Chapter Fifteen
“What’s all that noise?”
I was talking on my phone with Bryan while Hector was yelling at the owner of our repo.
“It’s Hector trying to negotiate with a client.”
The client was the owner of an ice cream truck who must have eaten more of his product than he sold because he was almost as big as Hector. Apparently there was a moral code about repoing someone’s livelihood. My partner was trying to work out a deal with him, but it sounded like it wasn’t going well.
I heard Bryan sigh on the other end. “Please tell me the client doesn’t have a gun.”
“Nope.” Unless it is covered in chocolate.
“Have you visited Mrs. Howard?”
I could tell by his voice that he already knew what my answer should be.
“Why?”
“A black Ferrari smashed into a mailbox after someone in a magenta muscle car threw a king sized dildo at the driver. Sound familiar?”
Hey why are we painted as the bad guys? “Maybe?”
I could have lied, but now at least I could pick his brain.
“So what happened?” He was calm, but with Bryan you never knew when his temper would surface. Or maybe that was just with me.
I gave him the low down on Mrs. Howard and her bondage boy. Neglecting the part where the driver of the Ferrari was a hit man out to kill me. To my surprise he started to laugh.
“How come these things always happen to you?”
“I’m unlucky,” I said not even believing it myself.
“Yeah that’s it,” he said.
“Must be.”
“Looks like I need to check out Mrs. Howard a little more closely,” he said.
That’s what I hoped.
“Will you tell me what you find out?”
“Don’t I always?”
“No.”
“So who was in the Ferrari with no plates?”
I should have known he wouldn’t let that go. This is where I couldn’t tell him the complete truth. He’d go ballistic.
“Just an old repo gone bad.”
We both knew it had something to do with Fidel and Emil, but were at a standoff.
“You really work with some winners,” he said.
“Just like you,” I countered.
It wasn’t like in his job he worked with the most pristine law abiding citizens.
“Okay I can tell where this conversation is going.”
Hector and the ice truck guy’s voices were getting louder. I couldn’t understand what they were saying because they were talking in Spanish, but I knew it wasn’t good. I walked a little further away covering the mouth piece.
“Tell Hector to take the deal,” Bryan said.
He spoke fluent Spanish as well as French whereas I never got past hola’ and bonjour.
“You’re such a show off,” I said.
He disconnected promising me he’d call when he got any info on Mrs. Howard. What was weird about the call was there were plenty of opportunities for him to throw in some sexual innuendos, but he didn’t. I know we both agreed to move on, but it felt strange.
“Hey Goldie. Will you help me carry this shit?”
I looked over and saw Hector struggling to carry half the truck’s ice cream supply over to his car.
“What are you doing?” I asked taking a couple boxes out of his hands.
“I loaned the guy some money to cover his payment and he gave me this shit as interest on the loan.”
We started to load the boxes in my car.
“Yolanda isn’t going to like this,” I said staring at all the boxes.
“She ain’t going to find out on account I’m putting them in your freezer. Besides it’s a gift so I’m not breaking any fucking rules,” he said obviously proud of himself the way he thought it all through.
“My freezer can’t hold all this stuff.”
And if the ice cream is in my freezer I will find every excuse to venture down from Jeff and Jason’s to scarf them. God help me when all this junk gets sorted out and I actually back in my apartment. Hector would find only wrappers and a bunch of I owe you notes in their place.
“That’s a bunch of bullshit Goldie and you know it,” he said. “I’ve seen your fucking freezer and there’s nothing in it.”
I made a face at him. “That’s not true.”
“An ice cube tray doesn’t fucking count.”
“Fine, but I get an ice cream a day as rent.”
“You were going to do that anyway,” he said.
“Yep.”
“Then it’s a fucking deal.”
Hector and I drove to my apartment in a faster than usual pace before the ice cream melted all over my trunk.
“Goldie can’t you get this piece of crap to go any faster?”
He was used to Baby’s rocket size engine. Driving my car was like driving a lawnmower.
“Sorry Hector, this is it,” I said.
“Damn girl that’s just sad,” he said. “Fuck I can run faster than this shit.”
I gave him my bullshit face.
“I saw that,” he said.
“You were supposed to.”
“Shit,” he shouted.
“It wasn’t that bad,” I said looking over at him.
Hector’s normal cocoa color had turned four shades lighter. “No fucking way.”
“Okay, I’m sorry,” I said not understanding why he was so upset. “You can run as fast as my car.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asked scrunching up his face.
I was totally confused. “I don’t know. What are you talking about?” I asked.
He looked behind us. “Damn that crazy fucker and the nana are behind us.”
Oh my God. I looked back and saw Mrs. Howard’s familiar Buick with bondage boy riding shotgun. It was hard to tell it was him at first because he had replaced his leather with civilian clothes.
