Chapter One - Embarking On New Endeavors
After cleaning the dishes, we meet Grant, Jeff and their families by the parking lot and load a small bus for the airport. It is wonderful to see the children interacting and excited. Grant volunteers to drive and Andrew sits with me and Alexander, stroking my hand. “Would you like to tell me what had you so preoccupied at breakfast?”
I don’t know how to explain what I am feeling to Andrew, since I can’t even explain it to myself and fear if I try, he may misunderstand or think that I’m not happy to be myself again, but in truth, I am not myself, despite my memories coming back. If I tell him that I feel strange, will he think that I am not happy to be back with him and my children? I love them more than anything in my life, more than my life, it isn’t them, it’s me.
“Mia, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just me, nothing is wrong. I was just thinking about the project, that’s all.”
He kisses my forehead then moves his sculpted lips to my ear. “Mia, I know you better than that, something is bothering you, please don’t shut me out.”
Looking into his eyes, I know that if I don’t tell him, he will feel like I’m shutting him out again, just like I’m sure he believes I shut him out of my decision to leave in the first place, despite saying that he understands why. I can’t hurt him anymore, but as I look back at the children, I become concerned that if they overhear, they will misunderstand and then I’ll hurt them further. No matter which way I turn lately, I’m hurting someone. I have to find some balance between the answers he needs and not hurting them through a misunderstanding. “Can we talk about this tonight? It’s just I don’t know how to explain my preoccupation and I don’t want anyone to misunderstand what I’m trying to say.” My eyes glance toward the children.
Bringing my hand to his lips, he nods in understanding. “Tonight”
The plane ride is smooth and we drive directly to the house. Walking in, I can’t believe how neat and tidy it appears, not one shred of evidence from the fight remains. There are so many rooms. I am surprised when Nicholas, Jacob, Charlie and Paul decide to bunk together and so do Nicole, Kayla and Julianne. Grant, Jeff and Andrew move the beds and then light a fire downstairs to warm the room while I go into the kitchen to see what I can prepare for dinner. I’m surprised to see the refrigerator stocked. As I cook, I call Julian. Thankfully, he spoke with Mrs. Ford and the meeting time has been changed so that I can attend.
“Are you home? I’m about to leave here and would love to make sure that you’re alright for myself.”
“I’m not there. I’m at Jonathan’s. I’ve put him through too much already and after the other night I don’t want him worrying anymore.”
“Does that mean you said yes to his proposal?”
Knowing that Andrew will be posing as him and the work we have to do, I seize the opportunity to set the groundwork. “Yes, we got married last night in the clinic chapel.” He drops the phone.
“What did you just say?”
“Jonathan suggested that it might be less stressful if we got married while the press was occupied with the benefit, you know how they hounded us after learning we got engaged, we didn’t want our ceremony to become a circus and I really couldn’t face any more stress with having to plan a ceremony.”
“Mia, please tell me that you did it because you love him and not just for the sake of your child and this project. He is a good man Mia and I know that he can make you happy. It is time for you to start living again, but if you did it only for the sake of the baby, everyone is going to suffer.”
“I didn’t do it for that, so stop worrying.”
“If that’s the truth, say the words. You never had a problem when you were with Alex, there was never any question of how you felt for him, and it was in your eyes, every time you looked at him.”
“I do love him. You were right. I was just being stubborn in not admitting it to myself. Now get home to your family and give Tracy and Davy a hug for me. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thank you again for taking care of the meeting.”
Unaware that Andrew is behind me, I almost drop the pan of chicken.
“So is everything set for tomorrow?” He inquires ensuring I don’t drop the pan.
His expressionless features reveal that he overheard my conversation. “Yes.” Placing the pan on the counter, I wrap my hands around his waist. “Andrew, I hope that you realize that I said I loved Jonathan because tomorrow you will be pretending to be him and although the others will see you as him, I believe that I will still see you. Knowing how much I love you, I know that it will show in my face. They believe that they have watched me bury myself for so long and were hoping that I would fall in love again, I just want them to know how happy I am before we return home.”
“Mia, you didn’t do anything wrong, besides it provides me a good reason to spend time with you there.” Despite his reassuring words, I can hear the strain in his voice as he picks up the chicken. “I should serve this before it gets cold.”
He turns, but I grab his arm. “Andrew, stop. I know that you are upset. I want you to know something, no matter how much I desperately tried to feel for him, I couldn’t. The only time I ever felt love or desire was when I was dreaming and it was you, no one else. The way you knew your heart wasn’t lying to you when you believed it was me, my heart couldn’t belong to anyone but you and never will.” I stretch and kiss him. “I love you and that will never change.”
“I love you too. Come on, everyone is waiting. I want you to eat. You need to keep up your strength.”
Dinner is nice, but the children getting up and clearing the table and cleaning the dishes surprises me. Once we tuck them in, Andrew and I return down stairs. Placing another log on the fire, he allows me to curl into his side. I nuzzle his neck. I love looking at the way the flames flicker in his beautiful sapphire eyes and am grateful that his features appear serene. He shifts to face me. “Will you tell me now what had you so preoccupied today?”
“You are going to think that I have absolutely lost my mind. I’m not so sure I haven’t. I am not even sure if I understand it myself or know how to explain it but if I don’t, you’ll think I’m shutting you out again and if I try to explain, I’m afraid I’ll do such a bad job that you’ll get the wrong impression. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have because I love you. Please understand that I never meant to hurt you with any of this, I...” I’m not even aware that I’m wringing my hands so tightly that my knuckles have turned stark white, until he picks up my hands and gently moves them apart.
