Chapter 17: Secrets
The next day CeCe never called. I had worried about her despite her unfamiliar rudeness to me over the phone. I didn’t want to call her parents and upset them unnecessarily. I figured I’d wait till evening and call her if she hadn’t called by then. I was excited to see CeCe—hoping that she’d be a little less anxious now that finals were over. I planned a bonfire at the beach for the day after she got home from school with Richie, Eric, CeCe and I. I had gotten my mom and dad to watch Lucy and figured this would be a great way for CeCe to get to know Eric and a nice way for her to unwind from her parents and school.
Evening came and still no call. I was mad that she hadn’t called me. She had gotten a new, smaller, cell phone, a few months ago, to replace the larger cell phone she carried mostly in her car. I tried calling her cell phone several times at five, six and seven PM. All I got was voicemail each time I attempted to call her. My frustrations started to turn in to worry. I called once more, this time calling her parent’s home, and asked for CeCe. Her mother answered the phone.
“Hi, Mrs. Crawford; I was wondering if CeCe got home yet?”
“Yes she is. She got home a few hours ago but she’s sleeping. Can I have her call you tomorrow?” Beverly said in a cool voice.
“Sure, thank you Mrs. Crawford.” I said feeling a touch of anger rise up from the pit of my stomach.
“Okay dear. I will have her call you then. Charlotte, how’s Lucy doing?” Beverly asked.
“Thank you, she’s good. She’s getting big so fast.” I replied surprised by her asking since she sees her at mass every week.
“Oh good to hear; I’ll let Cecilia know you called; have a good night Charlotte.” She said before hanging up.
CeCe had been home for several hours and hadn’t bothered to answer my phone calls or even call to let me know she got home safely. She didn’t have the common courtesy to call her best friend to let her know she was still alive. She was rude to me over the phone and then didn’t even say goodbye before she hung up last night. I know she was drinking and with her other friends but I would never talk to her or treat her like that. Was she mad at me? Was she outgrowing me? I was feeling hurt and angry that she didn’t think enough of me to at least call so I didn’t think she was in some ditch somewhere. I had the opportunity to go out with a really nice, really hot guy and turned it down for her and now she treats me like this? Granted, she didn’t know that Eric kissed me or that we had a really nice evening of light flirting and much laughter. Unless she did know and that was why she was acting like a turd.
Angry at CeCe, I figured I would just get Lucy and go to bed early since I wasn’t going to be seeing her this evening. The next morning came and CeCe had still failed to call me. At this point, I was getting less interested in hearing from her—the longer she took to call me back. I had done nothing wrong. I was a good friend. For her to treat me with such insincerity was bothersome. What had happened?
About five PM I called CeCe after no word from her since she arrived home yesterday.
“Hello?” I heard CeCe’s voice.
“Hello?” I said sounding a bit perturbed.
“Hi Char. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I’m not feeling good.” CeCe said yawning.
“I’m sorry to hear that but why didn’t you at least call me when you were driving home so I knew you were okay?”
“You’re not my mother are you?” CeCe said brashly.
“CeCe! What is going on? You hung up the phone on me before that party and you didn’t even call me like you said you would. You had enough time to call when you were driving. I was worried about you because I knew you were drinking and have been very stressed lately. And no, I’m not your mother but I am a good mother and a better friend than how you’re behaving right now.”
“Chill out Char. I don’t need more people yelling at me or telling me what I’m doing wrong.”
“Me—chill out? What has happened to you—to us? I love you CeCe and you are being so hurtful. I just care about you and miss you and I’ve been waiting for you to come home. I even set up a surprise bonfire tonight for us to hang out with Eric and Richie at the beach.”
“I’m sorry Char. I’m not feeling very good. That was nice of you but I’m not going to be able to come out tonight.”
“CeCe—what is going on? Do you want me to come over?” I asked hearing something in her crackled voice.
“No, I’m just not feeling well. I’m in bed. Tell Eric and Richie I said hi tonight.”
“Are you sure? I can come over. I don’t like fighting with you CeCe. You’re my best friend—I was really worried about you and I miss you.” I said feeling frustrated with how quickly the conversation went to pot.
“I’m sorry too Char. I’m sure. I just need sleep. I’ll call you when I’m feeling better. It’s been a really long semester and I just need some rest.”
