Chapter 15: The First Year
I opened my eyes feeling the early morning autumn sun peering in through my window. I looked over at Lucy’s crib. She was still sleeping. It had been four and a half months since her birth. She had to decided, within the past few weeks, to try sleeping six-to-seven hours at a time at night. This was a very big surprise to me since she had been nursing every one-to-two hours up until now causing me to look like a walking zombie with bad hair, for the past several months. I was still getting use to sleeping when she was sleeping. Before Lucy, a bomb could have gone off right next to me and I would’ve never known until the angels greeted me through the pearly gates. By now, I had developed super-hearing powers while sleeping. The slightest sneeze, movement or sound could startle me wide awake and on my feet in under three seconds.
CeCe had been to Paris and back and then on to college and back already once since the fall semester began to see Lucy and me. She had brought back lots of pictures of herself and cute Parisian guys she insisted were part of the gorgeous scenery and not just for the hottie that happened to be standing next to the Notre Dame Cathedral or the Louvre. She told me all about the fresh made pastries and breads that we’d never had here and that I must try before I died. She even mimicked the mannerisms of this fancy Couture-type lady she saw in the French marketplace with her black beret and perfectly coiffed curls, wearing a fitted white collar blouse with black pencil skirt, drenched in diamonds and black Louis Vuitton stilettos and matching handbag. CeCe pretended to hold a cigarette, with a holder like the kind Audrey Hepburn used in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, in one hand while she held her other arm at waist-height inspecting fictitious, organic vegetables and multigrain hearth-oven breads. Back at school, she had picked up where she left off with her Tri-Delta sisters holding parties with handsome hunks, hosting goodwill events to raise money for impoverished inner-city children, and early bird yoga work-outs.
At home, I had started back at the community college with two classes and working three days a week while Lucy stayed with Grandma Rose. I had a few guys hit on me at the diner. I scared most of them away once I showed them a picture of Lucy. One creep thought that I might be easy since I seemed fairly young to have a baby. He grabbed my butt when I was coming around the corner with a very heavy tray. It was the last time he did that. Jimmy had been putting food up on the counter when he saw him grab me. He gave him a little rough-up and told him not to show up at the diner anytime soon unless he wanted a boot somewhere very unpleasant. I hadn’t seen that guy since or any guy, for that matter, that seemed at all interested or appealing. It was a bit frustrating. Although—even if a nice guy had come along I probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway. I had my heart locked up tight. I had learned a very painful lesson over the past year and wasn’t about to let myself be lulled into such trickery and games with my heart again.
On the upper hand of life, I had a beautiful little daughter out of my heartbreak—a little girl that brought me challenges and immense joy. Her smile made me smile. Every new expression she made was like seeing a sunset for the first time—beautiful and mesmerizing. Some made me giggle every time I thought about them while others let me know that she was making her own introduction in this world. This tiny little person was the center of my life. Everything I did—I did for her. Late nights working and studying and early mornings with her—all of it was an attempt to set up a future for her and I that we could be happy in.
I had no time for friends. It was just Lucy, work and school. I guess that’s the trade-off when you’re a single mom trying to make the best life for you and your children. Since I was so busy and tired when I wasn’t so busy I stayed home most of the time with my family. My father had been a real help since Lucy’s birth. Not only had he forgiven me and asked for my forgiveness for ignoring me for months—he had taken so closely to Lucy that they’re were inseparable—especially after he came in from the farm in the evenings. When my family and I watched movies, my father and Lucy would fall asleep on the sofa with Lucy lying on his chest. My mother said it reminded her of when I was a baby. My father would sing to me and eventually I would fall asleep on his chest and she would have to wake him to pick me up and put me in my crib at bedtime. Her face lit up when she recalled these special memories.