Looking into his eyes, how can they be filled with such understanding after everything I have already put him through? Before when I spoke to him, I could bring him comfort and now, every time I open my mouth, all I bring him is more pain. Is there any way to explain this to him without inflicting yet another wound?
“Mia, you are the most remarkable woman I have ever met. I would never think that you lost your mind. You have been through an extraordinary experience. Now that you know who you are, you are trying to mesh yourself with the person you developed into while you were here. Although you did wonderful things in each life, the paths followed are very different, not only in the career that you followed, helping people in very different ways, but also in how you led your life.” He strokes my cheek gently. “I’m sure that you are struggling with what you want and the way you think you should behave now. You worry about hurting us, feel guilty about all that occurred and if that is not enough, am I right in assuming that you believe that you need to behave exactly like you were before you left?
My mouth pops open. From that day I first stepped through the gates of Sanctuary, he has been able to read me, knowing me better than I know myself.
Kissing my forehead, he cups my face. “You are not the same person you were when you left, you have other experiences now which shape who you are. I know you think that I don’t understand, but I do, more than you may realize. At l
east the two people that you are merging are both loving and caring people who always help. I know that in some ways you feel that they are very different because the Mia that you were here is the Mia you fought so hard against before, the one who practices hands on medicine and operates and now that you remember your old life, you have both sides of the physician warring within you and question if you can really perform the surgeries on your own or if it was all due to your mother’s assistance. I bet you even remember all of the medical training that you went through and fought against earlier now at the forefront of your mind, a part of you that you enjoyed, that gave you peace and understanding regarding what was going on around you while you were here, that part of you that allowed your life to have meaning and make sense.”
With each word he utters, he unravels another string confounding this new existence, revealing my confusion, not only to him, but in a way that makes sense of what I am feeling but cannot express to even myself. “Mia, I understand because that is how I felt when I realized that I had lived two types of lives while I was split, the Nicholas side of me and my own. When we merged I couldn’t reconcile or understand myself and in some ways even hated myself more because of some of the things that I did as Nicholas.”
I interrupt. “Andrew, just look at what you did in the end, if you hadn’t sacrificed blindly and truly been good, your family would have never been released. If you hadn’t merged or if you had chosen to kill me or side with darkness, all of our lives would be so different now and your family would still be searching for answers, if not lost.”
Running his knuckles slowly down my jawline, his eyes warm. “I know that now, but it took a long time for me to accept both sides of myself. At first I felt a desperate need to keep just the good side of me and felt very strange about the bad things that I had done. However, as I truly looked at both sides of me, I realized that there was also a part of Nicholas, the good part, the part of him that you touched, that I wanted to keep with me always. Both sides of me did merge and I was able to keep both, so will you. Trust me, you will feel more comfortable with yourself in time and you may even find that you desire to practice both sides of medicine. The wonderful part of that is that you have an eternity to bounce back and forth between them. Remember how I told you we had many different careers in this field, so can you.”
I shake my head. “Andrew, I can’t practice without my mother’s help.”
“Mia, although your mother helped guide you in your confusion, when she did, she unleashed not only your own knowledge but the knowledge that lay dormant within your subconscious from when our souls touched. Cassandra explained that the night in the woods, when our souls touched, my experiences and knowledge also touched you, you have not only your own skill and knowledge, but some of what I gathered over the centuries has become engrained within you. Think back to when you were treating the patients or performing surgery, did it feel as if you just instinctively knew what to do, that your mind was making connections and guiding your hands without you having to really think about it?”
Sitting there, thinking about the young boy who was shot and the accident, I did feel as if that was happening. “Wasn’t that because my mother was guiding my hand?”
“Some of it was, but some of it was knowledge that became a part of you so if you did want to practice medicine in that fashion you could, you just have to trust in yourself the way you trusted in me. You once told me how relieved you felt when you saw that both sides of me survived and loved to see the changes, enjoy your changes and allow them to grow, but give yourself time, the way you gave me time when Nicholas and I became one. I know it is not exactly the same, but in some ways it is. You are dealing with a lot and you need to stop expecting yourself to act like you did before this experience changed you.”
“So are you. Just look at what I put you through what you had to deal with in my absence and now, to get this project done, look at what I’m asking you to do. I’m asking you to pretend to be someone who tried to destroy you. What kind of a monster does that make me?”
“You aren’t asking me to be anyone but Jonathan Taylor, the philanthropist, but if you want me to take on the bit of his lady’s man persona, I have to tell you, I only have eyes for one woman and that will always be you.” He smiles widely and his eyes in the flickering flames smolder with desire.
Crawling into his lap, I slowly unbutton his shirt, allowing my fingertips to linger on his perfect chest. As I kiss his neck, I whisper. “He could have enjoyed his womanizing ways.” I tease.
I feel him laughing. “As long as you promise to be all of the women I love, I guess it couldn’t hurt.” Rising with me in his arms, he pulls me into his chest and heads upstairs. As his smooth, cool lips caress my neck, move down my jawline to my lips, my heart is overwhelmed with love for this man and my mind fills with clear visions from the dreams I had while here, both sides of me heating with desire for my wonderful husband.
Waking, Andrew is not in the bed. As my eyes focus, the darkened sky reveals it is not yet morning. Looking over, Alexander is asleep. Rising, I check on the children. They are still sleeping. Moving down the stairs, Andrew doesn’t appear to be in the house. Looking out I finally catch sight of him sitting at the table by the pool, on the telephone. Looking at my watch, it is still too early for Alexander to get up and eat so I move outside. Crossing the patio, I hear him on the telephone.