“I don’t care if you blow this thing up just get me away from that fucking nut job,” Hector shouted in total panic mode.
I immediately put the gas pedal to the floor. My car started to shake in protest. I swerved left down San Vincente trying to maneuver my way away from them, but Mrs. Howard was still fast on my tail. There was no way I was going to out run them.
“Goldie get this bitch moving,” Hector whined, “I don’t want that old guy on my ass again.”
I looked sideways but there was no way for me to get around the car to my left. It was approaching rush hour and the streets were getting more crowded by the minute. Then something occurred to me. Why should we be running away? All we did is try to help. We should be chasing her.
I looked in my rear view mirror then immediately swung a left into a carpet store parking lot and slammed on my brakes. I didn’t need to look back to know she followed us. I swung open the door.
“Girl, have you lost your fucking mind?” Hector screamed clutching his door handle.
“Maybe. But I’m annoyed so I don’t care,” I said getting out of my car and stomping towards Mrs. Howard who was waiting patiently by her driver’s side door. She looked like she should be attending a church social instead of chasing us down. Bondage boy was waiting in the passenger seat with his head hung down like a dog who had just been scolded.
“Why are you following us?” I shouted.
She held up her hands. “I’m sorry. I just really needed to talk to you.”
“You have a lot of explaining to do,” I said getting louder with every word. I felt pretty confident she and slave boy wouldn’t do anything to me in public. Besides I was too angry to care. Once my temper was unleashed there wasn’t much I could do. I was on a woman rage and they’d better back off. And I figured they were so old I could take them even without the help of my partner who had locked himself in the car.
She sighed and said, “I know what you must think of me.”
“You have no idea,” I said. Where d
o I begin?
“Herman told me what happened and I am sorry. He shouldn’t have attacked your partner. He thought he was protecting me.”
Bondage boy was named Herman? I blinked trying to make the flashback of him on Hector’s back retreat from my mind.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Do you know what it’s like to have your husband drain your bank account and leave you after thirty five years because he says you’re boring?”
“No. But what’s that got to do with that thing?” I said pointing to bondage boy.
“I understand your anger with Herman, but please don’t be disrespectful to him.”
“Then tell that fucker not to jump on people’s back.” Hector had obviously decided it was safe to come out of the car.
“He was under the impression you two were burglars,” She said looking back at Herman who was still in the car with his head down.
“Enough of this bullshit. What the fuck is that freak ass room in your house?” Hector said.
Apparently he was just as tired as I was.
“Okay,” said Mrs. Howard taking a deep breath. “The truth.”
“Yeah,” Hector and I both said at the same time.
“I needed money. There was niche for a senior dominatrix so I signed up. It certainly surprised my ex-husband which was an added plus. I wasn’t boring anymore.”
She made it sound so easy. Niche? Was there an ad up at the local grocery store?
“Why did you make a fuck tape with Davies?” Hector pressed.
Her face registered embarrassment. “I didn’t know he was doing it. I swear. I thought he was a pastor.”
“Did you kill him because he was blackmailing you?” I asked. Hey since she was being all honest and everything I might as well go for it.
“I didn’t kill him. I swear.”
“You didn’t answer me. Was he blackmailing you or not?”
“Yes.”
“So everything you told me was a lie?”
She shook her head. “No. Tony started to blackmail me after I told him I wouldn’t give him any more money.”
“Do you even have a brother?” I asked.
“Yes. And the car really is his.”
I looked at Hector to see what he thought. He shrugged back in response.
“Then why the fuck when we told you Davies was dead, you didn’t care about getting your money back?” Hector asked then crossed his arms in front of himself.
“Because Herman was kind enough to give me a bonus for our sessions,” she said while looking back at him. If he bent his head down any lower he’d be face down on the pavement. “I was able to pay the back payments on the car and got it back from the bank.”
“I’d do anything for you mistress,” he said looking up from his downward dog position.
“I didn’t give you permission to speak, slave,” Mrs. Howard hissed out.
Herman slunk down and whimpered. “Forgive me mistress.”
I hid behind Hector who had moved back a couple steps away from the freak show. Boy, Mrs. Howard could get mean. She turned back to us looking like she should be passing out donuts after church.
“You obviously take pride in your job,” I blurted out.
Hector elbowed me and gave me a disgusted look.
“Damn. And he pays for that shit?” Hector asked shaking his head.
Mrs. Howard nodded. “Yes. Herman and I have a very special relationship.”
“If special means fucking freaky, then yes you do.”
Mrs. Howard looked angry. “Please do not disparage what you don’t understand.”
Hector’s expression looked like he just ate a lemon. “What the fuck?”
I explained to Hector what she meant. He really should work on expanding his vocabulary.
“Fine,” he huffed. I could tell he wanted to say much more than fine, but held back. I was guessing the way she talked to Herman had something to do with Hector’s sudden self-censorship.
