“Hope said something to her.” I laugh, a sad, pathetic sound. “It’s not a super romantic story about how he gave it to me, anyway. I don’t care.”
“You might care later,” Trinity says gently and I shrug.
We talk a little longer, then I stand and gather Alexa’s things.
“You need me to walk you over to Hope and Rock’s?” Murphy asks.
“No. We’ll be okay.”
I shouldn’t have bothered. Of course Murphy won’t let me walk home alone. He doesn’t say anything as he walks beside me, carrying Alexa. When we get to the house, Hope’s on the front porch.
“I was looking for you.” Her gaze slides to Murphy. “Everything all right?”
“We’re okay,” I answer.
She holds her arms out for Alexa. “I’ll put her down for her nap.”
“Thank you.”
Why didn’t I go inside with Hope? Wrath and Trinity had been a good distraction back at the clubhouse. But now I’m alone with Blake, and I still can’t look him in the eye. I’m embarrassed over the easy way he forgave me for my awful behavior.
“Heidi?”
I take a chance and meet his eyes. “Is there anything I can do for you?” he asks.
“I don’t think so.”
I hate all this…stuff. All this weirdness between us that I caused.
“If you need anything, call me. Okay?” he says quietly.
“I will.”
“Doesn’t matter what time it is. And if you ever need to talk, I’m a short walk that way.” He points toward the clubhouse.
“I’ll call first.” My attempt at a joke comes out sad, and I think he misunderstands.
“That’s not—I’m not—there’s no one. Don’t worry about that.”
“Murphy—”
“No.” He leans over and kisses my forehead. “Call me if you want to visit your brother tomorrow.” Then, he takes off before I can say anything else.
My legs feel too heavy to carry me up the stairs. Inside, I find Hope and Rock talking quietly in the kitchen.
“You okay, hon?” Rock calls.
“Yeah,” I answer, joining them.
“Hungry?” Hope asks.
“No. Is Alexa all right?”
“Yup. Went right down. She doesn’t know…” Hope trails off.
“I know she doesn’t.” It makes me sad she’ll never have any memories of her father. Kind of like me. “I think…I need a nap.”
Rock pulls me in for a hug and kisses the top of my head. “You need to take care of yourself and the baby. We’ll take care of everything else, okay?”
“Thank you.”
Walking away from Heidi kills me. I want to be the one to help her through this. To be there for her. It hurt to find her outside my door in tears, so torn up because she thought she needed to apologize to me.
“She get back okay?” Wrath asks when I walk back inside.
“Yeah.”
“Heard she let loose on you at the funeral.”
“Yup.” After hearing what her in-laws did to her, I understand her outburst a lot better. Not that I was mad at her in the first place, but at least I know where all that rage came from.
Wrath motions for me to join him. He has the whip for the house vaporizer, a grinder, and a glass jar of bud laid out on the coffee table. “Brother, I don’t think there’s enough weed in this house to make me feel better,” I say, dropping down on the couch.
“You know how I like a challenge.”
A half hour later, I don’t necessarily feel better. In fact, I don’t feel anything.
“How was Teller?” Wrath asks.
“Wrecked. I don’t know what to do for him. He’s not over losing Mariella.”
“Probably why he keeps having setbacks with rehab.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “He’s upset that he can’t help Heidi, too, you know.”
“Of course he is. She’s been his whole life as long as I’ve known him.”
The simple, heartfelt way Wrath says it leaves me speechless. Plenty of people probably think he’s a meathead biker who only cares about lifting weights and motorcycles. That couldn’t be more wrong. When it comes to his brothers, he’s as perceptive as he is protective and loyal.
Saying any of that mushy shit will earn me an ass-kicking I’m not in the mood for. “Where’d Trin go?” I ask instead as I fall over and rest my head on the couch cushions.
He jerks his chin toward the back of the house. “Working or with the pups, I’m not sure. She’s either been takin’ care of babies or dogs all day.”
“Aw, you want her to take care of you?”
“Fuckin’ A.” He grins at me, not at all offended by the question.
Z joins us and snaps the whip out of Wrath’s hand. “Watch it,” Wrath grumbles.
“You sound like a pit bull.” I laugh like it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever said.
“Cut him off,” Trinity says, perching on the arm of the couch and patting my head.
“Where you been, Trin?”
“Working.”
Z’s dogs followed her in and immediately run over to him. “Down.” He blows a cloud of vapor away from them. “You two don’t need to lose any more brain cells.” Wrath and I both crack up at that and Trinity shakes her head.
“Trin, you workin’ on your beefcake covers?” Ever since Wrath let it slip that Trinity has a side business designing book covers, Z loves teasing her about it.
“Yeah, when you gonna model for me?” she asks.
Z must already be high, because he yanks his shirt up. “I’ll do it right now, get your camera, Trin.”
“Put your shirt on, dick,” Wrath growls.
“I have a male-male cover coming up. Maybe you two can pose for that for me,” she suggests with a big grin on her face.
“What’s that?” Z turns to Wrath who shakes his head.