“I can see the changes in her and know she is feeling confused and guilty, what if this is too much for her. I can see her straining to try and behave the way she thinks she should act, I want to help her, I want to make this easier for her, but in truth Eva, I don’t know how. When Nicholas and I merged, you convinced her to give me time to work it all out and then with the children, it did work out. My life became so full, there wasn’t time to get lost in everything that changed and I did feel better because I had so much joy surrounding me with Mia and my new family, but when I look into her eyes, I can tell that we are also a source of guilt for her. She is not finding the same peace in us that I found in them…What if we never bring her peace and she doesn’t truly find her way back to us?….I can be patient. I just can’t stand feeling like I am bringing her pain. Just look at what she was seeing last night, what being with me brought upon her.” His hand moves up to his nose pinching the bridge. “Maybe if I had left her alone all those years ago, the life that she experienced here would have been the life she would have found without all of the guilt, demons and danger.”
Moving closer, his voice sounds so tortured and I see the pain in his profile. Moving my hand toward the telephone, I take it from his hand. “Eva, he’ll call you back.” I don’t even give her a chance to respond before ending the call and placing the phone on the table. Pulling up a chair, I take his hands, and wait until he looks up. He needs to hear every word. “Andrew, you’re right a part of me has changed and feels very guilty for everything that I put you through. Although you understand my reasoning and you say that the children understand, a part of me feels like you and the children must believe that I chose to leave you that I abandoned you because in some way that is exactly what my choice led to. You remembered me. You had to deal with the ramifications of suffering my loss, but I had no real recollection of you or our children. I did not suffer over the past several months in the same way that I caused you and the children to suffer.” He opens his mouth to interrupt, but I raise my fingertips to his lips to stop him.
“I knew that the choice I made would take me away from you without warning and that you would be made to believe that I was dead, even though everyone says they understand, how can any of you forgive that? I left voluntarily and all of you paid a price. Now all of a sudden, I’m back. I am grateful, I can’t even explain to you how blessed I feel for this gift, but after what I did to all of you, I…I don’t deserve such a gift. I caused so much hurt to those I love. They suffered while my life went on and it shouldn’t have gone on that way. I should have been made to suffer for what
I foisted upon our family. I shouldn’t have been allowed to go on and do something that would make me feel good and right. I made the choice and I should have suffered for it.”
He cups my face, placing his thumbs against my lips to silence me. “Stop that right now! You weren’t allowed to do anything. From what you told me, you fought for the wing to become a reality and could have lost your soul to get it accomplished.”
For the first time ever, I forcefully shake out of his hold. I am not going to let him allow me off the hook for the pain I caused. “Andrew, Michael gave me the wing, he gave me a gift to hold on to while my choice allowed you and our children to suffer.”
Shaking his head, his eyes harden with his resolve. “Mia, we had each other to hold on to. We had our family, while you were without your powers, without knowledge of who surrounded you and suffering a loss which although you didn’t know who those feelings of loss were truly for, it doesn’t make the grief and sense of what is missing any less real and you faced it alone. Although we suffered your absence, we still had each other to hold on to and believe me the children knew they had support and love. They even grew closer and took Grant and Jeff’s family, as well as their already extended family into their hearts and are now stronger because they learned how many people support and love them.”
“But Andrew, I weakened them as well because the one who should have loved them the most, the one who said she would always be with them and watch over them, abandoned them and left them.” Fighting against the misting that veils my eyes, I will not let one tear fall. I don’t deserve that luxury. I don’t deserve to be comforted, not after what I had done. “Andrew I know what you’re saying, but they trusted me and I left them, without any preparation at all.”
“That’s not true.” His tone turns frustrated, maybe even angry. “Mia, you didn’t chose to leave them, you made a choice not to let Eva suffer in your place. You made a choice to save the life of someone who was willing to sacrifice everything to give our children a life, one that they wouldn’t have had. If you had made the decision to knowingly let Eva die that day so that we could go on, nothing would have been the same. The guilt of that choice would change you in a way that we would never be able to reach you again. You would have left the children in a different way, a way that would have allowed the darkness into not only your life, but theirs as well. I’m not saying that by your choice, your loss didn’t affect them, but you have to realize, they do understand that you made the only choice possible. Your choice allowed them to continue to grow in love, strength and understanding. They have gained levels of maturity and forgiveness that our choices, even early on, have allowed into their hearts. They have seen how our world sometimes causes us to make choices that we would never otherwise make. They really do understand why you did it and truly, you are right, they won’t forgive you for it because in their eyes, there is nothing to forgive.”
Slowly, he snakes one arm around my waist and the other he slips under my knees, sliding me onto his lap. “Please allow yourself to know that they love you, I love you, and let go of the guilt you are struggling with now. Trust me, it is going to be difficult enough for you to try and meld the person you are now with the person you were at Sanctuary.” Looking into his extraordinary features, although they successfully mask his pain, the heavenly reflection of his eyes cannot. I wonder if as he’s looking around, he thinks I am struggling because more had happened than I am letting on. I need him to understand what part of me is actually struggling.
