On the opposite side, Denise could find a long list of things that made her unhappy onboard. Exhausted, she felt her severe emotional limitations taking her down. Her mind no longer responded as quickly and she knew her professional performance wasn’t getting any better.
She woke up tired every morning and couldn’t even stand the sound of people’s voices anymore. Everything was turning into big problems, even when they were not that big and sometimes were not even problems.
Denise enjoyed playing the piano once in a while but she had started spending more time looking at the keys and appreciating the silence in the empty wedding chapel than playing music. Her mind went back and forth to all kinds of different memories: her happy childhood and the wish for a brother that never came, her first bicycle, the day her father got a new job and decided to get everything new including a new family, the fall that made her drop her dreams of being a professional pianist, her first love back in Switzerland when she was seventeen, the death of her best friend in a car accident, her first day on a ship four years earlier, her feelings for Diego…
She was giving serious consideration to leaving the ships. The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea. Making up her mind, turning it into reality, was going to be an entire different story. She had never been the sort of person who made decisions easily, quite the opposite. The fact was, she thought so much and planed with so much detail that everything got delayed for indefinite periods of time due to her inability to make up her mind.
She looked in her drawer looking for a phone card and once she had it in her hand she called home. It was time to get a few things out of her system and no one better for that than her life-time closest friend: her mother.
Elsa listened carefully to everything her daughter had been hiding. She knew Denise wasn’t having a very good time on the Ocean Pearl but until that moment, to the best of her knowledge, the problems were work related. Denise had kept Diego out of her conversations with her mother and Elsa didn’t even know he existed. She was not impressed when she heard Denise tell what she was putting her heart through.
“So, what do you think?” Denise asked.
There was a brief silence and a loud sigh. “Honey, I’m trying to understand your motives, I swear I am. I know how frustrating and heart crushing it is to let go of someone who you are in love with, but I think you are taking this too far. If you already know that this guy is going to break up with you and if you hate your job so much, please come home the next port you dock.” Elsa asked solicitously.
“No mom. I’ve handled this until now. I’m staying until the end.”
“But honey, this is destroying you. I can feel it. Don’t put yourself through anymore sorrow. I’ll buy you the plane ticket so you can come home.” She pressed.
“Thanks mom, but I am going to finish this contract.” She answered with a matter-of-fact tone. “I don’t want to think about this one day and picture myself as a quitter.”
“Always so stubborn.”
“Yes, I think I got that from my mother.”
Elsa grinned lightly. “Just promise me one thing then. If it becomes unbearable, you leave that ship, okay? Don’t load yourself with more than what you can carry. Promise me that.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” She answered with a bleak voice.
“You need to PROMISE.” Elsa insisted.
“All right mom, I promise.”
“Good. I’ll be counting the days to have you with me again so I can take care of you a bit. You’re going to have a great time. There is so much snow, just like you always loved.”
“That’s great.” Denise replied, enjoying the idea of being taken care of better than the snow. It had been a long time since someone took care of her. That would be really nice for a change. “I love you mom.” She concluded with her chest tightened.