’t keep feeling something for her. It will only distract me. I can’t keep burning with desire with just a mere thought of her. I must focus on getting my life back on track.
I dialed a number and decided to just relax and maybe have a bit of fun tonight.
Two hours later, Alizia met me at a diner near my mother’s place. We haven’t seen each other in a while, and I don’t know when I saw her last since I don’t remember a year of my life.
She’s still the same old, gorgeous and glamorous Alizia I met in college.
“So, how’s…” She started and then trailed off, unsure of whether she will continue. I could only guess what she was about to say.
“If you mention Astrid, I’m going to walk out now.” I said to her.
Does anybody in my life not know Astrid?
She laughed. “You don’t remember her, huh. Your fiancée.”
I snorted. “I just said let’s not talk about her.”
“Okay, so what do you want to talk about?” She batted her lashes at me. Jesus! She’s still a flirt.
And I still don’t understand why I don’t feel even a slight spark for this woman. She’s gorgeous. But I don’t know why I just don’t feel my nerves jumping for her. Maybe that was the reason why we never became a couple. She may be a safe choice for me… but she just does not excite me. Unlike Astrid… who heats up my skin with just the mere mention of her name.
“Ryder?” A voice suddenly said behind me that caused my heart to jump and my breathing to stop.
That voice… for a moment, I thought I remembered something. So familiar, it almost felt like… home.
I turned around and found Astrid staring at me. She looked over at Alizia who seemed to have frozen on her seat.
I stood up and faced her. Her eyes were looking at me with wild curiosity, as if she was asking for an explanation for something. Oh right! I made excuses about not feeling well enough to see her. And here I am… on a date with another woman.
“What?”
For a few seconds, she looked away, trying to compose herself. And then she took a deep breath.
God, she is so beautiful. Now, I do get why I would fall for her charms. Just looking at her makes me want to do things to her… make her scream, forget everything else, except for my name.
“I went to your house. You… weren’t… ready to see me.” She said in a broken voice.
I sighed. I wanted her to give up. I don’t enjoy hurting her over and over again. I was raised to be a gentleman. I was taught not to hurt a woman, physically and emotionally. And making the beautiful Astrid Jacobson cry is the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to make her scream my name in bed, yes, but I don’t enjoy seeing her eating her pride away for me every single day.
And I know better than take advantage of her too. In fact, I know that if I haul her into my bedroom and make love to her, she will never even protest. She would welcome it. After all, she claimed herself to be my girlfriend.
But I don’t want to give her false hopes too. I don’t know her. I don’t trust her. And I don’t want anything to do with her until I figure out what she did to make me do all the crazy things I did for the past year, knowing that I was too cautious, too guarded and too careful. How did she pierce through my shield?
I took a deep breath. She has to face the truth. Even if I put it a little more bluntly for her. “Miss Jacobson, when will you get it?” I asked her. “I will never be ready to see you.”
I saw anger flare in her eyes. And damn! I don’t think I have seen anything sexier. This woman is as fiery as she is fragile. I can tell she has many levels, which makes her even more exciting… desirable. I wonder what it would be like to uncover all her layers.
Then her eyes brimmed with tears. “You know, this may not wake you up at all, but it’s worth the shot!” She said angrily, and without warning, I felt her power slap on my face.
I froze for a while. I wasn’t expecting the slap. Well, maybe a little. But what I wasn’t expecting is that electricity that shot from her skin to mine. The touch of her skin burned me. And for a while, I thought I would not recover from it. A flicker of light went in my head. Like a window, slightly opening. My nerves seemed to jump back to life, just with the mere touch of her skin.
I stared back at her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Somehow, something inside me felt heavy. Very heavy. Seeing Astrid sad, I suddenly felt the urge to pull her into my arms and comfort her, protect her. I cannot bear to look at her beautiful face filled with sorrow. And I don’t know why. I don’t even know her!
She stared at Alizia, who stood up from her seat. Then she gave me one last hard look and she turned away, tears still rolling down her cheeks.
The sight of her leaving made me want to run after her. To crush her into my arms and tell her that… I don’t know what I will tell her. I don’t know her. But my heart felt like it’s been stabbed. Like it’s breaking as much as hers. I’ve never felt like this before. And it is confusing the shit out of me. I have always been in control of my life, but Astrid… she’s throwing me off-guard, off-balance.
I turned back to Alizia who was looking at the door where Astrid went off to.
“Be-atch. I never did like her! I don’t know what you ever saw in her!” She murmured. “She’s poor. She’s so ordinary. So cheap!”
Hearing Alizia bitch about Astrid like that made me want to strangle her. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself, Strict no hitting girls policy!
“Shut up!” I told her gravely. She immediately stopped talking and stared at me. I stared at her for a long while and I saw fear in her eyes, knowing that she’s angered me. I realized that Alizia may be rich and beautiful, but she’s nothing but a spoiled brat who doesn’t care about the feelings of people around her
.
Now, I remember. That’s why we never made it past a date. I was never interested in her no matter how safe she was. She was not as beautiful inside as she is outside.
How dare she talk about Astrid like that? She doesn’t even know her!
Well, I guess that proves what an ass I am too. I also don’t know Astrid, and yet I kept on hurting her over and over. Even though, every time I hurt her, something inside me is also killing me. But until I get my memories back, I would never understand why.
I took my wallet and placed some bills on the table. Suddenly, this catch up date with Alizia was not a good idea anymore.
“Seeing as I didn’t drive here, I’ll get you a cab.” I told her and waited for her outside the diner.