Chapter 15
I made a decision on the plane ride home to do my best and avoid Blake as much as possible so I could focus on Evan. I thought it’d be a challenge since he’s Trevor’s buddy and all but it wasn’t. After the trip Blake pretty much stopped coming around all together. I would still see him in passing at school and occasionally he’d be over, but he’d usually leave or be on his way out the door when I showed up. It was kind of weird not seeing him, but I didn’t have time to contemplate it because Trevor was in a constant state of pissed off. It seems Kim meant what she said about just wanting to be friends for a while because she wasn’t coming around much either and she even turned Trev down on some dates. She still hung out with me, but I usually went to her house or we went somewhere.
I stopped telling Trevor I was hanging out with Kim when we’d have plans to do something because then he’d want to come or turn all stocker and show up wherever we were. It’s not that I didn’t want to be around him, but I didn’t want him blowing his shot with her, because she did miss him and I mean a lot. She was all the time asking if he was dating other girls. And while I was divided on the matter I ended up sticking true to him, I didn’t think it was fair that she could secretly keep tabs on him and he not her, so I’d always shrug and say he’s never around but I didn’t think so and she’d always get depressed.
While I admire her stand, I still think it’s ignorant because she is miserable without him. She swears up and down she will always love him, and in my mind I can’t help but think she’s cutting her nose off to spite her face.
I’m sitting on the island watching rain splatter against the window, “what are you doing?” Trevor asks.
I roll my eyes, “nothing,” I say.
Trevor stands next to me at the island and watches the rain with me, “you talked to Kammie lately?”
I bristle under my clothes and hope to goodness this conversation isn’t leading where I think it is, “nope, she’s too good to hang out with me anymore.”
He narrows his eyes, “good.”
I turn to face and him and put a hand on my hip, “Why? So you can date her behind Kim’s back?”
He grits his teeth and throws his hands up in a bout of anger, “behind her back? I’ve been trying to date her for months and I get the cold shoulder,” he shakes his head, “I don’t want to talk about Kim,” he looks at me and I back down because I’ve never seen him so angry at me before, “I asked because she’s in the wrong crowd.”
“What do you mean?” I asked a little worried.
“She’s a total pothead now.”
I raise a brow in disbelief. Not my Kammie, she’d never do anything like that, but then again she hasn’t been my Kammie in a long time, “for real?”
Trevor nods, “and you better not be hanging out with her because if I catch you doing drugs I’ll kick your ass.” He’s serious but we both start to laugh.
I jump when I see Evan pop into view through the window. He has water dripping off his hair and running onto his face. I smile at him and slither down the island to let him in, “What are you doing?”
Evan shakes the water from his hair and a tucks his hands in his pockets, “came to see you,” He gives me a sheepish grin, and looks at me with lips trembling unsure of himself.
My stomach sinks, because I know I’m the reason for the circle of doubt that rings his eyes, and the slump in his shoulders that didn’t use to be there, “perfect,” I give him the best smile I can manage in spite of my guilt.
He takes my hand and gives it a little tug, I trail two steps behind him and when we reach the door he turns to face me, “Wanna get out of here?”
I look out the window, the rain’s pouring down, then I look into his eyes and I can see he needs me to be with him so I smile and follow him out the door and into the rain sans umbrella. We race to his car hand in hand laughing under skies full of clouds and thunderstorms. I let out a squeal as a boom of thunder ricochets overhead chased by a clash of lightening. We drive around for a while in silence; the need of resolution is so thick and buttery you can slice it with a plastic knife. I lick my lips and I go to say something random when Evan beats me to it.
“It really hurts,” he swallows, and I stare at him while he speaks, mesmerized as a droplet of rain glides down his cheek, “what you did,” he’s nodding to himself and staring out at the rain washed roads.
I inhale and puff my cheeks; this is so uncomfortable, being smacked in the face with your guilt. I wiggle a little in my seat, waiting to be condemned, “I suck, I know,” I close my eyes and bite my lips. I open them only to look out the window, no longer able to look at his face. I know he deserves for me to look him in the eye, but it hurt too much.
