I moved my hand below her shirt and smiled. “Why does that not surprise me?”
“Tobias was a dude in the old testaments. Guess what he’s known for?”
“Of course you know that, too. What?”
“I know because the psychic I went to before I had this little guy, was so obstinate about the name. I researched it, sitting at a bookstore watching it rain one day.”
“Yeah? I bet it means something barbaric, right?”
“Not at all. He was known as a hero. Imagine that. Things don’t just happen, T. Had that psychic not insisted that I had this strong, deep connection with someone named Tobias, I probably wouldn’t have given you the time of day. I know I wouldn’t have, but I couldn’t get past how convinced she was that we had this thing together.”
Rather than commenting on her crazy gypsy story, I went for the conqueror part I’d heard wearing a sneaky grin. “I’m a hero.”
“Charming but narcissist. You are a hero, but you still have an ugly ego,” she assured me, her finger poking me in the chest as her eyes rolled in full circle.
I grabbed it, threatening to break it with a firm grasp and a light bend. “Ugly what?”
“The smaller the ego, the bigger the person. Come on. Let’s go meditate while the sun moves over us.”
Sleeping Baby-T was just about to be my excuse to stay behind, but his squirming little body and half opened eyes ruined it for me. “Seriously? It’s like six o’clock in the morning.”
“And there’s something else you’d rather do?” she questioned, gently picking up Baby-T.
There was. I wanted to lay right there and stare at her, hold her hand, cuddle, anything but that. I wasn’t ready for that yet. “Okay.”
Against my will I followed Tristan out, watched her situate Baby-T in his pink sling, and sit on the damp ground. Ugh…I didn’t want to sit on the cold, wet, ground and do nothing for an hour. After taking a leak behind a tree, I joined her with a dreaded feeling. I couldn’t do this, it didn’t work for me, and I didn’t even understand it. My mind didn’t work that way, but Tristan didn’t seem to get that, nor did she care.
“Put your back against mine, T.”
Squatting beside her, I sighed. At least we were touching, and I had the best view. Tristan faced all the campers, the sleepy little gathering in the middle of a field. My view consisted of magical far away mountains with a hovering fog and a breathtaking sun just starting to touch the tops of the green trees. The heat from Tristan’s back warmed my body, but I didn’t close my eyes.
“Close your eyes, Tobias. Breath with me.”
I swear that girl had eyes in the back of her head. Nonetheless, I listened, taking in a long deep breath, blocking out the magnificent view with my closed eyes. Crisp morning air filled my lungs, energy from the sun warmed my skin, and I made it to the count of eleven. I’m not sure what conspired after that. I did it. I meditated, but I’m not going to lie. It was hard and I had to keep going back to the breaths, but even if it was only for a couple minutes here and there, I did it. The amazing part was that I got it. My mind really stopped all thoughts even if it was in two or three minute intervals.
For an entire hour, I let Tristan work through me with no words. It was like she sensed it or maybe she could tell by my breathing. Every time I lost focus and started thinking about everything I could possibly think about, I felt Tristan take deep breaths, coaxing me with her own body to focus on my breathing and not the bacon I smelled from a nearby camp.
The time actually flew by, and without being able to explain it, I felt different. Not anything magical or weird, just different. Lighter for some reason; satisfied with a little bit of pride for mastering it. I did it. Tobias Sheffield meditated, and for the first time, I thought I might understand it. Like it had suddenly been downloaded into my mind, I knew this was what Tristan meant by finding the answers from within. Without knowing or understanding it, I knew this was something I could never forget, even if I couldn’t explain it. Just like a hard-drive on a computer, it was there, and it would always be there. What it all meant was the part I didn’t know yet, and I was okay with that. Every time I questioned it, I was reminded of the lesson appearing when the student was ready. Tristan used that one on me a lot.
Even after Tristan and I walked around the camp, saying goodbye to true friends, it stayed on my mind. Listening to her talk, I stood behind her, swaying Baby-T while she handed over the cash she’d made for speaking. Cash we could have used for gas and food.
