Tapping his excited hand on his lap, I smiled back. “You sure are, sweetie. You’ll get to start again, make something real good of yourself in California.”
Levi’s smile faded and his head tilted to the side. “You’ll be coming too, right? You’ll be there with us too?”
I lowered my eyes before casting a glance around my friends. They had all decided to come along to the draft here in NYC. Rome was awarded first-draft pick yesterday and was heading to the Seattle Seahawks. We had celebrated with them last night. But today was all about Austin.
My friends were all watching me struggle with Levi’s question in sympathy. Truth was, I wasn’t sure I was in a good enough place to go anywhere outside of Tuscaloosa right now. Hell, it had taken some real begging for Dr. Lund to allow me to come here for a few days. And besides, Austin had never mentioned me going with him. After getting a normal life for the last eight weeks, following years of upheaval, I wasn’t sure he wanted to take his anorexic girlfriend along for the ride. It was just too much pressure on him.
“Let’s just enjoy the day, sweetie. We can see how things pan out later on down the road.”
Levi’s eyes filled with worry, but it didn’t last too long as Austin reappeared at the door, clutching his new Niners jersey.
His expression was one of complete disbelief, but I knew he would do it… And I was pretty damn sure his mamma was looking down on this too, dancing once more in happiness. Smiling with pride at the man her son had become.
Rome stood and, clutching Molly to his side, said, “We going out to celebrate?”
Austin looked at me, and I knew he was checking I felt strong enough to go. I nodded my head and said, “I could manage a couple more hours.”
Austin’s responding smile nearly knocked me off my feet.
My broken boy from the trailer park was slowly fixing himself together again… taking my heart and soul along for the ride.
“You coping okay, Pix?” Austin said as we entered our hotel room later that night, reaching down and taking my hand in his.
Smiling, I nodded my head and swallowed back my apprehension. Austin and I had spent every single day together over the last couple of months, but we had yet to make love again. He came to every single appointment I’d had, stayed with me in the hospital, along with Levi, until I was released and sent back home to my parents, where he turned up every day and just stayed by my side, loving me.
Two weeks ago, I’d talked my parents into allowing me back to my sorority house, but this was the first time we’d truly been alone.
Pressing a kiss to the back of my hand, Austin let go and began walking to the bathroom, removing his jacket as he did.
He looked so beautiful dressed up, all fancy in his black suit, his dark hair and colorful tattoos looking sinful against the expensive cut of the material.
Austin glanced back, his stidda seeming less severe on his cheek, and he said, “I’m just grabbing a shower. I’ll be back soon.”
As soon as the door to the bathroom shut, I walked slowly to the mirror and, keeping my eyes downcast, counted to three.
One… two… three…
Snapping my eyes open, I stared at the girl before me and released a long, deep exhale. I took in her dark hair, slowly thickening up after the heavy loss her relapse caused. Her green eyes were rimmed with black and her lips were painted a dark, deep red.
You do not measure up, Lexington. You never will. We are never going to be good enough for him, never beautiful enough.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I let the voice say his piece. Then opening them again, I stared at the reflection and whispered, “Yes, you are. You are beautiful to him. He won’t reject you. You are beautiful, full stop.”
The voice faded into my subconscious, and I suddenly felt heat at my back and the smell of rainwater filled my nose. Looking in the reflection behind me, Austin was there, in only his boxers, looking beyond perfect and dark, only adoration in his eyes, and all my fears lifted.
Austin reached up and ran his finger down my cheek, nuzzling into the crook of my neck, and feathered kisses along my hot skin.
Closing my eyes, I reached around to the back of his thigh and pulled him closer, feeling his hardness press right against me.
“Austin…” I whispered and felt heat pool at my core.
“Pix…” he said, voice hoarse, and I turned in his arms. My palm flattened on his chest, and I lifted on my toes and softy kissed at the white dove tattoo on the underside of his throat.
