CHAPTER SIX
The week that followed was amazing. I enjoyed everyday of my life. Chase would pick me up everyday for school and was the most caring boyfriend a girl would want. My mother brought me the most gorgeous prom dress. Becks still had a problem with me and Ayden barely said a word to me. Ali was having her own romance with a boy called Travis from her French class.
I thought I was walking on cloud nine, with my first dance on Friday and my 18th on Monday, I had tons to look forward to. I skipped in the cafeteria on Wednesday, Chase wasn't at school today. He was playing an away game in another town. I scanned the room and looked at my old friends and then at my new ones.
I pang of sadness flooded through me, I really did miss them. They were all laughing at something a red haired boy was saying, my guessing that was Travis. As Ali was fluttering her eyelashes and had a dreamy look on her face. Ayden looked up and our eyes meet. That familiar chill ran down my spine as he gave a little smile and then turned back to talking.
Why did I now feel guilty? I had turned into one of those girls who put boyfriends before their friends. In fact, everything in my life now surrounded around Chase. I had to make amends. I had to give both set of friend’s attention. I took in a deep breath, straightened out my shoulders and strolled over. No one looked at me as I sat down at the table.
“Hey” I said weakly.
“Jen,” Ali beamed. “Hi. Haven't met Travis yet, have you?” I gave Travis a little smile and then looked round the table. Becks was scowling as she looked down at her phone and Ayden was staring intensely at me.
I now felt small and unwanted. This was all my own doing. I had ignored my friends and this was my punishment. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I kept blinking to hold back. I looked down at my hands locked together in my lap. Maybe I didn't belong in this group or maybe I never fitted in.
“So, what you been up to Jen?” A chair is pulled out beside me and I can smell Ayden's scent. I look out of the corner of my eye and he has taken the bold move to sit next to me. Relief rushes through me, does this mean he doesn't hate me?
“Not much” I mutter. “You?”
He lazily lounges back in the chair and drapes one of his arms over the back on mine. “Not much either” he laughs. “Are you going to the dance?”
“Yes.”
“With Chase?”
“Yes.”
There's a loud bang and we all look over at Becks. “Why are you sat with us, Jen?” She says with annoyance. “What? No Chase to hang off from today.”
My jaw drops open, but I should have expected this. It’s unlike Becks to not say what she is feeling. I nervously bite down on my lip and bow my head in shame.
“Ah, are we meant to feel sorry for you?”
“Becks!” Ayden hisses, with a hint of anger to his voice. “Enough!”
“No!” She yells, her fist hitting the table again. “What has happened to you, Jennifer? Ever since you’ve been with Chase, you’ve forgotten about us. I don't even recognize you anymore. Everything about you has changed. You’re turning into a Chrissy clone!”
“That's not fair, Becks” I reply. “And I admit I shouldn't have forgotten about you and I am sorry.”
“Sorry?” Becks snorts. “I'm just sorry I wasted my time becoming your friend. I should have left you as the lonely new girl.” She points a finger at me, as if she is trying to get the whole cafeteria to look who she is yelling at. “If I'd known what an utter bitch you are.”
I push back in my chair and storm out of the room. I can't believe she just called me a bitch that was out of line. Yes I have been an awful friend, but I am not a bitch. So what if I have decided to change the way I look. It just means I have more confidence, that's a good thing.
I push open a door and step outside, my throat is sore from trying to hold in my sobs, my eyesight blurry from tears.
I stand still and take in a big lungful of air. Why was she mean like that and in front of everyone? Is it jealousy or am I really a bitch? The tears stream down my face. A few people walk past me and raise an eyebrow. Great, not I am a pathetic cry baby. I wish Chase was here and I wish I had never gone over to that table.
“Jen,” says a soft voice. I turn round and there is Ayden. Before I know what I am doing, I crush
into him and cry against his chest. His strong arms wrap round me and holds me firmly while I cry uncontrollably. “Sshh,” he breaths against my ear. “Let’s get you out of here.”
We sit in his truck in silence, the tears have dried up now and I feel embarrassed that he saw me cry. I dabbed my eyes and wonder what a mess I must look like. My mind keeps playing what Becks said to me and it makes me wonder if Ayden thinks the same.
“Music?” he asks, I don't reply and he switches on the radio. “You shouldn't listen to Becks.”
I look over at him, his head is resting against his seat and he is listening to the music. His eyes are closed and his dark hair frames his face. I take that moment to drink him in, he looks relaxed and at peace with everything. Maybe he doesn't think what Becks think.
“What do you think?”
“About what?”
“What Becks said, do you think she is right?” I can't help but feel nervous, out of all my friends, I know for a fact what he thinks will bother me more.