After hugging both the parents and the little girls, we moved on to say goodbye to Willie. “Why’d you do that, T? I only have less than two-hundred bucks and no more coming in.”
Tristan smiled up at me, bumped my shoulder with hers, and laced our fingers. “Because they need it more. Come on, let’s go see Nana Mae.”
That was it. That’s all I got and it sort of irked me. Sometimes I wondered who the older one was in this relationship. Here we were, both jobless, and she was handing out money. At least we had canned super soup. We could eat. For a few days anyway.
Nana Mae was just about packed up, ready to move on when we got to her. Their departure was brief, both promising to see each other in Maine. Then came Toni, apologies and details about her hookup, and another promise to see each other in a couple weeks. Next came Willie. Tristan held on to him a little longer than she had the rest of the trail of drifters. It caused an ache in my chest that didn’t feel real good, the money no longer seeming important.
“If I don’t see you in Maine, you make sure you give me something when you transition,” she said, her eyes closed and her arms strongly holding onto him.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ve had a great life, and I’m sort of looking forward to getting off this ride. I’m already looking forward to the next one. You keep doing what you’re doing, Tristan. You’re a good soul and this earth needs more of you. You raise that little boy to do whatever he wants to do. He doesn’t have to be anyone and don’t you let this fucked up society tell you any different. You hear me? Raise him to use his imagination and be creative. Introduce him to art and music, and for God’s sake, don’t let him get in line for this system.”
“I promise, Willie. I hope I’ll see you in Maine.”
“I hope so, too.”
Tristan swiped tears from her eyes when she pulled away, walking away from him like his skin had suddenly burnt hers.
“You okay, Tristan?”
“Yes, I’m fine. You ready? I hope nobody took my spot. I can’t wait to get back there with all these windows. I bet I’ll even get the opportunity to see that bear that’s been lurking around at night.”
Just like that, she turned on a dime, her feelings about her friend dying to a bear she’d probably never see. Nonetheless, I moved on, uninterested in being sad as well. “Bear? What bear?”
“I’ve seen bear shit around there a couple times, and I’ve heard things at night, but with my windowless cargo van, I could never see anything. And I sure as hell wasn’t getting out to go look.”
I smiled and pulled her to me, a smiling kiss to her hair. “Yeah, good call.”
Tristan and I were the very last ones to leave. Even after she’d practically begged people to clean up their trash, some didn’t. Of course she wasn’t about to leave it. We cleaned up some beer cans, a couple shitty diapers, paper plates, and we put out a few smoldering fires before heading north. We couldn’t have asked for a better day, though. The sky was pool water blue, the clouds were big and white, puffy like cotton, not straight and patchy from jets. I felt rejuvenated, relaxed, but most of all, in love. With her. With her baby. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was home. Home wasn’t a place. Home was a feeling and I finally had one. Tristan was home.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Nothing and everything out of the ordinary happened on the ride back to the mountain and I never wanted it to end. We laughed, we talked, we flirted, we stopped every time we had a chance, and we
loved. That was the phenomena. Never in my life did I think love could be this way. Not in a million years.
About two hours out, we stopped at the last overlook and stared quietly at the amazing Shenandoah, Summer Mountains. The sun brought everything to life and even the birds were in love. Standing in front of the magical scenery, Tristan took a noticeable breath, her shoulders rising right before she leaned into my chest. “Look, T, a bald eagle.”
“I see it. Why’d you give that money away, Tristan?”
Tristan gave me a look over her left shoulder, her eyes hooded beneath a frown. “Way to be in the moment.”
“Sorry, I’ve wanted to ask a few times, but I either forgot or the timing was off. I’m just concerned about you. It’s not just you anymore. You have a baby now, T.”
“Yes, I do. I wasn’t aware of that. Thanks for the reminder.”