“Just say no,” he advises.
“I love you guys,” I blurt out.
Wrath leans over and slaps my leg. “We love you too, little brother. You need one of us to carry you to bed?”
“Nope. I’m good right here.” Surrounded by family.
Welcome to the daylight
Murphy shows up to drive Alexa and me to visit my brother almost every day. I think he’s truly forgiven my rotten behavior on the day of the funeral. He’s never mentioned it and when I tried to apologize again, he blew it off.
“I can drive myself. You must have other things to do besides play chauffer for me every day.”
His shoulders lift. “I’m visiting him anyway. It’s nice to have company.”
It’s true. All the guys have arranged their schedules so someone is with my brother pretty much round the clock.
Marcel isn’t stupid. He knows what they’re up to and bitches about the guys babying him.
His complaints don’t stop one of the brothers from being at his side every day, though.
After his physical therapy appointment, his physical therapist Violet takes me aside, while Blake takes my brother and Alexa back to his room. “Your brother’s shown a lot of improvement since you’ve been home.”
“Really?” It’s the first thing I’ve had to smile about in a long time.
“Yes. He really loves your daughter. I think having her around motivates him a lot.”
Her words leave me a little shaken, so I don’t respond. I’m so torn about everything. Returning to Alaska meant leaving my brother, but if I hadn’t gone home, I never would have seen Axel again before he…and at least I have good memories of our—
“He’s a lucky guy,” she continues, breaking up my gloomy thoughts. She nods at the hallway where we can still see Blake and Marcel. “To have such big family support. A lot of my patients don’t have that.”
“Are you saying he might be ready to go home soon?”
She checks over his chart and seems to contemplate her answer. “Yes. Things are definitely improving.” She looks up at me again. “A
re you sticking around?”
“Uh, well, yeah. My husband just passed away…”
Pink sweeps over her cheeks and her eyes widen. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. Your brother never—”
“It’s okay.”
“He’s a tough nut to crack, you know?”
“Marcel? I guess.”
“I understand his girlfriend died in the accident?”
“Uh—” I don’t know how to explain their relationship. “She was a friend, yes.”
“I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. We have a psychologist—”
“I can tell you right now, my brother won’t go for that. I’ll mention it, though.”
The corners of her mouth lift into a friendly smile.
“What’d she want?” Marcel asks when I return to his room.
“Just to talk.”
“About me?”
“No, about a sale at the mall. Yes, about you. She says you’re improving a lot.”
Marcel grunts and arranges himself in his bed, then asks Blake to hand Alexa to him.
“She probably likes you and thought she’d butter up your sister,” Blake says and winks at me.
My brother doesn’t find that funny and mutters “fuck off” under his breath.
“Watch your mouth around my daughter.”
“Oh, please. You have a dirty mouth to rival any of us,” Marcel says.
“I do not.”
The three of us joke around that way for a while and it almost feels…normal.
“What else do you have planned today?” Blake asks on our way home.
“Um, nothing really.”
“Mind stopping at the home store with me? Wrath asked me to pick something up.”
“No. Not at all.”
Wrath apparently sent pictures of what he needs, so while we’re wandering through the bathroom fixtures, Blake has to consult his phone a bunch of times to make sure we have the right stuff. “All this shit looks the same,” he grumbles. “I’m buying one of each. He can bring back whatever he doesn’t need.”
“Is it weird with Rock out of the clubhouse, and now Wrath’s building a house and planning to move out, too? Are you guys excited you can party it up more?”
He gives me an odd look. “No. I’ve been— No. I understand why they want to be away from it. If I had…” He looks away. “If I was with someone, I’d want to be in my own place, too.”
“I guess I never thought about the guys actually settling down.”
Suddenly, this conversation seems really awkward.
“Think Rock and Hope will have kids?” I ask.
“Don’t know what their plans are.”
“God, can you see Wrath with a kid? He’d murder anyone who looked at her wrong.”
He laughs, but it’s an uncomfortable laugh. “We’d all do that.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Wrath’s waiting in front of the clubhouse when we get back. “Thanks for doing that. I was gonna flip my shit if I had to run down there again,” he says as he takes the bags from Murphy. “Sorry, Heidi, I didn’t realize you were out with him.”
“It’s okay. Gave me all sorts of ideas about what I want in a house.”
He laughs, but Blake gives me another one of those strange looks. “Come on, I’ll walk you back.”
We say goodbye to Wrath and head to the path that takes us to Rock and Hope’s house. Alexa’s cranky and fussy. “I think she wants a real nap. Lights off, in her crib, with her music on, you know?”
He chuckles and settles his hand on my back, guiding me through the woods. The house is empty when we walk in. I take Alexa into our room, change her and set her in her crib, watching her until she falls asleep—which doesn’t take long.
I wander into the bathroom, running my fingers through my heavy hair, pulling it up into a quick ponytail. I really need to get a trim but haven’t had the time or energy.
When I finally return to the living room, Murphy’s still there. “Oh, shoot. I’m sorry. I figured you—never mind.”