My parents and Grandma Rose had been so good to me. After I got home from the hospital with Lucy, my parents surprised me with a white 1988 Volvo 240 station wagon. I had always liked the way Volvo’s looked—nerdy with a sophisticated coolness. I didn’t know my parents knew I liked them and it meant so much to me; it was the first car I had owned. My father was beaming when he handed Lucy and I the keys to my new car. He made sure to tell me that the safety rating was excellent which was important for his favorite girls. It wasn’t a black Volkswagen convertible but it was pretty darn cool and it allowed me the freedom to get to work and school without bothering my mother or brothers. Some days after school finished, I would drive to the beach, on the way home, to walk the shore for fresh air and day dreams. During the middle of the day, the beach was mostly deserted and I was alone with the washed up starfish and seagulls. Sometimes, I was caught up in thoughts about Skylar while other times I had frank discussions with God about my life and my future. It was the best way I’d found to release a stressful day or negative thoughts of feeling like I was missing out on something bigger in this life. In the moments I allowed negative thoughts to flood my mind, I felt alone in the world. However, I found that the more I walked along and shared my thoughts with God, the more I realized that I had the power to see the world, again, as a utopia, full of beauty, experiences and gifts waiting to unfold at any moment. God heard me and my cries for an extraordinary life. One particular day while I was walking on the beach, feeling sorry for myself and complaining to him that I was going to end up an old, single, cat lady with 10 cats that everyone joked about—something special happened. I had been yelling, like a bit of a lunatic. Thankfully, no one was around and only the seagulls, in my path, were scared away. It was late afternoon and sunny with maybe two or three clouds in the sky. After I had finished my ranting I asked “do you hear me—I know you’re busy with the five-billion other people on this earth—but do you hear me, you know little ole me—Charlotte Buchanan—I live in St. Marys Georgia?” I waited for a response and nothing just like I expected happened. I had been feeling pretty hopeless this day and was fairly pessimistic. I threw my hands up in the air and kicked the sand as I turned toward my car to leave. That next moment changed my mind. Out of the blue sunny sky a loud crackling thunder reverberated around me. Suddenly rain dumped down from nowhere and white-gold flashes of electricity lit up the sky.
“Okay, you hear me. Please don’t hit me with a lightning bolt. I just wanted to make sure you heard me. That’s it. Also, if you could make sure that I don’t end up being the cat lady, I’d really like that. And if you feel inclined, a nice and good-looking prince for me and Lucy would be okay too. I’m sorry for yelling at the birds—I didn’t mean it. Thanks, that’s it. I’m going now.” I jumped as I ran back to the car drenched by the rain cloud bizarrely, following me all the way.
God heard me. He knew my heart’s desires and got my attention in a most frightening and anything but ordinary way—blue skies, lightning bolts, and a rain cloud directly over my head. Since that day, there have been several times when God has sent rain to reply to my requests. When I see rain now, it brings a sense of peace knowing that he is listening and watching. I knew somehow Lucy and I would end up happy.
Time was flying by. Lucy had her first Thanksgiving and her first Christmas upon which she started crawling. She was so little and fast. She was almost seven months old and finding her way around the home pretty quickly. My father delightfully enjoyed showing her off to all the family at Christmas this year. While last year had been one of the hardest times in my life, this Christmas had been one of the best, watching Lucy crawl from person-to-person getting into bags and trying to eat bits of wr
apping paper. At Christmas mass, we sat up in the balcony, as usual, and Lucy was drawn to the beautiful Christmas lights and soothing music from the choir. She was silent, taking in all the beauty, yawning every few minutes until she fell asleep in my lap.
“Mass was so beautiful—wasn’t it?” I said to CeCe who was preoccupied with something else or possibly someone else down below.
“What? Yeah it was.” She answered. “Hey do you want to go to Trixie’s afterwards?” She asked still focused below.
“I’ll have to check with my parents to see if they can watch Lucy. It’s already so late.” I
said holding a sleeping Lucy.
“Okay, I’ll meet you downstairs.” CeCe replied, quickly kissing Lucy’s forehead before dashing off.
“Okay.” I said as if she heard me after she was barely in sight.
“I’m sure mom and dad won’t mind,” Richie said, “if you want to go.”
“I know. I want to visit with her for as long as she’s here but she’s always running off somewhere. Unlike her, I have responsibilities and can’t just run off whenever to hang out.”
“It’s probably some boy—you know CeCe. You can’t get mad at her.” Richie laughed.
“I know, but it would be nice if she actually visited with me since she’s here for such a short time.” I said as I started walking towards our parents.
“Do you mind if I join you two?” Richie asked.