“Who was the old bat who held a gun to Goldie demanding her DVD back?”
She grimaced. “Elise is a friend of mine from my bridge club. She and her husband went on a double date with Tony and me. And she ended up not being able to resist his charms either.”
I resisted the urge to dry heave. Hector let out a disgusted sigh.
“Charms my ass. All that guy had was big teeth and an even bigger dick.”
Embarrassment flooded Mrs. Howard’s face, which was surprising considering she was driving with a guy who up until an hour ago was wearing a leather cat suit.
“You certainly don’t mince words do you,” she said.
Hector made a face. “I don’t know what the fuck you just said. But it don’t sound good.”
I whispered out of the corner of my mouth what Mrs. Howard meant.
Hector nodded. “Fuck no I don’t.”
“Tony was blackmailing Elise. She found out you got my DVD back.”
“Found out? You told her,” I said.
She nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she would do that to you. But after Tony threatened to show her husband the DVD of them together she went a little crazy. I told her maybe you got hers back too.”
“Do you think she could have killed him?” I asked.
“That’s impossible. Elise couldn’t kill anyone.”
“I know this shit is important, but we got to go.” Then Hector leaned down and said out of the side of his mouth, “My ice cream is fucking melting.”
At least he had his priorities straight. I knew better than to stand between Hector and his food.
“Will you tell please tell your friend I don’t have what she wants?” I asked while ignoring Hector who was tugging on my arm like a pre-schooler.
Mrs. Howard said she would then went back to her car and took off. Hector hopped into the driver’s seat and hurriedly waved me in.
“Damn girl will you hurry up already?”
I got into the passenger’s seat and had barely shut the door when Hector floored my Volkswagen making it screech out of the parking lot. We made it to my apartment in less than ten minutes. Now my car was making loud pinging sounds that I had never heard before. It sounded like it was dying.
“What did you do to my car?”
Hector ignored my question and was already grabbing one of the shopping carts that were left in the parking garage. He loaded the ice cream boxes into the cart.
“Goldie come on and help me with this shit,” he practically begged.
Hector had forgotten bondage boy and only had eyes for the bartered for frozen dairy. We were able to pack everything into one cart and hustled upstairs to my apartment. When we walked in I let out a sigh. It was so nice to be home. I was treated like a queen at Jeff and Jason’s, but it still wasn’t my place. We unloaded the boxes into my empty freezer, but couldn’t fit the last one.
“You want to help me?” Hector asked holding up a box of drumsticks.
I knew I shouldn’t. I had to fit into that slinky dress tonight. I’ll be strong I told myself.
Hector tore open a wrapper and handed one to me. Any willpower I had a minute ago was gone. I finished off three before I started feeling sick. Hector ate the rest.
“These drumsticks are kinda healthy,” Hector said while licking some ice cream that was dripping down the cone. “They have some nuts.”
Even I couldn’t convince myself of that one.
“Nice try Hector.”
My phone buzzed. I glanced down and saw it was Jeff and Jason again. They had been messaging me every ten minutes for the last hour. I was late for their ritualistic grooming ceremony where they poked and prodded me into beauty. I knew I had to look presentable when Manuel and I tried to con Abdoul but they were ridiculous with the amount of time their preparations took.
“Is it them again?” Hector asked stifling a burp.
I nodded.
“What the hell do they want?”
I
shrugged. He’d only get suspicious if he found out Jeff and Jason were going to make me over
Hector’s phone buzzed. He glanced down and made a face.
“Is it Yolanda again?”
He nodded.
“That’s the second time you avoided her message. Are you suicidal?”
I hadn’t even met Yolanda, but even I was starting to get anxious that he hadn’t answered her.
“She’s got some weird fucking power where she can tell if I am eating something bad for me.”
“You’re always eating something bad for you.”
“Exactly. That’s why she knows.”
I shook my head trying to figure out his logic.
Hector and I cleaned off our hands and faces trying to remove any evidence of our drumstick rampage. After we were done he walked me to Jeff and Jason’s door.
“Come on girl. I know you and my buddy aren’t just going to just hang out tonight talking about those assholes.”
“Why not?” I asked, trying to look as innocent as possible. Manuel had told me not to tell Hector where we going. He didn’t want him to show up in a misguided attempt to help.
“Shit girl, it just isn’t right that you fuckers are keeping me out of the loop.”
“That’s not true. I told you what we’re doing.”
“I’m not a dumb ass Goldie. I know why you’re not telling me.”
“If you know than you don’t need to ask.”
Hector gave an offended look. “Damn girl that was cold.”
I gave him a ‘You’re shitting me look’ just as his phone buzzed again making him cringe.
“Call me if you need me,” he said giving up his inquest. He answered his phone while walking down the hallway spouting apologies to Yolanda.