“Okay then, call me after you’ve gotten enough rest or if you need anything or anyone…like your best friend.”
“Thank you Char.”
“You’re welcome Ce, I love you.”
“I love you too, goodnight.”
“Goodnight CeCe.” I hung up the phone.
Something had changed but I wasn’t sure what. Her feeling better and needing rest ended up taking another two weeks. CeCe hadn’t bothered calling and was a no-show to Christmas Eve mass and Christmas at our house. Although difficult, I avoided making the first phone call to her. I wanted badly to speak with CeCe and see her but wanted to know that she still felt the same way about our friendship. She was my best friend and only lived five minutes away but her absence while home made it no different than when she was five hours away at school. I was on winter break from school as well and although busy with raising Lucy and working at the diner, I managed to fill in CeCe’s absence with Eric. When Eric asked about CeCe, I said that she was getting over some flu and didn’t want to get anyone else sick. I didn’t want to pull him into any drama or poison him against her. I just wanted my best friend back but in the meantime Eric’s companionship was very welcoming and made life, living singly, a little less lonely.
I saw CeCe twice before she went back to school. Once we went to the movies and talked very little. Our conversations were mostly superficial with little meat or grit. The second time she visited me at the diner, I was working. We were busy at the time she came in and I spent very little time with her as I was busy running trays of food back and forth, taking orders, and ringing up checks. CeCe, for some reason, had been avoiding me for the most part. If someone had heard our conversations, they wouldn’t be able to tell we were best friends. CeCe had changed. I hadn’t; I was still the same girl, except with more responsibilities now. Sadness filled my heart as she left for school with little emotion towards me. Like Skylar, once again, I felt abandoned by someone so close and dear to me.
Months had passed since I’d seen or heard from CeCe. It was almost April and I was getting ready to graduate with my Associates degree. Her absence from my life made it hard to write my book about best friends. I grew closer to Eric, as a friend, and we spent more time with him and Aiden. Eventually, I opened up to him about the displacement of my friendship with CeCe. He listened and offered no suggestions or judgment. He merely listened until finally I had little left to say about the condition of our friendship. Our conversations slowly changed from CeCe to other topics. Eric played the piano for me. He had written a ballad. It was untitled or at least he said it was. The notes were deep and soulful just like him. When he played, everything else faded away. He was lost in the music and so was I. It was hard not to get caught up in the moment. I questioned if I had made the right decision to be just friends. But deep down inside, despite his perfection in almost every way, I still felt a loyalty to CeCe and couldn’t think of betraying that if she still had an interest in him.
Graduation was around the corner and I decided to call CeCe to invite her to my big day. I was proud, that even though dela
yed, I had accomplished what many said I probably wouldn’t have being a young, single-mother. I would not be stopped. This was just the groundwork for my career in journalism. The last time I sat in a cap and gown my best friend sat beside me, cheering me on. I wanted so badly for CeCe to come and be with me this day. I had worked so hard and put so many hours in to make this a reality. I wanted the most important people there to share my achievement. I wanted—needed CeCe there. I sent an invitation to her school address and left her a voicemail twice.
Graduation Day came and all of my family with Lucy, Aunt Juanita, Trudy, and Eric sat in the audience. I sat, somberly, on the stage with my fellow graduates. This time I had no speech to give. All I had to do was to sit and enjoy the moment. I sat and stared at the empty chair where CeCe was supposed to sit. I couldn’t help but take this personally. I knew she was busy, but it was a Saturday. She could have driven down the night before. She could have called to say she couldn’t make it and wished me congratulations, but she didn’t. As the ceremonies ended and our family got up to leave, I spotted CeCe’s parents. They walked towards us with Beverly holding a blue envelope and James holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Hi Charlotte, CeCe wasn’t able to make it and asked if we could come to congratulate you.” Beverly said, smiling.
“That was so nice of you Bev.” My mother said, reaching out to hug her.
“These are for you.” James said, handing me the bouquet of flowers.
“And this too.” Beverly placed a blue envelope in my other hand.
“Thank you, that was so nice of both of you.” I said still in shock to see them at my graduation.
Beverly carefully bent down, in her dress, to Lucy’s height, “You are getting so big and so pretty like your mama.”
Lucy smiled and held onto my knee, hiding partially behind my leg.
“Would you like to come over sometime and go swimming in our pool? No one uses it with CeCe being gone all the time.” Beverly said looking up at me.
