30. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a. A ten story building.
b. A five story building.
c. A skyscraper.
d. A farm house.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
31. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a. A cave.
b. The middle of the desert.
c. A tree house.
d. None of these are great choices.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
32. You need to become a badass before the zombie apocalypse comes. Where should be the first place you go to get training in badassery?
a. The United States Marine Corps.
b. The US Navy.
c. The US Coast Guard.
d. The US Air Force.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
33. So… you are not qualified to join the military. Which of the following is the best option for getting some other good training in badassery?
a. The boot camp cardio class at your local gym.
b. The Boy Scouts.
c. YouTube videos.
d. A martial arts class.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
34. You have some time to get ready for the zombie apocalypse. What should you be doing with your time?
a. Getting healthy and fit.
b. Collecting weapons and practicing with them.
c. Cardio.
d. All of the above.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
35. You have some time to get ready for the zombie apocalypse. What should you be doing with your time?
a. Seeing your doctor for a medical evaluation physical and getting current on your vaccinations.
b. Scoring (you know…getting busy) with as many people as you possibly can.
c. Supporting the NRA.
d. All of the above.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
36. You know the zombie apocalypse is coming. Which of the following should you avoid doing at all costs?
a. Avoid playing zombie video games and watching bad zombie movies because these are a waste of time.
b. Avoid making babies… having kids… getting pregnant because kids are a major apocalypse survival liability.
c. Avoid paying your taxes and supporting your government because the apocalypse will be here before the IRS catches up to you.
d. Avoid stocking up on “the little things” that will help you get through the apocalypse.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
37. You know the zombie apocalypse is coming. Which of the following should you be doing?
a. Running in zombie themed races.
b. Researching zombies in the media: movies, video games, YouTube.
c. Stashing all the hard cash you can get into a safe place, like under your mattress.
d. A and B.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
38. Which of these sports teaches the most relevant skills for surviving a zombie apocalypse?
a. Baseball because it teaches you to swing hard and run fast.
b. Football because it teaches hard-hitting grit, persistence, leadership, and teamwork.
c. Soccer because there’s a lot of pointless and frantic running around.
d. Mixed Martial Arts because it teaches you how to kick someone’s ass.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
39. On a football team, which player body-type is the best build for surviving a zombie apocalypse?
a. The defensive linemen.
b. The cornerbacks.
c. The cheerleaders.
d. The linebackers.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
40. On a football team, which player body-type is the best build for surviving a zombie apocalypse?
a. The offensive linemen.
b. The wide receivers.
c. The quarterbacks.
d. The fullbacks.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
41. Which of the following books will help you prepare for the zombie apocalypse?
a. World War Z by Max Brooks.
b. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell.
c. The Bible.
d. All the above.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
42. Which of the following books will help you prepare for the zombie apocalypse?
a. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.
b. Fit for Combat: When Fitness is a Matter of Life and Death by JD Johannes and Nita Marquez.
c. The Book on Zombie Outbreak Survival by Van Allen.
d. All the above.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
43. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #1, which of the following is a bad move?
a. You are all alone and you find a seriously injured dog trapped in a bad guy’s booby-trap, so you take the time to rescue this dog and care for it.
b. You are all alone and you find a survivor with her own, shelter, ammo, weapons, supplies, and a great plan for survival, so you team up.
c. You are all alone and you find a survivor and you give her some of your supplies, weapons, and ammo.
d. You are all alone and you like it that way.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
44. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #2, which of the following is a good move?
a. A man waiving a white flag approaches your safe shelter and asks you to come out to talk. He claims he is unarmed. You notice he is wearing the remnants of a prison uniform. He says he needs your help. You ignore him and then shoot him through the eye with your M14/M1A when he gets too close. You then wait for darkness and evacuate to your back up shelter.
b. A small group of men are horribly mistreating some survivors. You get the drop on them before they can get to their weapons. They ask you to cut them some slack; the world went to shit; the old rules don’t apply; you can join their gang if you let them live. You shoot them all, and interrogate the survivors to see what else they know. Then you release the survivors. You confiscate most of the bad guys’ weapons ammo, and supplies.