“I’m serious, Tristan. What are we supposed to do for a living? We have to have money. Everyone has to have money and most people do that by working. You’ve got a gift and I don’t think you should be taking eggs and potatoes for payment. You have to make a living.”
Tristan pulled out of my arms, handing me Baby-T. “Hold him. I gotta pee before we get back on the road. I’m not interested in making a living, I’m interested in making a difference, but you already know that.”
With my own deep breath, I took baby, T from her arms, confessing my insanity. “Your mama drives me crazy little man.”
A yawn was his response.
Tristan smiled like she did when she knew something I didn’t. “He’s telling you to relax.”
“You still drive me crazy,” I called to her back, her hand waving me off in the air.
We stopped so much it was after nine before we turned down the dirt road with the old, Turkey Ridge sign. I didn’t mind though. It never felt like hours with Tristan, and time was of the essence. Literally. That was one of the first things Tristan had done in the van. Pink hearts covered the digital time on the dash. She refused to live her life by time. Time takes you away from where you are. That’s what she always said. If anyone asked Tristan the time, she always had an answer. An answer that had nothing to do with digital measurements of time at all, but they were always better.
“I’m not staying here, Ty. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I didn’t like that idea. Not even a little. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to sleep a night without her after that weekend. The tent shower wasn’t as luxurious to me as it had been her, but I’d use it. I would have showered in the rain if it meant being with her. “No, just wait here. I’m just going to run in and grab some—hey, they’re not home. Nobodies, home,” I repeated with the idea already planted. “Come in with me. We’ll go upstairs and take a hot shower before we head up the other side of the mountain.”
“No way. Not happening. I’m not looking to be put in the middle of anymore family drama. You can shower here. I’ll shower over there,” she assured me, protesting with a thumb hiking in the opposite directing.
“Come on, T. It’s late. We’ll be quick. They’re at the bar. I promise they’re not going to come home.”
“Right, and your mom never goes into the barn either. I’m good. Just go shower and ride your bike over, Tobias. I want to go park and get Baby-T out of his seat.”
Without giving her a chance to dispute, I dialed my mom’s cell. Hearing the country music and her loud voice, I gave Tristan a, told you so, glance.
“Tobias, I’ve been worried sick. I told you to check in.”
“I did. I sent you a text before we got there. I told you we wouldn’t have any service there.”
“Where are you?”
“Home. Where are you?”
“Down at the club. We’re in the middle of a pool tournament. I’m up. We’ll be home by eleven. Stay home.”
“Probably not. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“Tobias, I’m not kidding. Stay home. You’ve been with that girl all weekend. Stay home.”
“I’ve been with her since you brought me here. I’m not staying home. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“Tobias.”
“Good luck on your tournament. Bye, Mom.”
I heard her growl before the silence, losing my smile when I glanced to Tristan’s glare. Unfortunately, she didn’t find the humor.
“I’m still not going in there.”
“Yes you are. Come on. I got the baby.”
Without letting her out of it, I got out and walked around the van. A hot shower where I could use more than a gallon of water sounded too appealing to walk away from. A hot shower with Tristan forced me to force her. The fact that we could both stand in the shower without squatting was an added benefit. I got it. We really don’t need everything that we’re taught to think we need to be happy. But…Some things where just nice to have. Taken for granted or not, I liked my indoor shower more than I could have ever known. I missed it. A lot.
“Tobias. Stop. I’m not going in there.”
Ignoring her whiny plea, I unbuckled Baby-T, wide-awake in his seat. “Well, hello there. Are you ready to get out of this car? Huh?”
“Tobias Thomas Sheffield. Put him back right now.”
I slammed the side doors and opened hers, “Get out of this van and come take a shower with me. Please. We’ll grab a shower and then go. I promise.”
Her lips tightened on mine when I tried to kiss her, refusing to pucker. “I don’t want to do this, Ty. Please don’t make me.”
“You heard her big mouth. They won’t be here for another two hours. Knowing my parents’ it’ll be more like three. Come on.”