Gripping the nape of my neck, Austin rolled his hips and groaned. “Fuck… Pix… I need you…”
Stepping back, I took Austin’s hand and led him to the huge king-sized bed. Austin was looking down at me in confusion, and I motioned for him to sit on the edge.
Doing as I asked, Austin sat on the side of the bed, and I ran my hand through his hair, his eyes rolling back at my touch. His reaction fuelled my courage.
When he reached out to hold my waist, I stepped back farther, and Austin tilted his head to the side. “Pix? What’s wrong?”
Unable to speak with the intensity of what I was about to do, I shook my head and reached for the back zipper of my dress. Austin’s eyes widened, and my gaze never left his.
Pulling the zipper down, I closed my eyes and, on a deep breath, let the loose, black material pool to the floor beneath me. I caught Austin sucking in a pained gasp, and as I opened my eyes again, he was gripping the sheets in his fists, staring at me in my bra and panties like he couldn’t resist, his hard length testing the material of his boxers.
Skirting my hands up to the front clasp of my bra, heart thundering in my chest, I slowly released my breasts and dropped my bra to the floor. Feeling small and weak, I almost faltered in my action, until a frustrated moan slipped from Austin’s lips as he roved his hungry gaze down my nearly bare body.
I inhaled a sharp breath.
I wasn’t disgusting him… I was turning him on…
Hands shaking at the importance of the moment, I hooked my thumbs into the sides of my black panties and pushed them down my legs.
As I straightened, I looked Austin straight in the eyes, and tears filled his dark Italian gaze. “Pix…” he whispered and, reaching out for my hand, pulled me to his chest and ran his hand down the length of my chest and stomach. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he said in a raspy voice. “You, like this… perfection…”
Perfection… the goal I’d always strived to achieve.
Almost melting inside at his honest words, I replied, “I’m beautiful… with you…”
And then it hit me: I wasn’t afraid anymore with Austin. I wasn’t afraid of baring my fears, all my secrets… my soul… myself.
Suddenly, wrapping his hands around my neck, Austin pulled me down on top of him and crashed his mouth to mine.
I was lost to his touch.
My hands clutched the messy strands of his hair, and his tongue pushed between the seams of my mouth, dueling with mine as though he wanted to crawl into my skin.
Breaking from his mouth, I used my hands on the mattress to slowly crawl down his body, laying kisses to the hot skin of his stomach, the muscles twitching and tensing underneath. “Pix… Christ, that feels good…” he murmured and gripped at my hair.
Reaching the waistband of his boxers, I tucked in my fingers and rolled them down his thighs and off his ankles, discarding them on the floor with mine.
We were flesh against flesh, and we both paused, realizing what this meant. I had conquered my biggest fear. I was naked before Austin. I was finally completely myself, with Austin.
It was perfect.
Rolling me on my back, Austin kicked open my legs and braced himself at my entrance. His tongue lapped along the scalding skin of my throat and his fingers ran down my torso, all the way down until they brushed against my core. Shivers racked my body as Austin left a wet trail of kisses over my breasts, down my stomach, and across my hips. His hands pressed on the inside of my thighs,
and, looking up at me, Austin pushed my legs apart and shuffled his body down the bed until his mouth hovered at the apex of my thighs.
“Baby, I gotta taste you. I’ve been wanting to lick you for far too long.”
Swallowing back my nerves, Austin ducked his head and his tongue ran along my folds in one slow swipe. My head threw back and a long moan slipped from my lips as Austin circled and sucked me with his lips and hot tongue.
Instinctively, my hips ground against his mouth, and I felt as though I was floating on air, reaching a high I’d never touched before.
“Fuck, Pix, you taste so good. So fuckin’ good,” Austin murmured against my flesh, and heat seared my skin.
“Austin!” I cried out when he inserted his finger inside me, pressing against that perfect place within my channel. The sensation of falling washed through me and, as Austin built up the speed of his tongue, I came against his mouth, Austin groaning and fisting his length as I did so.
Lifting his head, Austin’s eyes were determined as he towered over my flushed and sated naked body. As he ran himself along my wetness, I stilled. Austin immediately did too.