Brushing his beautiful lips, I gauge my tone. “Andrew, I never thought, when I told Michael to take me that I would ever be allowed to set eyes upon you, our children or enjoy the life that we made together,” I feel my bubbling emotions and want to get out what I need to say without my tone wavering. Taking in a deep breath, I steady myself. “You are wrong in what you told Eva. You do bring me peace and I am so happy to have found my way back to you. I am struggling with who I am right now and how I should behave, but only the physician part of me, nothing else. No other part of my life made any type of sense when I was away from you. Every day, I would wake up knowing that nothing but my work seemed to fit. I knew I felt a loss, but couldn’t understand it. I thought it was because the loss happened quickly in a home invasion and my husband had been ripped away from me, but looking back, I can understand it much better now. I felt the loss of you and our children being erased from my mind as my heart kept trying to hold on to the part that was torn from my memory. Despite everything, despite the veil, a part of me was always fighting trying to hold on to something and now I know that it was you and our life together. Andrew, you need to know, that the reason I even allowed Jonathan to come into my life was because I thought that he was someone who could help me bring the wing to fruition. You know how I never liked to get involved with numbers or your business ventures over these past several years, that did not change.“ I am happy to see him chuckle, probably from a memory of my throwing all the trust statements in the draw, without ever looking at them.
“I was failing miserably in raising funds and getting the numbers to work, but at the same time, I became desperate to hold on to the only thing that seemed right. When Jonathan made a huge donation and offered to help, from everything I read it seemed like he could resurrect my dying effort. Although what he was doing was driven by an ulterior motive, the wing would never have had any chance at all if it wasn’t for what he did and the thought of the wing and helping children was the only thing that truly allowed me to wake up and try to live life every day.”
Knowing how touchy the next part is, I pause a moment to make sure that my thoughts and words are not muddled. I won’t cause him any more pain. “Then when I learned that I was pregnant, part of the old me, the Mia who loved my family, who loved the life I had built with you came back to me. Maybe it had truly never left me because I was blessed enough to always have a part of you with me in Alexander, but I am telling you the truth when I say that even when I desperately tried to push a life with Jonathan, it wouldn’t come. In fact, that is when I began to dream about you more, but things were changing so quickly in your features, that I couldn’t see your face, but I could feel your love. I know that I may not be explaining this all right and I hope that I am explaining enough because I heard what you said to Eva and you are so wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you don’t cause me pain. You are the most wonderful gift that has ever been bestowed upon me. You and our children are more than I ever thought I would be blessed with.” His arms tighten around me, bringing me closer to his chest.
Peeking up at him, I see the overwhelming emotions touching his features. “You are our gift and our family is beyond anything that I ever thought possible. As far as Jonathan goes, there is nothing for you to explain, I understand what you’re saying perfectly. I just hate seeing you struggle. Mia, I am so grateful that you had a project which brought you peace, because in truth it was that project that brought you back into our lives. I just can’t help but wonder if you would have found a more peaceful life if I hadn’t crossed your existence and taken you up to Sanctuary all those years ago, maybe you would have found such a project or one like it without all of the ramifications which you are dealing with now.”
Putting my hands on his face to ensure that he cannot look away, I speak very deliberately. “You are absolutely wrong on that count. You remember what I was like with my family, I would have never found such a life, I would have never stayed in the medical field and more importantly, I would never have the wonderful family and the man I can’t live without in my life. Even if I were still an immortal, I would have never stumbled upon anything like the life I am privileged to live now. You and our children are the most important people in my life, you are my life.” I pull his face down to mine, kissing him passionately.
When he finally withdraws to allow me to catch my breath, he rises and places me gently on my feet. “Maybe we should get inside in case Alexander wakes up.” As we move through t
he hall into our room, Alexander is still sleeping. Turning to Andrew, he is deep in some thought and his features grow serious as his eyes shift between the crib and me. “Mia, I know how important getting the wing built is to you and how concerned you are with trying to meld your existence with Jonathan to the life you have with our children and as much as I don’t want to put more stress upon you, we have another issue to deal with. Now that we have found you, the children need to spend time with you and it is going to be difficult in town to avoid doctors and people who know you and who may see us out with them, so I had an idea. When you and Jonathan were with people from the hospital, did he ever talk about family?”
“He said he had siblings and some nieces and nephews but that they weren’t very close to him why?”
“I think it may be a good idea to try to lay some groundwork that his nieces and nephews are coming to stay with us for a while. I don’t want to say they are your nieces and nephews because we really don’t know how much of your background they know. This way, we don’t have to worry about moving around with the children or keeping anyone hidden. It will also take some stress off of you and them to be allowed to freely travel together.” I can see that he is struggling with something else, something he doesn’t want to say.
“Andrew, what aren’t you telling me?”
He moves me over to the edge of the bed and his eyes keep shifting to Alexander. “Mia, it’s just that I know you thought we would only be returning for a few weeks, maybe two months, but I know from past experience that even though you have the money now to build the wing, it will take several months before they even find a contractor and the Board begins to approve and allow certain things. We are going to be here for quite some time.” He clears his throat as his eyes shift again between me and Alexander. “It’s just that you said there are some people there who think you are several weeks pregnant, even if you were to hide Alexander, by the time you could be giving birth, his physiology will not meet that of a new born. If they weren’t physicians you may have been able to fool them, but I don’t think with them it would be wise.”
Cold freezes the core of my very being as visions of Alexander floating through darkness then fire flashes before my eyes. Before he even finishes, I know what he is intimating and what he is trying not to say. Maybe I already knew from the way I answered Julian. “When do you think we should tell them I lost the baby?” Despite knowing Alexander is before me, I can’t help but shudder. As my eyes lock upon the crib, Andrew’s arms encircle me.