“Nah, you know you can always come. It’ll be like the three Musketeers again.”
“Thanks sis.”
Several moments later I was helping to get Lucy strapped in her car seat while my mom set Lucy’s baby bag into the backseat. My parents were happy to help but asked me not to stay out too late as my mom would be busy with more cooking, early in the morning, for Christmas brunch. I kissed a barely awake Lucy goodbye and closed the car door.
“Thanks mom and dad. I won’t be too long.” I said, before Richie and I caught up with CeCe at the car.
“So, do you know who that cute guy was at mass this evening?” CeCe giggled excitedly.
“Huh? I wasn’t paying attention to any guys at mass. I was actually there to celebrate the reason for the season, ya’ know.” I said, pulling out of the parking lot.
“Oh c’mon—it was Eric Sothersby. I don’t know what happened to him but man o’ man is he hot!” CeCe exclaimed, barely unable to keep her voice down.
“Geez Ce, I thought I was your homegrown hottie.” Richie joked.
“Oh yeah, but I always see you. I’m not sure what he’s eating but you might want to ask because it is doing his body good.” CeCe nodded.
“Hmm, maybe Richie can ask him because there he is walking into Trixie’s now.” I said, amused and surprised by how tall and handsome he had gotten since high school.
“I can’t talk to him. I haven’t talked to him since fifth grade.”
“Really? The CeCe I know can walk up to anyone and come away with their number.” I said, closing my car door.
“Well, I already got his number and I never called…so I don’t think that’s going to happen again.”
“Whatever! There are plenty of hotties back at school. No worries, right?” I said, dismissing her dilemma.
“Okay girls, I’m going to go see what Eric’s been up to?” Richie said nonchalantly as he walked away.
“See if he still thinks I’m hot, okay? But don’t be weird about it, I mean—don’t make it look like I asked you to or anything?” CeCe directed.
“I’ll tell him you’re stalking him.” Richie said without turning around.
“Oh my goodness, he’s totally going to embarrass me.” CeCe looked concerned.
“They probably aren’t going to even talk about you.”
“Well that’s not good. How will I know if he likes me?”
“Slip him a note that says ‘do you like me—yes or no’.”
“Char, that’s not funny.” CeCe said, rolling her eyes at me.
“Does it really matter? You haven’t talked to him since fifth grade and all of a sudden you’re worried about Eric Sothersby?”
“It matters. I liked Eric Sothersby.” She said as serious as she could with a slight grin.
“Well then you should have called him.” I said dragging her towards the door.
“It was fifth grade, girls didn’t call boys. They were supposed to call us.”
“You didn’t even give him your number if I recall correctly.”
“So, he could have asked me for it.”
“Before or after you freaked him out in the closet?” I said pulling her arm towards the diner still.
“I did not scare him.”
“He was a nice and very shy boy.” I said opening the door.
“Wait, wait, wait—do I have any eye boogers, nose boogers—are my teeth okay?” CeCe asked sticking her nose in the air before opening up her eyes wide and smiling with her perfectly big Chicklet teeth glaring at me.
“Yes, you are fine. But before you go running off, I’d actually like to see you while you’re here visiting CeCe.”
“I’m not running off and I’m not going to go over by him. I just want to make sure I look okay if he sees me. By the way, I still have another two days before I leave and we will spend plenty of time together before I have to go to the Bahamas with my parents.”
“When were you going to tell me that you were going to the Bahamas? You didn’t tell me you were going to the Bahamas?” I was shocked and a little mad now.
“That’s because I didn’t know. My parents decided to surprise me as part of my Christmas present.”
“I’d like one of those Christmas presents myself.” I said a bit nerved.
“Hey ladies,” Trudy called from the cashier.
“Hey Tru, it’s good to see you.” CeCe said walking in her direction to give her a hug.
“It’s good to see you. You must be doing yoga still—you look great CeCe.” Trudy said looking her over before she hugged her.
“Thanks, you think so?” CeCe said, fishing for more compliments.
“I sure do. What do you ladies want? Heck—Char you can just come and get it yourself. You know where everything is.”
“Thanks, I’ll be happy to get it on my day off.” I smiled, with a bit of sarcasm in my voice.