“Pix?” he questioned in a tight voice.
I cupped his face with my hands. “I want…” I took in a fortifying breath. “I want to be… on top. I need to take the reins tonight…”
Austin’s eyes widened and I watched his throat swallow. “You sure?”
Nodding, I lifted my chest, and Austin positioned us so I was on top, straddling his thighs.
“Condom?” I asked bravely, but I knew my face was on fire with my blush.
“In the top drawer,” he replied, and leaning over, I removed a gold foil packet and ripped it open with my teeth.
Austin took the condom from my hands, and I watched as he rolled it on. Stroking his hands up my calves, he stopped when they rested on my thighs.
“You ready, Pix?” he asked, and his eyes were suddenly concerned.
Bending forward, I met his lips with mine, tasting myself on his tongue, and reaching down, I took his length in my hand and guided him inside.
As I pushed his hardness within me to the hilt, Austin broke from the kiss on a gasp, his firm hands nearly bruising my thighs.
Sitting up, I whimpered as Austin pushed inside me, making me so impossibly full, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to be possessed by him, consumed by him, and when I glanced down into his Italian eyes, I could feel that need in him too.
Stilling my hips, Austin’s neck strained and his thumb stroked soothingly at my thigh. “What’s wrong, baby?”
Taking a shuddering breath, I took hold of his hands and held them up before me. “I want you to touch me.”
Furrowing his brows, Austin asked, “Where, Pix? Touch you where? Just say… just say where.”
As my hands began to shake in nerves, Austin sucked in the corner of his lower lip, and I cautiously guided his hands around to my back.
Austin froze and tried to pull back. “Pix, no. Don’t. I ain’t gotta touch you there. It’s okay. I don’t want to spark your trigger.”
My heart skipped a beat at his thoughtfulness, and I replied, “I want you touch me there. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine in every way, no barriers in our path.” I lowered my lids in embarrassment and hushed out, “It’s the last of my walls to break down… and… and…”
Austin’s fingers threaded through mine, and he said, “What, Pix?”
“I want you to be the one to finally break the trigger. All of this started with the rejection of a boy I liked… I want it to end with the acceptance of the boy I love.”
His nostrils flared and he nodded in agreement.
Keeping his gaze fixed on mine, I guided his hands to my back and, closing my eyes, laid them flat to my skin.
At first, Austin’s palms felt like branding irons, and I couldn’t breathe… I can’t breathe! It is happening again! I… I… I—
“Shh, Pix. It’s okay,” Austin soothed, and he began moving his hands up and down my back in a slow, rhythmic motion. I focused on the motion of his hands, and, minutes later, my breathing had calmed and my eyes snapped open.
He was touching my back… He was touching my back.
“Austin…” I murmured as tears fell from my eyes.
Lifting his torso, our stomachs now flesh to flesh, Austin crushed his lips to mine, and I began rocking on top of him.
Heat built between our bodies the faster we moved, and with every caress of Austin’s hand on my back, I fell deeper in love, savoring the complete trust that was building along with our release as I gripped his dark, messy hair.
Snapping back on a hiss, Austin broke from my lips and groaned a long, drawn-out groan. “Pix… I’m gonna come. Gonna come so hard, baby.”
Panting breathless, I gripped tighter to Austin’s hair and pressed my forehead to his. “Me too… I’m gonna… ah… Austin… I’m coming… God… I’m—”
Shutting my eyes, lights exploded, and I felt Austin still, his fingernails digging into my back, and he moaned loudly into my neck.
Still joined, our bodies now slick with sweat, we clung together as we came down from our mutual high… from our life-changing moment… from baring our souls… from breaking my final trigger.
Austin’s hot breath blew against my neck, and when he looked up, I saw pure love shining through.
“Ti amo,” he whispered, his inky long lashes wet with emotion. “Ti amo, Pix.”
Caressing his cheek, I replied, “Ti amo. Ti amo tantissimo.”