“It’s alright, you didn’t lose him. How many people knew of your condition?”
“Thankfully, only Janet and Julian know for sure. Some others suspected, so maybe the sooner I let them believe it, the better.”
Alexander stirs and I quickly move towards him, reassuring myself that nothing happened to him and he is safe in my arms. Downstairs, I turn to Andrew. “How long do you think that it will be before I can back away from the project without it being in danger?”
Handing me the bottle, his voice turns soft. “You are going to need to stay and spearhead the project for at least six months to a year before you can begin backing away and telling the Board that you will not be heading the wing.” We move so I can sit and feed Alexander. “I know you said you had an idea as to who could run it, but Mia, this endeavor is not the same as when we established hospitals. You have a Board to deal with and a physician who would like nothing better than to sideline your project for his own benefit. It may be better to personally ensure that everything stays on track and that you are here when it first opens. The benefactors gave because they thought that you would be heading the project and you don’t want to shake their confidence because from experience I can tell you that the Board will become very upset once the people whose circles I’m sure they travel in start questioning whether the project is still on track considering the physician who put this into motion and secured funds because of all the good work she did backs out. Board members become very uncomfortable with such things and you don’t want this project to become a problem for them. If you remain at the hospital as a physician and keep the project moving forward it will go much smoother.”
I don’t mean to but as my eyes meet Andrew’s I gasp. How can I ask Andrew to pose as someone else for all that time and how could I keep our children away from the only home they have ever known, especially after what I have already put them through? “I didn’t realize it would take that long when I asked you to come here. I can’t disrupt your and the children’s lives for that long. They belong home and you belong in the hospital as Andrew.”
He moves his chair closer to me and places his hand around my arm, gently enfolding Alexander and me. “Mia, you are looking at this the wrong way. Sanctuary will always be our home and it will be there when we return. You should look at this as offering the children a chance to see beyond Sanctuary to what the world has to offer them. They are immortal too now and should see beyond our walls, see what the real world is like. As they get older, they will venture beyond the walls and it would be a good thing for them to see the world with us first”
“He’s right, if they venture out, they will need to learn how to move around before people get suspicious.” Jeff strolls in. “I hope I’m not interrupting, I just need a bottle for Andrea and you sounded so worried, but let me assure you, the kids sounded very excited about being here when I went to check on Charlie tonight. They are even making plans on what they want to see.” As he dries the sides of the bottle, he moves closer to us. “I hope that you don’t mind my interjecting something, but you have both gone through quite an ordeal and what you are going to try to do next is not going to be easy on you, don’t compound it by putting even further guilt upon yourselves about taking the children away from their home. Watching your children over the past few months, I’m sure they have no doubts as to Sanctuary being their home, but they are also open to new experiences and are very mature for their age. Take it from one who has moved Charlie around since he was very young, children adapt and they look upon moving around as an adventure. Even if you did decide to stay here for a year, Maine isn’t that far away and we can go back on long weekends and vacations to ensure that they don’t get homesick and I’m sure your siblings will come and visit, your family is amazing. I have to get back; I’ll see you in a while for breakfast.”
“He’s right, we’re not that far away and maybe once we get whatever story we need to in place, get the children enrolled in school and enter more of a routine, this will be a way of our stepping away from the surreal to concentrate on our being a family again.”
“Won’t our being here for all that time cause problems at Sanctuary?”
“No, we have plenty of coverage there.”
“But Andrew, you won’t be practicing medicine. Jonathan wasn’t a physician.”
“Mia, it’s fine and as myself I can practice medicine, if I miss it. In fact, I have spent time in that hospital.” He chuckles.
“Can you change back and forth like that?”
A grin crosses his face. “I can, and it doesn’t take as much out of me now. So don’t worry. Besides, who knows, I may decide just to play Jonathan and stay home with Alexander. At least with you working, I have choices.” As he laughs so do I.
Now that Alexander has fallen asleep we move upstairs to get ready for the day. As the children rise, it is nice to hear them happy and excited about being here. Over breakfast everyone makes plans. Grant and Julianne head off to the local school to apply for the math and gym job which they confirmed are being advertised online and even found a science teacher job being advertised which Paul is applying for with the impressive resumes Andrew has printed from Catherine. The children are going sightseeing with Charlie, Jeff and Sarah while Andrew and I attend the board meeting.
As we enter the parking area, there are several ambulances parked near emergency. Without even thinking, my hand grabs the door handle, before the car even stops. “Mia, wait until I stop
and then you can jump out.” As he says this, I realize that maybe my hand shouldn’t be on the door at all. What if I can’t help? What if without anyone guiding my hand, I can’t do what needs to be done? As if he sees the hesitation in my eyes, he places his hand on my shoulder and I turn to him in time to see him force back his own internal struggling over being unable to help in order to make me feel better. His voice turns reassuring. “Mia, you will know what to do and you will be able to help, go inside and don’t worry, the knowledge you had did not leave you, your mother only guided your hand to give you the confidence while your mind was processing it all.“
Knowing that he too is struggling, I take the reports from my bag and hand them to him, hoping that what I say next will lessen his anxiety. “You need to get these to the meeting and keep Geoffrey in line; he thrives when I’m not around. I’m sure that he’s there and will try to pull something thinking that I’ll just give the papers to Janet to drop off. You need to help the children who will come to this hospital and because of everything you shared with me, I need to go and see what I can do.” Leaning over I am relieved to still see Andrew’s face and not Jonathan’s. I kiss him before jumping out of the car and move quickly across the parking lot.