He opens his eyes and turns his whole body towards me, a smile dances on his lips. “No,” I return his smile with full of relief. “I think you're just a girl who has discovered herself.” His hand swipes towards my dress. “You look amazing and you are full of confidence.”
I reach out for his hand and give it a friendly squeeze. “Thank you,”
“For what?”
“This is the second time you have come to my rescue” I laugh, looking into his dark eyes. I can't believe that I use to be intimidated by them. Now I could stare into them all day. Ayden is the first to break away from our stare and hand holding.
Both of his hands run through his hair and I get the feeling he is edgy. His mood instantly changes and he abruptly switches off the radio.
“We should head back to class” he rushes at me, as he opens the door.
I take that as a hint he is now bored of me or wants to be alone. I just nod and get out of the truck. I make my way back to school with Ayden following behind. I still feel horrible. Beck's words have cut deep.
“How about we hang out tonight” Ayden asks.
“Sure” I smile, Chase won't be back till late and it beats sitting alone digging through memories.
“Good” he smiles. “Meet you here after school.” Before I can reply is running towards his next class. At least I have one friend left, but I really need to find a way to make things with Becks right. I can't lose her over a boy, even if that boy is Chase Walker.
Just like Ayden said he is waiting for me after school. I smile at the sight of him leaning against the wall, hands in pockets and staring at the door. The second he sees me a massive smile grows across his face. You can't help but notice how good looking he is. At that thought my cheeks flush and I begin to think about the heated dreams I have had recently.
I suck in a breath and try to regain myself as I walk over to him. “Hey” I say quietly. He begins to walk towards his truck and I follow. Exactly what is wrong with me? I think Ayden is good looking; he's caring and always treats me nicely. So, why am I not with him? We have an attraction. I can feel the electricity between us. Maybe I value his friendship more, and then on the other hand, I have lusted after Chase since I moved here.
I shake my head to get rid of my thoughts, I am just being stupid. No, I don't want to be with Ayden. However, it would make my life easier if I saw someone in my group. Becks wouldn't feel like I was abandoning her.
“What do you want to do?” Ayden asks, as we both climb into his truck. “Want to go to the Diner?”
“No” I quickly respond. “It’s my day off and if I go there, Carl will probably make me work.”
“My place?”
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“Sure. After all we have that homework to finish.”
“Cool,” he groans as he starts up his truck. “Homework!”
The second I walked into Ayden's little house the same feelings began. It looks unkempt, lonely and sad. How could he live alone like this? There wasn't even a photo of anyone. I began to wonder what his parents are like. Why did he insist of coming here and being alone? My heart bleeds a little for him.
“I guess we should get you something to eat as you missed lunch.”
Ayden's voice pulls me from my thoughts, he points to the kitchen and I follow. My eyes moved around the large open space, the kitchen seemed different from the living room. It was bright, large and airy. As some would say, 'the heart of the home.' I made my way over to a large wooden table and sat down. My eyes followed Ayden as he moved around the kitchen making food.
I couldn't imagine not living without my mother, even though she can sometimes be a thorn in my side. She was getting better. She was covering herself up and sticking to one man. Ted had tamed the wild animal within her. At least Lacey had someone to look upon as a father figure and maybe now I could actually think about going away to college. Even though I knew the dead lines were almost coming to an end.
I let out a deep sigh, my life was horrible. When one bit got into place another area seemed to become muddled. What was I going to do about Becks? I know she probably hated me. After all I'd done exactly the same as Chrissy had done to her. At the end of the day, couldn't I just be friends with everyone. These groups or titles didn't actually mean anything. Ali didn't seem to mind, so why was Becks taking this personally.
“Deep in thought again?” Ayden placed a plate down in front of me. I shook my head, what I was thinking wasn't even worth it. “Well, eat!” He commanded, pushing my sandwich towards me.
“Don't tell me you live off sandwiches?” I joked, picking it up and taking a bite. It was actually really good, which surprised me.
“No,” he smiled. “I can cook. Although, I pretty much eat at the Diner.”
“Seriously?” I joke; he gives a deep throat laugh and carries on eating. We sit there in silence and it feels comfortable. When I am with Chase, I am always trying to think of things to say or he talks non-stop about his sports.
“You excited about the dance?”
I can't help but smile. “Yes. This is the first dance I've ever been to.”
“I'm pleased for you, Jen.” His voice sounds warm and I genuinely believe he is happy for me. “You deserve good things to happen to you after what you've been through.”
The smile drops of my face and I stare at him dumb stricken. “What do you mean by 'What I've been through'?”
He looks like he's been slapped in the face, runs his hands through his hair and swallows hard. “Sorry. I am just assuming things again. After all, you only live with your mother and I just assumed something bad happened between your parents.”