Tristan didn’t come when I pulled her hand. She planted her feet, resisting with her own tug. “Tobias, this was my parent’s house. I’ve never been inside, not since my dad died.”
Just like a slap across the face, I got it. God, I was such an idiot. “Oh, I’m sorry, T. I didn’t think about that. I’ll hold your hand.”
Tristan couldn’t hide a pleasing smile from me. It didn’t have to come from her lips for me to feel the love. Her eyes didn’t lie. “I’m scared.”
“I got you. Come on. It’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s totally different anyway.”
Tristan’s feet moved with my tug while her anxious words busied her mind. “My mom used to love yellow. I have a picture of us in the kitchen. She was hanging this yellow wallpaper with white lattice around a little nook on the wall and I was trying to help with my own little rolling brush. I remember playing on the steps with red carpet, and I remember being afraid of the basement. It was dark and had a dirt floor.”
“I’m afraid of the basement, too. I still don’t go down there. I’m sure the stairs have the same red carpet that your dad installed because my dad doesn’t really get excited about things, but there’s no wallpaper in the kitchen, but I remember it though.”
The worry was for nothing. She wasn’t weirded out, she didn’t remember anything there, and we both opted out of the basement. “I guess I was expecting to feel him here or something. He loved this place so much.”
I didn’t understand why. Other than the stocked pond out back and the land, the house sort of sucked. But I’m sure with the right person, it could have been a lot more, and my mom had been doing some updates. That helped a little. “Come on, I’ll show you my parent’s room. Do you remember which room your parents slept in?”
“I don’t remember.”
I frowned as soon as I opened their door. My mom had been busy. New paint, new curtains, a whole new bedroom set, a new rug over the refurbished hardwood floor, and a brand new flat screen television hanging on the wall. “Whoa.”
“What?” Tristan questioned.
“Oh, this is all new. This room wasn’t like this when I left. Or maybe some of it was. I don’t know. I don’t come back here. My mom’s been doing stuff here since we got here.”
Tristan walked to the center of the room, her fingers brushing lightly over the new
sleigh bed. “I love this room.”
I didn’t. It sort of pissed me off. I was still sleeping on a twin-sized bed with cartoon sheets. If I wouldn’t have been sleeping in the barn that is. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs, but don’t expect this. It’s nothing like this.”
Only it was. Sort of. I got their hand me down bed and new curtains. The dingy white walls had been painted tan, I had new nightstands on each side of the bed, and the window seat was covered with a quilt someone made. I remembered it, but didn’t remember which great grandmother made it. A painting of Los Angeles’s city nightlife hung over the four-post bed. I was expecting her to use the Spider Man curtains as ammunition to laugh at me. And she would have, too. Only it was all new. “This is a very nice room. Why would you ever want to sleep in the barn?”
I shrugged, turning squirming Baby-T to look at him. “I love the barn, and honestly. This is all new, too. Sort of. The bed and dressers are from downstairs, my parent’s leftovers. I had a Spider Man curtains before I left.”
“He’s hungry. Let me see him. You can go shower while I feed him so we can get the hell out of here.”
“No, we have time. Feed him and take a shower with me.”
Tristan tilted her head and growled while situating Baby-T on her left boob. “Tobias Thomas, go take a shower. I’m not kidding.”
“He’ll be asleep in fifteen minutes. You know he will. You can lay him in the center of my bed and he’ll be fine. Come on, T. I’m begging you.”
“Why? Why do I have to take a shower with you? Why can’t you just go so we can get out of here?”
“Will you stop worrying? They won’t be back for a couple hours. They’re in the middle of a pool tournament,”
“You’re the most stubborn boy I’ve ever met.”
A victory smile planted across my face all on its own.
“And you can wipe that narcissist grin off your face, too.”
I plopped to the much bigger bed sideways beside her, still wearing the smile. My hand brushed her hair to her back and I kissed her bear shoulder. “That’s an, I love you sign. Not narcissism.”