Entering the emergency, patients are lying on gurneys lining the hallways while the waiting room is packed with concerned family members. Catching site of Janet moving toward one of the rooms, I run up to her. “What happened?”
A truck barreled into the construction site on fifth causing a structural collapse. We have twenty to twenty-five workers seriously injured and others with lacerations and broken bones.”
“What room should I start in?”
“After the other night, are you sure you’re alright to even be here? I thought Julian said you were only coming in for the Board meeting.”
“I’m fine, what room?”
“Check with Samantha in surgery. I know that they were awaiting Dr. Michaelson’s arrival, but he was a way out and she was trying to rotate the surgeries.”
Moving quickly to surgery, I catch Samantha on the phone calling for additional help. “Where should I go?”
“Scrub for surgical three. We have a man with severe internal injuries and a collapsed lung.” Scrubbing quickly, I could see Dr. Michaelson’s team already in place. Entering, my heart races, I hope Andrew and Cassandra are right about my knowing what to do. Maybe I shouldn’t have entered; maybe I should have just gone into patient care at least that would not have been a life or death situation. Looking around at the machinery, I realize that from the readings, this man can’t wait, especially if Michaelson is out. With each step toward the table, my body pushes out the anxiety. I cannot afford unsteady hands. Picking up the scalpel, my hand is not shaking and I feel a new sense of determination come over me. As my hand moves, the next steps are running quickly through my consciousness. After several grueling hours, I close, knowing that the gentleman is on the mend, I only hope I can sneak Andrew into recovery to help the healing process. From the indent on his ring finger, I know they removed a band on him for surgery and that he probably has a very worried family awaiting word.
Heading toward the physician’s lounge to change, I see Julian doing the same. When he sees me, he moves toward me. “Janet told me that she sent you into surgery, how are you feeling?”
Knowing what I had accomplished and grateful that the knowledge did indeed stay with me; I feel a strange high and can’t help but smile. “Surgery went well. How did your surgery go?”
“It went well too. I just wanted to change before going out to the family. Jack told me that the lobby is mobbed with family members, as word got out, they all came in. Thankfully, we got everyone settled into a room. Janet told me that Jonathan did a fantastic job at the Board meeting, but Mia, how are you really doing? I know what you said last night, but considering what has gone down in the last forty-eight hours, I am surprised that you felt well enough for surgery or to even see patients.”
I could see the concern in his features and decide to start laying the groundwork. Knowing that my facial features when I look at Andrew will be quite different than when I was with Jonathan and that Julian and Janet will quickly pick up on the change. I want to get our story with the children out there too so that we will not have to hide them for any period of time.
“A lot has happened but considering all that we accomplished at the last benefit and that I can say good-bye to that part of my life, I feel relieved and want to ensure that after everything that has happened, Geoffrey didn’t undue any of it. At least I don’t have to dress shop anymore.” I joke and am happy to see him laughing.
“Were the benefits and dress shopping really that bad?” He teases. “Kelly said she would be happy to take any new dresses off your hands? But seriously, I knew you promised Jonathan that you would give him a decision, but to marry him so quickly, are you sure that you are alright with that or did you just do it to get it over with? There are some serious consequences to that move, have you really thought all this through?”
Looking into his eyes, knowing that he would know if I were unsure or hedging, I clear my throat. “I am absolutely sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.” I turn my tone serious I have to get this out now; I don’t want it lingering over me. “Julian, I lost the baby, the pregnancy was ectopic.”
He gasps and his features turn grave. Pulling me over to the bench, he grasps my hands. “I’m so sorry. Mia did you find this out after you married him?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“I don’t understand, then why?”
“Despite the crazy way it started and…” I take a deep breath. “The situation made me realize or maybe remember how much I do want a family. Jonathan is a good man. Just look at everything he was willing to do for me, no matter what I decided. He showed me how much he truly cares for me; he loves me and has been searching for a family to love him for so long. When we were at the clinic, I finally let my guard down and realized that I love him and if I hadn’t fought it these past few months, maybe I would have realized it sooner.” His features reveal his shock and I decide I might as well lay down the last piece. “When we were there, his friend who runs the clinic told him that his step-brother was in a very serious accident back home and was facing some very difficult times.”
“I thought Jonathan said he wasn’t close to his family.”
“He hasn’t been but always wanted to be. He called over to the hospital that his brother is in and found out that he and his wife were hit on the way home from the hospital, along with their newborn son. His wife is dead and his brother is in serious condition. The doctors said his brother is going to have a long road back to recovery and considering they had four other children, Jonathan thought he would try to go home later today and convince his brother to recuperate in the clinic while we watched the children.”
Julian cannot keep his jaw from falling. Finally snapping it shut, “Why would he think that his brother would agree, especially after what he said at my house? Besides, Mia, don’t you think it would be too much for the two of you considering what just happened.”
“I don’t think it would be too much. You know how much I love children and if this could allow Jonathan to get closer to his family, maybe I could help give him back something he so desperately wants considering all he has done to help me realize my dream. I just hope that his brother says yes.”
“Mia, where is this clinic anyway? Where were you the other night?”
As I think about how to answer him, I consider how we may travel up to Maine so that the children don’t lose contact with their home. “I was in Maine, at a hospital called Sanctuary. It’s really an exceptional place and considering that Jonathan has friends there and they have a wing that could help his brother over a long recuperation he would be a fool to turn him down.” Knowing how long surgery was, I don’t want to leave everyone waiting. “We should go out and speak with the patients’ families and then I sho
uld see if Jonathan is in my office and ready to go home. Turning to leave, I could see something else I said surprises him. “What?”