“Thanks, I’m sure she’d enjoy that. She loves the water.”
“Well feel free to come over whenever. You don’t need an invitation.” Beverly said before standing back up and straightening her dress.
“We have to get going, congratulations Charlotte.” James said.
“Thank you both for coming. When you talk to CeCe, will you please tell her I said hi?” I asked.
“We will if we can get a hold of her. She’s always so busy.” Beverly said rolling her eyes.
“Thank you both.” My mother said shaking James’s hand and nodding at Beverly.
“Bye.” I said waving.
“That was weird.” Richie piped up.
I looked at my mother and Eric—the two people who knew I was hurt by CeCe’s absenteeism. I was surprised that she had sent them and that they actually came. I hadn’t said anything to Richie about CeCe as he was immersed in his current play and I didn’t want to bother another person with my CeCe issues. I found it strange though as CeCe grew farther apart from me; her mother seemed more congenial now then she did the whole time we were growing up.
We went to Tru Rox for a celebratory dinner. Trudy closed the diner that Saturday night for a small graduation dinner in my honor. It was nice. I was blessed to have so many good people around me that I tried not to think of CeCe and her almost non-existence in my life. I received many cards, gifts, and well-wishes. I opened the card from Beverly and James. Inside were five words ‘Charlotte, a job well done’ written in Beverly’s handwriting, along with two-hundred dollars. I could feel the tears waiting to fall as I fought them back with so many people present. Eric slipped me his card, later in the evening while people were busy talking loudly and laughing. He gave Lucy a hug and twirled her around, with flying giggles, before he came back over to where I was sitting. He gave me a hug and congratulated me one more time before he left.
“What’s up with you guys?” Richie asked.
“We’re just friends Rich.”
“Why? He’s a great guy and obviously he cares about you.” Richie remarked.
“He is a great guy and a wonderful friend. But he’s just a friend.” I said trying to convince myself.
“Yeah, he’s better than some other friends of yours.” Richie said sarcastically.
“Richie don’t say that about CeCe.”
“I didn’t mention any names, you did.” He looked at me.
“Her parents gave me two-hundred dollars in their card.”
“Yeah, her parents did not CeCe—CeCe didn’t even show up. What’s going on with her?” He asked, looking for a truthful answer.
“I don’t know. It really bothers me but I’ve done everything I can. I can’t make her be my friend.”
“No, but you can’t put your life on pause because CeCe decides to take a hiatus from being your best friend.”
“I’m not.”
“Really? Eric Sothersby, a nice, guy who would do anything for you—who follows you around all the time—who’s good to your daughter—who’s perfect for you— is interested in you and you keep him at the friend’s level because you’re waiting for CeCe to make up her mind—to decide if she’s going to come back and like him instead? I love CeCe too—you know that. Char, when are you going to do something good for yourself?”
“What are you talking about Richie? I just finished my Associates degree in journalism—something I’ve always wanted.”
“Char—you know you can’t just work at Trudy’s for the rest of your life—that’s her dream not yours. Your degree is only part of it—you can’t forget about your heart.”
“I’m trying to enjoy this day, not be a moppy mess.”
“Okay, I’ll leave you alone for now. But what are you going to do if you miss the right opportunity when it was right in front of you all along?”
“Then I’ll have to deal with it when it happens. I just want to try and enjoy this moment as much as possible.”
“I love you sis. I want all the wonderful things in this life for you. Eric is one of them. At least consider him a possibility?”