He lets out a breath of frustration, “yeah and so do I because I am willing to work through this,” there’s a heartbeat of silence and I look at him, “which we’ve talked about this, but I am only willing to work through this if you are.”
I shake my head, “I said I was,” then I realize I sound a little too cocky considering what I’ve put him through and all, “I mean of course,” I turn to him, “I will do better,” but then a thought breaks to surface in my mind and something in me comes to life, “but I also thought you were breaking up with me,” I narrow my eyes, “so that’s something you should consider too you know,” I cross my arms over my chest, completely through with taking all the blame, “so the next time you feel hurt you think about that.” I turn from him and stare straight ahead. Something I said must have hit home because he didn’t say anything else until we stop at a local diner where all the kids from school hang out.
The car rolls to a stop and neither of us says a word. He puts his head on the steering wheel and I just sit there with my arms crossed not really knowing what to say or do until he lifts his head and plants a kiss on my cheek, “nothing I can argue with there,” then he shoots me a smile and just like that I know we’re okay.
We get out of the car and of course the place is packed. The diner is full of buzz; it’s an invasion of teens in all circles and varieties. We see some of the guys on the soccer team in a corner booth and decide to sit with them. Everyone’s all lost in conversation reliving games while I am dipping my fries in my shake, “you really shouldn’t eat those,” I look up to see Kammie standing over top of me with her arms crossed over her chest, “you’ll get fatter.”
I swallow a jagged fry, her words hurt worse though. I take a drink of my shake to help it go down, and she makes a face, “um hey it’s good to see you too.” I say not really meaning it.
Kammie rolls her eyes, “how’s Kim?” Her words are so accusatory that it makes me want to scream at her. I think she knows by the look on my face that I can tell she’s trying to say something without actually saying it, “think about what I said,” she looks at my shake and fries, “seriously you don’t want to get fatter,” she snarls her nose at me.
I let a fry slip through my fingers and shake my head not caring one bit that the entire table had gotten quiet and was now staring at the two of us, “we haven’t talked in months and this is how you want things to be? I thought we were best friends?”I search her eyes waiting to see a little glimmer that she missed me, but there was no such shine; only empty bitterness.
She laughs, “That ended when you chose her side.”
I roll my eyes at her stupidity, “I didn’t choose anyone’s side and you know you did wrong,” I shrug, “it’s not my fault you can’t just own it and move on.” I instantly -partially regretted my words as soon as I said them, “look all can be forgiven now that it’s out in the open,” I offer a little too late. But a twinge of anger spikes in the back of mind, I want her to apologize for implying I was fat, I want her to tell me she’s sorry she’s been m.i.a. for so long.
She smirks instead, “send Blake my love for me,” her smirk turns into a grin, “he’s still taking me to the end of the year formal.” At that she turns and walks away from me and joins an unseemly crowd.
Someone calls her a bitch and there’s several murmurs of agreement before conversations pick back up. I push my fries out from my face and slump back in my seat. Evan’s lips brush my ears and chills pop up over my arms when his breath hits my face, “I’m really going to get mad if you don’t forget what she said and eat those fries,” I look at him and smile. He picks up a fry dips it in my shake and feeds it to me. “She’s just lashing out because she’s hurting you know,” I eye him, “she misses you and she’s displacing her feelings so she can deal with losing you and herself.” I raise a brow, “I can’t be without a shadow of a doubt positive but I think it’s true,” he nods and polishes off our fries, “she’ll come around,” he takes a drink of my shake since he’s already finished his, “or you could reach out to her.”
I roll my eyes and look at Kammie across the room. She’s laughing with her buds and then her laughter stops, like it’s caught in her throat, and she turns to look at me and our eyes meet. My stomach drops and I feel sick. I really miss her. And for a minute or two we just watch each other with blank expressions on our faces and then it all comes back to me in pieces and flashes: fixing each other’s hair, doing makeovers, drooling over guys from a distance, and reading Cosmo together. Together; something I never thought would be a past time. Then I blink and it’s all gone. All I have left are those distant memories accompanied with her new found love of implying I’m fat. Evan kisses the top of my head and whispers in my ear, “let’s get out of here.”