“I just can’t believe the person standing before me. You must admit it is a quick turn-around. I have never known you to leave early.”
I laugh. “Technically, I’m not leaving early. I’m not even supposed to be here. Besides, I want to see what I can do to help Jonathan before he leaves.”
After speaking with the patient’s family, I head toward the office and am glad to see that Janet is nowhere in sight. Although I convinced Julian of everything, I am anxious to get home and see how the children’s day went. Entering, Andrew is on the telephone. “She’s coming in now and we should be there within the hour, what if we stop and get everyone some Chinese food?...Oh they did… That’s great, we’ll see you shortly.”
Shutting the door behind me, I crawl into his lap, wrap my arms around him and kiss his neck. “So, I heard you wowed them at the Board meeting and kept Geoffrey in line.” As I move my lips up his neck, his arms snake around me, pulling me closer.
“I heard you performed surgery and saved another life today.”
Looking up at him, I feel my excitement bubbling up. “You were right, I do remember!”
Caressing my neck with his perfect lips, I feel his smile. “I told you that you had nothing to worry about. Everyone had a good day today and the kids even ate dinner already.”
Glancing at my watch, I didn’t realize how late it had become. I shift to rise when my door opens and a shocked Janet stands frozen, staring at me in Andrew’s lap. Her eyes shoot toward the floor. “Mia, Dr. Michaelson just finished in patient care and wants to go over some charts before you leave.”
Rising, “I won’t be a minute, should I meet you at the car?”
We walk to the elevator and then Janet steps in behind me. As the doors close, I know she is going to say something and figure I might as well get everything over at once, so I face her. Her reaction catches me by surprise as she wraps her arms around me. “I’m so happy to see that you are living your life again.” As we walk down the hall, I hear the excitement in her voice. “I knew you were going to say yes because of…” She stops. “But I never thought I would actually see a spark of the old you when you looked at him. You are absolutely glowing.”
I can’t help but smile. She’s right, being back with Andrew, despite all of my changes, I feel a glow from within because that part of my world finally makes sense and my heart is whole. “I am and you know what else” I grab her arm and bring her closer, “I’m also married.” She stops dead in her tracks. “Come on, I have to see Brett so I can go home.
“You can’t drop a bombshell like that and then leave.” I don’t want to get into the entire story with her too and am grateful she starts moving again.
“I have to, he’s waiting in the car and he has to go, he’s leaving for England tonight and I don’t want to make him late.”
“Mia, you’re not making any sense, why would he be leaving, are you both going? Is that where you are going to honeymoon?”
“No, let me talk to Brett and then I’ll give you the abridged version on the way to the car.“
“Fine, but the next time you’re on duty, I want the detailed version.” She crosses her arms as I enter Brett’s office.
Coming out, she is waiting for me. As we move quickly, I tell her the same story I told Julian and she voices the same concerns. As we reach the lobby, I am about to say good-bye, but she walks past me toward the door. “Since you denied me the chance be at your wedding, maybe you could make it up to me and drop me off at Max’s, save me waiting for a cab.”
I hug her. “Sure, jump in.”
I am happy that the children are still up and excited. We light a fire in the living room as they change for bed and then sit with them in the toasty living room as they tell us about all of the wonderful places Jeff and Sarah brought them. Thankfully Sarah’s earlier unpleasant feelings toward me have passed and she is happy to be here.
Later, we tuck them into bed. As I lean down to kiss Jacob goodnight, he grabs my hand. “Mom, when will you be enrolling us in school here and how long are we going to stay?”
Knowing that we will be enrolling them as Jonathan’s nieces and nephews and that I told Janet that Jonathan was going back to England, I had to think a moment. “Since it’s Wednesday, maybe, we can go Friday and enroll you so that you can start on Monday. We can talk about it more tomorrow, I’ll be home and we can do something fun.”
“Really”
His voice is filled with excitement. “Really” I mess up his hair. “I love you sweetie, sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning.” As I rise, he grabs my arm and throws his arms around me. “Mom, I’m really glad that you were allowed to come back to us, I missed you.”
Sitting back on his bed, I hug him tighter. “I’m so glad I could come back to you too. I love you so much and I’m so sorry for everything I put you through.”
I could feel him withdrawing so I let him go. “Mom, you didn’t put us through anything on purpose, I know you think we’re too young to understand it all, but we really do get it, we’re just glad to have you back.” He yawns.
Hugging him one more time, I tuck the covers around him and kiss his head. “Go to sleep, I promise, I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“I know you will” he smiles and closes his eyes.
Entering our room, I notice Alexander is out of the crib. Andrew must have taken him downstairs, so I head there. I hear Andrew and Jeff talking in the living room.
“Of course I don’t mind, but I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“I know she will, but I feel better knowing she has someone with her that she doesn’t have to pretend with, someone she considers a true friend.”
“Andrew, she is strong, you know that and I can see how excited she is about this wing. She would have never pushed for it if it wasn’t something important to her.”
“You’re right, she loves to help people and she is strong, but her dreams are pretty disturbing and she is still be dealing with repercussions from what happened, especially considering she has spent the last few months with someone whom, before this all happened, she truly feared.”
“Have you ever considered coming to the hospital as yourself?”
“I have, but considering how close we are I think I would make it harder for her, especially since she is telling everyone she loves and has married Jonathan.”