c. After many months of surviving the zombie apocalypse, you corner a zombie that can speak. It begs you to spare it. You decide to ask it some questions to see what it knows.
d. All of the above are good moves except C.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
45. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #3 and #4, which of the following is a bad move?
a. You are all alone and in a very safe place. A large group of survivors appears to have formed a well-run operation. They are looking to reestablish order. They reach out to you and other survivors and invite you to join them in their compound and help them rebuild society, but you will have to play by their rules once you join. You accept their offer.
b. You are all alone and low on food and ammo. You come across a survivor compound and you observe them for a while. You see some abusive and vile things going on in the compound. The leader appears to be psychotic. You intend to approach them and ask for shelter because you are impressed with how many good things they have inside their compound.
c. You recruit other survivors to join your survival network and you soon have a number of safe places to go for shelter.
d. You come across a small group of survivors. They do not have good leadership. They are barely surviving. They are good-hearted and tough, but they have low skills. You decide to teach them some of your survival skills. You stay with them until they develop into a much better fighting and survival group.
e. None of these because zombies are not re
al.
46. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rules, which of the following is a bad move?
a. You have marked your map showing all the best places in your zombie infested town where there is food, shelter, and weapons. You’ve also marked places to avoid because there are bad guys in your town too.
b. You found a room in the upper floor of a three-story building where you can make a nice shelter. You spend a couple of days there making it safe and planning and practicing quick escapes. You are pretty sure no zombies can get into this place. It has a nearby source of water. You don’t stay there long. You mark your map and now start looking for another safe place to shelter.
c. You come across a survivor who is seriously injured. His friends left him here to die. He says he was bitten and he feels the fever starting. He doesn’t expect to survive. He asks you to shoot him now. You first get him to tell you everything he knows…where his shelter is…who his friends are/were…the location of anything you can use to help you. You then you suffocate him and then chop off his head.
d. All of these are pretty good moves in a zombie apocalypse. None of these violates Rule #4, because all of these pertain to Rule #3.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
47. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #5, which of the following is a good move?
a. Building a fire in a way that zombies and other bad guys cannot see it.
b. Stockpiling 9mm pistols and 9mm ammo.
c. Leaving the keys to a working vehicle in the ignition because zombies can’t start cars and you don’t want to be fumbling with keys when you need to make a quick getaway.
d. All of these are good moves according to Rule #5
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
48. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #6, which of the following is a bad move?
a. Setting fire to zombies.
b. Going sleeveless and wearing short pants.
c. Scaring your friends by pretending to be a zombie.
d. All of these are bad moves according to Rule #6.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
49. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #7, which of the following is a bad move?
a. Going back into the heart of a zombie infested big city just to see if anyone from your family survived.
b. Staying in the city because it’s warmer than going out into the wilderness.
c. Staying in the city because you would rather deal with zombies than deal with the crooked badasses outside the city.
d. All of these are bad moves according to Rule #7.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
50. According to Zombie Apocalypse Survival Rule #8, which of the following is a bad move?
a. Joining a no rules, free hippie compound that celebrates the end of society and that is anti-government, anti-establishment, and pro-narcotics in a consequence free environment.
b. Networking with other survivors to create a decision-making approach to long-term survival and mutual support and then violating that network for your own selfish reasons.
c. Disrespecting these words attributed to Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief:
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and
demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life,
beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and
its purpose in the service of your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and
bow to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and
for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks,
the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing,
for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts
are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes
they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again
in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home."
d. All of these are bad moves according to Rule #8.
e. None of these because zombies are not real.
These last twenty-five questions represent the second half of The Definitive Zombie Outbreak Survival Test. How do you feel you did? Did you remember to show all your work?
Okay… If you did not answer these questions with supreme confidence and get enough of these questions right, then your survival is at great risk. It’s good that you are taking proactive steps now to identify your risks. Identifying risks is important, but doing something about risks is exponentially more important. I’m here to help.
In the next chapter I will discuss the answers to The Definitive Test and hopefully you start to feel better about your chances.
{Return to Table of Contents}
The Answers
1. Pandemic zombie outbreaks are most likely to occur during which one of the following events.
a) After an earthquake that buries lots people under tons of rubble.