“Perfect. It’s on the house then.” Trudy smiled back at me.
“Thanks Trudy.” I said, feeling a little bad for the sarcasm especially since it was so busy after mid-night mass ended and everyone else thought a mid-night snack might be nice.
“You’re too sweet Tru.”
“Thanks, it’s a good night to celebrate. Have fun girls.” She said as she flew away.
“Char, get me a chocolate milkshake, some cheesy fries and Eric’s phone number please.” CeCe pretended to be reading the menu.
“We’re out of Eric’s numbers and potatoes. The milkshake machine is broken too.” I said waiting for her to notice I was talking to her. “Is there anything else I can get you?” I smiled.
“Are you mad at me?” CeCe looked up from her menu innocently.
“Yes, I haven’t seen you in months and you’re home for two seconds and gone again. All of your Tri-Delta sisters see you more than me. When you’re home you’re still busy. I get it; but I miss my best friend. Is it too selfish to ask for just a little bit of your time?”
“Char sweetie, I didn’t know I was going to the Bahamas until earlier tonight. Move over so you can get closer to my awesomeness.” CeCe said as she scooted herself into my side of the booth purposely putting her butt just about on top of me to break the seriousness of my words. “I’m sorry I don’t have more time during break—you know I love you and miss you so much. Charlotte Renee there is no one like you and none of my other friends could even compare.”
“Keep talking, I’m listening.” I said, looking for more of her loyalty as my best friend.
“How about we spend the day together when I get back fr
om the Bahamas before I leave for school? We can take Lucy somewhere?” CeCe said with head on my shoulder.
“That would be nice.” I said leaning my head back on hers.
“So are you still mad at me?”
“No, I can’t stay mad at you.” I smiled and raised my head to look at CeCe.
“Good! Now go get us some cheesy fries and milk the cow if you have to—I want my chocolate milkshake.” CeCe smiled with her big white teeth glaring in my face.
“CeCe.”
“I was joking, kind of. Please.” She returned to her big smile.
“Okay, I’ll be back.” I said moving her out of the booth so I could get out.
As I headed to the kitchen, I scanned the diner. There were a lot of people. I saw Richie sitting with Eric. He was so cute. And he was always nice. I saw some other girls that we had gone to the school with—the nicer, quieter ones from band class. I was happy that I didn’t see Veronica or any of her friends. I’m sure that after the last time I saw her in the diner that she learned to stay away if she wanted to protect herself from undesirable liquids spilt on her shoes and hair. I chuckled, thinking about that day as I headed behind the counter to order the fries and make the milkshake.
“So, cheese fries and two chocolate milkshakes?” Trudy asked.
“No.” I said writing the ticket for the kitchen.
“Really?” She asked.
“No, you’re right. Of course, it’s cheese fries and chocolate milkshakes.”
“I figured. Is everything okay Char?”
“Yes.”
“Really?” She pursued a more truthful answer.
“I’m okay, just frustrated. My best friend is never home. She’s here for a second and now she’s going to the Bahamas for most of her winter break. She has no responsibilities only lots of exciting trips and opportunities while I’m stuck here making milkshakes.”
“What do you want Char?” Trudy asked.
I looked at her and I could see she was impacted by my last statement. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I love CeCe and I’m happy for her. I just feel like I’m stuck here, in this little town, that I worked so hard to get out of so I could do all of those exciting things that CeCe is doing with everyone else but me. And I can’t go because I’m a mom and have responsibilities that I can’t just drop and she doesn’t get it. I’m sorry, I’m unloading on you.”
“I get it Char. You’re talking to me. I’ve been there. It’s okay to feel angry but if you let yourself get swallowed up by the bitterness of the what if’s then you’re going to miss all the what now’s. The hardest thing I’ve learned to do is to enjoy the journey every step of the way. The journey never takes us to our destination on our schedule. When we’re lucky, we get to take the scenic route. The adventure of the journey is to allow it to take you somewhere new every day. If you focus on just the destination—you’ll miss all the beauty in between.”
There was profound truth in her words even though my psyche wasn’t willing to grasp it yet.