Austin’s responding smile could have blotted out the sun it was so bright.
“Puoi parlare Italiano, Pix?” Can you speak Italian? Austin said in between kissing my neck.
“Ci sto provando.” I am trying, I said in return.
Huffing a laugh and working his lips over the flesh of my breasts, Austin pulled back, threaded my hand through his, and said, “Come with me to San Francisco. Come with me and Lev. Be our family.”
Slapping my free hand across my chest, I began to shake my head. “You don’t want that, Austin. I’m still recovering from this illness, and you don’t need the distraction of me there when you make something of yourself.”
“I need you,” he said sternly. “I need you so badly. And I could be there for you… to help you.”
“What… what if I relapse again? It would be too much—”
“Then I will be there to get you through it. I don’t want football and California if I don’t have you. I need you… I need you so fuckin’ much. You saved me from myself… and you saved Lev too.”
I smiled at a sudden flash of memory.
“What?” Austin asked, smiling too.
“That night, at the trailer park when your mamma wanted to speak to me, she said something similar.”
Swallowing deep at the mention of his mamma, Austin whispered, “She did?”
Nodding, I put my hand on his cheek and said, “She told me that she used to think you would be the one to save your family, with football. But after meeting me, she knew it would be me that would save you.”
Austin tried to blink back his tears, but one escaped and ran down his cheek.
“She said my soul matched yours.”
“She was right, Pix.” He cast a quick glance upwards in silent prayer before fixing his attention back on me. “So what do you say? Move with me. I swear I’ll never let you fall again.”
“Okay,” I said with a happy laugh. “I’ll move with you.”
Pressing his forehead to mine, Austin sighed and said, “Fuckin’ A.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Austin
Florence, Italy
One year later…
“È tua moglie quella?”
Is that your wife? the old lady from the pasticceria asked me as I stood at the counter and squared up the bill.
I glanced over at Lexi staring at the people of Firenze milling around the Piazza della Signoria with a happy smile upon her face. My chest
constricted at the sight. Her sweet face was tanned from the strong winter Tuscan sun, her lips a light dusky pink from the ridiculously expensive lip salve she constantly wore, and her beautiful pale-green eyes wide with intrigue. She loved Italia. Hell, she loved life again.
My little emo pixie was no longer quite emo. Lexi’s hair was still jet-black and to her chin—she refused to part with that—but she no longer wore dark colors as her armor, no longer caked herself with white makeup and dark kohl liner to hide what she found most repulsive—herself.
I watched as guy after guy openly checked her out as they passed by her table—Typically fuckin’ Italian, I thought—appreciating her petite but filled-out figure, showcased by her short red summer dress. Weirdly, it didn’t bother me too much. I loved seeing her like this, free of her demons for a while, taking back control one day at a time. She still had her down moments, the days she tripped, but I was always there to pick her back up again, and she was there for me too, when my fucked-up past played on my mind.
The old woman cleared her throat, an endearing smile on her face. Ducking my head in embarrassment of being caught staring, I smirked and replied, “No, é la mia fidenzata.”
No, she’s my fiancée.
The old woman smiled wide and laid her hand on her chest, glancing over my shoulder to Lexi. “Ah, giovane amore.”
Young love.
A gentle hand landed on my shoulder. “È preziosa, tesoro. Proteggi il suo cuore.”
She’s beautiful, darling. Protect her heart.
I nodded, cherishing the woman’s advice, and replied, “Sempre. Sempre. È l’amore della mia vita.” Always. Always. She’s the love of my life.
I made my way back to Lexi through the teeming outdoor terrace and placed my hand on the nape of her neck. Big beautiful eyes looked up at me, and she smiled.
She still took my damn breath away.
“You ready, Pix?” I asked and held out my hand for her to take. Lexi gripped her hand in mine, and, leaning down, I placed a kiss on her engagement ring—an ebony four-carat diamond set in eighteen-carat black gold—nothing else would do for my little gothic girl. Not too big, not too fancy, but laced with edge and completely her.