“Oh” I reply, feeling slightly taken back. No one here has asked about my family or asked why we came here. Even I don't know why, it just shows Ayden is very observant and in tune with other people. I think I like him more now, its then I realize I am staring into his dark eyes, losing myself in the dark honey brown and breathing heavily. The corner of his mouth lifts and grows into a little smirk, yet, I don't look away.
“I like your eyes” I confess without thinking.
“Thank you,” he begins fluttering his eyelashes as to make a joke out of what I just said. I couldn't help the pathetic girly giggle that escaped from my mouth. “Are you going to the dance?”
He screws his face up. “Yep” he almost cringes as he answers.
“With Becks?”
“Jen,” he sighs. “Let’s make this clear, right now.”
His hands rest on the table palm down and he leans back in his chair. His eyes stay focused on me and I can feel the heat rising up through my body. I don't know why I react this way every time he looks at me.
“There is nothing going on between me and Becks. Becks is a very nice girl, but I have no desire in taking anything further than going to the dance with her.” A little air escapes his lips and his expression has turned serious, his brow almost meeting in the middle. “I was actually hoping you would have asked me...” his voice trails off.
My hand automatically reaches out and rests on top of his. His skin is so warm and soft, electric shoots through my entire body. His whole body stiffens by my touch and his eyes have widened and he isn't blinking. Without warn he pushes his chair back and jumps up, clearing up the plates.
“We should get started on homework” he says, his voice abrupt and he is avoiding all eye contact with me.
I fold my arms, my hand still tingling from touching him. My eyes follow as he cleans up, why did he always do this? The minute our friendship had deepened, he would pull away from me. For the rest of time I was at his, we sat in silence doing homework. Even when he drove me home, he just grunted in my direction. Although, he did say bye as I climbed out of his truck. Then he hastily drove off.
I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. Ayden was still playing on my mind. I know I should have been thinking about my boyfriend. For some insane reason Ayden was all I could fantasize about, my heart raced as I imagined kissing him. Those dark eyes filled with lust and desire for me. His warm soft hands caressing my naked body. I couldn't stop the moan of disappointment leaving my mouth. I did want him, in spite of myself saying he was only my friend, I did want more.
That's when Chase popped into my head and the dance. The dance -- that Ayden had wanted me to ask him too. What was I going to do about Chase? It was unfair to lead him astray, especially when Ayden was making my feel like this.
I knew what I had to do, after the dance I would have to break up with Chase. I wouldn't explain exactly why, there was no need for him to know that I was in love with Ayden.
I gasped and sat up, my eyes blinking and my whole body shaking. In love? Did I just say to myself I loved Ayden? How was that even possible, yeah I got jealous when he was talking to Becks. When I am near him my whole body reacts in a weird way, which I don't even understand. He sends my heart racing, my breathing crazy and I loved when his strong arms embraced me.
I let out a deep breath, was that love? Yes, I believe it is. Oh god, I do, I love Ayden. I want to be near him all the time. I flopped back down on my bed and reached over for my phone. I had to hear his voice. I couldn't wait for tomorrow. I opened my contacts and clicked on Ayden's number. Before I could back out I pressed call, I had no idea what I was going to say.
It rang and on the second ring he answered. “Jen, what's up?” I couldn't get my mouth to work, after a second he spoke again. “Oh Jen, your not doing one of those heavy breathing calls on me, are you?”
“NO!” I yelled in disgust, before his throaty laugh rang through my ear. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed a little out of sorts with me.”
“I know” he sighed. “I don't know why I acted like that. I'm sorry, Jen. So, is that the only reason you called me.”
“I have also been thinking about breaking up with Chase.” The second it left my lips, I hit my forehead with my hand and cringed. Why did I tell him that?
“And why would that be?” He sounded amused.
I bite down hard on my lip as I tried to think up a believable answer. I couldn’t just blurt out what I had discovered. I couldn't tell him that, unless I wanted him to leave my life for good. When I touched his hand, he looked like I had burnt him and avoided me for the rest of the evening. I couldn't let him block me out again.
“I'm just not ready for a serious relationship” I lied.
“I see, you want to sow your wild oats.”
I laughed, “Isn't that expression for men?”
“I guess. When you going to tell him?”
“After the dance.”
“I see,” he paused for a minute and I listened to his even breathing. It was sooth
ing and slightly comforting. I wished he was with me, I wished I could see his expression and look into those dark eyes. My stomach flipped.
“Jen,” he breathed my name. “You okay? You've gone quiet and your breathing heavily again.”
“I'm fine” I quickly replied. “I should go and let you get on. I'll speak to you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, okay. Night.”
“Night” I sighed while ending the call. I stared at my phone and slowly closed my eyes. Hearing his voice had now made me more restless. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep tonight. It felt like forever till I would see him again. That night I did sleep and all my dreams were about Ayden, not surprised!