“Hungry?”
“Now that you mention it, yeah. Hope took chicken out of the freezer. I was going to make dinner so she doesn’t have to do it when she gets home.”
“I’ll help.”
My face must have a trace of skepticism on it, because he throws his hands up. “I can cook.”
“Okay, okay.”
Hope keeps a bunch of fresh herbs in pots on the windowsill. I pluck what I want and chop them while Murphy watches. “Okay, maybe I can’t cook like that.”
I point to a pile of potatoes. “You can wash and cube those for me.”
I’m not sure if Blake appreciates me giving him directions, but he does it. While we prep and cook, he tells me stories about working at Furious.
“Every Sunday afternoon these two ladies come in, reeking of alcohol.”
“College girls?”
“No. They have to be mid-thirties.”
“That’s kinda pathetic.”
He grunts in agreement. “You could light the place on fire from the fumes coming out of their pores.”
I chuckle, throw the chicken in the oven, and set the timer. “Yuck. Isn’t that dangerous?”
His shoulders lift. “They don’t do much. Mostly lay around on the mats and gossip. They told me the other day they mix their meal replacement shakes with vodka before a night of going out.”
“That’s gross.”
“Whatever. I told them that was clever and sold them another tub. Nothing I say will fix that kind of stupid.”
I flick a dishtowel at his side. “You’re terrible.”
“They’re more entertaining than the high school girls who come in and stand around the machines gossiping and getting in everyone’s way.”
“They’re probably there to stare at you, just hoping you’ll notice them.”
“Oh, I notice them all right. They’re a pain in the ass. We make Twitch deal with ‘em.”
“So, you really like working with Wrath? I always figured he’d be hard to work for.”
“He is. He’s very exact and doesn’t tolerate slackers.”
Actually, the two of them working together doesn’t surprise me all that much. “You’ve never been a slacker.”
“Nope. Born hustler, baby,” he says with an exaggerated wink.
“Born criminal. My brother told me how you two used to jack baby formula.”
He laughs. “Only for you. I got caught once.” He rubs his hand over his stomach. “Told the manager I was trying to lose weight.”
“By drinking baby formula?”
“Yeah. He felt bad for me and let me go without calling the cops.”
It’s such a ridiculous story, I can’t stop laughing. It feels good to laugh after so much extended sadness. “It’s a miracle I survived.”
“I’d do anything for you, Heidi.”
I would do not I would have done. My brain picks up that subtle difference and wonders if Murphy said it intentionally.
“Dinner’s almost done. Let me go check on Alexa.”
She’s still out cold and I decide to let her rest.
When I return to the kitchen, Blake’s pulling the chicken out of the oven. “Is it done?”
“I think so.”
Hope and Rock still aren’t home, so we have a quiet dinner together. I can’t remember the last time we just hung out like this, without things being awkward or uncomfortable.
“This is nice.”
“It is.” He places his hand over mine. “How are you? Be honest.”
I hold his gaze for a moment, before turning away. “Eventually, I need to figure out what the hell to do with myself.”
“You’re here to stay, right?”
“I never wanted to leave in the first place.” He seems so relieved, guilt slides over my skin.
“You want to go back to school?”
“I really do. I can’t live off Hope and Rock forever. There’s supposed to
be life insurance from Axel’s company, but they’re dragging their feet paying it out.”
“Why?”
“Something about him not being vested in the company long enough to collect the money? I don’t really understand all of it.”
“Can Hope help you?”
“I don’t think she knows a lot about insurance, but she said she’d find me an attorney who can help if they keep jerking me around.”
“Good. That isn’t right.” He has a look on his face that says he has a way to deal with the problem in mind—and it doesn’t involve lawyers.
“I know. I need to figure out how to support myself and Alexa. But I want to help my brother, too. He’s taken care of me my whole life. I want to be there for him now.”
“You are.”
“Violet said he’s gotten better since Alexa and I have been back?”
“He has. No doubt. Violet’s good at her job, too. Puts up with a ton of shit from your brother, but she never gets flustered.”
“Poor woman. She seems so nice.”
Blake takes a sip of his drink and shrugs.
“Did you ever find the guys who did it?”
His face hardens for the first time tonight and he turns away. “You know I can’t talk to you about that.”
“So, it was club related.”
“You’re really too smart for your own good.” He takes my chin between his fingers, forcing me to look at him. “You need to watch that around people who aren’t me.”
His touch feels more tender than harsh, and I’m not insulted by the warning. I’ve been told my whole life to forget anything I hear around the club. Blake’s words almost sound like the kind of warning one of the guys would give his ol’ lady. “What about my brother?” I ask after we stare at each other for a few seconds without speaking.
He drops his hand from my face and stares at his plate. “He prefers to think you’re blissfully ignorant.”
“Are we safe?” I think he understands I mean “we” as in the whole club, extended family and all.
“Yeah.”
He helps me clear the table and put things away. I wrap a plate for both Hope and Rock, not sure if they’ll want dinner when they come home.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asks after we’ve put everything away.