Moving closer, I stop as Jeff asks the question that I need an honest answer to, not the answer Andrew believes I need to hear. “How are you doing with all of that, considering your history with Jonathan, finding out who he is and realizing that he spent so much time with her?”
I sit quietly on the bottom step, listening intently.
“Truthfully, at first I really wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to do it but I wanted to make Mia more comfortable and give her time to adjust to all that happened and the person she developed into while she was here. I kept telling myself that when we are around others, we are always playing a role and I just had to try and keep the real Jonathan Taylor in mind, but researching him, I found that he really was into some projects I could get behind and admire. He even provides annual funding for an orphanage in the town where his wife came from. He contributed to homeless shelters, children’s funds and even a hospital. As long as I keep that Jonathan in mind, I am more than happy to ensure that his projects continue and that his wishes get carried out, especially since our world cut his life short to take advantage of Mia’s situation.”
“Well if you ever need to talk, I hope you know that you can talk to me. I mean I know you have your family, but sometimes it’s easier to talk with someone who isn’t so involved.”
Andrew laughs. “Thank you, I hope you know that you can do the same.”
Jeff laughs as well. “I do and your right for laughing, we have come quite a long way haven’t we.”
?
??Yes we have. Who would have ever thought that you and I would be sitting here, feeding our children and bonding?”
They both burst out laughing together. “I should get upstairs to Sarah; I promised we would watch a movie before retiring. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I rise and move toward the room as Jeff exits with Andrea. “See you in the morning.”
“Have a good night.” I pass him. Andrew is standing with a now sleeping Alexander.
As we head upstairs, there is a knock on the door. I turn and start to descend, but Andrew stops me and hands me Alexander. “I’ll see who it is.”
I wait on the stairs. Opening the door, Francis is illuminated under the porch light. As he steps inside and Andrew turns, his features resonate concern. “What’s wrong?”
Descending the stairs, I follow Andrew back into the living room. “Nothing, we just got a call from Cassandra and she said that it would be a good idea if you were to go to the school when the children are enrolled.”
Sitting down, my heart rate quickens. If she wants Andrew there, something is going to happen. “What else did she say?”
Andrew moves toward me and places his hands upon Alexander to take him. “Mia, it may be a good idea if I place Alexander in his crib.” Looking down, I realize how tightly I am gripping him to me. Releasing him, Andrew takes him. “I’ll be right down.” He is back instantly.
“She just said that it would be a good idea if you were there to assess a situation that would develop and that you could help.”
Heat spreads through my body as my pulse pounds out of control. I want to run upstairs, take the children and head back to Sanctuary. They have already been through too much and it is not right to put them through any more. I know Andrew hears my spiking heart rate as he places his hand on mine, probably to keep me from doing just that. “Did she see something happening to the children?” He inquires, straining to keep the tension out of his voice.
Francis response is unalarmed. “She believes that the children will be fine, but said that they will be called upon to help in a developing situation and she thought that it would be best if you are there to help them along.”
“Did she give you any indication as to what the situation was or what I should be doing there?”
“She only hinted that it is not a case of demons or our kind going after the children. You know how cryptic she is; all she said was that it might be a good idea if you were to take a part time guidance counsel position that would be opening up in the next week or two. She said that when you enroll the children, make a point to offer your services as a volunteer and that you would get a call asking if you could help out in that position for a while until they can budget for and secure another part time counselor.”
“Why didn’t you call us with that information? Is there something you aren’t telling us?” Andrew’s eyes scrutinize Francis.
“Nothing bad” he chuckles and fidgets. I came to tell you this because if you are going to be bouncing between being a school counselor and assisting with getting Jonathan’s affairs in order, you are going to need some help with Alexander and …” His eyes shift toward the floor and if it was possible, I think he would blush.”
“And what?”
His voice drops and he refuses to meet our eyes. “Cassandra said that if I came, I would cross paths with one who will be my partner.”
Knowing how long he has been alone, I hope she is right. Piercing my lips together, so as not to smile and embarrass him further, I rise and hug him. “I’m glad you came. I know it’s only been a day, but I’m sure that the children miss you and so did I.”
“Thanks Mia. I should let the two of you get to bed. I’m just going to call Catherine and then go in the office to see what information I can find out about Jonathan’s endeavors.”
Andrew rises, “I’ll help you with that. He has quite a computer system; it may even help me figure him out a little more.”
Kissing Andrew good night, I go upstairs; it has been quite an exhilarating, but also an exhausting day.
As Friday rolls around, the butterflies in my stomach expand and flutter their wings as we pull into the school parking lot. Andrew keeps reassuring me that if Cassandra saw anything happening to the children, she would have warned us. Grant, Julianne and Paul are finishing orientation and will be starting in their classrooms on Monday as well. Knowing how much more the children learned at Sanctuary, I am sure that knowledge wise they can easily pass for high school juniors. Andrew decides the best thing to do is ensure that the children stay together, since they may be facing some trouble. He had Catherine change the birth certificates so it appeared that the children were all the same age, she even changed Charlie’s records. We complete all of the paperwork and Andrew emphasizes how grateful he is that they could enroll the children so quickly and volunteers to help around the school. From the administrative assistant’s response, I know she has seen stories about Jonathan and is already mentally placing him in the guidance counselor position. Everything is in place. On Monday, the children will report to school, I will start my first shift knowing who I truly am, and Andrew will go over to NYU to find out as much as he can about Scott so we can ensure that Jonathan’s wishes are handled.