“Char, you are only limited by the words you speak in this life. I get it. Sometimes, we have to cry and whine and get out all the unfairness that life threw at you. But two minutes later—you’ve got to stop crying and start expecting the best life has to offer you. You’ve got to look for the unexpected good things in life. They are all around you if you’re willing to look beyond yourself.”
“Thank you Tru. You and my mother always seem to know just what to say. I’m sorry. I just know there’s more out there for me—for Lucy and me.”
“There is sweetie. Sometimes the best surprises come in ways we don’t expect. Whether or not he ever comes back, life has good things for you and Lucy.”
“I guess that’s true. Are you happy—I mean really happy?” I asked as I looked across the room and saw CeCe talking to some of our high school friends.
“Yes. It took me some time like you. I wasted more time feeling sorry for myself that could have been spent making my dreams turn into reality much sooner. Like today—I am now the proud owner of this diner.”
“What?” I asked, turning towards Trudy. “You bought Trixie Rox?”
“I sure did. I’ve been saving for some time now. Old man Fellows bought a home in Daytona Beach and is retiring, finally. He said he only trusted me to keep up the diner he put his blood, sweat, and tears into for so many years.” She said, smiling.
“Oh Mylanta! That is so wonderful Trudy!” I said, still in shock and so happy for her.
“You asked am I happy—yes I’m happy but more than anything, I’m thankful.”
“Wow. I can’t wait to tell CeCe.”
“Make sure to tell her the new name too.” Trudy smiled proudly.
“What is it? Trudy’s?”
“I had to promise that I would keep Roxie’s somewhere in the name so…I decided to rename it Tru Rox.” She laughed, biting her bottom lip.
“I love it! Congratulations—you proud owner of the best diner food on the east coast!”
“Thanks Char. Expect good things always. It’s only a matter of time.
“Thank you Tru.”
I walked back to the table much lighter and inspired. I didn’t want to own a diner but Trudy did and now she had one of own. Anything is possible; she was right. I just needed to be open to the possibilities all around me. Like Lucy, good things came in different packages. The best ones were unexpected.
As promised, CeCe spent the day with me and Lucy the day after she got back from the Bahamas. It was one of the most fun days of my life. We drove down to Jacksonville, Florida and went to the Jacksonville Zoo. It was a beautiful warm and sunny day, a perfect day for the zoo. Lucy was very content sitting back in her stroller seeing all the exotic animals for the first time. We took our time and walked, slowly, throughout the zoo. Lucy pointed at the lions and even seemed to mimic their roars after she let go of her initial panic from hearing their roaring matches. CeCe and I were able to catch up about all the little things going on in our lives. She shared that last semester she often stayed in to study for her chemistry and law classes that were increasingly challenging for her. CeCe felt the burden of her parent’s expectations to live up to their legacy on campus. She even got a tutor, for the first time ever, to keep up her grades. She had chosen not to tell them about the tutor as if it made her less capable then them. I missed this CeCe—the one who trusted me with all her secrets and who didn’t have to be anything else but herself. Underneath her feisty and pretty yoga finesse was a good person with a delicate heart. I treasured up that day in my heart.
The next time I saw CeCe was many months later when she came home for summer break. Even though I missed her I knew she was busy with school and that I was always going to be her best friend. We celebrated Lucy’s first birthday, with my dad barbecuing burgers and brats, on the farm. CeCe and her parents came, bearing presents and fruit trifle—the only thing CeCe’s mother knew how to make well. Trudy stopped over for a little while before heading to the diner. Father John came and said the prayer over Lucy and the meal. My grandmothers, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins were all present. It was a hot summer day full of food, music, and great company ending with evening fireworks over the lake. Lucy went all over from person-to-person, falling here and there when she ran too quickly over her excitement. She had gotten many presents but was most happy to see everyone. My brothers took turns swinging her around and throwing her up in the air. I was slightly worried that she might puke on them after grazing all day but she kept going back to them with a belly full of giggles. It was nice to sit and relax and see her happy. Lucy was such a blessing. She brought the family together again for another day of fun. My favorite part of the day was watching my Grandma Evi rock a sleeping Lucy on her lap. Even though her words had long left her, she was still just as kind and nurturing in her silence as she was when I was Lucy’s age snuggled up in her lap.