“I’m making no promises but I’ll think about it.” I said, wiping a tear from leaving my eyelid quickly.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Richie was right. This chapter of my life was quickly ending. My friendship, if you could call it that, with CeCe was questionable. I virtually ran Tru-Rox when Trudy was off. Trudy had been a great friend and a huge blessing when I needed a job but I had to consider what I could do with my writing. I needed to get back to writing my book again and see what I was capable of. My mother’s words ‘you have the power to change your fate’ swirled around in my head again and again. There was something bubbling inside me that needed to be birthed—something that was deep and needed life. I took up running in the evenings, just before dusk, to clear my head. While I ran, thoughts exploded for book ideas, again about best friends but with real-life circumstances—the good and the ugly. I began writing and found refuge in memories of CeCe and I—some that made me laugh and others that made me hurt—but all life-inspiring. About two weeks after I received my degree, a posting for a part-time columnist, in the local newspaper, Marys Reporter, appeared. Although I had no experience, the newspaper editor knew my father and was a good friend of his. He decided to give me a three-month trial-basis to see if it were a good fit. I quit my job at the dinner after I received the job offer. I was responsible for writing a weekly column on local social happenings and community issues. When I wasn’t busy gathering information for the column, I worked with the marketing department to sell ads in the newspaper. I was on a learning curve, being the youngest at the newspaper by at least ten years. In the evenings Eric and I took Lucy and Aiden to the park while I read and researched topics for my column. My first column had a total of seven revisions before it was approved. The next week, I had five revisions before it went to print. I was writing about tax increases on the elderly, the Lions Club fundraisers for college scholarships and
anything else I could get a response from the public on. I enjoyed the search for topics even though it was not my first choice for writing; it gave me good experience. I worked on my book on my days off.
I contemplated Richie’s words about Eric in the back of my head. I hadn’t made any decisions yet, but as time passed and CeCe was still missing, my fondness for Eric grew as did his. Lucy became closer with Eric and he, also, with her. He had a gentle spirit. I enjoyed watching him swing her around as she giggled and yelled ‘more, more’. There were times that he caught me gazing at him and smiled back.
I wondered back to his statement of what might have been if I had been the one to show him around the first day in fifth grade instead of CeCe. I wondered if that would have made a difference in how I controlled my feelings for him now. There were things about Eric that reminded me of Skylar. They were both incredibly handsome and of good character—or at least Skylar had seemed to be of good character before he failed to ever show up again. Eric didn’t seem to care that I had a life before his friendship or that I was a single-mother. He never got mad at me when I had to work and break plans with him. He even brought me cappuccinos to my work when I was under tight deadlines and needed a pick-me-up. Eric was all over my life yet Skylar remained in the back of my mind especially as I watched Lucy grow and speculated where some of her mannerisms and features came from.
It was mid-May and Eric’s dad had one more appointment left in Savannah. The doctors reported that he was doing very well and just needed one follow up to confirm they were able to eradicate all of the cancer. Eric surprised me at work, before he left, with an early Birthday present. From a small wrapped box, I opened a coffee pot that made single-servings. He smiled and noted that I needed this since I was turning 21 and might want a drink. He said it should help fill in for him bringing the usual cappuccino to work for me while he was gone. I gladly accepted the gift and gave him a dancing hula girl, with long brown hair, so he could see it on his dashboard for the drive to Savannah. I figured a few laughs would be good for him and, that maybe, he’d think of me when he watched the hula dancer. Upon saying goodbye, he hugged me and kissed my forehead. I grabbed his hand as he turned to leave, stood up on my tip-toes, leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. With his eyes open, I caught his glimpse and felt his lips open to smile. He wrapped his arms around me and a jittery feeling shot up my stomach as he held me tightly in his embrace. He lifted me up and swung me around.
“Wow.” He said looking into my eyes as he lowered me to the ground. “So, all it took was buying you a coffee maker—I should have done that a long time ago?”
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” I said, fixing my eyes on his.
“I’ve waited for you to want that for a long time.” He said, breaking into a smile.
“Thank you for being a good man.”
“You make me happy Charlotte.”
“You make us happy.” I said grabbing his hands into mine.
“I’ll be thinking about you two while I’m gone.”
“I hope so.”
“I’ll see you soon. May I have one more kiss to take with me? I’m still in shock from the first one.”
“You’re asking?” I titled me head.
“Just making sure I’m not dreaming.”
I leaned into him once more and felt the warmth of his lips kiss me. He slipped back into the shy Eric I knew as a kid. He opened his eyes again as we caught each other’s glance before breaking into laughter.
“I think I’m gonna miss you.” I said.
“Yeah? I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Okay, bye, I guess.” I bit my lip as he gave me one quick peck on the lips before he let go of my hands and walked towards the door. I stood there as he turned around several times on his way out, smiling back at me.
I wasn’t sure what I’d just done but it felt so nice to have a good guy care for me and Lucy. There was an innocence about Eric. He was handsome, kind, funny, and great with kids—my kid. He was almost perfect. I had started to really care about him, and pushed my thoughts of CeCe and Skylar aside. For now, I tried my best to forget about Skylar and hoped that CeCe would come around.