*b) After a pandemic viral outbreak where millions of people are killed by something like the flu.
c) After a tsunami where thousands of people are killed by drowning.
d) After a terrorist attack like a car bombing.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: In history, zombie outbreaks have been known to occur following natural disasters, wars (like the Civil War), and other mass casualty events. However, the greatest chance for a pandemic level global zombie outbreak, as shown by outbreak models from the CDC, WHO, Texas A&M, Harvard, and a few other lesser known research centers, is following a deadly pandemic viral outbreak, like the Spanish Flu of 1918 where just in the US, more than 200,000 people died of the Spanish Flu in October 1918 alone. Imagine that! 200,000 Americans dying in one month! A pandemic zombie outbreak needs a large number of undamaged dead people to ignite. There aren’t very many other natural or unnatural events that can possibly cause a pandemic zombie outbreak.
2. Which category of zombies are you most likely to encounter during a zombie outbreak?
*a) Stage 2 zombies, stumbling bumbling around biting anything that moves.
b) Stage 6 zombies that are not interested in infecting new people.
c) Stage 1 zombies, the highest stage that can operate machines and use weapons.
d) Stage 4 zombies that can use crude weapons and sometimes work together.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: Stage 2 zombies are the most common. If a stage 2 outbreak isn’t contained, it will eventually spawn mutations of the Z-virus leading to stage 3 and higher zombies.
3. A zombie is trapped in the storm cellar of a home. What should you do?
a) Leave it there and avoid it because it will eventually die on its own.
b) Kill it in the storm cellar.
c) Keep it alive for entertainment.
*d) Lead it out of the cellar and away and then kill it.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: The best answer is to lead it away and kill it somewhere else if you can. Zombies take a long time to expire, so unless you don’t need anything in that storm cellar, you could leave it in there. The worst option is to kill it in the cellar. When you kill a zombie, it will give off a unique pheromone that attracts other zombies, sort of like when you swat a bee on your arm. That bee’s death pheromone tells other bees to frenzy and attack the smell and they do. Living zombies give off pheromones that attract zombies too. Killing the
zombie in the cellar is going to more quickly draw more zombies to that location. This is why you have to avoid killing zombies in your own backyard if you can help it. C is the worst choice. If you have doubts about the pheromonal abilities of zombies, just think about it. I can smell sick people. Dogs can smell sick people. Nurses can smell sick people. Sick people smell different. The air they breathe out the, the oils oozing out of their pores, it’s different. Plenty of nurses will tell you that certain types of patients have similar scents. They could be cancer patients or poisoned or about to die. Even those who are recovering will give off a different odor that most nurses can detect and tell the difference compared to sick and dying people. We know dogs can tell the difference. Dogs can smell fear or I’ve even heard of dogs being able to smell the difference when people are lying. Think about that. We also know that animals are sensitive to different cues in their environment such as how horses know to hide if a tornado is coming. Sharks have a phenomenal ability to detect the difference between a healthy and a not so healthy electromagnetic field. Sharks like to go after weaker fish or seal or human for the easiest kill, so do bees and other animals. People have been known to claim they can sense the aura of others and by sensing the person’s aura, they know something about what ails the person…could be alcoholism or HIV or syphilis or crystal meth abuse. You can small the difference on a crystal meth abusers breath. There’s clear science that shows we can all sense when someone is looking at us and when someone close is thinking about us…very hard science proves this. Don’t believe me? Just Google these ideas and look them up. The bottom line is zombies have sensory perception that in some cases works better than before they died and in some cases works worse or eventually worse than before the person died. If a person needed some serious glasses to be able to see or they were blind, they will still be just as hampered when they become zombified. A deaf person will become a deaf zombie. A quadriplegic person will become a quadriplegic zombie. Now this is of course true about typical zombies, but not so true with all atypical mutant zombies. Mutant zombies tend to become stronger, smarter, and faster than they were as humans. That’s why you have to shoot any odd acting zombies first. If you look out through your binoculars and you see a zombie going against the horde or swinging a club or throwing things…shoot that fucker…put it down fast and hot!